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Tifa Lockheart (Final Fantasy VII) |
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The girl-next-door types never fought so hard until Tifa broke onto the scene (granted, they also never had to deal with clinical psychosis until then, either), and, after a long rest, sporting steel-tipped fists and firecoated hearts, she breaks back onto the RPGDL Heavy circuit! The hard-punching but terminally sweet Tifa Lockhart will settle for nothing less than a Heavy Championship after her last arena venture. To start off, she'll have to beat the two-winged angel Vulcanus. He will, of course, try to put the heat on Tifa with his potent fire attacks, but Tifa's strong enough to shrug off the punishment and let her fists fly. After all, it's a proven trope that the best way to deal with a perverted old man is a swift crack on the jaw. |
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Ahahahaha! This ridiculous little strumpet thinks that she can just pick a fistfight with the archangel Vulcanus? Preposterous to think that a mere human, and one so obviously full of sin (just look at her clothes!) could stand before an angel of Vulcanus's might and radiance without falling to her knees, begging for mercy. But if she refuses to bow down before the sheer magnificence of the Archangel, then the searing agony of his Divine Anger will teach her the error of her ways in short order. But it doesn't have to end this way, of course. It is not too late for Tifa to repent of her sinful ways and swear obedience to the glory of Heaven. But should she refuse, well, there can be no mercy for those who defy the Archangel's will. |
Dunefar "Mmmm...mmmm...mmmmm!" Vulcanus muttered to himself as he paced in the glorious halls of Celestia. The first phase of his plan was about to unfold. Naturally, Tifa was already...accounted for, but it wasn't enough. Oh no. The real worthy trial was ahead. Defeating Surt would net him amazing prestige in Celestia, making his next plans even easier to execute. What angel could say they defeated the Lord of the Vanir? Not Lamington or that grating little pipsqueak running around in the Netherworld! Indeed, the endless praises of-what was that? Dolphin Blow? What sort of praises would Dolphin Blow b-OWOWOWOWOW! Vulcanus opened his eyes to see not his chambers, but the fist of Tifa slamming into his gut! He had nary a moment to cough as he was sent flying across the arena! "Grr...!" Vulcanus was floored, but he quickly picked himself up. "You're lucky I was distracted!" He snapped, puffing his chest out. "Ohohohohohoho, you're going to get it no-Erk!" There's nothing quite attention getting as Final Heaven and the resulting explosion knocking Vulcanus around like a pinball! Bloodied and blackened, Vulcanus wobbled about like a drunken top. "Uuuuugh...not according...to plan..." He rasped. For her part, Tifa simply stared at him with determination, starting to have red light come out from her. Panic gripped Vulcanus a moment as he saw that, before he laughed. "Okay, fine! I'll have to use my secret weapon!" His hand was a blur as it whipped into his pocket, taking out... a cell phone? The burnt and stubby finger of Vulcanus slammed into it's auto dial, as: "Hello, this is Kurtis, the 38th Defender of Earth! What, you're in trouble! I'll be right there..hm? Come in from the air? Right! Kurtis out!" --- The headline on the paper Vulcanus held said it all: Tifa Lockheart victim of Prinny Bombing! Netherworld denies responsibility! Kicking back in a deep, padded chair, Vulcanus steepled his fingers together. It worked without a hitch, Kurtis coming down just like he was thrown. Tifa didn't even know what hit her. Oh yes, part one was complete. Now to deal with upstart Vanir, and then...hahahahahahaha. "Oh yes..." Vulcanus purred, "When I appear again, I'll get true glory! Don't you forget it!" Tifa Lockheart: 22 |
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