Week 5 - Semifinals
Kefka vs Luca Blight
Lurking Registered User
Kefka has many advantages in this fight. Reasonable durability, horrific attack power, blistering speed, counterattacks, and the renowned 'midi laugh.'
But for this match, he decided to show off a little.
It turns out those wings of his are functional.
And if Kefka winning a fight using nothing but Goner isn't showing off, I don't know what is.
Kefka: 70
Luca Blight: 38
metroid composite
Luca died by being lured into a trap by a boy in a tiara...who went on to take over the world. Emperor Ghrestal died by being lured into a trap by Kefka...who went on to take over the world. If RPG stereotypes are to be believed, Kefka is Luca's natural predator.
jaymthegenius@yahoo.com
Luca's not even an endboss, and relative to other midgame boss's is still nothing special, why is Suikoden popular I don't know, I spent the whole game waiting for the "good" part, and it never showed up, and that Cerebus like creature at the end also pales in comparison, but is still tougher then Luca was.
even with strong defense Kefka has attack's that outright ignore defense, in effect making Luca an utter pushover.
Octillus
I love Luca, but we all know his reign has to end eventually. It's just sad that Kefka's going to cackle and dance upon his remains.
dark_yamiyugi
Kefka will win hands down! Kefka, this is your final hour, devour Luca with your Havoc Wings!
Starphoenix das Helpoemer
*Cue the violins*
When the devil is too busy, and death's a bit too much, they call on him by name you see... for his special touch.
To the gentleman he's misfortune,
To the ladies he's surprise.
But call him by any name, any way it's all the same...
He's the twist in your plot,
He's the madman stabbing your gut,
He's the demon 'neath your bed,
He's the bump on every head,
He's the plot device which you curse,
He's the butcher to your pig,
He's the thorn in your side that makes you wiggle and writhe...
And it's so easy when you're evil,
This is the life you see,
The devil tips his hat to him you see,
He does it because he's evil,
And he does it all for free...
Your tears are all the pay he'll ever need.
While there's posters to make sad,
While there's voters to be had,
While there's fanboys left to filch,
While there's grannies left to trip...
Down the stairs he'll be there,
He'll be waiting round the corner
It's a game he's glad they're in it,
Cause there's one vote every minute.
And it's so easy when you're evil...
This is the life you see,
The devil tips his hat to him you see,
He does it all because he's evil
And he does it all for free,
Your tears are all the pay he'll ever need...
-- Parody of Voltaire's "When You're Evil" --
Gavaroc Fevinor
Luca Blight, a renowned killer facing a mindless clown. What hope does Kefka have? Yeah, he can smash things! But look: Kefka was defeated once, a few tournaments ago, by Seymour Guado. Seymour was defeated by Nate Nanjo, and Nate was defeated by Luca Blight. Therefore, if Blight is better than Nate, he must be better than Seymour, and in turn better than even Kefka. What more proof is needed? Kefka, finally, your death, your loss, shall come. It shall be a great day when you finally fall.
SnowFire
Kefka inherited godlike powers, and still manages to have no stamina; a mere four commands can take him down. Luca, in a world of low-magic, takes 18 people and a brigade of archers to take down. Seems pretty clear to me.
Seproth
Go kefka
tehexile
*plays 'dancing mad' on piano*
Elc vs Sierra Mikain
Pyro
Elc is a strapping young man.
Sierra is an ancient vampire with a "taste" for strapping young men.
Clearly we can see where this is going. Sierra tied to bite Elc. Then he went crazy, killing her and going on a Luca-like rampage until he ran out of MP. Turns out he developed "intimacy issues" after Mariel blew up in his face. Sometimes he goes a little bit off the deep end when a woman gets too close to him. He's in therapy.
Despite his wife losing, Nash is surprisingly happy at this outcome. He used Sierra's incapacitation to dispose of the three zombified prettyboys she had collected over her run. Every cloud has a silver lining, as they say.
