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Garnet til Alexandros (Final Fantasy IX) |
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After a long absence from the RPGDL arena, Garnet finally makes her much-anticipated return. Unfortunately for the beautiful queen, she faces a prepubescent terror of a fighter. However, while Emily’s fists may be famous throughout the Suikoden world, all is not lost for Garnet. Emily may be a speedster and a bruising physical fighter, but Garnet isn’t so slow herself, and her status and protection magics will render Emily blind, tiny, and altogether powerless. And if she’s really desperate, Garnet could just go for the jugular and make fun of Emily’s sex appeal. Let’s face it, no matter how tough Emily might be, no teen girl can withstand a verbal onslaught of a bitchy princess-type. |
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EMILY SMASH! After twenty-three seasons of waiting in the benches for another chance to show her stuff in the arena, Ronnie Bell's mighty daughter returns to the sound of cheers and laughter for another run of lightning-fast martial action, broken bones, crushed pelvises and splattered craniums! Emily's newest sparring partner is Princess Garnet, who, while a powerful summoner and white mage, has the issue of being weak to physical hits (not to mention she fell in love with ZIDANE TRIBAL, but let's not get into personal attacks). So, all Emily has to do is start her punch-kick flurry of doom and send Garnet flying through the arena like a ragdoll to inaugurate the season of SMASH! |
Joou Ranbu "I'm telling you, Sten, this is going to be the opportunity of our lives!" "Yeah, right", Sten grumbled and haughtily snorted at the Genome. He tended to come up with those "one in a lifetime chances" about every week, and they usually ended up in a hospital bed with furious nurses stabbing needles onto their eyes. GRANTED: the nurses looked pretty good. But that was the reason they aimed for the eyeballs to begin with. Zidane kept his plea, ignoring the other monkey's disdain. "It's all here, monkeyboy. The key to paradise... in this", Zidane said in a cocky smile. He took out a delicate green envelope sealed by a flower stamp from his coat pocket, and started shaking it in his fingers. "This one is hot, I tell ya! And we're going to get the sights of our lives thanks to this letter!" Sten nodded his head, looking at the letter, vaguely confused. "So, you've got a letter. So what?". Zidane narrowed his eyes intently, flipping the envelope so his partner could see what was written in the back of the envelope. The phrase "An invitation from the community of Alma Kinan" was printed in a beautiful floral pattern. Sten's eyes widened, and drool inavertedly started dripping from his lips. The monkey trickster suddenly sprang forward towards the letter, with a lecherous grin on his face. "Al... Alma Kinan! Let me read that letter! LET ME READ IT!" Zidane pushed his partner back with an arm, stretching the other one to keep the letter away from Sten. "Hey hey, now. You didn't want anything to do with this before I showed you the letter. Are you saying you suddenly changed your mind?" "YES!", the exasperate monkey yelled. "All right, then. As you know, Alma Kinan is that town full of girls somewhere in some weird Suikocountry. I'm sure you know about the stories." "Yeah, the legends about them being lesbian and really close together and such. We all know that." "Yep. From what I've heard, they send invitation letters to girls they find beautiful and worthy of their halls to join their ranks from time to time, and the ceremony of initiation is a lesbian orgy. And, you see, buddy... my girl has gotten one. I stole this when I..." "Got kicked from Garnet's room, right?", Sten blankly interrupted. "I don't even know why she still lets you get in there, anyway." Zidane frowned. "Shut up! ANYWAY... I've just read it, and, apparently, they're still waiting for Dagger to respond! And it seems one of the judges in my girl's match is an Alma Kinan lady! We can't miss an opportunity like this!" Sten shook his head sheepishly, sure that, this time, they would finally hit the gold. Funny how the monkey changed his mind quickly. "All right, Zidane, I'm in. What are we going to do?" Zidane got closer to the monkey, and started to whisper in his ear. "In the night before the fight, I'll go to Dagger's room and you... *bzzt bzzt bzzt.*" *Four days later, DL arena.* Emily cracked her knuckles and started jumping up and down. She was anxious to her match, it had been a long time since she got the chance to fight in Heavy. She even got there early to warm up a little. This would be a good chance to show her stuff. Yuiri looked at the arena, unsettled. The other competitor was late. The judges were about to call the match by default when... "Oh, sorry, so sorry, I had something to deal with!" Emily looked at her contestant in disbelief. The princess of Alexandria was... some sleazy woman with a dyed mop for hair, baggy orange-and-white pregnancy robes, badly done make-up, gigantic shoes and... a tail? That was no princess. Zidane himself was confident. After all, he would just have to beat that scrawny little teenager, grab the victory trophy and talk to Yuiri after the match to get to lesbian paradise, right? Nothing the greatest thief in Gaia couldn't do! And he'd even make Garnet's record look better, and he'd get a kiss from her and... He was wrong. Emily pulled the "princess" by the tail, stripping Zidane out of the clothings and hanging him upside down. Yes. Naked Zidane stood in front of the audience. And neither Emily nor the judges were amused. Yuiri stood up and signaled with her right hand. "Alma Kinan girls, up!" As she signaled, dozens of crossbow-wielding girls got ready. Emily spun Zidane by the tail in lightning-fast speed until only a blur of his could be seen, and sent him flying. Yuiri looked at the flying thief for a second and shouted. "FIRE!" Thousands of arrows strewn through Zidane. Everywhere. For a second, the impact of the shots impaling the monkey boy actually sent him higher. When he finally started crashing towards the concrete floor, Emily jumped in a somersault motion and moon-kicked Zidane forwards. The impact of the kick was so fierce it crashed through houses, trailers and hotel rooms. Zidane flew for a good minute... finally landing on a bed. Scrapped, bleeding, impaled, covered in men's underwear and concrete dust, Zidane felt oddly optimistic. At least, his fall was covered by something soft, right? Then, he opened his eyes to look around, and realized, much to his horror, that he was in Garnet's room. And that the charred body of Sten was lying in the floor. And Garnet, only on her undies, was looking at the Genome, gnashing her teeth and popping a vein on her forehead. Then, came the blinding light of Mega Flare. Garnet til Alexandros: 40 dark_yamiyugi
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