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Colette Brunel (Tales of Symphonia) |
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Idealism might not work so well in the field, but here in Light, there must be plenty of pathetic souls able to understand Collette's worldview! And if not, there's always a fierce beating to set things straight. Vinsfeld is pretty crummy, both as a dueller and as a person, so maybe this is for the best. He's not going to be doing much except wither under Collette's physical blows and magic ability, but even so she should still be able to handle a few of his pathetic attacks. And even if a fight seems counter-productive, it's a sure deal that talk of Collette's clumsiness and love of doggies will make Vinsfeld shed his evil ways after a concussion or two! |
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Puny Chosen one! This Angel wannabe has nothing on my Pure Ideals! It's just another stepping stone on my way to securing the respect I so rightfully deserve! People of Filgaia, do you hear me? I, Vinsfeld, am making a stand in this match to show off how my Pure Ideals are indeed the right course of action in this world and all throughout the entirety of the RPGDL! You will all Incur My Wrath and fall before my powers, especially those of you who lack healing like my dear seraphic brigand of an opponent! My intelligence is no less than my skills with my sword, and all of you will soon my immense talent as I win this match ever so gracefully! |
miasmacloud Aboard the Newly Reconstructed Heimdall Gazzo... Vinsfeld slept comfortably next to Antenora anticipating his duel tomorrow against Colette. All he had to do was whack her with his sword, make her incur his wrath. "I'll be cheering you on..." said Antenora. "Oh, why thank yo-" "...in the Heavy section, where all of the Heavy ranks sit." "...don't rub it in." He turned away from her and pulled the covers up over his head. His girlfriend, a Heavy, and he, the boss and leader of the terrorist organization Odessa, a Light?! Blasphemy. When Odessa takes over the world, the RPGDL judges are first on his hit list. "Well, at least you aren't Puny!" she told him with a slight condescending tone in her voice. "...I'm sleeping on the couch." ------------ MEANWHILE, in the town of Iselia... Colette meanwhile spent the evening trying to figure out how to defeat Vinsfeld. All of her friends thought she was worrying too much. "The guy's a push over! You'll do fine, Colette!" is what they told her. Well, except Zelos. "Colette, Vinsfeld is the final boss of Disk 1. I don't think your Angel Halo is going to quite cut him in two. But don't worry. I looked into him." "You did? Just for me?" "Yup! Well, actually, I wasn't planning it, but he got pretty plastered the other night..." "What's 'plastered' mean? You were putting wall plaster on him?" "...errr ignore that! Minor detail, minor, MINOR detail... Let's focus on how you beat him!" "Oh, right! Please tell me, Zelos! ^_^" "Sure thing!" "What do I do first?" "First, we need to get an ally. Oh Edgeworth!" Zelos signaled to a man in a purple suit. "Who is he?" asked Colette. "Miles Edgeworth, a prosecutor." "...a prosecutor?" She was beginning to doubt Zelos. "Yes. A prosecutor." ------------ The next day... At the arena, Vinsfeld arrived and waited for Colette to show up. The faster he beat her up, the faster he could go home and wrap himself in Antenora's arms. "Speaking of Antenora, where is she?" he thought to himself. He saw the other members of Cocytus sitting among the crowd, but his beloved was nowhere to be found. He began to search the stands for her. Mixed in with Lights? Nope. Middles? Nope, but the rest of the Cocytus losers were there. Heavies? Nope. Did she dare tread into the Godlike box seats? Nope. "V-V-V-Vinsfeld!" squeaked a child's voice from behind him. He turned around and saw a small young red haired girl. "U-U-Uhm, I-I-I was hit b-by an... a-aging ray, s-so..." she stuttered. "...my god, Antenora?! You've... been turned into... a loli?" "Y-Y-Y-Yes..." ------------ In the audience... "Zelos, is that Colette with red hair?" asked Lloyd. "Yup!" "...You had her dress up as a loli version of his girlfriend?" "Yup!" "Zelos..." Lloyd gave him a stare of death. "Hey, don't worry! If he tries to touch her, we've got someone waiting who'll take