Unless you're Ryu, Percival, or Jack.
Elc: 44
Sierra Mikain: 29
jaymthegenius@yahoo.com
Elc's pretty neat and I just frankly didnt like Suikoden, with unimaginitve plots and flat personalities just lacks something the Arc the Lad series has. Arc uses the simply named "sword" he won from the monster arena which is quite powerful and slay's Sierra, while Tosh and Shu are told they werent needed as backup after all.
Agrias Oaks vs Sigurd
Tide
*reads match description* An evasive, healer with low damage against Agrias? This looks familiar and that's never a good thing. Agrias isn't exactly a powerful middle, as her low speed and averagish damage are really big hinderances normally. And of course, the fact that she's forced to use Armor as equipment doesn't help as she becomes status bait.
However, what she doesn't suck at, is a good max HP total thanks to the armor equips. Seeing as Sigurd is not overly damaging and can't really capitalize on her lack of speed, she's going to get plenty of chances to Crush Punch. Sure, Sigurd has healing...but as every FFT player knows, Murphey's law has to strike eventually, and one of those Crush Punches will impale Sigurd with Instant Death, healing or not.
What you want then against Agrias, is fast and decent offense to take advantage of the fact that she's slow. Sorry Sigurd. You definitely impressed with a 7 win-streak run, but Agrias is the type of opponent your not designed to run into and come out winning.
Agrias Oaks: 66
Sigurd: 19
ChichiriMuyo
Poor Sigurd, he'd be a much cooler Double Champ than Nina and he almost made it. Too bad he couldn't face just one more mage...
Hellion vs Kashell
Gavaroc Fevinor
Ah, Kashell. You have defeated the last one I was particularly fond of. Indeed but the wrath of the flames spreads far and wide, and Hellion has power far beyond that of a simple swordsman. Melee Versus magic, when will those sword-wielding fools ever learn? Sure, brute force goes your way Kashell, but what good is your sword when it is flung from your hands in an earthquake! You will lose fool, lose to the earth's great power. Do not say you were never warned.
Hellion: 59
Kashell: 34
apalachian
Kashell has the obvious speed advantage over Hellion, which lets him attack first. The fact that he is facing a frail old lady means he should be able to just OHKO and get it over with. Unfortunately for Kashell, he CANNOT OHKO.
Then,
"COPPER FLESH!"
And that was the last time Kashell was seen again.
Power Lamers
~OblivionKnight
Lurking Registered User
You've gotta have respect for a group that includes Millenia and Knightblazer. They should easily survive long enough to give some inspiring 'Snap out of it, we're your friends!' speech. (stock hero speech #3, right after 'Whatever you're planning, you won't get away with it, so why not tell me what it is?') That *never* fails.
And with the aid of their powerhouse members, they can survive the tough battle against Brahnoa.
But like any five-member sentai team, they face one minor plot twist...
"Lord Zemus, our monster has been defeated!" sniveled Golbez.
"Oh yeah? Now, make my monster grow!" shouted Zemus.
The horror that ensued when Chu-Chu (the only team member that could grow) faced off against an enemy armed with a 40-foot horse weiner caused severe mental trauma on all witnesses within twenty square miles.
After the debacle was over, the team was banned from operating in the area ever again, which didn't matter because the team had completely disbanded and sworn off heroing for good. Ashley still has the occasional flashback to the incident and flips out in public, but he's seeing a good therapist...
Rangers win: 21
Rangers destroy allies: 15
Rangers save allies and get captured: 8
Boom: 31
Alanna82
The Army of Chu-Chus takes over the world! All the world shall bow to the godlyness of Chu Chu!
SnowFire
Any league with Meru in it is going to have severe morale problems. They were pretty well doomed to failure.
Nasami
And Alkaiser could kick the rear of any monster singlehandedly. Though I must Admit, I wish there was a "Blue runs in with his uber-godly twink powers of controlling space and time and rescues everyone in the nick of time" option.
