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Ghaleon vs Indalecio
Taishyr As it turns out, there -is- a club for tanky mage bosses (the Why Won't We Die Society, otherwise known as WWWDS), and Ghaleon and Indalecio are co-founders. Therefore, as per all WWWDS conflicts, this battle was settled by the rules of the club. Namely, performing the 999 steps of the WWWDS secret handshake. Indalecio got to step 182 (using the nearest person as a pogo stick, draw the symbol of the WWWDS society in the earth) before getting launched to the stars by an irate Terra (the nearest person). Ghaleon got to step 553 (naked bird calls) before the panel of judges killed him and disassembled his carcass for his crimes against eyesight. Ghaleon: 48 sorrowful_paradox@hotmail.com
Browbeat
tehexile@gmail.com
Yuri Volte Hyuga vs Dhaos
SageAcrin "Hmhmhm. So, you idiotic 'hero'." Dhaos snickered, as Yuri slowly entered the arena. "You're finally here. What the hell took you so long? My time is val-GAH." Dhaos cut off as Yuri picked up what he was dragging into the arena and bodily swung it into Dhaos' face. A massive tree. "...Yuri...what...what the hell?" Edge called out, puzzled, as Yuri smashed Exdeath's monstrous form into Dhaos' pretty, bishounen face. "...You said he had a weakness to plants." Yuri replied, as Dhaos was propelled into the far wall of the arena. "...FOR. FOR PLANTS." Edge yelled. "...what the hell? That doesn't make any sense." "...look, I'm aware it doesn't. It's still true." Edge said, disgustedly. "...so why the hell did I just drag a giant tree into the arena?" Yuri pondered. "...So you could knock Dhaos out of the ring, I guess." Edge noted, as the floor gave way under the combined weight of Dhaos-and-tree, dropping both into a lower ring. "So...uh...let's...go get a drink." Yuri said, shaking his head. "Don't you want to watch them fight? It could be interesting..." Edge asked. "After what you said earlier?" "...right, let's run before they start making out." Edge said, quickly dashing out of the arena, followed by a still-bemused Yuri. Yuri Volte Hyuga: 42
Beatrix vs Lyon
Gatewalker The stage was set. Two gleaming and state of the art kitchens, two pairs of sous-chefs awaiting the call to begin, and two focused and determined women waiting with nervous excitement to see the unveiling of the secret ingredient. At a table near the kitchens, a short but rather round man sits and taps his microphone, “Ey, this thing workin’? It is? Great.” Turning his attention to the crowd, he begins to get down to business, “Welcome all you birds and gents to Kitchen Stadium, right here in the ‘eavy arena. And ‘ave we got a treat for you today. Instead of fightin’ wit swords and spells and whatsuch, our two competitioners will be fightin’ with food! Well, not a real food fight, o’course. That’d be a thing, now wouldnnit? Anyway, I’m Yangus, your comentationist for the evenin’, and this here show is Iron Chef Dueling League!” After a brief pause for some theme music, the commentator continues, “Now this whole thingamer wouldn’t be possible without the financierin’ of our Chairman, mister Ramus Farmain!” Stepping up into the spotlight to a hearty applause, the chairman takes a bow and gestures to the large covered alter before him, upon which sat the secret ingredient, “Greetings challengers, and welcome to my kitchen. In this arena, you will have thirty minutes to prepare a pair of unique dishes featuring today’s secret ingredient. I would have made it the normal five dishes in one hour, but I have a business meeting at three, so I can’t stay for a whole hour. Still, I’m certain that you will still be tested to your limits in this contest, as it is the quality, not quantity, of the food that is important. So, allow me to reveal today’s secret ingredient,” gesturing to the alter again, the chairman lifts his hand slowly while the cover of the alter rises into the air, revealing that which these two women must prepare… Seeing the ingredient before them, both Beatrix and Lyon got very satisfied and greedy looks in their eyes as the smiled at them both, “Yes, that favorite treat of women everywhere…Chocolate!!! Now remember, at least one of your two meals must be savory instead of sweet. Now, I say unto you in the words of some scrawny Japanese guy on TV…” stepping back, the chairman swung his hand in a rather comical(coming from Ramus, anyway) karate chop-like motion, “Allez Cuisine!!!” The two chefs immediately grabbed for the chocolate and went to work, while Yangus took in the fragrance of cooking chocolate and rubbed his hands together excitedly, “Cor blimey, what an ingredient! I tell you mates, it ain’t just birds who love this stuff! Can’t get enough of it meself. Now we gots three kindsa chocolate up there, milk chocolate which is kinda creamy and sweet; the dark chocolate which ain’t as creamy and it’s a little more bitter than milk chocolate; and then there’s this white chocolate stuff which I ain’t never ‘ad before, so I can’t tell ya much about it. Personally, I like the dark stuff, and I can’t wait to see what these birds are gonna do wif it.” Seeing a yellow clad man in a bandana waving at him from the