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Zeromus vs Cyril
SageAcrin Hey, even highly advanced genetically engineered weapons of mass destruction screw up once in a while. Okay, so they do so more when wasted. (Cyril needs to learn less evil scheming and more caution. It never occured to him anyone would spike the water with acid as it was brought to his table when he went to lunch that day. Indalecio was unavailable for comment. No one really suspected he actually had a sense of humor, anyways...) He did nearly win this match despite this, but only because he attempted to fly into the air to start his dreaded Wind of Destruction, became enthralled by the pretty flashbulbs from the crowd, and somehow flew directly into a wall. Zeromus cracked up. Beings of total evil experiencing any form of joy is a horrible thing for them, it rendered him horribly ill and weakened. Cyril, somehow sensing in his dazed state that this was his chance, decided to cast Demon's Gate, to summon forth a mighty demon to strike down his foe. And this is how Cyril, and shortly afterwards, Zeromus, were slaughtered by a flock of frenzied Fat Chocobo. (It's hard to imagine a flock of frenzied Fat Chocobo, but getting teleported into a fifty feet drop from a sound sleep, only to have Fat Chocobo fall on your head while you're trying to figure out what just happened, could probably frenzy cabbage. Fat Chocobo, being more inert than cabbage, have a loose definition of frenzied. They sorta milled around a bit for a while, then fell asleep an hour later.) Cyril was doubly unfortunate; He had somehow cast the spell directly over his head. Zeromus cracked up again at the sight of Cyril getting pulped by massive, sleepily warking, Chocobo and promptly expired. The judges just shrugged, and awarded Zeromus the match, due to being last to die. They saw this coming when Cyril's response to being asked if he was ready to fight was "Hee, happy all fools dead rule all. Heeheheheh. Sure!" in a bright tone. Cyril doesn't remember a thing, which is probably best, since he was babbling about how magnificent Fat Chocobo are as a race when they were pulling him out of the feathered pile of bird. Zeromus still hasn't recovered, though. He's now addicted to laughter, which is horribly self-destructive to him, and he can't manage to kick the habit. Zio, Luca Blight and Melfice are planning an intervention, though. Small children, young virgins and all similar sacrificables should probably be well guarded for the next few days. Zeromus: 41 T.G. Nevareh
Terra Fanboy
KOS-MOS vs Wugui
superaielman Awwww, poor KOS-MOS. The little hookerbot that could is certainly a decent dueller.. but has no protection against Instant Death. Funny, even Shion with Erde Kaiser has no chance against the demon of Kowloon... let alone her personal body guard. KOS-MOS: 31 
Xenobia vs Chaz Ashley
superaielman "Wonder why Chaz wanted me to show up late to the fight..." With a sweeping geasure, Rune entered the Godlike arena. Rune twitched at the carnage all around him. A body was horribly splattered all over the arena. The arena was empty, with everyone fleeing in horror from what happened. Chaz walked over to Rune, and grinned. Pulling out his earplugs with one quick move, he jogged over to the stunned Esper. "I had no chance against Xenobia in a fair fight. What I did have was a favor from Feena for helping her escape from Melbu and Baal's trap..." Pausing, Chaz went over to the muliated body in the center of the ring, and cast Rever on it. Justin staggered to his feet, barily recongizable with all the blood on him. "Hey Chaz! Did my rendition of "I'm too sexy" work?" "Yep. Here, take this telepipe and drag yourself over to the medics office." "Thanks! Hi, Rune. I'll see you later!" Rune stared at Chaz, his jaw wide open in shock. "..Tha.....damn. What happened to Xenobia?" "She fled the scene screaming. The crowd kind of rioted and strung up Just-Ow! Why'd you smack me?" Chaz rubbed the back of his head in pain. "Idiot. You caused a riot and got Justin lynched, and didn't invite me to see it?! You still have a lot to learn. You lost the match anyway, didn't you?" Rune at least had the pleasure of seeing Chaz hang his head in shame, and leave the arena without another word said. Xenobia: 50 
Kurando Inugami vs Chaos
Cmdr_King Yuri Hyuga scratched his head nervously, waiting for his cousin to appear. "Gah, hurry up, I'll need a few minutes to pull this off..." The young man finally approached, ready for battle. "Hello, Yuri. Come to wish me luck?" "Uh, not exactly. Kurando, you do know what this Chaos thing can do, right?" "Well... there's the nearly impenetrable hide, and he can heal himself indefinitely..." "Right. Now, think about that. You can't beat him, right? Do you really want to be out there getting pounded as a gibbering, insane mess while Chaos keeps on ticking?" "It would be my first choice, no. But I'm not going to just back out of the fight." Yuri grinned. "No one was asking you to. I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't get mad later when you got disqualified." Kurando stood for a second, question on his lips, before shaking his head and moving toward the arena again. "I don't want to know, do I?" "Not really, Kurando. Just watch