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Yuna vs Cecilia Lyne Adelhyde
SageAcrin *Three days before the match.* The wind whistled across a crowded, barren cliff. It was a cold night, though clear. The cliff was in the middle of nowhere, a forlorn ledge sticking out of a barren land... No humans had any reason to stare up at the sky. But there is more on this world than just humans. -There is a star of calamity coming.- Mewtwo "said", staring up out of the crowd, at a white star glinting in the sky. -There is no worry for any of you, but for the humans...- Mewtwo shook his head, as he adressed the crowd of Pokemon surrounding him. -There has been a shift in the balance of the world recently. Perhaps this is fate, a correction of the balance. Perhaps it's just bad timing. Regardless, it's none of your concern.- To any humans, the cacophony of Pokemon cries would simply have sounded like gibberish. But Mewtwo, being a Pokemon, could understand it perfectly. "But I keep seeing all these perverts in visions! All the time!" A Celebi cried. "All that groping and shrieking and...!" It broke off with a shudder. "But I've got to go party with Jecht! If something happens to the humans, I won't get the free booze!" Blastoise objected. "He was going to treat us all!" A few Aipoms added, and a chorus of agreements from a Golem, a Spinda, a Snorlax, a Skarmory, a chorus of Psyducks, and even more others were heard. "This is a calamity like no other." An Absol intoned. "We must prevent it." -And you expect me to do it.- Mewtwo "said", nodding. A chorus of cheers and agreement met the psychic feline's statement. -...I see.- Mewtwo "said", as he formed a wave of telekinetic energy. And shoved all the Pokemon off the cliff. -I hate most Pokemon.- Mewtwo sighed, as a chorus of Pokemon cries faded off into the distance. -Lazy party animals. You have to find the most obscure places to get away from them. That was why I came here, to this planet... but now they're letting all of them in because of the Not Ranked contest. Well, I suppose I can at least help the humans. Just not so Blastoise can jump on a table, dance with a bunch of Aipoms, and offer to take off his shell. He does that too much already.- Mewtwo "said", shaking his head, and staring up at a glinting, white star... *A day later.* "Damnit, Edge, snap out of it." Yuri said. "You've never been like this before." "Like what?" Edge said dejectedly. "I'm fine, leave me alone." "Like what? You haven't even spoken to Rydia, let alone other women, and now you've crawled into a glass? This isn't like you. If it's because you got beat up...hell, that's a really lousy reason with you." Yuri said, shaking his head. "Do you need some kind of unbelievably powerful weapon? Going mad with power usually perks you up." "...nah, I don't think that would help." Edge said, sighing. Yuri's jaw dropped. "Just leave me alone, okay? I'm fine." Edge said, turning back to his drink. Yuri simple stared a moment, then walked off. And nearly ran into Mewtwo. -Good, I've finally found you. Mewtwo "said", barely avoiding Yuri. "...wait, I nearly ran you over and you didn't bite my head off? This must be really important." Yuri said. -...I should stop underestimating you, Yuri. Sometimes, you are very observant. Regardless, yes, it is very important.- "Well, can it wait? I need you to try brainwashing Edge into being normal." -...And sometimes you are not. If I tried to make Edge "normal", every single brain cell he has would collapse in on it's self. His first actions would be to start stripping off his clothes, oiling himself, dancing around a pole, and praising Brahne's physical features. Then he'd start singing along with Eyes on Me. Badly. Do you truly wish that?- "...you've...put far too much thought into this." Yuri said. "Anyways, no, I mean, normal for him." Yuri said, adding "Stupid cat." under his breath, and getting smacked by nothingness for his pains. -I heard that. But no, I can't render him back to his old self. It would take far too much effort at this point. Best to let events take their own course.- "...you know something about Edge, don't you?" -Of course. I'm also not telling you. Now, come with me. We need to talk.- Mewtwo "said". Then slapped Yuri telekinetically again. -I heard that too. Also, get in touch with as many other people as you trust.- --- "A star of calamity, eh?" Brey said, shaking his head. "You don't know much more about it than that?" -I do, but it's irrelevant and would make your job harder. All that needs to be done is shooting it down. "...so you're making us work in the dark. Because you don't think we're smart enough to work well otherwise." Crowley said, scowling. -Basically correct. However, if you dislike this, you can ignore my warning. I wouldn't mind very much.- "Leave off, Crowley." Mazus said. "He probably is that much smarter than us." "At any rate, this should be pretty simple. We have a cannon. We have a bunch of mages-ourselves-and we have Lexis to poorly name whatever cannon shell he decides to make. Just blow away the star and everything's fine. Right?" Brey said, nodding. -Not quite. You have to shoot it from three 120 degree angles, simultaniously, or else you won't get anything done.- "..." The entire table stared at Mewtwo. "...you want us-and by us, I mean Lexis-to make two more Creamonades in two days?" Yuri said. "I don't think he could manage that if I force-feed him sugar until he decides he's Captain Science, the ultimate technician. And last time I tried that, he passed out after 27 hours, anyways." -No, I'm telling you what needs to be done. Maybe you know of other weapons. As long as it it's three angles at once, a day and a half from now, calamity will be adverted. Otherwise, this will be far more trouble. "...well, there are two other places I could go to for weapons, but I don't know how reliable they'll be. Actually, I do. That's the problem. Still, I suppose it's worth a try." Yuri said, sighing. --- "You want me to save the world!?" Bartholomew Fatima said, stunned, as he stared at Yuri. "But I thought you hated me." "Look, if I hate you or not doesn't matter right now, okay? You have a giant mech. The mech has a cannon. The cannon is large enough to blow up a small continent. You know how to use the cannon. It's not really complicated." Yuri said, shrugging. "You aren't giving me a lot of reasons to help you." Bart said, glaring at Yuri. "Well, chicks dig world-savers." "...sold!" Bart said, shaking Yuri's hand. --- "So, lemme get this straight." Cid the Tenth said. "You want me to blow something up, and it's entirely legal and sanctioned by one of the most influential Godlikes in the League?" "Yeah, that's about right." "Yeeeeeehaaaaaw! Clean up the missile launchers, boys, we're going to town!" Cid said, as he ran off to supervise. "...He's a bit funny about those things." Rikku said, shaking her head. "Ever since we raided Bevelle, he's been looking for excuses to blow things up." "Ah." Yuri said, still staring after Cid. --- "You want me to make the Creamonade launch a high-orbit-range ballistic shell?" Lexis said. "Impossible." "...I didn't know you knew that word." Yuri said. "What the hell do you mean, impossible? Can't you at least try and blow yourself up?" "No. Oh, I could do it, but no. I have a date." Lexis said. "...you?...wow, something is really screwed up right now." Yuri said. "Stupid cat could have told me-ow. Damnit, he's has to be miles from here, that can't possibly b-Ow! Okay, okay." Yuri said, rubbing his slapped head. "Look, can't you put it off?" "A date with Lucca Ashtear? No." Lexis said adamantly. "...really, really screwed up." Yuri said. "Well, looks like I have only one recourse." He said, slugging Lexis. "Now, I need to find some sugar and a funnel." --- *A day and a half later.* The crowd at the Godlike arena was tense. Bets were places, food was sold, and the crowd was lively. Of course, the bets were on how fast Yuna would kill Cecilia, all the food was in small servings, and the crowd was lively mostly because they didn't want to be stuck in the front row. You can get too close of a view of a Megaflare. At any rate, it was to be a prosaic, normal match. But fate has a way with these things. --- "AHAHAHAHA! I am the supreme technician!" Lexis cried, from within his disturbingly tight leotard and bright blue cape. "The Creamonade's full power has been enabled! Land, sea, air, space, even hell it's self, there's no place it can't fire! Yes, the world has been saved yet again, thanks to the power of....CAPTAIN SCIENCE!" Lexis added. Then fell over, started snoring, and mumbling about trains. "...I love it when he does that." Yuri said. "Anyways, the shell ready?" "It's in the rack. The blast off that thing will make an antimatter cannon look like a Multi Bottle Rocket." Brey said, nodding. "So it's only a little worse than an antimatter cannon?" "Yeah, basically." "Got it." Yuri said, nodding, as he picked up a radio reciever. "Bart, are you in position?" "Damnit, Yuri, use my call sign! Over." Bart said. "...okay. Okay." Yuri said, sighing. "Tango Foxtrot Awesome Omega Gamma, are you in position?...Over." "That's affirmative, Kupo Pink Frilly Omega. Over." "...I hate him." Yuri said, shaking his head. "I heard that!" "That'd be the point." Yuri said, switching channels. "Cid, you ready?" "Hell yeah! Just give the word, and we'll pump this baby full of the biggest missile barrage this side of a SeeD reunion party!" "Well, it looks like everything's ready." Yuri said. "All we have to do is synch it up, since everything moves at different speeds. Cannons are faster than missiles are faster than ballistic shells. Right?" -Correct. But as a warning...prepare to duck and cover.