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Zidane Tribal (Final Fantasy IX) |
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Zidane faces his favorite thing in the arena this week: A girl. Nina's just a little too young for Zidane, but! She still is a female, and so she will of course fall for his boyish smile. How could a girl resist Zidane’s charms? He’s handsome, energetic, cool, and just all around awesome. They have so much in common with their origins, too. Yes, the Genome will charm Nina out of fighting and gain his first ever DL fangirl. If that fails, however, Zidane still has his Soul Blade attack and his physicals to take care of the little sorceress. Capable of inflicting any status he chooses, from Silence to Doom, he can put Nina out of commission without much trouble. He may have to live through a few Death spells to do it, but how hard could that be? |
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Nina now faces a most interesting trial in her quest to prove her worth to the DL and Ryu: a monkey-man-thingamabob. Or something like that. Well, it doesn't really matter what he is - he has nothing to really contest Nina with. His status effects fall to dust against her Divine Cloak, ensuring his nasty little Soul Blade fails to work. In addition, her magics can completely devastate any opponent she runs into, and Zidane? He's hardly an exception. Plus, being mute, she cannot be subjected to the "Fangirl" status ailment Zidane tries to inflict on everyone. If it gets truly dire for her, she can just kill him with Death and be done with the battle. Why waste time on such a boring battle, when a Middle championship is just around the corner? |
SageAcrin *Five months ago.* "...why...is there a monkey on top of me?" Saki said, staring up at Zidane in bafflement. "Because the idiot burst out of the floor and used my clothes to keep from flying out of the arena." Zeno said, her voice as cold as death, as she vainly attempted to keep her horribly rended clothes up. "And gave me a rather vicious cut in the process." "Hmmm. Call it." Saki said, pulling out a coin, without shifting the thief on top of her, and flipping it. "Tails." "Darn. Well, I forfeit." Saki said, shrugging. "Now, let's take care of this." "Huh?" Zidane said, baffled. Then Saki strangled him. --- "...Their co-operative fighting style is even more magnificent." Ghaleon noted, watching Zeno hammer Zidane out of the air soon after Saki launched him skyward. "Still, my day doesn't feel compl-" "Aaaaahhhhhh!" Zidane yelled hoarsely, as Saki launched him into the stands. Hurtling towards Ghaleon. And Ghaleon effortless smashed him out of the air with a Hell Wave, before he could even come close, sending him through the ceiling, out through an empty arena, and into the sky. "Now my day feels complete." Ghaleon said with satisfaction. --- Zidane, hurtling through the sky, only knew pure horror, as he watched the ground close. "...If I get out of this alive, I will never, ever, ever, ever do another perverted thing in my life, I swear to all the gods in existance everywhere!" Zidane screamed. And a sudden gust of wind shifted his trajectory, sending him slamming into a lake. --- "...No, actually. I...the last thing I remember is walking into this place for the first time, yesterday. Then I fell asleep, and woke up today." Zidane said, rubbing his aching, bandaged head. "...you...don't remember the last couple of years?" "Years!?" Zidane said, stunned. --- "What do you mean, "hidden curses"?" Brey said, puzzled. "...I have a theory that a few individuals are simply cursed by whoever guides our fates to have certain roles, no matter how hard they try to get out of them." Mazus said, shrugging. "...I think I'd shoot myself." Brey noted. "They can't." Crowley said, walking over to a window, and looking out onto the starry sky. "Part of why it's a curse. They'll never believe they are at all cursed-nothing to shoot themselves over." "Perhaps it's karma, a punishment for previous actions. Or maybe they curse themselves, by simply enjoying what they do too much. Or maybe it's simply a horrific coincidence replayed over and over." "Or maybe the gods are just insane." Crowley mused to the sky. *And now, the conclusion of this episode of Zidane's soap-opera life, five months later.* *A dark room somewhere...