out for, uh, temporal disturbance. See you later." Edge glared at Yuri. "Conscious satisfied? I don't suppose you talked him into doing that whole Moon Goddess thing?" Yuri cracked his knuckles non-chalantly. "Do you really want to push it, Edge?" Not eager to let other present see him sweat, Edge pressed on. "Alright. So we're all set to tackle the Fiends, and I assure you Garland won't know what hit him. Was anyone able to rope Rune into the scheme?" Zhuzhen spoke up. "Not as such, no. He did agree to stop trying to throw Legion at you on the street if you pulled it off, though." Edge sighed theatrically. "Pity. The man really is a genius. Alright, we're set. We have... 10 minutes. Go." Fresh off his Not Ranked triumph, the evil knight of Corneria, Garland, idly stared at the drink in front of him, wondering if life got any better. A more appropriate question would have been, 'what is going to go wrong'. The sheer quantity of smoke bombs might have bankrupted a few villages. In any case, Garland really had no chance to see that he was getting hit by a half dozen or so spoons, knives, and assorted other overly deadly kitchen utensiles. Edge smiled. "He's all yours, Edwin. Just try to finish in the next five minutes or so." Edwin grumbled, Edge only catching the words "miserable ninja" but quickly took Garland away. Yuri glanced at his handiwork, the fallen form of Tiamat, then returned to his normal form. "Say, Zhuzhen, wouldn't it have made more sense for you to take the Fire Crystal? Seems like it'd be easier for your." Zhuzhen glared. "Bah, just because I don't know wind spells doesn't mean I can't successfully alter the properties of the elemental source of wind on some backwater 8-bit world." Yuri just wandered off. "Uh... sure. I'll bring you a tape of the match." Back at the arena, Yuri sought out Edge. "So, how'd we do." Edge grimmaced. "15 minutes. Remind me never to hire Edwin again. Match just started..." As it happened, Edwin showed up around this time. "I've finished. Time should correct itself in a moment." He stalked off, grumbling inaudible for once. As if summoned by his words, Chaos, hovering menacingly over the middle of the arena, changed. Yuri looked away a moment. "ugh. I suppose we should have thought about what would happen between stages of the plan." Edge donned some sunglasses. "I did. I just didn't think Chaos would be in the demonic female stage so long." Kurando, mind still on the battle, didn't particularly notice that Chaos had suddenly developed a few new assets. Yuri glared at his cousin jealously. "Clean-minded bastard..." Edge suddenly pulled out a pager. "Hm. I think the Crystals are handled. So a couple more seconds..." Just as Kurando was winding up for another Heavenquake, Chaos changed again. It was hard to say which one kicked in first. The growth of hair was immediately noticable, a bright bubblegum pink. The shrinking happened very quickly, but wasn't immediately noticable because Chaos was simultaneously being split into a dozen different things. The other effects were probably less noticable from the distances of most of the spectators sat, though the judges certainly noticed the antennae if nothing else. Finally, it dawned on everyone that where Chaos had been there were now a dozen near-perfect replicas of a certain observational realian. Kurando managed to catch it quickly enough to redirect his attack, taking out a few dumbstruck ooglers. Sensing danger, he quickly reverted to human form and retreated from the arena. Also sensing danger, security got there almost as quickly as Albedo. The resulting brawl had more than a little splash damage. Back at the bar, Yuri chuckled. "Well, I can't say I expected the Sages to pick such a young girl, but I think the pounding Albedo got was worth it." Edge shook his head. "Sometimes I wonder about those old men." Yuri looked at the ninja, sickened. "Okay, Edge? Just keep it to yourself." Edge was indignant. "Hey, I'm not saying I approve of this, I'm just saying that maybe all those things they say about old men are true!" Sighing, Yuri checked the bar for his cousin. "Say, Kurando? Do you think you could ask Alice to come down here in, say, half an hour? I'm going to have a barkeeper to pay back." Edge tried bolting for the door, but not before the first For Tomorrow caught him. "You're a heck of a guy, Edge, but dammit, some things are just too much!" Kurando Inugami: 22
Malik Benedict vs Edwin Odesseiron
Otter Edwin sized up his opponent. Malik Bendict, the roster had called him. The slightest inspection revealed him to be swaggering, energetic, and quite obviously demented. "(Another half-crazed hooligan in wizard's garb. Absolutely disgusting.) Greetings, my most... worthy adversary. This is shaping up to be a match for the ages, I'm sure. But first, pray reveal, oh wise... prophet, was it? (Prophet? What an offensively self-satisfied simpleton.) Pray reveal to me what it is that motivates you here on this field of honorable combat. (And let your blather give me a most adequate opening with which to sear the flesh from your shifty little body.)" The reply came with characteristic bravado, brashness, and what Edwin decided rather quickly to be a distinct lack of brains. He couldn't really be bothered to pay