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Spar (Breath of Fire II) |
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This truly is a season dominated by weird creatures. A flying cat, a lizard, a giant bug, and an… Ard. But most spectacular of them all is the living tree Spar. Seasons have come and passed, and Spar has been left out for twenty one seasons. But he is serene, colorful and ready to earn his credit as a dueller. His first battle is against the speedy Vane mage Nash, which should be quite a challenge. Spar won’t give up, though. He’ll get out his whip and give Nash a nice spanking with it. He can't hope to stand up against the wisdom of trees... and whips. |
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The magical weapon of Vane is back, after losing against Vivi way back. His hair slick as ever, his clothes tidied up and his confidence usually off-the-chart as always, this boy is ready for a new adventure in the DL! With his usual terrific assortment of deadly electrical and status spells, Nash is ready to take on all his enemies. And though Spar is a fairly resilient magical flower himself, he can't stop this magician's speedy and accurate onslaught. With a special delivery addressed right to Spar's face, Nash will move on to the next set of bouts, ready to face all comers with the same terrifying display he's shown in his former Middle bouts. |
OblivionKnight Nash, as we know, is a very self-confident, cocky, yet awesome individual. So confident, that it takes a lot of effort to bring him back to earth. Specifically, a good, hard slap from a beautiful, black-haired, wonderful young magess... "Ouch!" Nash yelped, clutching his left cheek. "Mia! What was that for? Now I'll have this hand imprint on my face when the cameras go in for the clos...ouch!" Mia stood next to Nash, hand held high from the recent slap she delivered to the young mage's face. "Nash" she said softly, "are you sure you really intend to do this? This is so..." "Mia!" Nash responded. "I know...but it's for the best. Besides, it'll put me on the front of every magazine and paper in the multi-verse! Nothing bad is going to happen" "Ok..." Mia said, trailing off. "Just please be careful" ----- "Ok, just look straight ahead, think clearly, and then you'll have to..." "Bash his head in! Crush it! Smack it! Hard!" "I'd say stay away and hit him from a distance. Probably your safest bet" "..." And so, Spar stood in the centre of the waiting room, harrassed by his 'friends' into fighting a different, and often conflicting, way. Really, it was starting to get annoying... "Ok!" Spar shouted, silencing the room. "I don't have black wings and Death magic...I don't have a heavy club to beat things with...I don't have a bow. I don't have much of anything, actually. All I have is my whip, and some basic magics. I think I'm doomed" "Don't say that!" Nina called out. "You can do anything you try to. Just put your heart into it..." "I don't have a heart," Spar said, "I have a stamen" "..." "Ryu's right!" Katt jumped up, knocking Bow down onto the floor (not that anyone noticed). "You can't give up! Come on, we'll think of something!" "Actually, I think I'd rather just call the match..." But the plant's wishes were unheeded, as the entire party decided that he wasn't going down without a fight" ----- "Alright! This shouldn't be a problem!" Nash stared confidently across the arena, watching his opponent slowly creep out of their dug-out. A mere plant? Nothing could stop the magical weapon himself! Spar stood up, tall, and stared across at his opponent. He readied his whip, and prepared to execute the plan his 'friends' had come up with for his victory. The fight started, but neither competitor moved. Instead, Nash took out his comb, and started doing his hair. Spar, just stood in place, waiting... ...for the music to begin! The finest in hip-hop stylings from down in da' hood! The real Slim Shady was standing tall tonight, and he's made of cellulose! Spar, the rocking tree! Nash stared in disbelief. "Wha...wha...what is this?" "It's our secret weapon!" Nina yelled down to the awestruck Vane mage. "We taught Spar to groove to the best of the music from down in the hood! You can't stop the maddening rap lyrics of Coolio, Slim Shady, and B.I.G.!" And indeed, the audience was under the spell of the diabolical muzak. The crowd was swaying to the beats, and even, for some reason, developing a mosh pit ( headed by a very inebriated Miluda Folles ). What was there to do: soon the evil mind-control would overwhelm the audience, and Nash would lose this fight before it even began. To wit, Nash put into effect his special plan. With a quick flick of his wrist, a devastating lightning bolt crashed down into spar, while a second later, a gale of confusing mist shot forth to the walking tree. Spar wobbled back and forth for a second, but regained his composure quickly, and began to open his mouth, intent on continuing the rap dirge... ...except that now, a new set of lyrics escaped his mouth: "But he's irresistible Up close and personal Now inescapable I can hardly breathe, more than just Physical deeper than spiritual His ways are powerful And irresistible to me (yeah yeah, I can hardly breathe)" The audience collectively cringed and screamed in abject terror. Jessica Simpson?! The horror! Palom and Porom huddled up together in a corner of the stands; MOMO broke down crying; White Knight Leo lept off the top of the stands, onto the Dragonship Destiny, and sped off at warp speeds; and somewhere, deep down in the deepest depths of hell (A.K.A. New Jersey ), a devil got his horns. Suffice to say, the horror of this new terrifying song caused a total and complete reaction from the remaining spectators who could control themselves and keep their heads on straight. Flare, Southern Cross, Ultima, Sky Dragon Slash...every conceivable attack blasted the poor plant into little tiny pieces. Not a pretty sight for vegetarians or EPA members in the slightest (well, might make a good salad for the vegetarians, I guess). Suffice to say, Nash won - despite the interference, there is only one thing in the RPGDL considered far more profane than advertising on Behind the Scenes: Jessica Simpson. Though the children will need many years of therapy, and perhaps a heavy does of anti-psychotics, it's over, and will never happen again... Spar: 8 |
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