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Kefka vs False Althena
SageAcrin Everyone expected a truly monumental battle, where from only one of the two titans would emerge, if that many. Instead, they got something a bit more prosaic. As it turns out, the Duelling League has a militantly pacifistic group inside of it, dedicated to stomping out all violence, with such greats as Lilia and Rinoa Heartlily leading the charge. (And hired Godlike muscle. That, and Lilia had the best luck ever with a Pokeball once; There's not much that can stand up against a Groudon. On a related note, Groudon is relatively really easy to catch while drunk. He's laying off the vodka from here on out.) And so, Kefka and False Althena were kidnapped, heavily drugged with tranquilizers, and hauled into the arena, with the general hopes that a peaceful resolution would be found. And that's how Kefka and False Althena ended up waltzing nude under the moonlight. And the floodlights. (Arenas are always well lit, even at night. Unfortunately, in this case.) Kefka was killed slightly slower than False Althena. (To be honest, this was entirely bad luck on False Althena's part, really, had people been aiming instead of indiscriminately firing off massive attacks, they'd probably have aimed at Kefka. C'est la vie.) On the upside, now pacifism in the Duelling League, as well as Rinoa and Lilia, is irrevocably linked to Kefka naked. I predict sharp declines in the popularity of both soon. And possibly the lifespan of anyone involved with them. Kefka: 50 Imperial
T.G. Nevareh
tehexile@gmail.com
Elc vs Loki
SageAcrin Elc and Loki are both gentlemen. Okay, so they can fake it. At any rate, they had decided to settle their combat in the most refined, dignified and intelligent manner possible. Yes, a mud-wrestling contest! Yes, Opera was a judge that day. However, ultimately, everyone wins this match. Mostly because, due to various hurled insults and slander and "Arc the Lad? HA! Your cast can't beat Kain!" and "Oh yeah!? At least we have skillsets and can all beat Jogurt!", the entire casts of Valkyrie Profile and Arc the Lad 2 entered the arena. There's probably something there for everyone, even if it's just someone like Llewelyn getting drowned in a pit of mud. (Talk about impressively bad at swimming.) And, while ultimately, Loki lost, losing due to being distracted by a half-naked Mystina, Freya, Lenneth, Shante, and Lieza managing somehow to end up just behind Elc, Loki fans might recognize that there are, indeed, worse reasons to lose. God have mercy on your very soul if what you enjoy out of that is the Chongara vs Badrach no-holds-barred mud-wrestling brawl, though. Elc: 42 
Valvalis vs Lloyd
SageAcrin Lloyd is definately resourceful. When Valvalis had started her spin, it seemed like an uphill battle. Then Kain jumped on her head. Then he landed back in the stands. This happened every time she started spinning. So, Valvalis lost easily, the judges baffledly declared Lloyd the winner, since he had managed one of the best fine-print conditions ever("No other combatants will be allowed to set foot in this arena."), and Kain doesn't get impaled by the Dragon Buster. Yes, everyone knows Kain can't really be hit with it, but Lloyd's resourceful, and reminding a Light that Dragoons two divisions up were instantly killed by the weapon definately works as a measure of convincing. Valvalis still isn't speaking to Kain, but that's pretty normal. They've been on-and-off ever since Kain got really drunk one night and hit on her. Their relationship is pretty...tempestuous. Valvalis: 25 
Ness vs Kuja
Tide The Auto-Haste + Auto-Regen combo is the bane of FF9 bosses everywhere. With it, characters literally have living, breathing HP that just don't seem to die. Not even if said boss is as fast as Kuja do they stand much of a chance. A pity then, for Kuja to run into the psychic child from Onett. What does Ness do best? Why being a living, breathing, HP machine that just doesn't seem to die. Quite literally too, as most people who played Earthbound can attest. Looks like Kuja just found his kryptonite in the form of a little boy with a baseball bat and psychic powers. Ness: 47 Caius
hiroki14@gmail.com
Red vs Lawfer
Tide Poor Lawfer. First match after 20 seasons and he has to lose first round like he did back then. And while all this is disappointing to the noble spearman, at least this time, Red isn't of the evasion whore class. So he still got to put on a small show before going down. Oh well, maybe next time. Red: 53 
Quina Quen vs Kasumi