attention to this psycho's meandering monologues, but somewhere in there he caught a bit about using reward money to help "revive my beloved." For roughly the eighth time in as many seconds, a somewhat malicious thought struck him. "Hold there. You wish to revive your loved one, yes? Your fiance was bit by a viper and you wish a lute with which to open Cerberus's gates?" "Fiance? I told you, I'm going to bring back my dear Mother." "...Nevermind, then. (Depraved lunatic. My conscience is as clear as diamonds.) But regardless, I may be of some assistance. Would you like to know the location of a very powerful magical scroll, buried within ancient and uncharted ruins, that could help make your... beautiful dream become a reality?" The terms were agreed upon shortly thereafter. Malik threw the match in exchange for a hastily-drawn map to the Nether Scroll, which was lying right where Edwin had first found it. As for the rest, well, Edwin considers that a bonus to the glory of his debut win. Malik Benedict: 16 
Hector vs Drachma
Tide Hector knew he was in for a rough battle. He's heard a lot about old Drachma and how ruthless he can be in and out of the ring. Drachma was a pirate, and Hector knew he had to be on his guard As the two of them stepped into the arena, Hector positioned himself into a battle stance, ready to intercept and counter strike the old pirate's on coming attacks. To his surprise however, Drachma only stood still as if in deep focus. Minute after minute, the tension in the arena built up as the two fighters stared down each other, neither making the first move. Finally, Hector took a step back, before lunging forward, Axe-first, into an offense. Drachma just him in the face with his Hand of Fate. Real Hard. MORAL OF THE STORY: Sadly, an axe to the face doesn't always win >_> Hector: 26 
Rydia vs Rapp
T.G. Nevareh HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! HAHAHAH! HAHAHA no. Rapp is versatile. Rydia is a weapon of mass destruction. Even if he could contrive a way of avoiding her harder spells, Mega Flare (which is unavoidable, unblockable, and is its own damage class so nothing can reduce its damage) would rip him to pieces. Rapp has some instant death going for him, that's true, but... well, Rydia is just... RYDIA. How do you argue with Mass Destruction to the Face? Rydia: 51 
Luc vs Daos
T.G. Nevareh Well, this is an interesting match-up- however, Luc's weakness is his low tolerance of physical trauma (as well as a general distaste for the world) and Daos is woefully unable to deal out physical trauma. On the other hand, Daos is weak against mortals who wield incredible power as well as superior artifacts, both of which Luc has in good supply. Then there's the fact that Daos is one of the most pathetic final bosses around- he's a gigantic disappointment, usually, and the most talented mage he's ever been up against has been Lufia, who, by the way, can't hold a candle to Luc in terms of mageishness. Luc's weakness, however, will be the same weakness that Tir McDohl suffers from: Though his spells are really powerful, he has a very limited supply of casts. Even in the best situation he can only pull off his greatest magics four or five times in a fight, whereas fighting Daos would end up being a long, involved affair. I'd still estimate that Luc can beat Daos, who manages to be more of a disappointment of a final boss fight than Kefka, but it would be reasonably close. Luc: 40 Alanna82
Marivel Armitage vs Pip
Sei Awww... lookit cute little Pip! So adorable, so determined, so admiring! With his roly-poly body and sparkling eyes, how could anyone raise a hand against him? SQUISH Of course, since Marivel prefers them big and metallic, she felt absolutely no pity when she commanded Asgard II to land on the little twerp and crush him into a bloody paste. Mmm... bloody paste... Marivel Armitage: 51 
Anna Zirski vs Jaffar
SageAcrin A Guardian, well trained in the arts of killing man, machine and monster. An Assassin, whose knives can kill even the strongest men in a single blow. Both, evenly matched in power, Jaffar's superior fighting abilities at close quarters being countered by Anna's ranged Slashers. The outcome was obvious. Jaffar's sculpture won. Anna's painting tends towards abstract, and while being a better painter than Jaffar is at molding clay, judges like Dryst and Bowser appreciate miniatures fighting a battle much more than they do a painting that someone has to explain for twenty minutes. (Dryst fell asleep first. Quite a feat, considering Bowser was the other judge.) So, while Anna's better at art, Jaffar's better at reaching his audience. Jaffar, having won the artistic struggle, moves on to the next round. Anna Zirski: 16 
Setzer Gabianni vs Rikku