Imperial
And while the going gets tough, GOGO Defenders of Earth! GOGO defenders of Earth!
The Female Scientist Brigade:
"With the power of science and two X chromosomes, we can conquer anything."
~Dude789
Draco Ignifer
It should come as no surprise that the female love interests would find out about the scientists' plans. Becoming hero marriage material requires some rather honed snooping skills. The question, of course, becomes what they can do about it. Becoming hero marriage material also tends to require being a nearly defenseless healer, and that tends to compare poorly to giant missile-shooting robots. So, they did the only thing they could... they tried to use their powers of persuasion.
First, of course, they went to their boyfriends. This failed miserably, however, as the one gap in ease of persuadability that heroes suffer is their loyalty to their friends. It's why they'll gladly fetch a bag of rutebagas stuck in a volcano cave, but won't fight the guy who dresses in black and cackles until he's already betrayed the party five times. They then tried to convince random villains to do the same, only to find out three things - first, that villains tend to LIKE seeing more attractive young ladies walking around; second, that they also tend to LIKE seeing heroes being beguiled by the powers of 'evil;' third, that they'd much rather kidnap princesses than negotiate with them. A few dozen rescues later, and the female love interests were right back where they started, except with a few more rope burns. It was at this point that they came to the conclusion that there was only one more track they could take... they had to negotiate directly with the mad scientists themselves.
Their first attempts failed miserably. They tried persuading them that this was evil, wrong, and an abuse of science. The words "mad scientist" never once entered into their minds when they attempted this tactic. They then tried to appeal to their sense of loyalty, by pointing out how many of their fanboys would be shattered when they switched from really hot nerds to generic hot bimboes in appearance. After a few hours of collective laughter at this appeal, the female love interests tried one last tactic. Well, not so much a tactic as a scream of desperation.
"Jeez... if you can make yourselves so hot, why not use it on your freaking robots!?"
A collective "hrm..." began to move through the ranks. Followed by a collective grin of utter malevolence. Followed by a collective set of maniacal laughs. Followed by a vague feeling by the female love interests that maybe this hadn't been the best thing to suggest.
Thus has ended the age of man. At least, among the mad scientist types. Strong AI means that love is just as real as anything that a human can know, and the customizable organic carapaces constructed with a small modification to the technology means that a loving embrace (among other things...) is just as warm and kind as a human's. Not to mention that robots are programmed to be loyal, and that mass production means that any individual mad scientist can, if desired, develop herself a harem large enough to make Sierra and Deis green with envy. And, of course, innately built weapon systems mean that, if anyone wants to protest this development, they have about six seconds to live before facing the full lasery wrath of an army of loyal bodyguards.
This has also had the interesting side effect of causing a stir amongst the heroes of the League. After all, with no knowledge that these hordes of admirers are constructed ("She's dating a ROBOT? I can't believe you'd say something like that about your friend... No, this is NOT like the time I was friends with the black-cloaked guy that laughed all the time!"), the heroes are starting to wonder if maybe there was something about their friends that they had missed all this time. After all, two of the main factors that signal attractiveness to heroes, aside from a beautiful appearance, are that the woman they're interested in has another man vying for their attention, and that they, on the surface at least, are utterly uninterested in said hero. Love interest holds on their boyfriends has reached an all-time low, with many of them having to, for the first time ever, make concessions within the relationship, lest they risk recieving the "let's just be friends" talk while their former beaus go vie for the affections of their brilliant comrades in arms. Not to mention that Sierra and Deis, unable to actually go up against the might of hot robot armies, are looking for scapegoats to blame for why their harems of hot guys are now only "pretty big."
Suffice to say, Sun Tzu is now required reading for any would-be love interests. Particularly the passage on winning battles while losing wars.
Success: 31
Plan is stopped: 19
Brahned: 25
Lurking Registered User
The female scientists may be smart, but they overlooked one small flaw in their plan...