care of him." Lloyd was not put at ease one bit by what Zelos said. In fact, he was even more worried now by the thought of Colette being touched by this creepy silver haired terrorist guy. ------------ Down in the arena... Vinsfeld's expression became grave and serious. He kneeled over and patted Loli-Antenora on the head. "Don't worry, Antenora. Whoever did this to you, I'll kill them. Oh, and get you reverted back. Before I kill them, of course. Err I phrased that weird. Uhhm either way, you'll be a woman again and their ass will be kicked." If Vinsfeld had just left after this, then he would have just left first and been disqualified. But instead... Vinsfeld leaned closer to Loli-Antenora and embraced her. Colette felt incredibly uncomfortable, but recalled what Zelos said the night before... ------------ Yellow Toned Flashback Sequence... "Colette, Vinsfeld is a pedophile!" said Zelos. "A pedo-what?" she asked innocently. "It means he likes little girls, you know... illegal." Zelos was hoping Colette at least knew the age of consent was. "But... But... Uhm, isn't his girlfriend legal?" "...yeah, but he's like 60, so she's pretty young compared to him." "Ohhh! I see. It's an age gap thing too?" "Yeah, it's not just about being legal or illegal." "Ohhh. Well that makes a lot of sense now." "Anyway, for guys like him, younger is always better." "So...?" "So, you can use your age and the power of the law to defeat him!" "...huh? I don't get it." "Ehh you don't have to get it! Just get him close to you, like REALLY close to you, and then say this word." Zelos handed her a piece of paper with a four letter word on it. "See that? It's a magic spell that defeats older men who are hanging around young girls. After you use that magic spell, our friend Edgeworth will take care of him. Oh, and you'll win, of course." Colette stared at the piece of paper. "This is a magic spell? It seems pretty simple." "Yup, one of the easiest ones to cast! Only young girls can use it though." "Ohh, I see! So it's like anti-pedophile magic?!" "Exaccctly!" ------------ Back in the present... "R-RAPE!" yelled Loli-Antenora/Colette. "A-Antenora?" asked the startled Vinsfeld. "Someone raped you?!" "Y-You did!" she cried. "...huh?" The sound of Colette's young voice summoned the FBI, the military, the navy, the air force, the Fire Department, the X-Men, the Avengers, the Justice League, the Scooby Gang, and the Powerpuff Girls all without using the telephone. Even all of the Espers, Aeons and Guardians got summoned without any Magicite, summoner or runes. In all of this fiasco, Vinsfeld's durability turned out to be better than expected. He endured blast after blast and gun after gun, outran a machine gun, hooked Yojimbo up with Luceid, dodged a heavy truck and a whale at the same time, clipped Bahamut's wings, surfed on the Galbadia Garden, removed Cyclops's visor and tricked him into blasting his team mates, happened to have a box of Scooby Snacks and Kryptonite on hand, dressed up as a Knight and tricked the Knights of the Round Table into attacking one another, dodged fire hoses and Dalmatians, melted Ice Man, made jokes about Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer's sexuality in Top Gun which confused the air force, threw a Master Ball at the Beast, blew the East Wind so Zephyr would get lost, endured multiple slashes from Wolverine's claws, stepped on Carbuncle, informed Captain America that he had been canonically killed off, summoned the Rowdy Rough Boys, called Cindy of the Magus Sisters a fatty which made her to cry while her sisters comforted her, and proved to the FBI he had done his taxes for the past 20 years. At the end of it all, he was left panting for breath while trying to figure out why Antenora was making this accusation of him. With no energy or strength left in him, he wasn't able to fight off the local police (who had to be phone called to the arena and thus arrived later), who handcuffed him and dragged him off to prison. There, he met a man named Bubba. After he had been taken away, Colette removed her red wig, and the Judges realized she had been here the whole time. Seeing no other choice, they declared her the winner since Vinsfeld had been taken from the arena and disqualified. ------------ Up in the audience... A certain Zelos Wilder was nearly being strangled to death