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Kraken (Final Fantasy) |
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Blah blah blah endless sacrifice sweet little girl innocent etc. BORING. What does an evil mollusk from the unthinkable inky depths have to do to get a hot woman to fight?! Instead the Great Old Ones mock Kraken and throw a girl way too young at him. Perhaps next week -no, another ugly old man and some freakish dragon creature. At least it's an easy win this time around. Yulie has absolutely no physical durability to speak of, thanks to her aforementioned status as a little girl. Everyone knows that Kraken specializes in truly brutal physical attacks, making this quick fight as easy to decide as can be. |
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Great justice for tentacle victims everywhere! Who better than our holy Paladienne Yulie Ahtreide to wield DIVINE retribution versus this dirty, dirty creature of a Kraken? The fiend can't do anything to stop Yulie from getting a turn, even with his supposedly competent physical beatdowns; once she does get that fabled turn, the fair maiden can simply cast Quicken as the opening act for a blitztering dazzling display of speed and healing. Indeed, surely she'll find the opportunity to lap Kraken's slower frame ... and then she'll show it the true meaning of Sacrifice! This is Yulie's match, well and truly! |
Sei An innocent, school girl age female. A tentacle demon. Clearly, there's only one way that this can- "No, no, no, very very no!" As one, the crowd blinked at the sudden outburst of Kraken. "I am sick and tired of everyone thinking that just because I have tentacles, I have to act like one of those sex-starved porn monsters." "You said it!" agreed Yulie, "And I'm sick and tired of everyone thinking that just because I'm young and I wear a skirt, I'm nothing more than fodder for those sex-starved porn monsters." "Yeah! I'm more than just a bunch of phallic symbols. I'm a fiend who terrorized a region in a manner that did NOT involve impregnating every single woman I met!" "Yeah! And I'm more than just a maiden to be deflowered. I'm a Paladienne that actually helped saved the world! Heck, I even shattered a bunch of tentacles that grabbed me along the way!" "That's right! So you guys can just keep your prejudices to yourselves! I'll just stay here and cross my appendages over my chest in protest! What do you guys say to that, eh?" "Right! And I'll just go over here and blast a hole through Kraken's head! To heck with your sexist expectations! I'm doing things my way!" "Right!" There was one of those poignant pauses as the Fiend of Water went over those last few statements. "Wait, whaagh?" Kraken managed to say shortly before the young Paladienne stuffed her spell-slinging fist into the cephalopod's mouth and casted Sacrifice. There was another one of those poignant pauses as the audiences just stared at the twitching corpse of Kraken (Or wiped squid brain matter off their faces. It depended on where they were sitting, really). "Ahh, that felt good" Yulie sighed "Hey Jude! You up for some sushi?" Kraken: 20 |
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