SageAcrin Have you ever seen desperate perverts? ...Okay, you see them everywhere in the Duelling League, that's a bad question. But have you ever seen truly desperate perverts? It turns out that this match classed as "close enough" to enough of them to two women in a fight. Worse, no one ever saw quite that level of stupidity coming. Well, Sten had the idea. Well, Sten had never seen Quina and heard someone refer to Quina as s/he and thought they had just said she. And so, Quina and Kasumi ended up largely unclothed for all to see! The resulting death toll was 54, six of which were from heart attacks and 48 from the riot as people fled the stadium. Mercifully, Sten was the first to die. It turned out to be the Front Mission series tour of the Duelling League(Many of whom opted to simply watch from their Wanzers.), and a masive volley of exceptionally accurate missiles quickly dispatched Sten and all those around him. Needless to say, Kasumi took one look at Quina, triple-took at herself, and fled the arena crying and shrieking. She's in therapy now, and the wishes and prayers of a couple hundred Suikoden characters go with her, that she may some day stop chanting "Oh god the tounge, oh god the tounge, KEEP IT AWAY!" in an incredibly paniced voice. Overall, surprisingly calm and low damage as matches go, considering. All they've found is Sten's tail, though. And the hell of it is? There's still no one sure what to call Quina. Quina Quen: 57 
Gares vs Regal Bryant
SageAcrin The violent crack of flesh hitting metal. The tense, yet confused, crowd. The most awesome of conflicts. As Regal's hindered, chained, and long-unused, yet unbelivably powerful, slap caught Gares full in the face. Gares had taken one too many slaps, this time, however. Worse, this one had fingernails to it, and some of the chain on Regal's hands managed to chip a tooth. How horrible for someone so pretty! In tears, Gares fled the arena, proving that, even chained, the true, unstoppable, hidden power of Regal cannot be withstood by anyone. Yes, soon, Regal's powerful sissy slap-fighting techniques will take the Duelling League by storm. Gares: 20 
Maxim vs Purim
superaielman While Maxim's a grizzled warrior and champion of the everyman, there's something he's not good at: dealing with women. Look at his track record with Tia. All it takes is a flash of the harem pants and a stream of incomprehenable gibber about 'feelings' to get Maxim to run screaming out of the arena, wishing he had draw a nicer, easier to handle fight. Like, say, the Infinity Dragon or Blue. Maxim: 37 Scar
Lucian vs Borus Redrum
Narcisse The butler of the Lightfellow estate was taken aback as a woman with striking silver hair barged past him without even saying a word. "...Lady Chris? I thought you were attending Lord Borus' match at the arena today. What are you doing back so soon?" "There's been a change of plans," the silver maiden shot back. "I need to prepare for a battle of my own." Chris Lightfellow was about to enter the arena when something caught her eye. "That's odd. That woman looks an awful lot like me," the Zexen knight noted as she watched a silver-haired woman run towards her in shining armor. Chris whispered to herself as the subject of her gaze drew nearer. "This armor...this coat of arms...can it be...I'd know this battle gear anywhere. It is MY armor!" Chris exclaimed as she approached the offending woman. "Ah, Chris. I thought it best if this armor were to be worn by a proper goddess. Don't you agree?" "Lenneth!" Chris shouted as she realized who stood before her. "But how..." "You'll have to ask your butler, girl. I took it from your house in plain sight," the valkyrie explained. "I don't know the meaning of this, but know that I won't let you get away with it!" "And how do plan on stopping me?" Lenneth asked as she raised the Ervich from her side. "My sword..." Realizing that she was at a clear disadvantage, Chris decided to return to Brass Castle to gather together a force capable of overpowering her divine opponent. Lenneth made her way into the stands disguised as the White Hero just in time for the start of the match between Borus and Lucian. Her appearance put both of the contenders at ease as they awaited their signal to begin. At that moment, Lenneth locked eyes with Borus and mouthed one simple phrase: "Olive juice." Having slightly misread her lips, Borus dropped his sword and dashed in her direction, screaming ever so loudly, "Did you hear that Lucian? Lady Chris finally professed her love for me!" Lucian, however, had only heard one thing: the starting signal. "Valkyrie, grant me power!" the young man yelled at the top of his lungs. Borus stopped in his tracks. The woman he had been running towards had suddenly grown wings, and he realized the grave mistake he had made when he turned to face Lucian. Despite his deafness to the starting bell, Lucian’s final shout of “Round Rip Saber!” forever rang in Borus’ ears long after the match had ended. Lucian: 49 