by a certain Lloyd Irving. "BUT... SHE... WON... AND... SHE'S... OKAY...!" gasped Zelos. "But that guy touched her!" yelled Lloyd. "DON'T... WORRY... ABOUT... THAT... WE... HAVE... A... PRO... SE... CU... TOR..." "I know that! You told me earlier!" "THEN... WHY... ARE... YOU... STRANG-" "Because I'm still pissed at you!" "OHH...H....H.............H..." ------------ The DL County Jail... Vinsfeld sat in his jail cell crying like a baby, crying on the inside about beloved Antenora, and crying on the outside because his cell mate Bubba kept stealing his tooth brush. What did Bubba need two toothbrushes for anyway? Vinsfeld's crying stopped when he saw the warden passing by. The warden stopped at their cell and pointed at Vinsfeld. "Hey you, the silver haired Sephiroth wannabe," said the warden. "I'm not a Sephiroth wannabe!" said Vinsfeld. "Yeah whatever. Come on, you gotta visitor." The warden led Vinsfeld to a room. Waiting there was a grown up Antenora and a man in the blue suit. "Antenora?!" "Vinsfeld, you're an idiot." Antenora looked slightly bitter. "The girl who said she was me wasn't really me, it was your opponent." "You were set up," said the man in the blue suit. "It was all orchestrated by a Mr. Zelos Wilder." "Antenora, who is he?" asked Vinsfeld. "He's a defense attorney" she replied. "That cute Godlike... you know, Yuri Hyuga, gave me the number at the spa today." "Wait, the sp-" "Mr. Rhadamanthus," interrupted the D.A., "the name is Wright, Phoenix Wright, and I have an OBJECTION! to the outcome of your duel." ------------ The next week in the court room... At the prosecution's side, Miles Edgeworth was sitting with Colette. Phoenix may have won many times before, but not this time! Phoenix meanwhile entered the court room and sat next to Vinsfeld at the defense's side. He had a brown paper sack with him. The jury gathered in the court room. It consisted of Gawn Badia, Kefka, Shiego, Sync, and Rinoa. "All stand for the honorable Archadian Judges!" Everyone stood as the five Archadian judges entered the court room and took their places. Judge Gabranth opened a file and spoke. "We're here today to celebrate the wedding of-" Judge Drace kicked him with her new high heeled gaiters and handed him a different file. "...oh, crap, errr... Right... Okay! We're here today to hear the case of Colette Brunel versus Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus. According to Miss Brunel, she was sexually assaulted by Mr. Rhadamanthus. Prosecution, you're up first." Edgeworth rose. "The Prosecution wishes to call fourth Colette Brunel to the stand!" As Colette went up to the stand, Hrist approached her. "Do you swear, in the name of Gods and Lady Valkyrie, to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, foolish mortal?" "I do. Aren't I supposed to put my hand on a book?" "DO NOT QUESTION THE GODS! Now sit!" "Y-Yes ma'am!" Edgeworth rose and began his questioning. "Ah-hem, Miss Brunel... Can you describe, to the jury, just what happened to you?" "A-Ah, well, I approached Mr. Rhada... Rhada... Mr... Mr. Scary Face to tell him I had arrived, but suddenly he leaned towards me and assaulted me..." "Sexually." "Y-Yes..." she stuttered. "Hmm Miss Brunel, what is the cause of this... uncertainty in your voice?" "I'm so... mentally scarred..." Colette began crying. "Go cut yourself!" yelled Sync from the Jury box. His comment went ignored. "No further questioning, your honors." "CROSS EXAMINATION!" yelled Phoenix. "Miss Brunel, why were you wearing a red wig on the day of the day of the supposed crime?" "I... uhm..." "Because it's the hair color of Vinsfeld's girlfriend?" "N-No! I was wearing it because... I... heard... red is the in-color of the season." Phoenix opened up his brown bag and produced a magazine. "This copy of Vogue says that GREEN is the in-color of the season!" "OBJECTION!" yelled Edgeworth. "Miss Brunel obviously meant that red was the in-color to her." "W-What he said!" said Colette. Phoenix's questioning carried on like that for another couple hours. Every time he'd bring up some epic point, Edgeworth would immediately reject with some nonsense and Colette would nod her head in agreement. Phoenix had no choice but to hope that the jury was catching on. After the cross examination, Edgeworth called up various Odessa Members such as Grunt A and Grunt TK241 to