Such a device takes time to build. The female scientists agreed to work in shifts to ensure the quickest possible development. And upon completion, it was agreed, they would send notice to the other shifts and gather the next morning to use the device at the same time. Otherwise, the finishing team would have an unfair advantage.
--Midnight: FSB Labs--
"Muhuhuhuhua!" Shion gleefully rubbed her hands together. "Eject me from their ranks, will they? With this device, I can *easily* convince men to help me finish my calendar! And my revenge will be sweet... KOS-MOS! Once you're finished removing the Beautifier, come in and install the Brahnificator! Muhuhuhuha! Muhuhuhuhuha!!!"
--8 AM: FSB Labs--
"Dynatherms connected! All systems go! Ladies, I give you... Eternal Beauty!" shouted Lucca to thunderous applause. Then she hit the switch.
The hordes of screaming Brahne began to spill forth from the lab, only to find themselves trapped in an enormous net.
"Hmmm..." mused Zemus. "Whoever sent me that anonymous call was telling the truth... But how could she have known there'd be an enormous stampede of Brahne here today? No matter. Golbez! Prepare the Lunarian tanks! I need to distill these Brahnes into pure essence of ugliness in order to make the Brahnoa monster growth potion!"
"Yes, oh mighty Lord Zemus!" grovelled Golbez as he piloted the Big Whale full of Brahnes back to their lunar base...
Tide
It's nice to think of a fairy tale situation like this where the common overlooked, helpful scientist can come out with a mate of her own.
It's also more realistic that scientists in most games are klutzy and clumsy. Thus, we have the following analysis:
Fact 1) There's little doubt that somewhere along the way, one of them will put in the wrong ingredient, or insert a wrong component or it malfunctions. Its just bound to. And as such, the probability of them all looking like our favourite blue faced queen is much more likely than the first scenario.
Fact 2) Or the second one for that matter. Really, the scientists should have done more research on this. They want to design a machine that gives them a figure males are always looking for? Have they even thought about what that means? Sure, it might get the attention of someone remotely handsome, but the males worth their salt are probably not going to be swayed in by looks alone. What we are left then are the perverts. Do you really *think* the female love interests care much about this? If anything, it saves them trouble of cleansing the arena everyday/week/minute, etc. Okay, maybe Garnet, but she's an exception here.
Fact 3) But hey looking like Brahne is not the end of the world. The scientists are still geniouses so they can probably figure out what went wrong.
A better question is whether or not they want to since now they have a very loyal Captain Steiner serving at their every whim. And of course, the moment they reverse the process, they have a lot of explaining to do else have a certain Alexandrian General come and unleash unholy terror upon them.
CompmanJX3
Robo, who Lucca had brought to the convention, quickly saw the flaw in the plan: All RPG females are a variation of attractive, so what those leading males are really looking for in a love interest is a complete lack of personality.
Robo quickly informed Marle, who of course utterly lacked personality, but vowed to stop the plan on principle.
Marle, along with Garnet, Rena Lanford, and Colette, stormed the convention. The scientists, for all their intelligence, had no way to keep up with all the healing magic.
As the dust settled, Zelos arrived at the scene. His plan had been a brilliant one. Had the scientists succeeded, he would have gorgeous hunnies. They had failed, and he still had gorgeous hunnies.
What Zelos had not counted on was the love interests’ only personality trait. When hit on by someone other than the male lead, they all get very angry. His mangled body was found in Brahne’s dumpster a few days later.
Lyndis
For Bonus match #2: I find it a tad sexist that the best solution the best female scientists came up with to fight gender inequality is to pretty themselves up to catch the attention of males. I also think that many of the female scientists are already decent looking enough, and don't really need Lucca's technonological makeover. However, I voted for the option of the plan working becuase I think the write-up has the potential to be hilarious. It better include Shion Uzuki though!
Nasami
I love Lucca. <3 Nerds are hot.
Sir Alex
Lucca. That is all.
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