SageAcrin *Five months ago...* "Why are chu so fascinated with me?" Rikku said. "..." Yuna and Paine said, staring at her. "This...wasn't quite what I intended, I must admit." Citan said, watching Rikku summersault around the room. "I was mostly just interested in keeping the insane young lady from ruining Roufas and Baralai's match." "...Can we keep her like this?" Paine said. "It's an improvement." "No, I don't think so." Yuna said. "As some compensation for the young lady's condition, I've attempted to remedy it." Citan said. "Unfortunately, she seems to be the result of three, perfectly balanced, personalities." "Wait a second. Three?" Paine said. "Yes. One seems to be kindly and somewhat hyper, the second is exceedingly homicidal and is more hyper than Selphie was the time someone had her eat five pounds of sugar on a dare, and the third is..." He shrugged, pointing at the happily "Chu."ing Rikku bounding around the room. "...Wait, I remember that now. She really did change suddenly right after we defeated Sin..." Yuna said. *A few years ago.* "Oh, darn it, I would come upon a Iron Giant, alone." Rikku said, staring up at the fiend's massive metallic bulk. "Well, all I have to do is mix something up!" She said brightly, turning around. The giant, seeing an opening, smashed her to the earth with his giant club, mostly smashing her head in the process. (Rendering him quite possibly the smartest fiend ever.) "...huh? What? What happened? HEY! You big idiot! How could you do that!" Rikku said, throwing a Supernova in the giant's face. The giant toppled over and dissolved into pyreflies. "Oh, poopy, now I feel all dizzy. Why? Ah, well, it doesn't matter." Rikku said, as she walked off. Within a day later, her total exposed skin doubled. *A few years later.* "Chu!" Rikku yelled, executing an impressive running summersault across the room. "...Okay, maybe it's not an improvement. So how do we fix this?" Paine said. "Well, I think the only thing that could do it is probably getting smashed as hard as she was last time." Citan said, adjusting his glasses. "...wouldn't that just give her another personality?" Yuna said doubtfully. "I suppose it's possible. But the last case of this I heard of took technology I don't have on hand and wouldn't bring to this world for a few trillion G." Citan said, shrugging. "Too much potential for misuse, too many lunatics. And even then, he only fixed himself, in the end. My suggestion's the best I can come up with." "So, bash her over the head until she's normal? I can handle that." Paine said, backhanding Rikku in the face. "Chu!?" "Nono, that won't work." Citan said. "Are you sure?" Paine said. "Because it really would not be a problem." "Yes, yes. She needs to come near death to break past this problem." Citan said. "So I stab her a few times...mmm, no, I don't guess I can..." Paine started to say. "CHU!" Rikku yelled, summersaulting on top of Paine's head. Both promptly fell over. "...On second thought..." Paine said, unsheathing her sword. "No, wait. Look, Paine, all we have to do is let her fight in this state, she'll be beaten, and she'll come back to normal." Yuna said. "What do we do until then?" Paine said dubiously. "...Well...um..." Yuna said. *One month later.* "Chu!" "Chu!" "Chu!" The happy room full of Chu-Chus bounded around. The suspicions were wrong. The Chu-Chus had survived the events in Shevat. They happily frolicked in a obscure corner of the Duelling League world. With one non-Chu-Chu. Rikku had found her temporary home. *Present day.* "Chu! It's time for chu to go down!" Rikku said, bounding around the arena. "..." Setzer simply stared. "What's wrong, chu? Are chu scared of me?" Rikku said, bouncing up to him. "...Do I really have to do this?" Setzer called up at the judges. "CHU!" Rikku bellowed in Setzer's face. A flurry of darts smashed into her body, instantly killing her. "...Oops. Reflex." Setzer said, staring down at Rikku. --- "Well, all that's left now is to see if she wakes up." Yuna said. "I've done all I can to heal her." "Ummm...uh?" Rikku said. "My head...all I remember was that giant...smacking me..." "...Giant? Setzer?" Paine said. "No, Iron Giant. You know." Rikku said. "...What's the last thing you remember before that, Rikku?" Yuna said. "Well, we beat Sin, and then there was a huge party, and..." "You don't remember the last three years!?" Yuna and Paine yelled simultaniously? "...Huh? And who the hell put me in clothes like this!?" Rikku said, horrified... --- "So...her personalities even seem to have different memories. Fascinating." Citan said. "Well, I suppose she's fine now, so there's no problem. Good day." Citan said, putting down the phone. "...I don't believe it." Yuna said, still shaking her head. "...You know this means you've been admiring someone totally certifiable for a while now, right? I mean, really. Legally. Totally and utterly and without doubt..." Paine said. "Shut up, Paine." Yuna said. --- "Mmmm...Chu? Where am I? Chuuuuu!" Rikku's Chu-Chu personality bellowed into the darkness of Rikku's mind. "Oh, shut up. It's your fault I'm in here. We just need to wait for our chance to get out, that's all!" Rikku's FFX-2 personality muttered angrily... Setzer Gabianni: 43 Tide
the jp
Barret Wallace vs Yumi
Dark Holy Elf It's funny, really. Barret has a gun. A machine gun, an automatic weapon... call it what you will. Sure, it may be attached to his arm, but he's still capable of firing dozens of bullets in the space of a second or two. Yumi, on the other hand, has a far older piece of technology at her disposal: the crossbow. For some unfathomable reason Yumi has a massive advantage, as her crossbow causes far more damage than Barret's machinegun attacks. Could it be that using the lower form of technology is actually an advantage in RPGs? ... well, since Barret, after realising his gun was useless, won the fight in single (if hammer-like) swing of his fist, it does seem a strong possibility. Barret Wallace: 56 SageAcrin