- "...I am getting really tired of those cryptic warnings, cat. All of you mages get up there and make a barrier. I'll aim this thing." Yuri said. --- "Heheh. Chicks dig a world-saver. He's right. Margie will forgive me anything after this, and other girls...heh." Bart said, smirking. "My life's about to get a whole lot more fun. All for firing the Bart Cannon at something. And no one around to smack me for calling it that." He added happily, as he aimed the Yggdrasil IV's Yggdrasil Cannon at a shining spark in the sky. "Now...three...two...one....NOW!" Bart yelled, as he fired at a small glint in the sky. --- "YEEEEEEEEEHAAAAAAW!" Cid yelled, as he launched all missiles. --- The star glinted calmly in the sky, as assaults powerful enough to remove an island hurtled towards it. Then two rays of light sheared out from it. --- "...crap." Bart said, as he watched the Yggdrasil IV's torso very, very slowly slide off it's legs, as a ray of light sliced neatly through tons upon tons of steel. --- "...crap." Cid said, as he watched his airship plummet towards a mountain, sans one wing. --- "...okay, damnit, cat, I just saw that thing kill an airship and a city-sized Gear in two shots. Load up that damned shell so I can fire it, fast!" -...load? Me?- "Look, this is no time to get prissy about doing work! Load it!" -But...- LOAD IT! Yuri shrieked, as he saw a beam of light cut towards the Creamonade. Mewtwo sighed, grabbed a shell, fumbled it(Despite not actually using his hands to carry it.), and slammed it into the cannon shaft. Yuri, grinning, fired. --- The Yggdrasil Cannon blast was the first to reach the star. Powerful walls of force blocked it's blow easily. However, while the blast was still continuing, the missiles reached the star of calamity. The walls had reached their limit. There was no way they could sustain any more damage than this. Then the Creamonade's shell, with enough power to destroy the entire Arena at one blow, smashed into the star. And bounced off harmlessly. --- "...what?" Yuri said, staring blankly. -...I was afraid that would happen.- Mewtwo said, sadly. "...what?" Yuri said, in a different tone of voice, as he stared at Mewtwo. -...well, machines...are not very intuitive to me. Normally, I study them a while to understand them before using them- "...you loaded the shell. How could you possibly require study for that?" -...well...that is to say, I've never really studied large ballistic shells closely, and at the time, it struck me that, while the curved part of the shell would be better for piercing armor, that would hardly be neccesary for a magical device, and it may be that the flat end of the shell may have added sensory enchantments to determine when to detonate, so... "...so you loaded it backwards." Yuri said, as he watched the proclaimed star of calamity slam into the Duelling League. --- "WOO!" Blastoise yelled, as he danced a merry jig. "Yeah! Damn that Mewtwo, we had to miss Jecht's party because he wouldn't help the humans, but damn, this party's still good!" "Yeah!" Came a chorus from some drunken Golducks and Psyducks. "Hey, take off your shell!" A Nidoqueen yelled at Blastoise. "Sure, baby!" Blastoise said. Then the undetonated shell fell on his head. --- "...well, at least the thing would have worked..." Yuri said, watching a massive mushroom cloud appear in an uninhabited plain. "At least it didn't kill anyone. Now, what the hell do we do now?" -...I'm...unaccustomed... to being embarressed. Give me a moment. At any rate, there's no hurry, now.- "...what do you mean? It's a star of calamity, aren't monsters going to start pouring out of it or a great evil arise or something?" Brey said, scratching his head, as he walked in the door. -...after...a manner of speaking, I suppose. But there's no hurry. There's no quick way to deal with what has happened, now. Mewtwo "said", sighing. -I suppose I should tell you what's happened. Though, watching the match the star fell in might be simpler. He added, as a nearby TV apparently turned it's self on. --- "*Sigh.* Oh, this is just great. I get in, on the first round, in the most perverted season ever, fighting a girl, and she can kill me in five seconds." Cecilia muttered to herself, as the match was declared started. "Could this get any worse?" She added. Predictably, the "star of calamity" chose this moment to smash into the stands, leveling half of them. "...my big mouth." Cecilia said, sighing. "What the heck is that? Looks like an airship or something." "Damn, Taban, could you have screwed up that landing any worse?" A voice yelled from inside. "Hey! I was getting fired on, Cid!" "Did someone call me?" "No, not you, Cid. The other one." "Me?" "No..." "Hey! No one praised my mad skillz at shooting down those two!" "Yeah, but you totally missed that weird cannon. Lucky they shot a dud." "Hey!" "...what the..." Yuna and Cecilia said, staring at the ship. "Zis is no time for the argument, yes? I am a busy Manillo, and we have come here for a purpose." "Oh, just because you have money doesn't mean you can ignore the rest of us, Marlok." "Hmph. I funded zis expedition, though." "...I feel funny." Cecilia said, shaking her head. Something was askew. She knew somehow-maybe it was the voices of the Guardians, maybe something else-but she knew that she was in grave danger, despite how ridiculous this sounded. "C'mon, we came all this way, let's get out there!" A voice called out. Then kicked off a door. "Ahhhh, fresh air." Tiga said, stretching. --- "...I don't get it." Yuri said, watching people trickle out of the spaceship in twos and threes. "Aren't those NPCs and Plot Fights? What's so scary about a ship full of them?" -It isn't that simple. Right now, Edge's lack of success with women, and the success of others, has produced...a...imbalance in this universe, one at a time that demands the greatest of perversion. One man's failure does not make up for the success of dozens of other perverts, particularly when one of those men is Zidane. So, the imbalance is correcting it's self.- "By...calling in more perverts?" Brey said, watching as Elinee the witch cackled and hopped down the ramp. "...I thought she stopped being a pervert after she was done with Dyluck. Oh well, I should know better. Anyways, I thought they liked to be called the Battle Form Inhibited." -Political correctness is worthless.- Mewtwo "said", shaking his head. -At any event...that's not quite accurate. These people cannot have meaningful interactions with the rest of the world. Plot fights always win, and unless there's a meaningful balance in the universe to correct, nothing truly meaningful occurs when dealing with them. NPCs cannot fight at all, and there's always a sort of barrier to how much they can interact with PCs. This is a stopgap measure. Unfortunately, they have been infused with the rest of the measure.- "Infused?" Yuri said, turning back to the screen. --- "...mmm, I feel so...hot." Cecilia said. "Me too." Yuna said. "I wish I had that other outfit right now." She added, taking off her top. --- "..." Yuri, Brey, Crowley, Mazus, and the finally-awake Lexis all stared at the screen, as Cecilia and Yuna stripped down to their underwear in front of a cheering crowd, held hands, and talked for a while, to the incredibly loud cheers of the crowd. Cecilia, before removing her top, called up to the judges that she was finished for the day, and that Yuna was the winner. "...uh...this...this....th-this...isn't...really a calamity." Yuri noted. "And I'm glad I hit record as soon as Cecilia took her top off." -Right up until you realize that a bunch of totally unkillable people are now going to be getting all the action, and that half the Duelling League will end up infused, by them, with an aura of perversion so strong that all of them will end up like that, yes, it's not a calamity. Do you want to see Brahne doing something like that? Even my senses are incredibly insulted by that, and I don't find human females interesting at all. I gather that would be even worse for those that do. Mewtwo "said" disgustedly. -Besides, anyone would be disgusted if, say, Geno or Bowser started doing pole dances. "Why...do you mention Brahne? She...doesn't live..." Brey trailed off, as he peered closely at the crowd of people that had came off the ship, then groaned and buried his face in his hands. "...oh my god. What the hell do we do now?" Yuri said, still watching Yuna and Cecilia... Yuna: 78 Imperial
UltraDude
Kanos
Riou vs Lavos
Barubary Well its time Lavos has descended. The only true god in god like. So powerful is he that he created humanity just to eat them. With that in mind Riou is kinda doomed I mean he's techincally a cow and you know what that means Riou is essentially a cow and in hell well a cow beat Lavos. With that insane logic Lavos wins. Riou: 33 jaymthegenius@yahoo.com
Cyril vs Bosch