Fargo vs Cid Highwind
Caius Two esteemed captains were to face off in the arena today, but rather than duke it out, they both convinced each other a race around the world would be better. Fargo wasn't scared by the fact that Cid wouldn't have to worry about little things like wind or oncoming land masses, Fargo was confident! ...Until Cid bombed the S.S. Invincible with buckets of really hot &$@*$#&%$%ing tea. Fargo: 34 Tide
Rouge vs Umaro
Meeplelard Its hard to spin this match in anyway, so I'll just say this: One of SaGa's best mages against the one character pretty much anyone can agree downright sucks in FF6. It doesn't take someone like Citan Uzuki to figure this match out. Rouge: 62 
Flea vs Ox
Pyro Flea has many advantages over Ox: Status attacks, boss-level stats, feminine(?) wiles… but in the end, none of that saw any use. Ox’s wife was watching the match, and when she heard “That tranny” tell Ox he would be defeated by 'her' incredible beauty, she stormed into the arena and beat the living snot out of Flea. So Flea moves on through a disqualification, and Ox gets berated by his wife for no better reason than her thinking another woman randomly hit on him. God help him if his wife ever finds out Flea’s a man, though. Flea: 66
Fu So Ya vs Sophia Esteed
superaielman In a surprising turn of events, FuSoYa is both an old man and not a pervert in any way, shape, or form. All he cared about was winning quickly, then going to catch another millenia length nap. Too bad Sophia only cared about winning here, too. Instead of yet another display of young flesh, we get a quick MP bust and Sophia slowly beating the Lunarian to death with her stick. Fu So Ya: 41 jaymthegenius@yahoo.com
Ramus Farmain vs Lucied
Starphoenix das Helpoemer Ramus felt confident in his abilities and resources that he would be able to come out on top in this conflict with the infamous Luceid. After all, he was dealing with a puny little wolf, and he had access to some of the best weapons in the world. Surely he would come out on top. Not one to be overconfident, Ramus invested heavily into armor to make up for his lack of endurance. If he could make a point out of this match and showcase his own goods longer, he would be able to garner some free advertising and thus turn a profit from the match. And so Ramus invested heavily in defense against both the physical and magical in nature, making sure he covered his ass from elemental damage in all walks of life. Imagine his surprise when coming loaded for bear, Luceid cast one simple spell that ended his eager little merchant life sooner than Paris Hilton's virginity. Lesson of the Day: Dark Luceid against Elemental Protection is very very bad for you, especially if you have resistance against all of them. Ramus Farmain: 11 
Rafa Galthana vs Pierre
Tide Watching Rafa and Pierre fight each other is like watching a sissy fight or a slapping fest as opposed to an actual match. As such, the judges eventually get bored and decided to fry them both in a vat of acid. Fortunately for Rafa, Pierre is taller. As they both sailed towards the large pot, his head hits the acid first and thus was declared to be knocked out of commission before she was. Rafa Galthana: 48 Caius
Octillus
Sytha...
Neo-Fio vs Hervey
Pyro Neo-Fio isn't weak against fire! It doesn't even matter! Neo-Fio: 12
Baby in a Clothesdryer superaielman Fujin's rendition of I hate you all, with Shiego backup vocals. "FUJIN IS SO METAL, SHE HATES EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. EVEN BUNNIES, SHE HATES THEM SO MUCH THAT SHE RUNS AND CRIES AT THE MENTION OF THEM. YET SHE'S STILL MORE MANLY THAN SEIFER. PUT DOWN THE GLUE AND GET A LIFE, YOU LOSER." Chorus "SEIFER IS A LOSER, STOP HITTING ON UNDERAGED GIRLS. YOU WEAR MAKEUP AND CAN'T GET A DATE. DROP DEAD YOU FAILURE." "HARDCORE TO THE EXTREME, SHE ONCE BIT A PHONEBOOK IN HALF FOR NOT HAVING HER NAMED SPELLED CORRECTLY. SHE STILL HATES YOU ALL, EVEN YOU LOSERS WHO CALL HER PRETTY AND COOLER THAN SEIFER, WHICH IS NOT HARD." Chorus "SEIFER IS A LOSER, STOP HITTING ON UNDERAGED GIRLS. YOU WEAR MAKEUP AND CAN'T GET A DATE. DROP DEAD YOU FAILURE." "SO HARDCORE THAT SHE CAN BEAT UP GOOFY, SMOKE MICKEY, AND ROAST DONALD. SHE HATES YOU ALL, AND SHE IS THE METAL GODDESS. SHE IS FUJIN, BOW DOWN. HOWEVER, SEIFER STILL NEEDS TO DIE." Chorus "SEIFER IS A LOSER, STOP HITTING ON UNDERAGED GIRLS. YOU WEAR MAKEUP AND CAN'T GET A DATE. DROP DEAD YOU FAILURE." I Love Everybody: 6 Piano Concerto No.2: 9 If I Had The Time: 6 Not To Touch The Earth: 6 BABY IN A CLOTHESDRYER.: 22 You Got Me Floatin: 7 Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy: 7 Good Morning Little School Girl: 2 I Hate Everybody: 23 Grefter
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