A new week, a new match and a new victim for Tengaar! After dispatching Juan, a Star of Destiny like herself, the strongest maiden of Warrior Village stumbles upon your run-off-the-mill... loser... bladefighter... with two dragons on his shoulders... and... a... fixation on barrels? Never mind. Anyhow - this should be a quick victory once again. After a single Revenge Earth, with its perfect evasion and counter rate, Tengaar will be literally untouchable by Ashton's clumsy slashes until well after he's done - for the mighty Earthquake spell will put the hurt on Ashton, permanently.
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Finally casting his bad luck aside, Ashton has scraped out his first league victory over a master martial artist. Now, he moves onto fight a run-of-the-mill frail earth mage. Better yet, a frail earth mage with highly limited MP, capable of casting her only damaging spell once or twice. After that, she'll be reduced to throwing her pathetic physicals against Ashton's sturdy frame, while the vicious combined assault of Ashton's swords and his two shoulder dragons tears through her like toilet paper. Things are finally looking up for the most unfortunate swordsman in the history of Expel.
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SageAcrin
Ashton's the world's most unlucky man, right?
It's a cliche, really. With Ashton, something has to go wrong.
Of course, his luck isn't so bad that he'll die every match, right? He has a good shot at not dying before he enters the ring, at least.
Unfortunately, he happened to bump into Knoll on the way into the arena.
Then the two were sucked into a massive rift in space-time, as Profound Darkness decided it wanted to go shopping.
Granted, so did a lot of the surrounding area, but hey, you know weird demonic near-women manifestations of evil and shopping. So impatient and horrific in their slaughter.
Needless to say, both died instantly.
When they finally were revived, it turns out that Dr. Lugae had used their brains to power his new giant mecha, the Knollasher 2875.
Needless to say, it promptly blew up.
Several weeks later, their brains were found laying in a sewer drainage ditch, and both of them were revived, with amazingly minor amounts of brain damage. Unfortunately, Ashton never made it to the match.
Also unfortunately, now all he can say is barrel.
It hasn't really changed him that much, though.
Tengaar: 55
Ashton Anchors: 46
Pyro
Ashton finally gets lucky and wins a match. Then he runs straight into an opponent completely immune to his damage.
Yep, looks like he still hasn't made up for those two-hundred or so mirrors he broke as a kid. Silly trading company, using barrels to transport fragile cargo like that...
Lurking Registered User
**One week ago, in the Arena**
"...damnit, I really never was that good with machinery." Edge said. "Fine! ULTIMATE NINJA PUNCH!" He said, punching downwards.
The fist of Yggdrasil IV came crashing down.
Piastol, with lightning fast speed, lept into the air, and slammed her scythe into the mech's arm as it passed, embedding it deeply in the arm.
And passed. And passed, demolishing the four stacked arenas and killing most of the crowd...
**Two days ago, in Bowser's Castle**
"Yes, that's right. I hear they're repairing the arena. After all that destruction, they need new pipework laid. And you know who that means... Gweh heh heh!" Bowser laughed uproariously. "So, you should be able to find them there in the arena among the scaffolding somewhere. Do what you do best..."
Donkey Kong counted his banana payment, grunted and loped off, with Bowser still guffawing in the background.
**Today, in the audience**
"Perhaps I should have phrased that better," thought Bowser. "When I said 'Do what you do best,' I meant *smash* things, not kidnap random females!"
**In the arena**
"Hey, come back here! I haven't had my match against her yet! Whoa!" Ashton dodged as Donkey Kong started flinging barrels at him from the construction scaffolding.
Meanwhile, Tengaar was struggling to break out of the barrel DK had stuffed her in. "When I get out of here, I'm having *Monkey Brains* for dinner tonight!"
**In the judges' booth**
"Should we call interference?"
"Yeah, but for who? The stupid ape may have kidnapped Tengaar, but he's chucking barrels at Ashton!"
***In the arena***
A strange black cloud had formed over Ashton. His head drooped so that his hair shadowed his eyes, and he trembled with extreme emotion. "You..." His voice was barely audible as he hissed the word. "You *DARE*!?!?" Ashton's head(s) snapped up, eyes glowing red like a dying sun as the ominous aura spread out. The shabby treatment of barrels had awakened a side nobody would have guessed lay dormant in the melancholy swordsman, and the audience gasped in shock as he shot forward and leapt up the scaffolding, his dragon heads howling in unison.
Barrels rained down at him from all sides, but Ashton was undaunted, teleporting past them with Leaf Slash and not slowing down in the least. He ignored the hammer, which would only serve to harm his precious barrels. (Cinna had dropped it there earlier when he accidentally fell off the catwalk into a mysterious green pipe that hadn't been there a minute ago.)
As Ashton reached the top, Tengaar managed to squeeze out of the barrel, just as Donkey Kong lifted yet another projectile. DK didn't even see her, as he was too busy trying to smash Ashton to notice until Tengaar stomped up behind him and kicked him between the legs, just as Ashton unleashed a Tri-Ace on the big ape. Slammed by the double assault, Donkey Kong curled up and fell off the catwalk to his - and Bowser's, who had the misfortune to be directly under him - doom.
Ashton turned to Tengaar. "Are you all ri... Gah..."
Tengaar was momentarily confused. The swordsman had been fairly impressive, no, *really* impressive up until then, but now he was just standing there stammering and blushing and twirling his fingers...
...
Oh, of course! After his display of heroics, (that had by far outperformed anything Hix had ever done for her) the dashing young man had obviously gotten his first real look at her and fallen madly in love! (Realized Tengaar as she stood obliviously directly in front of the World's Largest Pile of Barrels(tm)...)
"Well, in that case, I'll reward you with a date. Maybe Hix will see *that* and figure out what he *should* be doing!" decided Tengaar, and she dragged the barrel-stunned warrior out of the Arena by one arm.
Tengaar was disqualified for leaving the arena first, making Ashton the victor. Normally, one would think that the series of completely coincidental accidents that brought this about would work to *dis*qualify Ashton, but really, being henpecked by the shrewish Tengaar is *much* unluckier...
***Meanwhile, at Bowser's Castle***
Many eyes gleamed from the darkness at the frightened man with the glowing eyes and giant screw hat.
"Hey, you wouldn't hurt me right? I've got bundt cake!"
And thus Cinna became the new King of the Koopas in what the reader could most definitely *not* be forgiven for as calling 'the Koopa Coup.'
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