superaielman "Damn! I didn't get into Season XXX? That sucks." For once, Edge seemed downbeat. A rejection from the season of peversion was certainly a blow to his confidence, but he had vowed not to let it slow him down. Waving off his friends, he walked alone past the announcer's table for Cyril/Bosch. "Good fight. It's something to do other than moping...whoops, never mind that." Cyril had oblierated Bosch with a single chain of attacks. "Well, at least I'm not Bosch. Something everyone could say." Exiting the arena, Edge walked away in silence until he found his way blocked by a pair of shadowy women. Royce and Xenobia towered over Edge, both with malicious grins on their face. "Remember us?" Before Edge could even so much as raise his hands in defense, Royce fired off a Firebird, trapping Edge. "You humilated us and Ghaleon over, and over, and over...time to pay." Royce brought up her hands, summoning a giant lance. "You little freak. Who wants a pathetic reject like you in Season XXX? Both of us got in. Hell, even Vigoro and Zelos got in. No one wants a little pathetic loser like you around. We're going to make you suffer!" --- No one thought much of it when Edge was found later. His injuries didn't seem that severe, especially compared to the beatings he'd rececived from the likes of Ghaleon and Emerald Weapon. The ninja prince had come back from much worse, often achieving his most glorious moments after getting his ass handed to him. What was odd was appeared to be him moping around, ignoring just about everyone. And then, as Edge was slowly nursed back to health, some funny things started happening around the DL. Panty raids, once guaranteed to end in inhuman suffering for Zidane and his allies, worked flawlessly. Lame pickup lines started netting total wankers dates. This brought joy to the cold, barren existance of Sten, who finally broke his losing streak before he could be turned down by every single non-male life form in the DL multiverse. Charmles actually managed to buy himself someone attractive (and deseprate) enough to hang out with him. It was like the entire realm was out of whack in some fundamental way. But no one could figure out how... Cyril: 37 jaymthegenius@yahoo.com
Jessica Albert vs Celes Chere
superaielman Jessica and Celes looked around the room uncomfortably. Instead of the usual gallery of annoying (if gentle hearted) perverts, they were faced with Zidane's crew. He was surrounded by Sten, Charmles, and Valygar, and all of them were looking maliciously at the girls. The whole group was ringed by several more women, and some nasty-looking bodyguards. "I'm a little worried, Celes. Where's Edge and Yuri? They may be losers, but they won't openly feel you up or hit on you nonstop. For that matter, there's no one here besides Zidane's perverts." "Take off your clothes!" The ugly chant started first with Sten, and quickly spread to the rest of the group. "Who has the biggest chest, Zidane?" Sten just drooled at the girls, imagining the delights that would soon be his. "Jessica." The slimy thief took no time making his choice. "She wins!" The perverts began enclosing Jess and Celes around the ring. The girls looked towards the judges for help, and only saw a couple of Lights, who were doing their best to ignore the action before they could get caught in it. "Sorry, girls. But Zidane is by all rights the full and final judge of this match. Jessica wins." "The judges are even bought and paid for by Charmles. Damn." Celes coldly eyed the group, and knew that fighting their way out wasn't an option. Neither was stripping and entertaining this group of hoolgans. She leaned in towards Jess, and grabbed her shoulders in a suggestive manner. "Cast Dazzle on the count of three. We're leaving. Something is very wrong here." Inching closer to Jess, she whispered.. "One..." "Two.." "Three!" Jessica turned around and blasted a Dazzle spell at Zidane's posse. At the same time, Celes silently cast Vanish twice, covering both her and her allies. They quickly escaped out of the arena, and headed towards the relative safety of the women's locker room. Celes openly gasped in horror with what she saw. Zidane's group had already gotten through the door in the time it took them to escape the arena. Valygar stood holding the door open, laughing as Zidane came in and out holding a camera and some very indecent clothing. It seemed like nothing could stop the thief. "Whatever's going on, this is beyond both our control and abilities. It's like the very balance of space-time was thrown off somehow." Jess looked worried. "We need help, and fast. Who can do that and won't turn us over to these...people?" Celes's face hardened. "I do know one of one man. He certainly isn't aligned with this filthy band of losers. His very name bespeaks mastery of time. We need him, and we need him now. I don't much care for him, but I don't see how we have any other choice. We're off to see the TimeLord." Jessica Albert: 50 jaymthegenius@yahoo.com
Silverlocke980
Ralff
danberado
Ted vs Ashley Winchester
SageAcrin A swift match, one of technology pitted against magic, one of swift bullets pitted against life-rending darkness. Or so it could have been, had things gone right. --- "Oohoho!" Brahne cackled from the judges box, from her seat on top of an unconcious Crono. "This is delicious." She said, watching Ted and Ashley strut their stuff across the field. "Eheheh! Yes!" Elinee said, watching the match from her perch on top of Spikey. "It's been so long since I've seen a handsome young man." "Far, far too long!" Matoya said, grinning down at the pair. Both Ted and Ashley wearing naught but the scantiest of briefs. And their weapons. Evidently long arrows and a large gun/sword combination carried by both of them had some added effect. "Mmmm. It's still no contest, is it? Ted is clearly the best looking. Heheh, I always wanted to see him like this." Wendy said. "Yeah." "Mmmmhmmm." "Then it's agreed. But let's let them go on a while longer." Matoya said, smiling. --- -Are you thoroughly convinced that this situation needs to be fixed yet?- Mewtwo said. "..." Yuri stared blankly, then shuddered violently as Ashley did a pelvic thrust at the judges boxes. "I think I'd slit my wrists if this continued. Let's come up with some way to fix this, fast." Ted: 54 Orson Carola
Nina Wyndia vs Squall Leonheart
SageAcrin "So, let's see." Yuri said, as himself, Brey, Mazus, Crowley, Lexis and Mewtwo sat at a table. "We've seen unleashed on the world a flood of perverted NPCs as a rebalance because of Edge. So...can't we just fix Edge and have this go away?" -No. It's too late for that. The universe will try to rebalance it's self if we remove them before Edge is fixed, but fixing Edge will not remove them.- Mewtwo "said", shaking his head. "I don't get it. Isn't this a massive unbalance of the universe?" Crowley said, puzzled. "As much as I hate to agree, that does seem true." Mazus said. -Not...as such. The perversion balance required losers, nothing more. As it was, for a time, there was only winners, with one person as a loser-and he was not able to take the full burden of hundreds of losers upon himself in any meaningful way, so the universe created some. It was simply the lack of losers; The universe could care less about having too many. Think of it as a disaster relief system. If there's a desperate shortage of winning or losing perverts, more come in. If there's not...- Mewtwo shrugged. "...who designed this thing?" Yuri said, sighing. "...never mind, I don't even want to know what kind of a sick freak would come up with that. So, how do we fix it?" "Well, there's a few ways to kill plot types." Brey said, ticking them off on his fingers. "We could get a major villian to smite them; They still can manage it just because they're major villians. It's what they do. We could just find some way to herd them all off the planet, though that would take a small miracle. We could find a catastrophe large enough, general enough and plottish enough to kill them all, but that would take out half the planet at this point. We could just leave things like this and just try to ship off/kill all the disturbing ones, though that's risky and probably not possible." Brey sighed, as he watched a taped replay of Yuna and Cecilia taking off their clothes. "And finally, we could just go back to our homes and leave the place like this." "Hell no. I've never ran from a fight before." Yuri said, shaking his head. "This isn't a fight. This is a nightmare waiting to happen." Lexis said. "...Also, why am I in this stupid getup?" "Don't worry about that." Yuri said. "Anyways, the villian thing seems like a good idea. Let's go scare up some big mean nasties." -...this...may work. But it is risky.- Mewtwo "said." -Are you sure about this?- "Look, the alternatives are blowing up half the planet or trying to ship off a hundred or so perverted NPCs." Yuri said, sighing. "Do we have much choice?" --- "You need mine power?" Fou-Lu said. "We need the power of every Godlike capable of killing NPCs and plot types." Yuri said. "And you're the most reliable one to ask, since I'm pretty sure you won't just kill me outright for asking, and that you won't kill anyone else for it." "But...hmmm. Yes, I shall aid you, but mine own role will be as far as possible from the battle. I do not relish defeat in this case, the stakes are far too high." Fou-Lu said. "I saw what happened to Ted and Ashley." He added, shuddering. --- Ghaleon, Fou-Lu, Zophar, Deathevens, Myria, Indalecio, and even more. The strongest Godlike bosses in existance, all banded together, towards one noble cause. Not being in short-shorts and ogled by Leknaat or Marlok and enjoying it. Or, in Zophar's case, the possibility of being forced to not be a crossdresser. Against a force of people that, on average, didn't know one end of a sword from another. It sounded almost too easy. --- "...what do you mean, they know their powers now? How could they possibly realize that?" Brey said, stunned. -Just possibly, because there are some excellent magical and scientific minds in that mass of perversion? Not even all of them were perverts before this force caught them.