Season 27, Week 2
Matthew
(Fire Emblem: The Blazing Sword)
 
This match was decided before it started. Matthew's attacks, backed by Assassin speed and strength, will not be hindered by Lexis's paltry defenses. Meanwhile, anything Lexis tries to do will most likely end up facing off against Matthew's impressive evade, and will eat a counter that will put Lexis on the edge of defeat. Lexis will be forced to heal, and will eventually be locked into wasting all his IPs simply to keep alive. Matthew, who may not even be damaged during this period, simply has to keep up the assault and this weakling scientist's usual defensive strategy will fail him, leaving Matthew with the win.

V

S

Lexis's battles are always defensive in the extreme. Relying on IPs and full healing instead of damage to win the day, his combat strategy comes closer to tactical and mental warfare than anything else. This fighting style's the opposite of what Matthew uses; he has to win quickly with light, rapid blows, and defend himself with evasion. Matthew's offense will be of little threat to the intrepid inventor, who can counter any damage with full healing. As soon as Lexis builds up a little IP, he'll release Stun Shocker, statusing out the young assassin without fail, and letting Lexis pick him apart at his leisure.


SageAcrin
"Oh, blast it." Lexis said, sighing. "There has to be some way I can get back to the match in time." Lexis said, rummaging through a storage closet. "I'm almost glad Edge made me make a shelter here in case people stormed the Creamonade, it means I have some inventions stashed here."

"Jet pack...no, not fast enough, and this one has a far too high explosion to lift and speed ratio."

"Jet bike...no, this one only moves at 45 degree angles, right. Something to do with the jet-powered steering wheel."

"Jet propelled can opener, jet propelled mechanical duck, jet propelled lamp, jet propelled headphones, jet propelled cappuccino maker...no, none of these work as vehicles except the headphones, and they tend to give the pilot nasty whiplashes."

"Jet powered miniaturized steam locomotive...no, that needs rails, and fourty hours to be deminiaturized, and the jet engines tend to derail it...hmmm...maybe the problem with some of my inventions is the jet engine generating too much force?" Lexis said, puzzled. "Oh well, not the time for that. Drat, nothing that could get me there in time not to lose." Lexis said, with a sigh.

"Well...hmmm. What would Edge do in a situation like this? He always seems to be able to get out of these things." Lexis said brightly. "...No, Matthew isn't a pretty girl, so he wouldn't do that. At least, I think he wouldn't. No, Matthew isn't Piastol, so he wouldn't do that either. No, Matthew isn't Yuri...hmmm. Aha!" Lexis said, rummaging into another closet. "I know he once said he wanted to use the Creamonade as a weapon in an emergency. All I have to do is find one of those silly shells he had me make. ...did I ever test those? Oh well, I'm sure it'll be fine. Hmmm, no labels. Oh well. As long as I can delay the match long enough to get to the arena by jet-powered headphones, I'll be fine." Lexis said hopefully, as he chunked a few nameless shells into the Creamonade's Alternate Liquid Dispensation Chamber and fired.

---

"Hey, how long do I have to wait here?" Matthew asked the judges. "It's been thirty minutes already."

"Oh, stop complaining, it takes an hour before we disqualify people." Chaz said. "It's not like you're the only one impatient here. Rika's going to complain about this for ages."

"Well, I suppose winning without getting beaten up is better." Matthew said, shrugging. "Say, why is it raining? There aren't any clouds." He said, puzzled, as a light mist sprayed across the arena.

Then Matthew turned into a pumpkin.

Then the pumpkin froze, shattered, emitted massive blasts of lightning, electrocuting various people in the stands, turned into a palm tree, burst into flames, then started rampaging into the stands and eating people.

Similarly interesting things were happening throughout the crowd.

Chaz himself turned into a Imp and started polka dancing.

Tifa, the second judge, started making out with the polka dancing imp, moaning "Oh, Guillaume, you are so awesomely feminine, take me you wild beast!".

Ershin, the third judge, turned into a naked, buxom woman. The surviving perverts promptly tackled her. Then they all burst into flames.

As for the fourth judge, Eiko, she grew into a fourty-foot tall fire-breathing scaled giant Moogle, who rampaged the countryside.

These are just a few of the things that occured.

Lexis, hearing this news via jet-propelled radio headset, simply shook his head.

"Oh, right, Brey had those things enchanted with Chance. I swear, why is he so enamoured with that spell? Oh well, if they're defeated before I get into the arena, I still win, after all. There will be no stopping the fourteenth most sexy scientist in the Duelling League now!" Lexis said, chuckling and massaging his badly whiplashed neck, as he sped back to the arena.

Matthew: 38
Lexis Shaia: 50