Peppita Rosetti vs Malak Galthana
Lance The crowd knew Malak was up to something when he approached the ring with a squirming knapsack hefted over his shoulder. The judges briefly considered stopping him and inspecting the contents of the knapsack to make sure he wasn't planning anything illegal, but then they remembered that this was Malak Galthana they were talking about and figured the poor guy could probably use all the help he could get. They quietly allowed him to proceed. As soon as the match began, Malak thrust his free hand outward and yelled at the top of his lungs, "Un-Truth!" Fearing the worst, Peppita crouched down to the ground and covered up her head in fear. A blast of energy flared up in the air directly to her right side and disappeared a moment later, followed by a similar blast directly to her left, and then another blast directly in front of her, and then another blast directly behind her...and then yet another blast directly in front of her just for good measure. "Damn. That happens every time!" Malak cursed his horrid luck and reached into the knapsack by his side. "Oh well. Looks like I'll just have to go for Plan B!" And with that, Malak withdrew a frog, of all things, and chucked it at Peppita. It landed a few feet away from her and exploded harmlessly, causing no damage at all. Well, it -would- have hurt her if it had landed a bit closer, but since Malak throws like a little sissy girl, that's as far as it went. Malak took a few steps forward, threw another exploding frog, and was met with the same result as Peppita backed away just out of range. This continued for several minutes until one of Malak's frogs...um...malfunctioned? I guess? Is that even the right word here? Whatever. The stupid thing blew up in his face, knocking him out cold and giving Peppita the victory. A fitting end for one of the worst duelers in the history of the universe. Peppita Rosetti: 51 Tide
Karn vs Gremio
Cmdr_King There's so many ways Karn wins, some more legal than others. It's really quite boring in the end, since all the illegal ones are also the interesting ones. So what does a cunning thief do? Improvise. A few hours before the match, while Gremio was having his axe sharpened, Karn snuck in through the kitchen of the McDohl mansion and, somehow, managed to find the recipie for Gremio's legendary Special Stew. Not just a copy, but the actual master file Gremio kept. Distraught upon learning this from Cleo, Gremio searched the entire mansion time and again, missing the match entirely. After being granted the win, Karn went back, and placed the recipie right where he'd found it, running away a little quicker than seemed necessary. It turns out that it's best not to ask what's in Gremio's Special Stew. Karn: 41 Terra Fanboy
Cinna vs Yang
Mr. VSM "ACHOOOO!!!!!" And with that, Cinna died. Yang wiped his nose, surprised that he didn't even have to use his kick technique, or really, any combat moves at all. "ACHOOOOO!!!!" He really was gonna have to get that pesky cold looked at. Cinna: 5 Lance
Lepant vs Gijimu
Grefter Things were not looking so great for Lepant. Standing in the middle of the arena, blocking the frantic blows from Gijimu with his shield taking what chances he could to strike back, those being few and far between from Gijimu's seemingly unending onslaught. He could feel his shield arm weakening, becoming numb from the repeated strain. All he had to do was land one good blow and end it. It would be risky. Readying himself, he can see the next blow coming from the left, an easy block, now step forward and slash in the same motion. Feel the wet thud as the blade connects biting deep, doing a damage ripping and tearing into the flesh with its harshly curved edge. It was a good blow, Gijimu would need to get that looked at quickly before the match. Sadly it was not enough. No chance to stop the next blow, Lepant could see it coming, as could the small crowed at the match. From above and to the right. No time to retrieve the sword for some kind of feebly parry, no space to maneuver and get his shield into place. All Lepant could do was watch his demise drop and meet his flesh. As the axe bites deep and Lepant loses consciousness Gijimu is declared the victor Lepant can feel only remorse, not for his loss, but for the fact that with his wife's loss as well they would be relying on Sheena to look after them. This was enough to make the President of an entire nation, a grown man and a proud warrior weep openly. Lepant: 23 SageAcrin