- Mewtwo "said", as he stared at the small army of NPCs. -They did build a rather nice spacecraft.- He added. "...point. But what...are you saying they can wield the perversion force as a weapon?" Brey asked. -Basically, yes.- Mewtwo nodded. "Why didn't you say something before?" Brey asked. -...- "Well?" -...Well, all things considered, this has not been my best day.- "...you just thought of it." -Correct. I had fears this wouldn't be as simple as it seemed, but this had not occured to me until I saw them gathered like this.- "Great." "What's the worst that could happen?" Yuri said, as the force of bosses grimly advanced on the perverts. -You have to ask that?- "...okay, what's the worst that's likely to happen?" Yuri amended. "...no...No, I won't do it. I WANT TO BE PRETTY!" Myria said, shaking her head. Turning, she turned into her more monstrous form and blasted her way into her fellow Godlikes. "...why do I even ask?" Yuri said. "Great. So, we just killed a bunch of Godlikes, probab-...ohmygodeveryoneGETTHEHELLOUTOFHERE!" Yuri said, turning on his heel and running out of the field of battle. "...what's with him?" Brey said. But his instincts were good; He'd already started running after Yuri. It took the other, confused people a moment to realize what Yuri had. "No...no. No, I won't." Ghaleon said, clutching his head, as Godlikes desperately tried to kill NPCs before getting infected with urges to disrobe, grope, glomp and generally act out bad fanfiction. "...I won't! It...no...no, that's...no! I...don't...feel...pretty! I...DON'T!!" "..." "..." "..." -...- Crowley, Mazus, Lexis and Mewtwo all stared blankly for a moment. Then ran screaming after Yuri. "I...feel...pretty!" Ghaleon shrieked behind them. "MOON MAGICAL PRISM TRANSFORMATION UNITE!" Only the screams of the damned could be heard behind the fleeing men, as Ghaleon's fanservicey transformation took place. --- "...well...that...had to have killed half of them at least, right?" Yuri said. "Also, probably every Godlike." "Not...quite." Fou-Lu said, stumbling into the room. "Though I feel a great need to empty my stomach." He added, rushing into a nearby bathroom. "Well, that didn't exactly work." Brey said. "How about blowing them up with some catastrophic weapon?" -I suspect that's futile.- "Why?" "Some NPCs always survive those somehow." "...so they do." Yuri said, shaking his head. "...say, even if we fix this...are all those infected people going to stay like that?" -That is irrelevant.- "You don't know." -...this has very much been one of my worse days.- Mewtwo said. -And you need to stop making me admit it.- He added, telekinetically shoving Yuri through a wall. "Ow." -At any rate, it's still irrelevant. We can't possibly fix anything without getting rid of them. So, we need to ship them off.- "Well, there is one way that this could be achieved." Fou-Lu said, sighing. "Using materials that still exist in the League. But I suspect that, at least momentarily, this will be the cause of the most horrific sight ever." "...worse...than what we've already seen?" Crowley said, shaking his head. "Impossible." "Quite possible. Unfortunately." Fou-Lu said, sighing. --- "Oh, I feel pretty, oh so pretty..." Ghaleon happily skipped down a hallway. "Ahhhh, it's been so long since I've been in a dress." "So where are we going to go, aunt Ghaleon?" Myria said, happily skipping alongside Ghaleon, now in her child form, sporting a ridiculous Sailor Senshi outfit as well. "Where we can be appreciated, little one." --- "There certainly seems to be a lot going on in the other Arenas." Nina observed. The chaos, while widespread, hadn't managed to make it to their arena just yet. "Whatever. We're here to fight, right?" Squall said, shrugging. "Sure." Nina said. "Death!" Squall fell over, out like a light. "...this is getting really old. I never get any long, involved fights. I never get anything interesting. I just cast the one spell. I've done it nine times." Nina said, sighing. "And the one other time, I tried it and it didn't work and I got killed. Darn it. Won't anything interesting happen in one of my fights?" "When I was alone as one, my eyes were as blind, I know. Sky brilliant with blue elegance, I couldn't behold." Ghaleon, resplendant(?) in his(?) Sailor Scout outfit, walked into the arena, with a microphone in hand. "...that's it, I'm never, ever saying anything like that aga-" "When I was alone as one, My heart was as ice, so cold. Wind whispering sweet melodies, I could not behind." Myria, singing as only a squeaky-yet-horribly-flat child's voice can, entered in the other entrance, in her own Sailor Scout outfit, trimmed in bright pink. "..." Nina stood for a moment, mesmerized. Then flew screaming out of the arena, as the two continued alternating their rendition of Lucia's Song. "Sight to my eyes, and warmth to my heart, Your love has been such to me. Pull closer now, And strengthen my leaning, Toward love to heal all my wounds." As the two joined in together at once on the chorus, the stampede out of the arena started. Nina Wyndia: 70 Taishyr
Namagomi
khaki_knight
cedien
Hawk vs Lede
superaielman All Lede has to do is go lesbian with Celia to get Hawk to concede. Either that or go lesbian with the Ultima Demon version of Celia, and get Lavos so turned on that he kills Hawk for the girls. Lede's noted for exceptional cruelity. It should also be noted that she has a thing for giant, planet eating creatures. A quick thinking Hawk dyed his hair silver and started "talking" like "this". He still conceded the match, but no one would say he got the short end of the stick, after watching the two Assassins do things that would make Edge blush and Shion get out a video camera. Well, until Elmdor and Sephiroth beat the crap out of him for imping them. You can't win em all! Hawk: 18 Xan
Angelo vs Claude Kenni
jaymthegenius@yahoo.com Claude goes off against Angelo, unlike Jessica vs. Celes Angelo will have too tough of a time defeating someone from a civilization that has surpassed the speed of light by far, and the eternal sphere which can supposedly blow away a small planet is just too intimidating for Angelo. Fighting abilities and technique have came along way, the Uberfalcon blade with Angelos ability to cause 2 hits (making 4 with uberfalcon) even fails to Claudes superior armor. Claude may have no magic, but at his technological level doesnt need any. As cool as Angelo may be none of his weapons have that magnatude of power, while Claude can defend against instant death. Angelo: 37 Ralff
dimatt2004@yahoo.com
Roan vs Salome
superaielman It's Season XXX fanservice for the ladies this week, as the young king of Cyrum matches skills and wits with the older, seasoned Salome. To appease the ladies, the two veterans chose to battle in a mudpit, only wearing swimsuits. It was truly epic. Roan covered the field with Ice Prison, only to see his effects undone by Salome's water rune. It turned into a hell of a mess, made all the worse by Salome opting to wear a white bathing suit. Of course, it was ruined when Shana came running into the ring, crying about abusing innocent men for their bodies. She was promptly destroyed by a combined assault from Edea, Ultimecia, Lucca, Etna, Queen Zeal, Emelia, Karen, and a very pissed off Neifirst. Roan had already ran out of SP, and the sight of Salome advancing in nothing but a clear bathing suit snapped his mind. He was seen running screaming from the arena. Salome was offered a dozen dates and three marriage proposals after the match. It was remarked later that Chris knew how to choose well armed men for her personal group of knights. Roan: 30 
Jaha vs Lilka Eleniak
