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Tifa Lockheart (Final Fantasy VII) |
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Eternally fanservicey and victimized to a fault, Tifa Lockheart is a woman who knows tragedy all too well. She’s watched her life as a piano student, tour guide and bartender all be turned upside-down by all types of insane events, and she’s had to take up arms to save the man who she loves so very dearly. Although both she and her love have had bad luck in the Arena in the past, Tifa is hoping to buck the odds this season. Her first opponent is the Amazon princess Lise, who matches her in both beauty and skill. And while many people might be hoping for a little extra activity on the arena floor in this round, there’s no way that these fierce ladies will be giving the crowd anything besides one of the best fights of the week. And there's no doubt that the fist-fighting, bartending Tifa will be the one to come out on top! |
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Beautiful as the sunrise, strong as an earthquake, and lively as the rainforest, the Amazoness Lise is ready to remake the RPGDL as a feminist bastion for all oppressed women! And, of course, Lise's first foe is the epitome of stereotypical RPG female submissiveness. Tifa's fanservicey body won't hold up to Lise's mighty spear, which will easily pierce her silicone-protected chest. And Tifa's fists won't even dent Lise's armor, leaving more than enough opportunity for the Amazon to stab her at will. And finally, with the goddess of feminine strength, Freya, at her beck and call, Lise can morph Tifa into a pathetic little midget, easily crushing her and striking a blow for women everywhere. Taking down Tifa, the mascot of the fanservice machine, will be a victory for every oppressed woman in the RPG multiverse. |
Taishyr Lise eyed the information on her opponent. Strong, durable, capable... a woman like her would fit well into the Wind Kingdom, she mused. Lifting the phone in her waiting room, she paused before quickly dialing in a number. "This is Ulala of Ulala & Baofu's Mansearch Services, how may I help you?" "Ulala! Hi, this is Lise..." "OH! Lise! How're you doing? What's up?" "I'm doing rather well, thanks... I'd like to call in that favor you promised me." "Sure! What do you want me to do?" "Actually..." Lise grinned to herself. "I'd just like some of that sleeping powder." "I don't have any in, sadly." Ulala apologized. "However... I may have something that'll work even better..." "Really? Do tell." Tifa sat down at the table and glanced at Lise as she got comfortable. "So, what'd you want to talk about?" she said warily. "I examined your profile a few days ago, and, well..." Lise paused and looked away for a second, then continued. "I hate being flowery or indirect, so let's be brief with each other. Would you be interested in joining the Wind Kingdom Rolante as one of the army commanders?" Tifa gaped for a second. "I... I'm unsure. I'd have to discuss it-" "With Cloud?" Lise interrupted. Tifa snorted in reply. "Not Cloud. He ran off, mumbling something about invisible clones stalking him. Honestly, he was never there for the kids we adopted, so the point's irrevelant. No, I'd have to discuss it with Barrett; Marlene's been living with both of us, and I'm not sure I could do that to her." "Barrett would also be allowed in and given a good job, if that would be a motivator. The orphans may come as well, of course." "Well, then, I'll ask him. Now, about the battle..." Lise's lips twisted a bit. "Ah, yes. That. Look, I've really no desire to impale a possible future employee..." "Nor I to pummel a future boss!" Tifa said, laughing a bit. Lise looked at her oddly, but nodded. "Yes. We'll have to work something out, but first, let's order." She gestured the Clair de Lune waiter over, and the two ordered their meals. "So, if neither of us desires the fight..." "Then it comes down to which of us can better represent our cause in the later matches." Lise nodded. Tifa ruminated, then said, "Well, it really comes down your versatility versus my power." "Aye. And since we are unsure which of Sophia or Florina will pass, it's completely useless to try and ruminate on future opponents. I would decimate Sophia, but lose to Florina's superior spearhandling; you would drown under Sophia's magical assualt but easily defeat Florina's feeble defenses." Tifa nodded again, then smiled. "Well, since we both must meet at the arena, how about we make it random?" "How do you propose we do that?" "Well, we're both (if I may engage in a bit of self-flattery here) rather beautiful young women. What's happened every other time two women ran into each other in the arena?" Lise grinned wickedly. "The pervert squads. Are you really proposing...?" "Yes. A friendly competition of pervert-bashing. Whoever beats the most into the ground is the winner!" Lise nodded. "Truly a fair method. I must admit, however, I had duplicitious plans had you refused to consider the job offer..." She threw a pouch of yellow dust on the table. "What would that have done?" Tifa asked with a smile on her face. "It would have, er..." Lise blushed a scarlet shade. "It would have made you much more... energetic in bed, shall we say." "And far too exhausted for tomorrow?" Lise nodded. "Heh... that likely would've worked. Been dating Reeve lately - he would've been surprised at that." She eyed the pouch again, then burst into a wide grin. "Actually... we could use that to make the pervert-bashing earlier..." Edge munched on the popcorn as he watched Sain vs. Duran's match. "Bo-ring... Everyone in place for Dazzling Beauties, Round 2?" "Aye-aye, sir!" The voice that cracked over the walkie-talkie eagerly reported. "Good. Halfway through the battle, we storm it and have ourselves some fun!" Lise eyed the armor Tifa had just given her. "Unobtanium armor, you say? It's... skimpy." Tifa grinned. "Yes, well, we must draw them all out before we can begin the contest, no?" "Point. Although it disturbes me that the only form it comes in is in a two-piece bikini." "Don't worry about getting hurt. All blows or other advances are drawn toward the armor, which then nullifies the damage. Completely illegal in a normal DL match, but perfectly fine for this sort of contest..." Lise nodded. "So, you 'spiced' the popcorn?" Tifa grinned. "Yep! The whole bag in the primary popcorn-seller's vat! I said it was extra butter. He didn't doubt me." "Good." Lise peeked out at the match. "Looks like Sain and Duran are done sissy-fighting. Shall we?" "Let's!" Edge stared at Lise and Tifa as they entered the arena. Actually, probably half the Arena did, for that matter. "...screw waiting! Let's rush them! FANSERVICE AHOYYYYYYYYYYY!" he screamed, running onto the field... only to be levelled by a casting of Freya. The contest was swift and brutal. All the Arena participants who rushed onto the arena had been knocked out or worse by Tifa or Lise. The two stood in the center, panting from the effort. "Well, then... I'm unsure how many I downed. That was truly an epic swarm." Lise said. "Same. We'll leave it up to the judges." Tifa said. "What judges? Myria's the only one up there." Lise gestured at the knocked-out male judges off to the side. "...Point. We'll let Myria decide." Tifa waved up to Myria, who waved back. "Now that this contest is over, I declare the winner to be..." Tifa Lockheart: 55 Shoenin@gmail.com
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