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Seed (Suikoden II) |
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This week, one of the DL's many battles between yaoi and yuri shall be fought, and it can only end in defeat for Maya and the side of yuri. While the lesbian drifter may pack a big gun under her skirt, she's still a Wild ARMs 3 boss not named Asgard, which means she has laughable durability. Meanwhile, Seed wields punishing damage with his sword and spells, and boasts speed that allows him to constantly deal two blows to his opponent's one. The war between yaoi and yuri may go on forever, but yaoi shall emerge the victor in this skirmish. |
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There is only one Schroedinger! Ok, so it's not hard to figure out who is the Schroedinger this fight, but that probably doesn't matter. Regardless, Maya comes into the semis packing her usual array of heavy artillery, all set to barrage Seed with her trademark "Calamity Jane" attack. She might not have variety, or much durability against Seed's magical attacks, but none of that matters; after a few shots from that cannon of a gun, Seed will fall and Maya will secure a Finals berth, and help glorify the name "Schroedinger" to boot. |
Sei The battle began normally enough, with fire and bullets filling the skies with heat and lead as Seed's sharpened sword and Maya's hardened staff clashed repeatedly. During the course of the battle, the Harmonian knight was able to unbalance the drifter with a powerful slash, and his blade down swung down for the kill... ...only to stop a few inches in front of Maya's face, which now bore an uncanny resemblance to Culgan (she had read Marlowe's books on the Dunan Unification War, for those wondering). Then Seed broke down and cried. After a few proddings from Maya (who had switched back to normal form out of sheer bewilderment), the swordsman started blubbering about how he and Culgan had an argument, and how they're now not talking to each other anymore and how he tried to spike Culgan's drink like how Rosa told him during Chisato's interview but he found he couldn't do it because he loved him too much and how he really misses misses and their various moments together, sparring naked, relaxing in one of the many baths, or simply watching the sunset on the dl arena rooftop while cuddling together, and so on and so forth... ...which only pissed off Maya who went on her own tangent about how Culgan at least acknowledged their relationship, unlike Virginia, who still actively denies to everyone that they have a thing together, going out and having a very public, very fake date with the uninterested Jet in an attempt to keep a straight profile, even though the two of them had already shown their feelings for each other and she had told her the it's okay to be gay in the DL, but no, she still wants to keep their relationship a secret, making her feel like some sort of tramp on the side which makes her want to cry... Which she eventually did, in some sort of dissonant harmony with Seed's sobs, eliciting a response from Aldo, who had jumped into the arena from the audience, and causing him to rant angrily about how at least they have a chance with their significant others. His love, on the other hand... And that was how one of the biggest angstfests occured in the DL, as every single character with a yaoi/yuri relationship problem converged in the ring to ramble, rant, and grieve in a very Livejournal Communityesque way. This would have normally ended in a draw, or at least a postponement of the match, but the judges who consisted of Seifer (I lost Squally to Rinoa... Rinoa!), White Rose (Doesn't Lord Asellus know that my heart aches everytime she charms another woman?), and Gremio (Young master, why did you leave me after Master Ted joined the league?), were too busy joining the rest of the fighters in the community weep. Free wine flowed as Agnes cried about how Miss Elenor doesn't notice all that she was doing for her while Agrias comforted the young strategist, telling her how she understood all too well. Kain angsted about how his Cecil was drugged and stolen from him while Dias listened patiently before responding how he understood too well, after that Selene woman bought his Ashton during that Auction House incident many seasons ago. Lucius wailed to a nodding (Suikoden) Lucia about the difficulties of trying to maintain a relationship with somone so cold. Marivel sighed as she spoke with Joachim about the difficulties of being a vampire in love. And as the day went on until the sun had set, two people who had been watching the entire spectacle entered the arena. And the gathered people just watched as, like some sort of bad, feel-good fanfic, Culgan and Virginia walked over to their respective lovers, and without saying anything, gave them a passionate embrace. And the people gathered there clapped and cheered for the two couples, for while their problems may still be unresolved, at least these four had a happy ending in the end. ... ... ...oh right, the match. The drifters stepped off the ring a few seconds before the knights, so Seed wins. Seed: 33 |
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