SageAcrin "So what's the plan, Lu?" Yuri said. "...Lu?...hmmm." Fou-Lu paused a moment. "...no, I do not actually hate that. At any rate. The plan is simple. There are still barrier systems set up in all arenas, correct?" "Yeah, from that failure of an attempt to keep perverts out of the arena." Brey nodded. "AHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" A loud shriek was heard from outside the door. "...what's that?" Brey said, as he opened the door. And a flying Nina catapulted into him, clinging tightly to him. "Pleasesavemefromghaleonidon'twanttohearsailorghaleonsaveme!" Nina the Second half-shrieked, as she clung to Brey. Brey fainted. "...uh." Yuri said, staring blankly as Nina still clung to Brey, mumbling frantically. "...uh...you know, this day really lowers your sensitivity to weird stuff. Anyways. Yes, barriers. Go on." "...Yes. Well, the barrier magic was cleared. However, they still exist, though they hath no target. But, if there was some way to mark all of the troublesome perverts, then the barriers could be attuned to the marking, and all of them couldst be teleported some place they could cause no trouble. Such as Palma." "Didn't Palma bl...oh." Yuri said, nodding. "Right. So, tag them how?" "...well, that is...the problem. There is one way I hast thought of. But none of thee shall like it." Fou-Lu said, shaking his head. "Dost thou understand that NPCs, while able to escape deadly catastrophes, are often unable to escape from those that simply render them...shall we say, unhappy?" Fou-Lu said. "Quit beating around the bush and spill it." Yuri said. "Very well. If all the NPCs were to be... transgendered...that would be sufficient marking." Five people stared blankly at Fou-Lu. "...you're...kidding, right?" Yuri said, baffled. "Can't we use something else?" "Dost thou have an idea? Sadly, the idea came to mine mind after...Ghaleon." Fou-Lu said, shuddering. "Those barriers were not designed to detect something as subtle as a specific force of perversion, any more than they were designed to detect what clothes were worn by the person. Making them teleport perverts or something could strike at those we do not wish gone." -And it's the same with NPCs. He has a point. Transforming them into stone or something is catastrophic enough so that some may escape. Transforming them into animals may work as well, but the potential with that is quite probably worse. And the barriers are truly not capable of more minor distinctions.- "...so we've just rationalized our way into transgendering over a hundred perverted NPCs." Yuri said, nodding. "Great. Actually, the only real surprise here is that it was logically thought out and not Edge's idea. Well, whatever deities that are listening and aren't infected with perversion, may you have mercy on us all. Get your hand off her butt, Brey, and stop pretending to be out. We have work to do." Brey's eyes opened, and he glared hard at Yuri, but he nodded. However, he couldn't manage to pry the still frightened Nina off him. --- "So Brey's got the Creamonade up and running, right? Now, all we have to do is get them all in one spot." Yuri said, nodding, as he cut off the portable radio. "That shouldn't be that hard." Mazus said. "They were all clumped together last time. All the barriers are already attuned for that certain kind of...transformation, thanks to Lexis and Crowley. That leaves you three strong, powerful Godlikes to try to talk them into staying in place for a moment." "...yeah. See, I don't like those kind of jobs." Yuri said. "But I suppose it beats walking down a hall and watching Marlok walk by with some pretty girl. Alright." "You know that I cannot give up at this point. Too much is at stake." Fou-Lu said, nodding. -I have...a debt to repay, at this point. I will not back down. "Then let's march into hell." Yuri said, nodding. --- "Ahhh, it is good to be alive this day, yes?" Marlok said, as he cuddled up to two Ninas(The first and the fourth.) at once. "We have answered the call of the universe, so you intellectuals say, and now we are rewarded." "I don't know. Some of this doesn't feel right to me." Taban said, frowning slightly at the Tifa on his lap. "It's almost like it's not really me doing this." "Ahahahaha. You're just one of those poor, unambitious fools." Wendy said, as a pair of Suikoden heroes cleaned her boots. "This place is wonderful. No one will ever stop us." "Want to make a bet?" Yuri said, walking into the arena the perverts had confuscated. "...say, wasn't there a fight going on in here?" "Oh, Jaha, you're so manly." Lilka said, kissing the dwarf passionately. "We fixed that." Leknaat said, smiling. "Ah." Yuri nodded. "Well. It's time to kick you guys back into orbit." "Ewehehehe!" Elinee cackled. "Even if you beat us up, you'll never stop us. And you won't survive the powers the universe has given us! I'll use you as my personal footstool." "No, I want him as my pool boy." "No, I want him!" "No, me!" "...at any other time, I'd be flattered by a bunch of women fighting over me." Yuri mumbled, as a dozen or so perverted females argued over who was going to have him. "...actually, scratch that, it's still probably better than not being argued over. Well, it's buying time, anyway." "Now, now, girls." Leknaat said. "You can worry about that after you take care of him. He very likely has some plan up his sleeve." "Too true, with that man. You should control him and get it over with." Marlok said, nodding. "Alright. I saw him first, I get first dibs!" Wendy cried out, running towards Yuri. "...crap. Where are those other two?" Yuri said, attempting to avoid the groping witch. -Right here.- Mewtwo "said", as Wendy crumpled to the ground, unconcious. "Say, if you could do that, why not just do it to all of them?" -Because my plot powers consist of leveling a building. I can't do very much to NPCs, not reliably.- "Oh. So now what?" Yuri said, as the rest of the NPCs slowly advanced on them. -In war, you always do what the enemy does not expect.- Mewtwo said, nodding. Fou-Lu blinked once, then nodded. And both charged into the force of NPCs. "...well, why the hell not." Yuri said, morphing into Seraphic Radience and following suit. The force of NPCs, amazingly, parted before the onslaught of plot death. While none of them could truly be put down for long by battle power, the sheer pain was enough to part the seas for a moment. But only a moment. "...say." Yuri said, as he watched the ring of NPCs around him. "I get the feeling we've forgotten something." As a massive blast of water soared through the above him. "...oh, right. Crap." Yuri said, staring up. -Well, I don't have a lot to worry about, considering. But you two might want to practice wearing bras soon. Mewtwo observed, as the water fell. "...bite me." Yuri said. "I must second that." Fou-Lu added. Suddenly, a man appeared inbetween the three of them. A man who glanced up, and quickly pulled an umbrella out of nowhere. "...hi, Timelord." Yuri said, sighing in relief, as the water fell. "You know, I have to thank you." Timelord said, completely ignoring the shrieks of various NPCs as they turned into the opposite sex. "Without your efforts, this day would have been far, far worse for me." "Oh, Jaha, you're so beautiful." Lilka said. "...what the hell. I didn't even notice Lilka was under the umbrella but not Jaha. That has to be the most creepy thing I've ever seen." Yuri said, shuddering. "Then again, I'm trying to not look at the perverts making out around us. Where the hell is that barrier?" Yuri added, yelling into the portable radio. Rapidly, the arena emptied it's self of all the perverted NPCs. And transgendered Jaha. "...I...oh, never mind. How many people really care if there's a girl dwarf floating in orbit in the Algo system? I'm sure they'll recover hi...her, eventually, and no one's going to care who won this match later besides Lilka. And I'm sure she'll be too busy with therapy." Yuri said, shrugging. -You did notice that Ghaleon was in the crowd too, right?- "Nope. Glad I didn't. Well, someone will pick Jaha up on the way to get him...her...whatever, then. No big deal." Yuri said. "Come on. Let's get out of here." "Mewtwo, would you mind helping me out for a moment? There's something I'd like your help with." Timelord said, smiling. Mewtwo simply nodded. --- "And thanks to Lezard, we didn't have to think about Magical Girl Ghaleon any more than needed." Yuri finished, as he told Edge what had happened. "...I really turned down a weapon of mass destruction?" Edge said, disbelievingly. "Damnit. Well, at least it all worked out, more or less, right?" "And we've basically got free food and drink forever at any restaraunt for saving the League from that. That, and I think they're scared to death of you." Yuri said, smiling, as he cut into a steak. "I can't help but wonder if there wasn't a way to do this that didn't involve Ghaleon incredibly enraged at us, though." Brey noted. "But Ghaleon brought us together, Brey!" Nina said, cuddling up to Brey from her seat next to him. "...say, I thought you said Lezard fixed everything?" Edge whispered to Yuri. "Both of them requested no fix." Yuri whispered back. "Brey is a duh, but Nina must have odd taste." "Well, I guess it's a happy ending, more or less. As happy as these things ever are." Mazus said, shrugging. "Ahahahah! I finally tracked you down." A voice bellowed, as Brahne marched up to Yuri's table. -...in retrospect, nothing saving us from all of them was the most likely outcome.