Season 22, Week 2
Zapdos
(Pokémon Series)
 
A veritable avatar of the element of raw, deadly, and universal power, Zapdos truly deserves to be called a legendary Pokemon. With a brutal offense in Thunder rounded out by the vicious accuracy of Drill Peak, the bird has plenty of ways to grind up the prince before he can so much as raise his spear. As though the spearman weren't already rather slow by comparison, one shot of the potent speed-raising technique Agility and electricity itself will seem sluggish as Zapdos easily doubles up on Ephraim with any of his punishing attacks, ending the fight with a murderous whirlwind faster than the naked eye can see.

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Ephraim is a fierce competitor, a heck of a spearman, and above all a dignified knight. To his chagrin, he’s been in more than his share of inappropriate relationships in the wild dreams of fangirls, and as such accumulates pent-up frustration that he needs to release from time to time. Fortunately, there’s no better place than the DL as far as catharsis is concerned! As a monster, Zapdos is particularly vulnerable to Ephraim's legendary lance, so when this Pokemon gets a taste of Siegmund, it's not going to be pretty. While a nice, drawn-out battle would suit the honorable king of Renais just fine, no one can argue with a one-hit kill.


Twilkitri
Ephraim makes a nice target for Zapdos' Thunder, standing there with his metal spear in the middle of an empty arena.

It's too bad for the overgrown chicken that the Siegmund has a reputation for overkilling all but the most resilient monsters. And the Pocket Monster is hardly the Durability King. One Zapdos shish kebab, coming right up.

Zapdos: 18
Ephraim: 38

random d00d
They're called Pocket Monsters for a reason. Chalk one up for the power of incest.