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Harle (Chrono Cross) |
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Monsieurs, mademoiselles, bonjour and welcome, for ze greatest show on earth is about to start! Harle, ze moonreading clown, has brought amazing spectacles of ze night and stars in her most recent matches - and, against ze floozy bartender Tifa Lockheart, why should it be any different? Oui, oui, card slashes here, a Moonlight to better withstand Tifa's punches, fine chipping to avoid her limit and a marvelous finale with the dazzling Lunairetic spell, guaranteed to destroy ze opposing fighter! Yes, indeed, it should be a feast to the eyes, under ze moon and the stars! Merci beaucoup, beloved audience, and good night! |
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Tifa's mighty fists - among other body parts - have brought her much fame this season. Now, she's got one opponent to take down before getting her chance for a Middle championship! Her opponent doesn't even stand a chance - Tifa's faster, stronger, and better looking than the oddly dressed Harle could ever hope to be, and that'll be what clinches it. Once Tifa can break into a limit, Harle doesn't stand a chance - even a simple somersault will obliterate her easily, to say nothing of a Final Heaven or Dolphin Kick. As the French say, c'est la vie - things will be as they will be, and Tifa will be Middle champ soon! |
SageAcrin And so, the time has come for the generic anime staple. Yes, Tifa and Harle would face off in a bust-comparing contest! As hundreds of slavering perverts watched, Tifa and Harle would be hauled off to be outfitted with close-fitting wet t-shirts and the true cream of the crop of perverts, Zidane himself, would conduct the measuring by hand, using a simple measuring tape! Yes, and there would be a close tie! Zidane would need half a dozen other women to closely compare busts of, so that he could accurately judge the contestants! And there'd be whipped cream and cherries! And there would be bears! And lots of rushing water! And...*Thud.* --- "...mph?" Zidane said, getting off the ground and dusting himself off. "Oh. Right. I was working so hard on making a tunnel. Why was I....oh, right. Tunnel under Crono's room so that I could...uh, steal his clothes and kidnap him and take his place at the match. Then I fell asleep leaning on the pick." Zidane said, nodding sleepily. "Damn, I'm always forgetting things when I sleep. Like why I'm flying or where my pants are. Now where are those bears?" Zidane added, looking around anxiously. Back at the collapsed tunnel. "...Oh. Well then. And why is there a puddle around my feet?" Zidane added. "...oh. I hit a water pipe when the pick fell. Well, all I have to do is dig up!" Zidane said, matching actions to words with startling effectiveness considering he was half burying himself. --- "Zut alors!" Harle said, exasperated. "Just because there are some weird noises under us is no reason to try to stop zee match!" "But...haven't you heard about..." "Zee perverts? Oui, oui, I know. But zhey are not everywhere! Get back to zee fighting!" She finished, preparing to launch another volley at Tifa. Then the ground under her caved in. As she fell into the arms of one exceptionally muddy Zidane. "...non, non, non. You do not make a fool of me like zis, no?" Harle said softly, as she stared into Zidane's stunned eyes. --- "She's still chasin' him? Good for her!" Kidd said, laughing. "For four days?" Guile said, shaking his head. "And she even threw the match for that." "Well, I can think of a lot worse reasons to throw a match." Leena said. Serge nodded emphatically at that statement. "AAAAHGGHGHL NOT THE PINS, NO! NO! NOT MORE PINS!" Zidane shrieked, as he ran by Mamie's Place, the restaraunt Serge and company were eating at. Zidane was closely followed by a widely grinning Harle. "...HOW CAN SHE GET SUCH INTERESTING REACTIONS OUT OF A MAN THAT HAS BEEN TORN APART THAT MANY TIMES?" Zoah wondered. "Well, she's well motivated." Leena said, shrugging. "After all, he did grope her in public. While covered in mud." "NOOOOOO NOT THE NOSE!" A distant shrieking could be heard. "..." The group stared at each other for a long moment, shuddered as one, and turned back to their food. --- Harle has had remarkably good relations with most of the Duelling League, since her loss to Tifa, so maybe she came out ahead. Men hold open doors and smile, sweating profusely. Women are infallably polite. Zidane will never lay a finger on her again. And now she is the idol of every woman who has been ever molested by a pervert. In a good cause, losing is worthwhile. Zidane is always a good reason for failure of any kind, it would appear, so losing a match seems to work there too. Harle: 49 |
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