- Mewtwo noted, as Brahne rushed towards the table. "...crap." Yuri said, backing away from Brahne as fast as possible. "You can't get away! I'll take you, and make you my slave forever, you little Godslayer! We'll live happily together, forever! Now get over here!" Brahne said, still rushing at Yuri. "...no. Bite me. No way in hell, ever." Yuri said, still backing up. Directly into a fishtank. "...crap." He said, as Brahne rushed towards him. "Come on, there has to be something, anything, a distra-got it!" Yuri said, reaching backwards, reaching into the tank, and pulling out a fish. Then throwing it into Brahne's face and running past her. The latter part was not needed, strangely. As the Magikarp sailed gracefully and unhappily into the air, it did the thing it was best at. Splashed. Brahne disappeared. "...what?" Dozens of voices could be heard. -...I don't believe it. That's what splashing has done all this time?...then again, I don't know what it just did. Is it ugly person repellent? A natural balance restorer? Does it just randomly destroy things one time in a trillion? "...does it matter? I'm not thinking about this." Yuri said, sitting back down. As an afterthought, he got back up and, with extreme care, placed the Magikarp back in it's tank, where it, rather obliviously, swam happily and ate fish food. --- Brahne floated in infinity for an indefinate period of time. During this, she learned wisdom, knowledge beyond time and space, the keys to the universe. Then she forgot it all and went stark, raving mad, because really, it's no fun being alone millenia. Finally, one day, she awoke, and she knew her true purpose. No. The true purpose of all that lived, the real and only reason to exist. Her form had changed, her mind had changed-maybe irrevocably. Perhaps not. But she knew what she had to do. --- "Hey. You're kind of cute. What's your name?" Zidane said, to the pretty brunette nurse who brought in his food. He'd been beaten and pounded and smashed for ages, but hey, they couldn't take his greatest pasttime away from him! "No. No way in hell will I go out with you. You're a spineless, castrated wimp. Your IQ can be measured on on the Farhenheit scale-in Antartica-, your appearance is that of a mop force-fed like a geese used for pate de foie gras, you spell worse than a four-year old who fell down the stairs fourteen times, your body odor is more offensive than a skunk left out in the rain, you have fleas, lice and various other personal infestations, you're more diseased than Rinoa after visiting a gothy emo convention, you need to brush your teeth, and I'd rather sleep with Chu-Chu than you." The woman said, smiling, as she put down the tray. "Have a nice day, and I hope you slit your wrists." Brahne, as she left, smiled. Yes, the truest purpose of the universe-or, at least, what she thought it was, which may very well be different-was to insult Zidane. And she was very thankful that she had been given a body he'd hit on to do it with. She had no idea what to do with the rest of her life, but she knew what she had just done was worth more than everything else she had done in her life. Who knows? There have been worse philosophies. Jaha: 13 
Tio vs Peco
Halbarad Tio entered the ring, her diminutive vegetable opponent already waiting for her on the other side. The new programming routines she'd implemented before this battle would hopefully be effective in dealing with the little onion - she'd had to do some adapting, but hopefully it'd be effective. Peco eyed his opponent dubiously - his last match in the arena had been against another robot, and while Tio wasn't as obviously fearsome as "Cooker" 8 had been, it was still enough to make him uneasy. Growing back from scraps of his bulb had taken the better part of the last seven seasons, and he was just now back into his fighting trim. As the two squared off, Tio showed her usual impassive face - and then the flag dropped, signaling the start of the match. Just as Peco started to charge, she announced in a loud voice: "Beginning combat technique modification. Operation -Lotus Flower- conversion to -Onion Blossom- underway." And with that, the android's left arm exploded outward into a wicked-looking array of blades. "Preparing hot oil cannon, heating cycle complete in forty-five seconds. Preparation of onion is underway." Except that by that time, Peco was long gone, only a cloud of dust left in the arena as the plant took off in an uncharacteristic turn of speed. Tio allowed herself a rare smile. She'd have to thank Worker 8 for making his library of cooking routines open source to the android population of the Duelling League. Tio: 57 Keoni
Bowser Koopa vs Mae
Fireball Bowser has learned much over the years. Beyond being more skilled at kidnapping than anyone else in the DL, Bowser has one thing his opponent doesn't. Combat experience with less than ten people. Fighting alongside Mario, Peach, Geno, and Mallow, Bowser came to realize his own strengths and the strengths of his fellows. Mario could survive anything. Geno had powerful attacks. Peach was even more tanky than Bowser and could keep everyone else alive. Mallow could fry the crap out of things. And Bowser? Bowser could hit things. Very, very, very hard. Bowser focused all his energy and rage into his Drill Claw, launching an attack so full of force that Mae actually felt the blow a full three seconds before it landed- only to feel it *again* when it did hit. Sephiroth, lounging at his villa with Chisato, Artea, and Strago, heard the explosion and looked up, thinking it was Ghaleon, or maybe Kefka. When they heard a triumphant, turtle-dragon roar, they looked at each other, laughed, and went straight back to lounging. Even the greatest of Godlikes and his friends can find amusement in small things. Like a Shining Force warrior being decimated by a much better one. Bowser Koopa: 70 Lord Zendor
Sheena Fujibayashi vs Nei
superaielman Jessica looked at Celes, dumbfounded. "How are we going to get into TimeLord's realm? It's not sealed anymore, but he's not easy to find. He can't be, considering what Royce and Xenobia would do if they ever got their hands on him. Hell, it's going to be hard enough to get away from the women's locker room." "Nei and Sheena aren't scheduled to fight for a few hours yet. We can hide out in that arena, at least until the judges arrive...and I think I know how to get the TimeLord's attention. You cast Accelerate, I'll cast Haste. Aim at the center of the arena." The two spells combined in the middle of the battlefield, creating a vortex of accelerated space. As the arcane energies accelerated and bounced off each other, space seemed to warp in on itself. The warp grew quickly, bathing the arena in strange light. As they walked toward it, Jess could feel heat coming from the light. "Now wha.. Celes, why are you taking off your clothes?" Jess looked over and saw Celes was calmly stripping down to her underwear. "This is the second part. Take off your clothes. Like I said, we're going to get the TimeLord's attention." Wasting no time, Celes yanked off Jessica's top. While the she worked on getting off Jessica's clothes, the magical field seemed to change. A reddish tint overlapped the light, as if something new was interacting with the competeting haste spells. Celes dropped Jessica's skirt, and scanned the empty arena. Eyeing a rippling patch of the ceiling, she yelled at the top of her lungs, "TimeLord, you pervert! Stop hiding behind your peeping spells and come out here!" The spells in the middle of the arena flared bright white, and then faded into nothingness. In their place stood a slim man with hair streaked white and black, holding a ball of magical energy and looking rather annoyed. His body was covered in runes, and his aura was that of that of an extremely dangerous fighter. "You summoned me? This had better be important." TimeLord approached the still scantily clad women, letting the magical energies near him dissipate. "I know there was a reason he and Edge got along so well…" Jessica's muttered, as she sized up the Mystic Lord. "Not now, Jessica. We need his help. Something's very wrong with the magical energies of the Duelling League. All of a sudden, Zidane Tribal and his band of pathetic perverts have gained immense power. It's not safe for women anywhere! And I haven't seen hide nor hair of Edge in all this, which is the weirdest part." Jess cut her friend off with a shrug. "Rumor says he's still recovering after his beating. He still hasn't said who managed to kick his ass like that. Or much of anything, for that matter." "Jessica pretty much covered it. I wouldn't be coming to you under most circumstances, but this is…dire." TimeLord's face twisted. "It is serious. While Time itself hasn't been affected by these events, I’ve seen strange fluctuations in Space during the past few days. It isn't my sphere of influence, but I might be able to turn up something. Let me see. Edge got attacked fairly recently…TimeRecord!" Raising his hands, TimeLord projected a large image against the arena wall. Scenes of life at the duelling league flashed by. The fights, the tears, the emotion. While it was interesting, and more than a little embarrassing for some, it didn't reveal anything about a possible rift. Jess and Celes were starting to look angry, when TimeLord's face lit up. "That's it! That's when the rift started." With a wave of his hand, TimeLord picked one file. Opening it up, the girls gasped at what they saw. Royce and Xenobia towered over Edge, both with malicious grins on their face. "Remember us?" Before Edge could even so much as raise his hands in defense, Royce fired off a Firebird, trapping Edge. "You humilated us and Ghaleon over, and over, and over...time to pay." Royce brought up her hands, summoning a giant lance. "You little freak. Who wants a pathetic reject like you in Season XXX? Both of us got in. Hell, even Vigoro and Zelos got in. No one wants a little pathetic loser like you around. We're going to make you suffer!" TimeLord let the spell wind down. "I’m not sure exactly why, but it is at this point that Space began to change. Whatever happened to Edge, it appears to have been to the benefit of Zidane. However, I can't tell you more. I can't claim even the slightest control over Space magic. We'll need more help." Before Jessica or Celes could respond, the arena doors burst open. Sheena and Nei ran in, with mixed looks of disgust and terror on their