* "I think he forgot." Althena mused to herself. "And you represented the fool to this council." A voice said coldly. "We who rule this universe. Among places. You tried to defend the universe's largest pervert. You said he would reform, and should be saved... And he forgot. From a lousy head injury. Despite clearly having nothing in his head. And I only supported you because of past...relations. That, and because I would have missed the satisfying feeling of crushing his bones. Have you anything to say for youself?" "...It does seem a pretty bad idea when you put it that way." She said, sighing. "But everyone deserves a chance! Even perverts that try to grope me every time I pass by!" "That's the sort of idealism I would expect from someone who can't get out of Light without her plot skills, and who probably can't beat Cloud's plot powers with them...though, that isn't fair, a sadly large portion of this council couldn't at this point." Another figure sighed, shifting a lock of silver hair out of his face. "GLLLAGGGHHLLL." A giant cloaked figure shrieked, spikes poking through it's town-sized cape. "...Why did we let Lavos on here anyways? Oh well." A feminine voice sighed. "Right, he's sort of a god too. Even if he can't count. At any rate, do you have anything to say in Zidane's defense before we pass sentence?" The young girl said. "Why would I?" Althena said, shrugging. "At this point, I doubt he's redeemable myself. Besides, all you're doing is releasing the council's protection on him, right?" "Protection...yes." Fou-Lu, disdaining secrecy, hadn't bothered with any ridiculous cloak. "He hath no protection from this group after this point. Not even the seal." "Seal?" Althena said, confused. "You didn't know that?" Another figure said, chuckling nastily. "We didn't make him the way he is, attracting danger. We saw that something did, and sealed off it's full potential. Because we saw it could rend space and time apart, that it could defy reality, that it was even a danger to the universe. But now...ewheheheheheh! Now we've decided that's probably more fun this way." "What!? You mean this is Zidane when he's relatively non-danger prone!?" Althena said, stunned. "But...how is that possible?" [No one knows.] Another figure said simply. *Three years ago.* "Those fools, they seek to deny me my true stature in Godlike." Lezard Valeth said irritably. "My power that makes gods tremble cannot be stopped so easily. The power of the Philosopher's Stone cannot be quelled! I shall use it's full fury to demolish them all, and become the true overlord of the Duelling League, not that pathetic squir-" "Hi! I'm new around here." Zidane said, knocking at Lezard Valeth's door. "I came here yesterday, and man, there's so many hot women here! Of course, Dagger came too, so she's kinda annoyed at me for checking them all out, and so she kicked me out tonight, and I figured that, since we're neighbors, you wouldn't mind letting me stay here." "...hm. No." Lezard said. "Please? I mean, I won't get in the way." "No." "But-" "No." "But!" "No." "Pleaaaaaaaaase?" "...NO." "But...I mean...please?" "You're not going away until I say yes, are you." "Um. Maybe?" "...fine, come in." Lezard said. "Sit on the couch. Don't move at all. Don't touch anything. Just go to sleep. I'm conducting a very important magical ceremony. I'm just assuming you have the brains Odin gave a Monstrous Glowfly when I say this and that you don't want to experience a mind-wrenching hell. Do you understand?" "Huh? Oh, sure." Zidane said, nodding sagely with the long practice of someone who had learned to act as though he'd heard everything said, even though he tuned out five seconds in and was thinking of Suikoden women playing volleyball in short-shorts with no bras on. "Don't touch things. Got it. Mmmm, bouncy." "Hmph." Lezard said. "Spirits of the darkness, arise!" He called out, standing in a runic circle, holding the Philosopher's stone over his head. "I call out to thee! Narneth clorda nornyin dala! My spirits I sacrifice to thee!" He said, matching words to action as an entire legion of Dragon-Tooth Warriors, the last he had, crumbled silently to dust, their spirits posessing the stone. "I call upon the ultimate power, the power to crush all that exists, to render it impotent before my great stature and infinite might!" The Philosopher's Stone, as if reacting to Lezard's words, shone with a brilliant blue light. "Ooooooooooh." Zidane said, entranced. "Man, this guy puts on an awesome show." He said, getting up and watching the light pour from the stone. "I wonder if you can make it glow another color?" "Now, I call upon your purest destructive might! Unseal thy true potential of chaos!" Lezard said, and the stone shifted to an eerie black light. "Ooooooh! It can! Here, let me try!" Zidane said, rushing forward to grasp the Philosopher's Stone. "What are you doing, you fool?" "I just want to make it glow pink!" Zidane said happily, wrestling for the stone. "It'll be great at parties! Come on!" "What!?