the stand. He questioned them on Vinsfeld's treatment of Odessa members, especially the female members. Then he called up the Slayheim Sheriff Deputy who spoke of a DUI Vinsfeld got back in the day when he and Brad Evans were joy riding out in the Slayheim country side. When it was the defenses turn, Phoenix called to the stand the real Antenora, who had not made it to the Light Division match because she had received notification from Zelos Wilder that the match would be taking place at the different arena. Edgeworth was going to OBJECTION! this, but Antenora's cell phone had a "Last Call Received: Zelos Wilder" on it, so he couldn't do much about that. Next, Phoenix called to the stand Judecca, who began to talk about Vinsfeld liking little boys and having a strong distaste for little girls, which is why Judecca was asked to abduct Tim Rhymeless. Phoenix realized his error in calling him to stand and quickly finished up questioning him. Next up was Millenia, who had been sitting near Lloyd and Zelos during the Light match and said she overheard Zelos say something about a Prosecutor being prepared ahead of time. Last was Mallow the Cloud, who claimed the last two votes Colette had received were from Colette behind a proxy. Mallow didn't have proof for this, but demonstrated on the spot he could kick her ass when her ass wasn't sitting on him. The Judges began feeling that this was going nowhere. In one corner, was a constantly crying Colette, and in the other corner was either a terrorist or a sexual predator terrorist. Gabranth checked his watch and noticed that it was getting near time for Vaan's birthday party, which he had been invited to. Bathier had gotten some Vodka Potions and Vieran strippers. Thinking the case wouldn't end in time unless he interfered, he decided to call an Archadian Judge Huddle. "Uhh... You people," he said to the DA, the Prosecution, the Jury and the audience, "Talk amongst yourselves, Judges... JUDGE HUDDLE!" The five judges made a circular huddle in the back of the courtroom. "What's up, Gabranth?" "Well, I'm thinking we need to wrap this up." "Huh? Why?" asked Bergan. "I have an appointment. Doctor's appointment. Really serious." "...this late at night?" asked Bergan, with a hint of disbelief. "I... yeah. Really, REALLY serious. Like, I might have cancer. In my chest." "Oh, wow, you never told me..." said Drace. "Yeah I never heard anything either..." said Zargabaath. "Sorry. I didn't tell any of you. I just didn't want you worry about your almighty leader..." said Gabranth. They came out of their huddle and Judge Ghis made their announcement. "The five of us have come to the decision that there has been enough evidence shown. There will be closing arguments and then the jury will decide." He turned towards Edgeworth and Colette. "Prosecution, your closing arguments." Edgeworth stood, cleared his throat, and spoke. "People of the jury, this is not about RPG dueling, it's a fight against pedophilia and for the greater good. Convinct Vinsfeld, a terrorist, pedophile, and silver haired Sephiroth wannabe. We have enough of all three of those in the world, but to have all three in one? A monstrosity!" Ghis then nodded to Phoenix and Vinsfeld. "Defense, your closing arguments." "Members of the jury... my closing argument is not an argument, but a question of logic." Phoenix opened his brown paper bag and took out the last item, a Chewbacca doll. "OBJECTION!" yelled Edgeworth. "No Chewbacca Defense!" "Overturned~" whistled Judge Drace. "Carry on, Mr. Wright." "Okay, lady and... gentlemen of the jury, Chewbacca is a Wookie. He lives on Endor with a bunch of Ewoks. THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! And you know what else doesn't make sense? THIS CASE!" Shortly after, Kefka's head exploded. Ignoring Kefka's flesh and blood splattered across the court room, Phoenix continued. "Colette Brunel clearly impersonated Antenora then lied UNDER OATH in this court under these five honorable judges! She should have her false victory revoked and be banned for a minimum of three seasons!" "Jurors, you've heard the closing arguments. Choose wisely, and quickly, so we can all go home." After that, the jurors were excused into their Secret Magical Mystical Hidden Jury room to do jury-like things. ------------ A THOUSAND MILES AWAY... While the jury was