faces. "How dare Zidane do that?! He came into our dressing rooms, and declared me the winner because of my chest size! Then he had his goons try and strip me!" Sheena stood in front of Celes, dressed only in her underwear. "That bastard did the same to Nei." Nei stood next to Sheena, also stripped to her underclothing. She had a shellshocked look on her face, as if the horrible events had broken her in some way. "Mmmm." TimeLord’s brow furrowed for a second. "I think we need to make a visit to Lezard Valeth. He may be a loser, but he's also one of the DL's foremost experts on magical phenomena. Whatever's going wrong here needs to be fixed fast. He can help." "I hate to interrupt you, but we have company." Sheena pointed towards the door, where Zidane and what appeared to be a veriable army of perverts stood behind him. "Girls! I've been looking all over for you. Come to daddy!" TimeLord took one look at the group, and waved his hands. "Girls, I'm going to use Overdrive to get us to safer ground. Once that’s done, we'll be able to put a stop to this. I'll be defenseless, though…ready?" They nodded, and TimeLord stood in front of the massing army of losers. "Overdrive!" When time returned to normal, Celes, Sheena, Nei, Jessica, and the TimeLord stood in Lezard's room, with Zidane's group several miles behind. In front of them stood a very annoyed Lezard Valeth, his glowing hands on a massive tome of magic. "Someone care to explain why the master of all Time magic has appeared in my room with four nearly naked women?" It was then that Celes noticed that she had forgotten to dress after summoning TimeLord. Sheena Fujibayashi: 55 SuperSmash Master
Xeroma
Mia Ausa vs Isadora
superaielman Lezard stared at the group, utterly at a loss for snide commentary. "…So Edge got manhandled by Ghaleon's women, and now Zidane is running amok? And you’re bothering me to set things right?" A battered pair of women walked through the door. "Because Lenneth's next." Mia limped into the room, wearing only her nightshirt. She helped Isadora into the room. The paladin’s entire body was covered in claw marks. "Some security you have, Lezard." Everyone ignored Sheena while the battered duo sat down on Lezard's bed. "Isadora didn't want to go along with Zidane's sick plans for a snowboarding bikini contest. She started to attack him...then he declared me the winner, and those worthless judges agreed! I'm so upset right now." "So he's not only a pervert, he's stupid. Well, that's no surprise. Celes, heal Mia and Jessica's wounds. Someone close that door and bolt it, as apparently the master of time isn't bright enough to do that. I'm going to do some quick research, and we'll figure out what's wrong here. Then maybe you’ll leave me in peace...” Mia Ausa: 67 Ralff
Celine Jules vs Norn
superaielman The group was coming something back to normalcy. TimeLord had fully restored his JP with an ether potion, and the rest of the group was healed up. Well, as normal as a group of six nearly naked girls willingly associating with Lezard and TimeLord can be. It was quiet. The silence was broken by Lezard slamming his book shut and waving his hands at the wall. "This is…odd. It appears that what Royce and Xenobia did to Edge was no mere pummeling." Seeing that he had everyone's attention, Lezard laughed and stood up, putting on a show. "The very energies of the entire Duelling League arena are highly unstable. As you all know, it's season 30, which is also known as Season XXX. The very air is shaking with the latent energy of perversion. Edge is something of a Duelling Leauge mascot in that regard. He's the foremost DL pervert, but he's basically harmless; he always comes back to Rydia and never hurts a girl. No matter what happens, he's always confident things will turn out okay. What Xenobia and Royce did was shatter that confidence.” The looks he was getting didn’t exactly drip with sympathy. Harmless or not, most of the girls had no love for the ninja. “This wouldn't normally be such a big deal, but the aforementioned instability in season XXX makes things interesting. Edge's sudden lack of faith and weakness has shifted the balance of perversion. To someone who's known for its darker side. A loser. Someone not liked by anyone. An outcast of respectable DL society. You know him as Zidane. In a way, this is horrible luck for him. All of this latent power and energy being directed towards him has probably fried the few brain cells he had. Zidane will be lucky if he can so much as tie his shoes when this is over; right now, he’s just out of everyone’s control, including his own. He needs to be stopped, and now." Noticing the slightly puzzled stares facing him, Lezard sighed. "Think of Edge as the light side of perversion, and Zidane as the dark side. If we don't fix things soon, the dark side will consume the entire DL. It could be destroyed. We must move quickly - if the pattern of attacks are any indication, Zidane's group will strike Norn and Celine next. Thankfully, My omniscience extends to teleportation spells. Get ready; we could be walking into an interesting situation." Jessica, who had been quiet, snarled. "How do we fix this?" "You'll see, my dear. Anyhow, my spell's done. Let’s go!" --- The group materialized in front of Celine's dressing room. The door to the room was ajar. Celine and Norn were standing inside, both wearing what appeared to be old bathrobes. When the group appeared, Celine near broke down in joy. "Thank goodness, darlings! I thought we'd never see anyone else besides Zidane and his goons! All he did was rip our clothes off and shriek about me being the winner due to my.. ah.. assets, before running off. He said something about avenging himself and ending Edge." Lezard started at that news. "We don't have much time, then. Norn and Celine, come with us. We're teleporting directly into Edge's room! I know just how to fix this!" Much to the dismay of all the assembled women and TimeLord, Lezard suddenly began cackling. "Ahahahaha! This is fun!" --- Lezard's spell had landed the group right in front of Edge's door. No one was near the room quite yet, but they could all feel waves of energy coming their way, at an incredibly fast speed. "We don't have have margin for error here. TimeLord, I need you to put up some sort of barrier to stop or slow down time outside of this area. I'll assist you in just a second. I need to explain exactly what needs to be done to the girls." It was then that they noticed that Lezard, oddly enough, wasn't laughing. "Ladies. I teleported you all around for one very specific reason, and it wasn't to waste my precious magical energies. There's but one way to reverse the effects of what's occurred recently. A circle of eight. You must all link together in Edge's room, and, ah... well, reverse the perversion sink. I think you're all bright enough to figure out exactly what I mean." The shrieks and protests were loud enough to make the TimeLord jump. It had no effect on Edge, whose door was still shut. "This is no time for complaining. If we don't reverse the effects now, the Duelling League universe could end! Even if it isn't…do you want a superpowerful, super-perverted Zidane running around?" To his credit, Lezard didn't even smile when the girls silently opened the door to Edge's room without another comment. "No matter what, the damage must be undone! I'll be waiting out here, but don't take too long!" --- TimeLord shuddered. The magical barrier, composed of all of his mystical abilities, was crumbling. Zidane's ferocious attacks were slowly breaking through, and he wasn't letting up. The pounding his flunkies were putting on the barrier wasn't helping. "Damn Lezard…the weakling passed out when the first wave of attacks hit. No wonder he was able to barely escape Light. I hope the girls are nearly done!" Before TL could even finish those words, the door to Edge's room exploded. The girls stood in the very back of the room, all of them crowded around Edge's bed. That was all the TimeLord could see, as his view was blocked by a sprinting Edge, armed to the teeth. The crumbling barrier of Time didn't so much as slow Eblan's crown prince, as he ran straight through the barrier and began shredding Zidane's posse with a pair of claws. Sten was closest to the door, and exploded in a haze of blood. Valygar and the small army of hangers-on and bodyguards fared no better, being blasted away by a single Flood spell. TimeLord could feel things returning to normal, as Edge landed blow after blow. The only thing left in his way was Zidane. The monkey-man's defense was truly valiant, as he screeched and sliced Edge from forehead to waist from a slash of his daggers. The blow didn't even seem to slow down his berserk foe, and in fact only seemed to make him press his attacks even harder.. Readying his Cat and Hell claws, he came in close and started to rip Zidance apart. It didn't take long for Genome to drop his weapon and stop defending himself. This didn't stop the blows from coming. --- Celes, now wrapped up in a sheet, watched as Edge beat Zidane to a pulp. The thief was screaming in agony, but he couldn't seem to find any release in death or even unconsciousness. The hallway was covered in blood and gore, and Edge hasn't even taken a second to wipe off the mess that covered his clothing and weapons. It was a massacre. Suddenly, Edge stopped attacking. Grabbing Zidane by