-oooph!" Lezard, the none-too-physically oriented wizard said, as he tumbled forward onto Zidane. "Glomph?" Zidane said. "Gl..glach!" He said. "...what is wrong with you?" Lezard said, staring up at Zidane's face. Just in time to see him swallow the Philosopher's Stone. "..." Lezard simply stared blankly at Zidane. "...That won't hurt me, will it?" Zidane said, concerned. "...hmm. No, the purest manifestation of destruction ever created will not, in fact, kill you if you swallowed it. Of course not. That would be ridiculous. Why ever would you think that." Lezard said sarcastically. "But..." "Okay, good, well, I've got to go now before you beat me up for eating something precious, bye!" Zidane said, fleeing the room. "..." Lezard stared after him. "...I could try getting...no, I don't want it after it's been in there anyways. Besides, now that it's found a new...master...as such...it won't return easily anyways. It will simply crush him." He said, sighing. "Oh well. I should put a seal on it from here. It should be easy to trace and do, though certainly a lot of it's detructive power will seep through. Despite space and time displacement effects and some small chance of disrupting universal balance, it should be entertaining to see him die every hour or so. If it's true power were ever unleashed and not focused...well, it's sealed now, and no one will notice." Lezard said, putting down the second Philosopher's Stone. "I have other Stones, naturally, after the first one was sacrificed I made sure to stockpile them, but unfortunately I'm now out of Dragon-Tooth Warriors. Those will take years to replace." Lezard mused. "Of all the luck...well, I guess I'll go have a drink with Jogurt. At least his true power's being respected, for once." *Three years later.* "I get another match? Wow, this is my lucky day!" Zidane said happily. "And it's against a girl?" "..." Amarant stared at him. "...don't hit on Nina." "Why not? All those Ninas are hot chicks!" Zidane said happily. "...just don't. I don't want to have to kill you. This is from me, here, I put up with you better than most people." "Oh, okay." Zidane said, as they reached the arena. "Well, I'll see you after I win!" He said, rushing into the ring. "Why do I put up with him? Oh, right. If you get past the perversion, frail ego, general dimness and ignorance, and the fact that Dagger blowing him up costs me nights of sleep, he's actually not a half-bad guy." Amarant said, watching Zidane skid to a stop in front of the strange looking winged girl. "Just deserves what he gets." Amarant said, leaping into the stands bodily. (Amarant doesn't use stairs. Something about them being for pansies. He's hell on cheaply built houses. Especially what with thinking doors are for pansies too.) "Um...okay, I really won't hit on her." Zidane mumbled to himself, as he stared at the young green-haired girl. "Aooo?" Nina said. "...Um...are you some kind of a beast girl?" Zidane said. "Mrr?" Nina said. "...um...do I have to fight this retarded gir-OW!" Zidane said, as various cans, bottles and food fell upon him. "What, I just called her retarde-owowowow. Okay, okay. Fine, I guess I have to beat up the re-the girl, fine. Sheesh." Zidane said, pulling out his trusty Ultima Weapon. "Well, fine." Zidane said, as the match was declared started. "Now, Sou-" "Ouuuuuu!" Nina said, blasting Zidane with her Death magic before he could raise his weapon. And Zidane, stunned, slowly crumpled to the ground. "That's it?" "What, I spent all that money to see Zidane die, and that's all? One lousy spell?" "I want my money back, they charged like twelve times as much as normal for those tickets!" "Take it off!" "...Jecht's drunk again?" Angry mutters were heard from the crowd, as the judges declared Nina the winner. Then Zidane, suddenly, started glowing black. "...oh no." Luna said. "No, no, no, no, those idiots decided to release the seal the same time as his match?" She said, stunned, as the black light eminated from Zidane's body. "What are you talking about, Luna?" Alex said, puzzled. "Um...nothing! No, I'm...um...clearly not part of some secret cabal that would know about something world destroying." Luna stammered nervously. "..." "...um...look, can we please get running?" "...Okay." Alex said, grabbing Luna's arm and rushing out of the arena. "What the hell is he doing?" Edge said, puzzled. He had come to watch the match mostly because Yuri's was ten minutes later-as such, time killing was in order. "Is this some kind of clothes dissolving light that will end up turning him into a kumquat? If so, damn, I need to learn how to make that light, it could come in handy to turn him into a kumquat." He said, peering forward interestedly. "Other people too, but especially him." --- [There is some difficulty, I gather.] Mewtwo said, staring at the laboring mages. [Something about the seal being stronger than what was placed there. Perhaps it absorbed some of the power?] "...No. That seal hath been designed to turn Zidane's destructive power inward, not to strengthen." Fou-Lu said, frowning. "In order to simply have it destroy him. Or, barring that, create amusingly pathetic situations. If the seal is indeed stronger than what was placed there, that can only mean...HALT! CEASE!" Fou-Lu said, suddenly, shouting at the mages. "What? You foolish weak god, we're done." Zeromus said. "The seal's broken, why would you want to stop? It will crush an idiot to powder! It will be glorious!" "...because we hath broke two seals." Fou-Lu said dully. "If he was to be that dangerous with just one broken..." --- Zidane suddenly glowed and sparked with black light. The arena was engulfed in a black light-no, a reverse light, that dimmed the skies themselves. The gates of hell had opened. Zidane's luck was about to reach