Evil Gaia Midler and Farleen Spears Take Over The World! JoouRanbu Parabellum Pub, 7PM. This was a big night. Everything was so exciting! After the pathetic mess Evil Gaia Midler made out of him/her/itself in the Karaoke Cosplay Contest, there needed to be a major compensation. And all the right pieces were in place. A beautiful partner. A powerful musical agent. So many songs to sing, Parabellum was a great place to begin, all so pretty and just... Evil Gaia Midler could already picture it. Money. Fans. People accusing male fans of that music to be flamingly homosexual. An illegal child immigrant named Carmencita to work as a faithful maid (and Gaia Midler already spread the rumor. It should come true any minute now!). Under the bathroom's dimly lit mirror lamp, the singer dreamt. And oh, all dreams need to come true. Only a few more hours until Gaia Midler and Farleen Spears' great debut, and the world would be taken aback! YES! YES! Nothing... NOTHING could go wrong! Kuzunoha Detective Agency, 6:15 PM. Detective Todoroki was sitting pensively at his desk. He raised his eyebrows, hands reaching for pen and paper. The atmosphere was vaguely tense, the cold breeze of a dawning night coming from the open windows. Todoroki eyed the shadowy figure that stood before him, altive and awe-inspiring, with a fierce sense of duty and honesty. "So, you want these rumors spread throughout Sumaru before 9PM, huh? Quite a task you're asking me, son. And that should cost you quite a lot." The mysterious person nodded. "I know. That's why I came to you. Rumors say you're one of the best people around to trust these with. It's a matter of national security, you see..." "I'd question the reasoning behind your rumors, but I've seen far weirder things in my day. Don't worry, son. I'll do my best". The seasoned detective faintly smiled to the mystery person, who, in return, left a wad of bills in cash and nodded in agreement. Then, he murmured: "Thanks for the favor. I owe you one, once again." Nothing could go wrong, after all. He was certain. Velvet Room, Zodiac Club, 9PM. The room was crowded. Belladonna on the backing vocals, the blind pianist behind the instruments and the most beautiful lighting a thousand golden butterflies could muster (courtesy of Philemon, apparently). In the stage, the spotlight headed towards Cloud. He was a true starling, wearing a long, blue satin dress that glimmered in the stage, his feminine, slender legs showing. Those heels were also beautiful, by the way. He smiled to the crowd. "Good evening, my dears. So nice to see you all here", he whispered softly. The piano notes began echoing through the room... and the backing vocals, comprised of Yuffie, Tifa, Barret and Vincent (all wearing element-themed gala dresses, mind. It was a special night!) warmed their velvet voices. "Earth!" "Fire!" "Wind!" "Water!" "Heart!" "GOOOOOOO PLANET!" Then, he appeared. Descending from a star-shaped moving balcony, wearing the most beautiful dress of them all and ornated black wings, there he was. Sephiroth. He nudged towards Cloud, smiling. "You look beautiful tonight, my dear. I've heard you look better in a dress than in your normal clothes, but this is a pleasant shock", Sephy murmured. And Cloud blushed slightly. Sephiroth raised his voice. "By your powers combined, I am Captain Planet!" At that point, the instruments, vocals and lights meshed into one beautiful symphony. The public was entranced. The song, perfect. That was going to be an unforgettable evening. However... how did so many people find out about that show, which was scheduled towards perfect obscurity? It's almost like some rumor spread around the RPG world so they would know... Parabellum Pub, 9PM. "What do you mean, this isn't the Velvet Room? This is a rip-off! I'm leaving!" Shiho slammed the pub's door, enraged. The songstress' bird, however, stayed so it could peck Evil Gaia Midler's head mindlessly. Farleen Spears already dripped all of her makeup in tears. Nobody even bothered to show up. Melody left a note for the singers, saying she was invited to manage the Advent Children Jazz Club, and how could she refuse? There they were. In a practically empty bar, drinking shot after shot of cheap tequila. However, Farleen Spears had a faint idea before drowning in her sobs again. "Hey, what if we sang to the bartender? SOMEONE'S going to recognize our talent and might!", she screamed. Evil Gaia agreed with a grunt. However, the bartender shook his head. "I'm not letting you floozies ruin my business. You already crushed this night, and I'll be happy to show my gratitude", he murmured. Afterwards, he whistled. "Carmencita! Come over here!" - apparently, over the last couple hours, people were saying the Parabellum pub had some sort of high-level firearm weaponry brought by an illegal child immigrant called Carmencita. Also, that girl was a premier gunner. It's not supposed to make sense, but hey. The bartender nodded to Carmencita. She aimed a freakishly large machinegun at the two failed floozies, with a murderous glint in her eyes. He turned his back to Gaia Midler and Farleen Spears, signaled to shoot and said "Have a field day, Carmencita". And she certainly did. Sumaru City is a very strange place. Success: 5 Mind Control: 13 Cloud and Sephiroth: 44 Tide
hinode