the throat, he threw him against the wall, with enough force to shake the entire building. "TimeLord. Get the rest of the League assembled in the Champions’ Hall. I'll be there as soon as soon as I finish up with this loser." Without another word, Edge vanished in a flash, taking what was left of Zidane with him. Celes walked over to TimeLord, with a look of disgust on her face. "How did Zidane survive those attacks? Edge could have leveled a WEAPON with that kind of assault." Timelord's shrug wasn't what she expected. "If I had to venture a guess, it was because the magical energies infusing Zidane gave him near-limitless amounts of life. I'm guessing that Edge is going to beat all that life out of him, which is why I'm going to assemble the arena right now. I need to make a call to a few key Godlikes. If you'll excuse me..." --- The champion's hall was overflowing. Everyone had noticed the strange occurrences and shifting energies, but no one outside of Yuri and Celes's band had the slightest clue what was behind it. When TimeLord said he knew the cause of the recent unpleasantness, it was easy to talk all of the ranked fighters into assembling for an emergency meeting. Even with the chaos in Yuna and Ted's match, it took less than an hour to get everyone together. When Edge walked through the champion doors wearing only his mask and pants, the crowd stirred a little. Edge being at the center of a universal fiasco surprised no one, especially in a season that seemed tuned to his potential. The crowd gasped when it saw the savagely-beaten Zidane being dragged behind Edge, but only because of his horrific wounds…and the fact that, somehow, he was alive. After all, if it had all been Zidane’s fault, that was even less surprising than Edge’s involvement. The crowd started to make noise when it saw Charmles, Valygar, and Sten tossed into the center of the hall along with Zidane, all beaten to within an inch of their lives. The crowd erupted when Edge vanished without a word, and appeared in the Godlike stands. Without as much as a wasted motion, he threw Xenobia and Royce into the center of the pit. That got a rise out of the crowd – there was no way that Edge could normally throw around a pair of Heavy fighter like that with his bare hands, let alone two Godlikes as strong as Royce and Xenobia. But before anyone could think of intervening, Timelord gave a quick nod to Mewtwo and both of them were trapped in psychic binds far too strong to break through. The master of time then motioned for the crowd to be quiet, and began speaking. "As you all know, there's been some…strange events…here recently. From Cecilia's match to the horrors of Brahnedom, it's been a very odd week. With the help of Lezard and Celes, I've managed to track down the source of all this. A short while later ...And that's what happened. Thankfully, Lezard managed to use a spell of reversal to fix the damage done, and Edge handled the rest." The crowd stared at the bloodied pile of fighters in the middle of the ring. Several powerful healing spells hit the floor, restoring them to full life. "In short, Royce and Xenobia indirectly caused Zidane to be successful. Tribal and his pathetic little group nearly brought down the Duelling League with his actions afterwards, and caused countless traumatic events. I assembled you all here to inflict a fitting punishment upon those responsible. I'm sure you can all find a way to properly express yourselves." Some 900 combatants stared at Royce, Xenobia, Charmles, Zidane, Valygar, and Sten. The sound of weapons being drawn and spells being prepared drowned out any pleas for mercy, with one exception. "…Hey, why am I here? I have no idea what happened. Someone help me? Please? What are you…why…but I never…Oh God the pain!!" --- Celes stood at the entrance to TimeLord's realm, properly dressed for the first time since her match with Jessica. "So you're saying that because Zidane had official authority, all those results stand? How horrible. Well…compared to what could have happened, I guess it’s not worth worrying about. But what about the…um.." TimeLord shook his head. "Edge's memory is blank from the time he found out he wasn't going to fight until he woke up in Rydia's room after the…incident. He claims that he saw the drawing and had a headache, and slept straight through everything. Zidane also won't remember anything that happened up until Mewtwo slapped the psychic bonds on him, assuming anyone ever bothers reviving him.” Here he almost smiled. “After all, they only stopped hurting him when there weren't enough pieces to put back together for a proper revival spell. Lezard wasn't touched but I strongly suspect his brains are scrambled beyond repair anyway. He's too obsessed with Lenneth to care about anything else." "As for the rest? That's for you and the girls to deal with. As for me, I got good press, the chance to see Zidane and Ghaleon's wenches beaten down, and I admit I had a fun. I'm not going to mention what might or might not have happened in Edge's room." Without a word, Celes turned her back turned to the TimeLord, and started the ong trip from his realm to the medical station where they were (sort of) trying to put Zidane back together. After all, she hadn't had a chance to get him back for all he put her through. --- With Celes gone, TimeLord finally stopped holding back his ear-to-ear grin. "All that, and Celes never bothered to check Edge's room for a TimeRecord spell. I guess she did have a lot on her mind. All in all, a very nice day's work." Celine Jules: 39 Taishyr
Randi vs Zappa
Taishyr The slugfest was epic. Charged attacks were unleashed, powerful blows exchanged, but in the end, Zappa stood over the form of his foe. You see, only the man with enough stamina to please Light could ever emerge victorious in the battle of the prospective pimps. Randi? Punk kid, never even got any from Popoi, let alone Purim. Low stamina. Zappa? Blacksmith. Works in harsh conditions all day. Furthermore, he has -actual stamina- in battle. None of this needing to charge up crap, he wails on an opponent first, -then- unleashes havoc. No gap in between. Oh, and he has BALLS OF IRON. Clearly, he has massive amounts of... stamina. Match: Zappa. Randi: 38
PIMMPOMF Grefter Start replacement of string section with deep heavy bass guitar. Dun, dun, dun, nnnn chukkah chaawwww, Nnnn chukkah chaawwwww. Dun, dun, dun, nnnn chukkah chawwwwwwwww. Commence Femtrooper poll dance with E-11 blaster fire set to stun, because the entire audience is now thoroughly captivated. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=3&entry_id=8393 For any culture junky who has been living under a rock for a bit. Nirvana: 3 Imperial March: 14 CTHULHU: 12 Mountain King: 8 Dream Theater: 5 WTPOOFAM: 7 Deftones: 1 The Doors: 5 Smurfs: 5 Radiohead: 10
The Season XXX games: Cmdr_King Yuri is a man of many virtues (and more than a few vices), but one people sometimes forget is his talent for balancing saving the world and looking out for those close to him. As such, it wasn't surprising that in the midst of the events of Season XXX's inaugeral week, he still remembered that Karin was involved in the opening Swimsuit Contest. Of course, once you discounted everyone that was in the middle of things, everyone that Yuri needed to address the bigger threat, people that would just make things much worse, and Alice because he damn well wasn't subjecting her to that mess, the only people left were Joachim and Margarete. Joachim naturally is immune to perversion (or at least, his mind is totally uneffected by it, which isn't the same thing), and Margarete just seems not to mind it too much. On the other hand, their collective solution to the problem was to knock out the other competitors, bodily pick Karin up and walk off with her, then blow up the whole arena for good measure. Not that anyone really noticed, and it did accomplish their mission after a fashion. There were, however, unintended consequences. Impressive a physical specimin Joachim is, and needlessly large as Margarete's bombs were, none of it really affected KOS-MOS that much. Thusly, as the judges of the match were either incompacitated or Zidane, who was busy, she had a sudden blank spot in her schedual. As such, she got in touch with her erstwhile creator. "Shion. The Swimsuit Contest appears to be postponed. Requesting instructions." Shion, who was in fact already strongly under the influence of the season, giggled almost drunkenly. "Just the sexy piece of engineering I wanted to see. KOSsy-MOSsy, you get back here right away. I have jobs for you <3" (It will forever be a mystery exactly how Shion managed to say the heart emoticon verbally. She was in no state to remember later, and all further attempt at it has produced either the far less girlish "less than three" or resulted in massive brain hemoraging.) ((Actually, Shion might have suffered that as well, but who can tell with her.)) In any case, KOS-MOS responded without much hesitation. "Acknowledged. Shall I simply forfeit the contest?" "Oh, you and your contest! Just hack into the DL Database on the way over here and register yourself as the winner, I'm sure no one will notice and I'm getting impatient!" "Acknowledged. Signing Off." Jessica: 21 Jennifer: 7 Paine: 11 Karin: 26 KOS-MOS: 31 mepmep
Starphoenix das Helpoemer
Mr. VSM
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