Season 34, Week 4
Beatrix
(Final Fantasy IX)
 
A frail old man wasn’t exactly Beatrix’s idea of a worthy challenge in Heavy, but this next fight looks to fit that rather nicely. As of the royalty, she won’t underestimate a fellow swordswoman and sworn knight, but Lyon had best not underestimate Beatrix either, or she’ll prove why she is one of the most feared Heavies in the league. But with her Reflect spell to handle Lyon’s Twilight Rune, and Shock to cut the younger knight down in a flash, Lyon might just learn that lesson anyway. Beatrix is everything Lyon wants to grow up to be; loved by her people, feared by her enemies and a legendary warrior in her own time. Lyon may be an excellent knight, but Beatrix is the very ideal of the type.

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Lyon was raised by someone a little like Beatrix. Head of the queen's loyal knights, skilled beyond the comparison with any swordswoman the world had ever seen. But unlike the dashing Ferid, Beatrix is blinded by her loyalty to queen and country, not empowered. As such, the cunning Lyon will have a decisive advantage against her easily misled foe, allowing her any number of opportunities to apply her Twilight Rune and killer instinct against the Alexandrian. Be it Silent Afterglow choking off her spellcasting prowess or Setting Sun snuffing her life like a flickering candle, this is Lyon's match to lose, and on the honor of the Queen's Knights, she would never let such an opportunity slip by.


Gatewalker
The stage was set. Two gleaming and state of the art kitchens, two pairs of sous-chefs awaiting the call to begin, and two focused and determined women waiting with nervous excitement to see the unveiling of the secret ingredient.

At a table near the kitchens, a short but rather round man sits and taps his microphone, “Ey, this thing workin’? It is? Great.” Turning his attention to the crowd, he begins to get down to business, “Welcome all you birds and gents to Kitchen Stadium, right here in the ‘eavy arena. And ‘ave we got a treat for you today. Instead of fightin’ wit swords and spells and whatsuch, our two competitioners will be fightin’ with food! Well, not a real food fight, o’course. That’d be a thing, now wouldnnit? Anyway, I’m Yangus, your comentationist for the evenin’, and this here show is Iron Chef Dueling League!” After a brief pause for some theme music, the commentator continues, “Now this whole thingamer wouldn’t be possible without the financierin’ of our Chairman, mister Ramus Farmain!”

Stepping up into the spotlight to a hearty applause, the chairman takes a bow and gestures to the large covered alter before him, upon which sat the secret ingredient, “Greetings challengers, and welcome to my kitchen. In this arena, you will have thirty minutes to prepare a pair of unique dishes featuring today’s secret ingredient. I would have made it the normal five dishes in one hour, but I have a business meeting at three, so I can’t stay for a whole hour. Still, I’m certain that you will still be tested to your limits in this contest, as it is the quality, not quantity, of the food that is important. So, allow me to reveal today’s secret ingredient,” gesturing to the alter again, the chairman lifts his hand slowly while the cover of the alter rises into the air, revealing that which these two women must prepare…

Seeing the ingredient before them, both Beatrix and Lyon got very satisfied and greedy looks in their eyes as the smiled at them both, “Yes, that favorite treat of women everywhere…Chocolate!!! Now remember, at least one of your two meals must be savory instead of sweet. Now, I say unto you in the words of some scrawny Japanese guy on TV…” stepping back, the chairman swung his hand in a rather comical(coming from Ramus, anyway) karate chop-like motion, “Allez Cuisine!!!

The two chefs immediately grabbed for the chocolate and went to work, while Yangus took in the fragrance of cooking chocolate and rubbed his hands together excitedly, “Cor blimey, what an ingredient! I tell you mates, it ain’t just birds who love this stuff! Can’t get enough of it meself. Now we gots three kindsa chocolate up there, milk chocolate which is kinda creamy and sweet; the dark chocolate which ain’t as creamy and it’s a little more bitter than milk chocolate; and then there’s this white chocolate stuff which I ain’t never ‘ad before, so I can’t tell ya much about it. Personally, I like the dark stuff, and I can’t wait to see what these birds are gonna do wif it.”

Seeing a yellow clad man in a bandana waving at him from the kitchens, Yangus quickly nodded, remembering the time, “Oh, right! Now’s time to ‘and it over to the floor reporter, me very own best mate, the Guv, to go introduct the judges. Take ‘er away, Guv!”

Nodding enthusiastically, Guv walked over to the table where the three judges sat, and approached the first judge, Gremio. As Guv walked up to him, Gremio broke out in laughter, “Yes, that most certainly is true, Mr. Guv. I don’t like to brag, but I am a rather accomplished cook as well as a devoted servant and bodyguard, and I don’t think the chairman could have picked a better ingredient for these two ladies. I especially like that miss Beatrix is going for the hot peppers for her savory dish and cinnamon for her sweet one. They combine quite nicely with chocolate, you know. Miss Lyon is also quite impressive with her incredibly precise knife work though, and she seems likely to have a strong advantage in presentation.”

Moving on down the table, Guv approached Cecilia Lyne Adlehyde, who just smiled and shook her head, “No, no there’s no hard feelings between me and Beatrix. We’re both very professional and leave all that stuff in the arena, we don’t let it interfere with our personal lives. Hmm? What do I think so far? Well…I don’t really like that Beatrix is cooking such small portions. Lyon is really making up for it though. I hope hers is tastier since I’ll be getting so much more of it. You know me, I just can’t get enough of good food.” With a slight blush and a chuckle, she motioned Guv to move on to the third judge, Lunar’s own Kyle…who just looked at his fellow judges like they had grown a second head or something.

As Guv held the mic out to him, Kyle just shrugged, “Look, pal, I’ve got no idea what you’re trying to say, and hell if I know how those two can understand you. Uh, I guess I’ll just talk about what I’m seeing, alright? Well, Lyon is cooking mostly with the white chocolate, which is alright I guess. But I’m like Yangus here, I love the dark stuff, and I can’t wait to get ahold of whatever Beatrix is making with that dark chocolate and chilis. But what I like most is that two hot babes are sweating it up in that kitchen trying to cook me the best food ever! Jess could learn a thing or two from them, I tell you.”

Chuckly(silently, of course) at the obvious trouble Kyle was going to be in later, Guv
took the mic back to Yangus and just had a seat. He’d really rather stay out of the way of the two cooks…especially since they still had their swords with them.

Watching the battle unfold from there, Yangus and Guv had a grand old time making comments and wisecracks that had Gremio, Cecilia and occasionally even Lyon chuckling, and leaving Beatrix, Kyle and Ramus completely stumped. As the thirty minute mark hit, the dishes were presented. Lyon had prepared a lightly fried chicken with a cocoa based batter and a white chocolate sauce, as well as an elegant three-chocolate mousse, while Beatrix stood confident with her classic spicy beef fajitas made with chilies and dark chocolate, as well as her very gooey cinnamon-fudge brownies served with a scoop of ice-cream.

As the judges ate, they made their decisions, and finally handed the chairman their verdict.

Reading the verdict, Ramus smiled and nodded, “And the winner of Battle Chocolate is….”

Beatrix: 37
Lyon: 33