Sweeter than Hunnies SageAcrin "Okay, where the hell did he go?" Lani said irritably. "Be quiet. Wait a moment and look around." Amarant said, as they glanced around the darkened street, walking slowly to make sure they missed nothing. "There he is!" Lani shrieked, as a figure darted out out of the shadows, running down the road with reckless abandon. With blazing speed, Lani quickly caught up to him and shoved her axe in front of him. The figure stumbled, tripped, and landed flat on his face, letting out a loud "TOISE!". "...Lani...you just assaulted a drunken Blastoise." Amarant said, watching the massive turtle rise menacingly, bottle in hand. Before the surprised Lani could move, she was smashed into a nearby wall by a massive stream of water. Amarant, not waiting to be the second target of the turtle, scooped up the prone Lani and proceeded to run like hell down a nearby alleyway. "Let go of me! Put me down!" Lani yelled, coming out of her dazed state. Amarant promptly dropped her on her rear, provoking a yelp from Lani. "Now, let's try to actually not instantly overreact to every action, okay?" Amarant said, sighing. "Look!" Lani said, pointing towards someone walking out of the shadows behind Amarant. "...not again..." Amarant said, slowly turning. And narrowly dodging the Sword of Miracles that decended towards his face. Lani's fast overreactions came in handy this time, however, for she was up on her feet and planting the butt of her axe in the figure's face before he could move. Cristo yelped and fell backwards, leaning against the wall, his nose bloodily smashed against his face. "You owe me." Lani said. "Alright, alright." Amarant said with a sigh. "Look, Cristo, just give back the mojo and no one gets hurt....more. Our client has heard the rumors of you using it to pick up women." Amarant said, snickering. "You had to have been pretty desperate, but I don't suppose it matters. Just hand it over." "But...I don't have it!" Cristo said, desperately. "W...I hid it in a cave. I can show you the way, though! I have a map!" Cristo added, pulling out a piece of paper and handing it to Amarant. "...A cave? Why would you hide it..." Amarant said, suspiciously. "No time for wondering why people are stupid, idiot!" Lani said. "It's time to get after it! The faster this is done, the quicker we get the money, and the faster we're out of this dank night!" She said, snatching the map and running off. "...I have a bad feeling about this." Amarant said, following Lani, leaving the dazed Cristo behind. "...damnit, though, you didn't say they'd break my nose, Yuri!" Sheena Lepant said, the illusion of him being Cristo wearing off...but not the splattered nose. "Look, I can fix that in a few minutes. And I promise that this will be worth it. Believe me, this will be worth it." Yuri said, jumping down from the building he was on top of. "Of course it will." Edge said, sliding down a rope thrown off the same building... --- The cave was a forbidding place, filled with spikes, random bats waiting to knock Lani and Amarant into the spikes, absolutely no side paths to the left or right(But plenty up and down.), fearsome monsters that could have defeated the heroes in a blow-that were also defeated in a blow, random blocks filled with items and hallucinagens, and fearsome octopi. Fortunately, auto-life is a horribly unfair advantage in a platformer. At any rate, Lani and Amarant swiftly made their way to a glowing sphere of light. "This is his mojo? It looks more like a fireball waiting to happen." Amarant said, very slowly approaching the orb. "Oh, come on. Just grab it, and we'll take this pipe out." Lani said, pointing to a nearby green pipe. "...Why would that take us out?" Amarant said. "Because it always does." "Ah." Amarant said, sighing, as he picked up the mojo. "Hmm, this thing doesn't seem very special, really, does it Lani hunny?" Amarant said, holding the glowing orb in his hands. "Take me, you wild flame-haired beast of a man!" Lani declared passionately, approaching Amarant. As she walked towards him, she suddenly stood still for a moment, shook her head rapidly, and smashed Amarant hard across the face with the flat of her axe. "OW! What the hell was that for?" Amarant said, dusting himself off. "Don't you dare use that thing on me, you...you...augh! Look, let's just get out of here, quick, and...give that thing to...no, god no, I don't want to risk that. Look, just put it in a bag and try to touch the bag as little as possible, okay?" Lani said, mostly yelling, as she walked over to the pipe. --- "Now all I have to do is wait for those two to bring it back to me, and my problems are over." Zelos mused happily, looking out the window at the stars. It had taken large quantities of money, time and effort, but he had finally learned what happened. That barrier had seperated him and his mojo. All his skill with women, all his ability to handle them well, now had to be shorn up with magic. His natural state had become that of a woman because of that, with only temporary enchantments allowing him to live a normal life. He had despaired of finding the mojo, too. How do you know where a out-of-control anti-perversion barrier will send anything, anywhere, anytime? For all he knew, it was inside Lavos. Or it had fused with Kuja-no one would notice if he suddenly was able to pick up women better, least of all Kuja. But, by pure luck, he had picked up on a rumor. Cristo had been heard to mention a few times that he'd gotten his mojo back, and once had accidentally refered to it as Zelos'. That was all the clue Zelos needed. "And then once it's back, I'll work on smashing Edge and Yuri without any interference from any hack wizard who can cast Dispel." Zelos said, satisfied to wait. He didn't notice the shape behind him until the staff