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Edge Eblan (Final Fantasy IV) |
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The Ninja Prince of Eblan swoops down with all of his normal power and grace, and challenges a tough fighter in Robo. Edge has every reason to not fear the robot, though. For one, his innately high speed can be boosted by using his Masamune Katana in battle, which gives him a huge speed advantage over the sluggish Robo. His Image spell shuts down most of Robo's offense, and his Fuma darts will ignore Robo's excellent defense. Edge is just a Image and Throw away from starting his path to become the fifth RPGDL middle champion. |
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int main()
{
while(Edge_HP > 0) // While Edge is alive,
{
SurviveEdge'sAttack(); // Robo must survive his attacks.
if ( Last_Digit_HP = 9) // If Robo's HP digit is 9,
Uzzi_Punch(Crisis_Arm, Edge_Eblan); // Edge dies horribly to Uzzi Punch.
else Heal_Beam(Robo); // If not, Robo heals and repeats.
}
Victory();
return 0;
} |
Super Edge was ready for his robotic opponent this week. Not only did he have a stack of Fumas ready for easy tossing, he had even thought to rig the ring with a few well placed traps, in case things started going badly. What he didn't expect was.. "Edge Eblan! Front and Center!" Edge looked up, and turned ghost white. standing right in front of him was none other than Cidolfas Orlandu, aka Thundergod Cid. Behind Orlandu stood a smiling Kasumi, a grinning Rydia, a laughing Rosa, a chuckling Alys... Edge gulped. It appeared that the ghosts of past.. perversions had come back to haunt him. Unlike most ghosts, they didn't present any risk of haunting. Edge had to worry about getting nuked by Orlandu, or a Tactical Nuclear Holy, or Flare, or a Slicer to the face.. When Edge fully turned around to speak, he was all smiles and charm. "Ladies, what are you doing here? Came to cheer me on? And Orlandu.. what brings you here? You wanted to take a close look at the next RPGDL middle champion?" Orlandu shook his head, and stood up a bit straighter. "Edge Eblan, you have been hereby stripped of all authorty by the RPGDL Ninja Council. All powers to demand kisses, harass female Ninjas, and to wear purple without being laughed at are null and void." Edge felt slightly relieved. Although Orlandu had stripped his powers of perversion, he hadn't lost his true vaulables.. and he hadn't gotten fried by a swordskill. "And... as one final punishment for your deeds, I've confiscated all of your dirty photos. Including the ones taken while Rosa and Rydia were in the bath.." Orlandu reached into his back pocket, and withdrew a battered looking book of photos. A red haze fell over Edge's vision. It had taken him months to get those photos! Now.. they were all taken away in a flash? "You...you.. you're not even a Ninja! When did you get elected to the council, anyway?!" Orlandu deftly plucked one of Edge's Ninja swords from his belt, and began twirling it around, showing skill that defied his age. "Boy, you forget that Ninja mastery is a requirement of my class. As far as the council goes.. they were happy to let me lead it. The plight of these poor girls broke my heart. They convinced me that I, Orlandu, was the only one who could stop your foul deeds. As far as getting back your title... I'll give it to you if you somehow manage to beat me. Good luck, boy." Orlandu sheathed Edge's sword, turned around, and walked back to the locker room with the girls. The girls were making faces at Edge behind Orlandu's back, and laughing at the obviously crestfallen Ninja. Photos.. gone. Girls... gone. Status as leader, gone. Pride.. never there. That isn't the point, though. Edge was never the most even tempered fellow, and he had been pushed far beyond his limit. He didn't care if Orlandu kicked his ass, or if he lost his fight. He was going to get some revenge. Edge reached into his pouch, and began throwing a stack of Fumas at the direction of Orlandu and the girls. "DIEEEEEEEE!" Remarkbly, none of the darts hit Orlandu and the girls. Robo, who was lumbering into the ring, walked right in front of the hail of darts. He never had a chance. The Fumas quickly cut Robo into scrap metal, giving Edge his first RPGDL win. The RPGDL was the last thing on Edge's mind, though. Edge grabbed Masamune and Murasame, and threw them at Orlandu. Orlandu had turned around to hear what the noise was about... only to catch Edge's Ninja swords in the face, hilt first. Somewhere across the universe, a bird cried. A star died. And hell froze over. For Edge Eblan had just knocked out Thundergod Cid. Edge struck while the fire was still hot, and everyone was still in shock. Running over and lifting up Orlandu by his shirt, Edge glared at him in the eye. "Give me back by title, you geezer!" Orlandu couldn't do much of anything, so he simply nodded, and simply passed out from the blow to the head. Edge stood up, and grinned. He was back. Now that he was back.. He sprinted over to the girls, who were as stunned by what had happened as everyone else. Moving quickly, Edge kissed Alys on the lips, and added a smack to the rear for good measure. "Seeya later, sweet cheeks!" Edge threw a quick wink at Kasumi, followed by an inviting gesture. He yelled at Rosa and Rydia while he picked up his photos and swords from Orlandu. "I'll see you two in the bath tonight!" Edge then fled the scene while everyone was still recovering from had what happened. Edge knew in his heart that he would pay dearly for this. Angry girls, angry boyfriends... let alone what Orlandu would do to him for torching him like that. But.. for once, Edge Eblan, Ninja Prince, had come out on top, and he was damn sure that he was going to enjoy it while it lasted. Edge Eblan: 15 |
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