doing their jury-like things, the prosecution and defense were eating dinner. The prosecution side enjoyed high class cuisine, sitting in comfy, golden lined chairs. The dinner table was overflowing with sirloins and pastas. Even a musical troupe was there to serenade them during dinner. Lloyd took Colette out afterwards to the local Dairy Queen and treated Colette to a gigantic enormous delicious banana split sundae. However, the ice cream in the sundae turned out to be Mallow in disguise. Lloyd, in response, unleased his Ex-Sphere and Mallow turned from a wispy little marshmellow cloud into a wispy bunch of nothing. In a tiny room off to the side that no one cared about somewhere in the court house that people rarely ever visited, Vinsfeld was chained up and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the presence of the guard man, Frank Goldfinger, and Mao the cat. Questioning why the police were using cats instead of dogs resulted in a scratched face for Vinsfeld. Antenora took some pity on him and came to visit. "Hello, Antenora. Wait, you're really Antenora, right?" he asked. He just couldn't be sure anymore after what happened earlier. "Yes, I am, and I have some good news" she said. "Really? What's the news? Judecca's killed himself again? Ptolomea blew himself up with his dynamite? Caina got stuck in another dimension? Odessa got over nine-thousand members?" "...no, none of that. See, because of what you did earlier in the arena, they're considering re-ranking you to High Godlike. There's currently an argument going on in the RPGDL Grand Hall about whether that was plot power or not." "Well... of course it wasn't plot power! I... I really did that!" he exclaimed. "I know sweetie, I know. Even if you get sent to jail for a while, when you come out you might be a 5.00 Godlike." Hearing Antenora say this made his crappy peanut butter and jelly taste a lot better. ------------ The Final Countdown The Jury came out of the Secret Magical Mystical Hidden Jury room and took their seats back in the Jury Box. "Jury, have you reached a decision?" asked Judge Gabranth. "YES, YOUR HONORS. WE HAVE INDEED REACHED A VERDICT. ON THIS DAY, WE, THE JURY-" "...okay, can someone besides Shiego do this?" requested Judge Drace. She popped a couple of aspirins. "Argh who cares if we've reached a decision or not-" "...someone besides Sync..." said Judge Bergan. He threw his blade at Sync's head. "Our decision is that I shoot this guy in the pe-" "...someone besides Gawn..." said Judge Ghis. He threw the Dawn Shard at Brionac's Trump Card. "But that leaves Rinoa..." Judge Zargabaath whispered to the other judges. The other four felt their spines tingle as Zargabaath spoke her mere name. Rinoa picked up the piece of paper on which the jury had written their decision, and found she couldn't read it. Shiego then kindly pointed out she had it upside down. Rinoa corrected this quickly. "We, the jury, find Vinsfeld Rhad... Raspberrysauce-" "RHADAMANTHUS!" "...Raspberrysauce to be innocent of all charges. Colette is banned for thre-" "OBJECTION!" yelled Edgeworth, but his objection was drowned out by the cheering from the various people of the courtroom. Colette was revoked of her fake victory and given a three season boot. ------------ Outside... Zelos Wilder was tip toeing away, hoping to be unseen. "Zelos, where are you going?" asked an overly cute and young voice from behind him. He turned around in fear, and saw Colette standing there. "Oh, uh, Colette, hey! Look..." "Zelos, have you ever heard of an anime called Dokuro-chan?" asked Colette. "No, why?" "In Dokuro-chan, angel halos are razor sharp. ^_^" "...really." "Yeah. ^_^ Really. ^_^" "C-Colette, what're you doing with your weapon..." Zelos Wilder's body was never found. If you know anything about this missing person, please contact your local police. ------------ In the Fortress of Solitude The following week, Vinsfeld was summoned to the RPGDL Grand Hall where the judges summoned him to speak about his possible re-ranking. "So... what's the verdict?" asked Vinsfeld hopefully. "We think it's plot power," said Yuri. "B-But... No! I really did all of that! Re-rank me!" begged Vinsfeld. A victory in light, but no re-rank into Godlike. Better luck next time, Vinny! Colette Brunel: 28 Orson Carola
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