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Big Joe (Xenogears) |
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He's exciting! He's dynamic! He has fans from around the world! He's everyone's favourite Elvis impersonator, BIIIGGG JOOOEEE! Woefully misranked in Light, Big Joe is ready to take the division by storm to the delight of his fans everywhere! His first opponent, one of those oft-mocked Valkyrie Profile mages, must be either a joke or an insult! With Big Joe's incredible power and charisma, he'll have no trouble with either charming his foe or simply beating her into submission, whichever he deems more stylish at the time! Take note, Light: Big Joe has arrived, and he doesn't plan on leaving the building any time soon! |
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With her arcane power, Mystina can manipulate the very fabric of reality with her deft fingertips. Her stunning beauty and peerless intelligence guarantee her an ascent to a more fitting division, and if it keeps her from having to meet more washed-up drunkards like Big Joe, that upgrade can't come soon enough. This worthless hobo can't even put a bruise on Mystina's delicate features with his pathetic punches, while the overwhelming power of the Infinity Rod allows the mage herself to drown Big Joe in the blinding light of Celestial Star. The bending of natural law to suit one's every whim never looked so good. |
SageAcrin Big Joe's past is a truly mysterious one. As, perhaps, is his future. Mystina entered the ring...to find no opponent. No word had reached the judges, no one knew where Big Joe was. However, as Mystina cursed about wasted time and considered setting people in the crowd alight as a release of anger, a bright flash of light slashed through the arena. And a note was now laying on the ground. "I remember my past. Now I shall protect the future. -Big Joe" Over the next several days, various incredible events happened. Lavos was found at the bottom of a frozen lake. Profound Darkness was sighted on a high orbit above the League(Mostly noted by the incredible shrieking, which could be heard even from that distance.). Later, on a second orbit, people noticed Dark Force tumbling after her. The Dark Queen, Endora was found with half her body slammed into a wall, in her dressing room. Oddly, the lower half was in the wall, though she was still very unconcious... Chaos was found screaming madly in his room for thirty minutes, without a scratch on him. He smashed his way through a dozen people before someone managed to sedate him. He awoke totally unable to remember the last two months. Deathevens and X-Death were found smashing each other to a pulp in a currently unused arena, screaming about how much pain they were going to cause Big Joe. Both eventually beat each other to exhaustion, and later stated that all they remembered was clashing with Big Joe for hours before they lapsed into unconciousness. Kefka, Ghaleon, Loki, and Albedo were found stripped naked and tied together on a bed, all evidently having suffered a bad beating, and all very concious... Genevieve, Royce, False Althena, and Altima were found in a similar position, the latter two mysteriously unable to transform for the next few days. However, they were, in fact, unconcious, and surrounded by a massive crowd sporting cameras, camcorders, and even one news camera. (Morte later was chewed out for this.) Albert Simon was found, amazingly, fully compressed into his bowler. Shizel was found in a closet, making out with Riou. (While the last was almost assuredly not related to Big Joe, this is certainly an amazing event. On many levels.) These were just some of the events that happened. Ultimately, though, all that's known for sure is that, twelve days after the match was schedueled, Big Joe showed up back in his rooms, complaining of a splitting headache. Did he truly forget himself again? Or does he simply enjoy leaving his opponents uncertain? No one knows. Big Joe: 10 |
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