a new low. Zidane rose, puzzled. Why was he alive? And what was this weird darkness around him? Ryu 5, in the stands, watched the darkness surround Nina, sending her into a deep sleep. Assuming that the light had killed her, he flew into a rage. Quickly using D-Dive, he lept into the arena. --- "GLAARRGHL!" Lavos shrieked into the air. "What's wrong with him?" Kefka said. "No...this..." Fou-Lu grabbed Mewtwo by the arm and rushed off. "We must stop this! This cannot be allowed!" [Why are you so worried?] Mewtwo thought, puzzled. "Because if Zidane's luck is a hundred times worse sealed once-which it had been before we found out about it, only a few hours after the event occured...then we art all in very grave danger." Fou-Lu ran quickly, as Lavos suddenly blasted a massive array of energy beams into the air. He didn't even have to look to know they were aimed at the arena Zidane was in. "Because Zidane's luck is now ten thousand times worse." Fou-Lu finished. "The luck of the man killed half a dozen times in a day is now ten thousand times worse. That...is unfathomable. And it will destroy us all." --- Ryu, shrieking in rage, blasted Zidane with D-Breath, heedless of his own life. Zidane, shrieking in incredible agony, wondered why he wasn't dying. (There were also some thoughts about Final Fantasy X women playing soccer in there, but they were relatively very brief.) Ryu wondered the same thing about himself. Using up this much of his power should, in fact, have killed him by now. But the power of the black light was strong. Then the arena exploded, as destruction rained from the heavens. --- "We're going to try those prototype missiles?" Cid said eagerly. "Yep!" Rikku said. "All we have to do is launch 'em at this mountain, and boom! Or at least they should." She added. "The ultimate combination of Machina weaponry and Rune Shell technology, combined to make the best missile ever!" "Alright! Let's fire off the test missiles! YEEEEEEHAW!" Cid said. A massive swarm of missiles blasted towards the distant mountain. Then pulled a sharp 135 degree turn and veered off. Towards the distant arena. "Damnit! Rikku, didn't you say those things were accurate!?" Cid swore. "They are! I watched a test model hit a head-sized bullseye in rock from ten miles! Welp, only one thing to do?" "Hmmm?" Cid said. "Fly the hell out of here. Do you want to pay for that?" Rikku said anxiously. --- "Hmmhmm. That fool Lexis, thinking he can create a weapon named after my marvelous Carronade and use it to dispense dairy." Lord Yuna said, rubbing his hands together. "I shall show him the true power of the original. I have, this day, found the strongest soul I ever shall, the soul of one as unto a god, and subdued it." He said, staring up at the massive form of Deus, covered in cables. "It took me infinite pains to do this, but for one who mocks me, there is no lengths I will not go to." He said, aiming the retrofitted Carronade at Lexis' home. "I even have gone so far as selling my soul to Chu-Chu! The Profound Darkness demands a very high price for her aid." He muttered angrily. "And, so, this Hex will rend your very soul from your body, fool." He said, pressing the button that would, in seconds, fire the greatest Hex ever seen at Lexis Shaia's home. Then a massive gale-force wind blew up and shoved the cannon to one side. "NO!" Yuna yelled, desperately trying to fix the aim, as the Carronade fired the greatest Hex ever created. At Zidane's match. --- "Those foolish mortals. They think they can mock me?" Indalecio said. "They will all perish!" Indalecio, after his last loss, had possibly gone a little off the deep end. ...A little more. "And this shall end you all!" He said, from the controls of Energy Nede's main Anti-Matter Cannon bank. "One shot of this weapon's full power will burn you all out of existance! AHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHA!" He said, firing down from space at the Duelling League. "...how? HOW? How could the full power beam become so focused?" Indalecio said, stunned, as a relatively tiny, yet incredibly powerful, beam of anti-matter blasted out of the Class 9 barrier that surrounded Nede. Lancing directly towards the arena Zidane was in. Shortly thereafter, the rest of the Wisemen tied him down on a bed and, eventually, got him the help he needed. Well, the help they thought he needed. Which was mostly them beating the hell out of him, but still. --- And so, the arena blew up three more times, vaporising half the Duelling League arenas proper and killing approximately four hundred and twenty two thousand people. Edge had the sense to throw a smoke bomb as soon as he saw Lavos' energy blasts lancing towards the arena. Ryu also survived. The power of Wyrm is infinite. And the person he was attempting to rip limb-from-limb also survived. The Philosopher's Stone wouldn't let Zidane die. Not so easily as that. Zidane Tribal: 37 Ryu Hayabusa
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jaymthegenius@yahoo.com
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