smashed across his head. Hard-headed as always, it took two more saps to knock Zelos out, but he didn't see anything especially notable before he fell unconcious. "Isn't this kind of cruel though?" One of the women behind the sapper said, looking at Zelos' unconcious form. "Not enough for him." Another said. "Besides, we don't know what the hell this will do." Said a third. "He caused the best solution to this...stupidity ever devised to fail. If it had just been Edge and not all the perverts in the League smashing that barrier, it might have been kept quiet-what's the difference as long as it blocks 95% of perverts?" Rosa said, putting her staff away. "But no, he and his army made it "clearly unsafe" in the eyes of all the judges. And now he's going to pay for it." She said, chanting Dispel. The fifth woman in the room just watched and laughed. She, of all people, wanted to watch Zelos' reaction to this... --- "Heeeey, Zelos, wake up damn it, and pay us!" Lani said, pounding on the door. "We've got the stupid mojo, now take it!" Zelos made his way to conciousness slowly. Unfortunatly for him, it became much more rapid when Zelos realized two facts. One: Zelos was back to being female again. Two: Zelos was wearing garb that made it entirely impossible to mistake her for male. Namely, form-fitting lingerie. As she jumped up out of bed, stifling a shriek, she also noticed that her closet was open and clearly entirely empty. Thinking quickly, Zelos realized the answer to this was simple-get the mojo back, and everything should fall into place. Grabbing the sack of money, she yelled through the door in the deepest voice she could manage "Hey, don't come in, I'm not in a state to recieve visitors right now. Just open the door a crack, I'll toss the cash through, you toss the mojo through, okay?" "...has he caught a cold?" Amarant said, frowning. "Probably caught him looking at dirty magazines, more like it." Lani mumbled under her breath, as she tossed the bag containing the precious(?) mojo through. Snagging the bag of money, she dragged Amarant off with her. "Now let's get a few drinks." "Yes!" Zelos yelled triumphantly. "...He has to have caught a cold." Amarant said, hearing the soprano shriek as he walked off, and shaking his head. "Either that, or he doesn't need that damned mojo anyways..." He said, walking into a elevator. "Now, just take it out of the bag..." Zelos said, frantically rummaging for the bright sphere. She seized it with both hands and lifted it out of the bag triumphantly. Images flashed through her head. Woman after woman he had loved and left, the grabbing, the groping, the occasional tearing and pawing and... "Auuuugghh!" Zelos shrieked, throwing the mojo across the room. "What the hell! I'm straight, I..." She suddenly realized what she was saying. The mojo had been showing images of the male her with all of those women. From the other side. "I...I...have to...have to live through THAT to...to..become normal...again....? No, no, no, nonononono NOOOOOOOOO!" Zelos pulled her head back and shrieked in horror at the thought of living through all being all the women he'd ever had any relations with. Mindlessly hefting the sphere, she threw it with all her might out the window. Surprisingly light and, being magical in nature, not especially bound to physics, she could still see it flying high over the city surrounding the League, a tiny glint in the darkness, when she realized what she'd done. "...all...I would have had to done...would...have...been get turned back into a guy, to avoid that, wouldn't...it?" Zelos said brokenly, her voice hoarse, as she watched the orb receed into the distance. "But...then...I would have been...doing that...to..." Zelos broke down sobbing. --- "And she won't admit she's Zelos?" Colette said, stunned. "No. I guess she'll get herself changed back to normal when her matches come up, but otherwise..." Raine said, shrugging, a nasty smile on her face. "I...suppose she deserved it." Presea said, frowning. "Oh, she deserved it. I'm just glad Edge and Yuri decided to help us, after I found that mojo." Rosa said. "It's a credit to Brey's magical theory that it worked out exactly as he thought it would, too, that her reaction to the mojo as a woman was simply one of horror." "It's also a credit to Zelos that she didn't kill anyone having to get clothes wearing nothing but that lingerie." Raine noted grudgingly. "I think whatever that mojo showed her made her think a little less kindly of perversion." Sheena Fujibayashi chuckled nastily. "It's about time it did. My plan worked perfect, thanks to the help of all of you. He...she, whatever, will snap out of this eventually, track down the mojo, get turned back to normal, and then I might be able to tolerate the guy." "And he'll never be the wiser." She said, laughing. "Well, all's well that ends well." Rosa said, smiling... --- "Ow!" A small figure said, as a ball of light smacked him hard across the back of the head as he walked down a street. "Whata is dis?" "Well, whatever it is, it's magiacal, clearly. I suppose it'a is worth something to someaone, somewhere..." Guido Mogay said, pocketing Zelos' mojo... Cristo: 18 Lani/Amarant: 17 No Mo Mojo: 27 Xeroma
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