Season 32, Week 1
Patriarch Sergius XVII
(Xenosaga: Jenseits von Gut und Bose) 		 
All hail the holy father, the almighty Space Pope Sergius the XVII! The holy man himself has arrived to spread the good word in Godlike! And the power of Christ will compel him to defeat a godless beast such as Ultros! The mighty Patriarch is a resilient old man, something that can't be said of his octopus opponent. And, due to The Patriarch's masculine nature, Ultros's usual tentacle assault will prove oddly useless. Armed with the holiest power of the heavens, the Space Pope will show no mercy to the heathen beast! Rite of Initiation and Death to the Wicked will slow down the eight-legged freak to the point where the old man's Quick ether will allow him to outrace the octopus. And with Curse of Gartes, any assault Ultros positions against the holy man will be returned back at him. The divine protection of God smiles upon the holy Patriarch in his debut!

V

S

 Well, well, well. With a Heavy Championship and an upgrade to Godlike, it seemed like things couldn't get better for everybody's favorite Tentacled Terror. It turns out that they can, as Ultros now faces the measly Patriarch, a feeble old man fighting his first DL match. Don't listen to claims that our multi-appendaged friend is unable to handle the elderly gentlemen in his usual fashion; Ultros is quite clever enough to find a way. Ultros can't use his status here, but he won't need them, as he can quite easily handle Sergius otherwise. Even with the geezer's Quick Ether giving him a speed boon, Sergius just quite simply won't outslug Ultros. Granted, Sergius is more durable than your average Heavy fodder, but not enough to make any difference in Ultros's game plan. It's time for Godlike to learn what Heavy already has: don't tease the octopus, kids!

Dark Lord Magus
Stay tuned for a Holiday message from theee Space Pope!

Greetings friends, in these blessed times, we must remember the reason for the season. That's right, we need to remember that this is a time of terror and blowing people apart. We too often forget to purify the wicked in horribly painful ways within all the commercialism and iconic figures such as Santa Necron. So do you part, smite an unbeliever today, and feel richer inside for it. Oh, and do remember, Tentacled Abominations are currently codemned by the Space Pope. Thank you and good night.

Patriarch Sergius XVII: 42
Ultros: 31

Lance
Ohhhh, this match is not going to be pretty. A Catholic priest versus a tentacle monster? No one in the audience is safe from the horrors that these two creatures of perversion are sure to unleash. Putting these two together is like mixing nitro and glycerin. Just imagining all the little boys and the tentacles and the cries of mercy is enough to make a person wretch. After all was said and done, this match resulted in 143 acts of sodomy, 19 illegitimate pregnancies, 78 sexual harassment lawsuits, and many, many years of counseling.

Oh, and Patriarch won.

Now let us never speak of this again.

Lezard Valeth
Imp song is so cheap, there's always next season, Sergius.