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Bartre (Fire Emblem: The Blazing Sword) |
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The axe-wielding hero of Elibe, Bartre the Brave, finally returns to the Duelling League to cause some much needed havoc! After his last defeat to that spoiled punk Snowe, Bartre's itching for another go. Sure, Bartre might be missing half his brain cells, but come on, who needs brain when you've got brawn? Packing enough punch to knock out a bear, all Bartre's going to need is a belch to knock out his spindly adversary. Maria can bring on the pain with her Seibzehn... well, sorta maybe, but Maria's defenses are comparable to a thin sheet of paper, and a quick slash over her soft little cranium will be all that's required to advance Bartre to the next round. After all, even a gear-summoning little girl reacts like... well, a little girl when properly thwacked. |
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Ah, Maria Balthasar. Pilot of the great Seibzhen, a truly stalwart mech in Xenogears, capable of soaking up obscene amounts of punishment and dishing out the block-rocking beatdowns in return. Also--wait, what? Maria doesn't get to fight in her Gear in the arena? Oh. This might be a problem, then. Of course, Maria's not wholly without offense on foot; she might not be able to fight in Seibzhen, but she can call on it for support. A blast from Maria's Graviton Gun will surely leave any opponent shaken. After all, this Bartre can't be all that tough, can he? Some medieval mook against a far-future mecha pilot? Pshaw. An axe to the face is one way to get ahead in life, sure, but it's hard to argue with getting stepped on by a giant robot. |
Gatewalker "Uuurrrrggghh! My head hurts!" Bartre was pacing like mad in front of the judges table, while Ryu(the fifth) shrugged at his dilemma. "Look man, I understand where you're coming from here. But it's really simple, you have to either fight her, or forfeit. I'm sorry, but that's how it works." "But I can't just beat up a little girl! That's not something a real man could ever do!" "Then give up." "But I can't do that EITHER!!!!" Maria watched as Bartre and Ryu went through this argument yet again, knowing full well that eventually the warrior's pride would win over his soft heart and he'd regretfully beat the stuffing out of her. As against this idea as Bartre was, Maria was even less enthused by it, and tried to think of some way around the dense, but strong, axeman. Then an idea came to her. It was banking on Bartre's stupidity, but from everything she knew of the man, that was a pretty safe thing to bet on. "Um, excuse me, Mr. Bartre? I have an idea, if you don't want to fight me..." Ryu narrowed his eyes, not believing Maria's innocent girl act for a second, but Bartre seemed to fall for it hook, line and sucker, "You do? Really? Hey, that's great. I've been hurting my head trying to think of something over here. So what have you got?" "Well..." Maria put on her best innocent smile as she made her suggestion, "you could always fight my robot instead?" Mere moments earlier, Ryu had thought no one could possibly be that stupid. But right now, he wasn't so sure. And seeing Bartre's face light up as if that was the answer to all his problems only served to confirm the sinking suspicion he was beginning to have that there is ALWAYS someone that stupid. Bartre grinned widely, "Hey, that's a great idea! If I beat your robot, I win, and if your robot wins, you do! Well what are you waiting for, get that thing in here and lets get started!" Maria bit back an urge to giggle madly as she used her remote to summon Seibzehn to her side... - - - Ryu the fifth could not believe what he was seeing. And from the dead silence in the arena, it seemed neither could anyone else. Maria just sank to the ground, completely numb with shock. Moments later, the silence was broken by a very loud explosion and the hearty laughter of a single man. Bartre, barely injured, walked over to a large part of what used to be Seibzehn to pry his hammer out of the wreckage it got stuck in. Then whistling a jaunty tune, he collected his win and wandered on out of the arena in search of a good meal and a stiff drink. It was Ryu who finally broke the silence held by everyone who wasn't Bartre, "Okay, I know I'm supposed to be the judge here, but can someone please tell me what the HELL just happened here?" Not a soul had an answer for him. Bartre: 30 |
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