kitchens, Yangus quickly nodded, remembering the time, “Oh, right! Now’s time to ‘and it over to the floor reporter, me very own best mate, the Guv, to go introduct the judges. Take ‘er away, Guv!” Nodding enthusiastically, Guv walked over to the table where the three judges sat, and approached the first judge, Gremio. As Guv walked up to him, Gremio broke out in laughter, “Yes, that most certainly is true, Mr. Guv. I don’t like to brag, but I am a rather accomplished cook as well as a devoted servant and bodyguard, and I don’t think the chairman could have picked a better ingredient for these two ladies. I especially like that miss Beatrix is going for the hot peppers for her savory dish and cinnamon for her sweet one. They combine quite nicely with chocolate, you know. Miss Lyon is also quite impressive with her incredibly precise knife work though, and she seems likely to have a strong advantage in presentation.” Moving on down the table, Guv approached Cecilia Lyne Adlehyde, who just smiled and shook her head, “No, no there’s no hard feelings between me and Beatrix. We’re both very professional and leave all that stuff in the arena, we don’t let it interfere with our personal lives. Hmm? What do I think so far? Well…I don’t really like that Beatrix is cooking such small portions. Lyon is really making up for it though. I hope hers is tastier since I’ll be getting so much more of it. You know me, I just can’t get enough of good food.” With a slight blush and a chuckle, she motioned Guv to move on to the third judge, Lunar’s own Kyle…who just looked at his fellow judges like they had grown a second head or something. As Guv held the mic out to him, Kyle just shrugged, “Look, pal, I’ve got no idea what you’re trying to say, and hell if I know how those two can understand you. Uh, I guess I’ll just talk about what I’m seeing, alright? Well, Lyon is cooking mostly with the white chocolate, which is alright I guess. But I’m like Yangus here, I love the dark stuff, and I can’t wait to get ahold of whatever Beatrix is making with that dark chocolate and chilis. But what I like most is that two hot babes are sweating it up in that kitchen trying to cook me the best food ever! Jess could learn a thing or two from them, I tell you.” Chuckly(silently, of course) at the obvious trouble Kyle was going to be in later, Guv took the mic back to Yangus and just had a seat. He’d really rather stay out of the way of the two cooks…especially since they still had their swords with them. Watching the battle unfold from there, Yangus and Guv had a grand old time making comments and wisecracks that had Gremio, Cecilia and occasionally even Lyon chuckling, and leaving Beatrix, Kyle and Ramus completely stumped. As the thirty minute mark hit, the dishes were presented. Lyon had prepared a lightly fried chicken with a cocoa based batter and a white chocolate sauce, as well as an elegant three-chocolate mousse, while Beatrix stood confident with her classic spicy beef fajitas made with chilies and dark chocolate, as well as her very gooey cinnamon-fudge brownies served with a scoop of ice-cream. As the judges ate, they made their decisions, and finally handed the chairman their verdict. Reading the verdict, Ramus smiled and nodded, “And the winner of Battle Chocolate is….” Beatrix: 37 
Delita Hyral vs Justin
superaielman Rune had called an emergency meeting of all of his allies. From Kyra to Bowman, all were in attendance. "In perhaps my least awesome moment of all time, a plan of mine lead to something horrible. Something worse than even the Profound Darkness itself. Yes, I.. fed Justin ten 10x strength mind potions, giving him the mental capacity of Mewtwo. I've summoned you all here to assist... hello?" Rune was speaking to a suddenly empty room. No one had stayed around, except for the pharmcist who had gotten him into this trouble. Bowman stood leaning against the door, which had been halfway torn off it's hinges in the mad flight to escape. "Yet you stay. Why?" "Because the ex-idiot's going to come after me for helping you. I'd rather not have to deal with him, let alone Feena or Rapp. This needs a quick solution. One I've been pondering ever since you dropped this little bombshell on me. Anyhow, just show up to Justin's fight and stand somewhere near the front. I'll have everything else ready." ---- Bowman looked on. It was a packed house. Justin and Delita stood in the center of the ring, coldly eyeing each other. The fight was almost ready to start. It was the perfect time for him to spring into action. Everything had been set up according to plan. Bowman smirked; he couldn't believe how easy this was. "Hey, refs! Catch!" Bowman tossed one of the empty bottles he had recovered from Rune's room. "Justin's been ODing on tabs to improve his IQ score in an attempt to match wits with Delita. His friend Rune's been helping him. I have the order Rune put in for all the medicine here, and the empty bottles can be found in his room. The ref's decision to DQ was both quick and obviously in the making. --- Rune looked over to the now grinning Bowman, who was throwing an empty bottle that had containted a tab in his hands. "Ya see, my plan was simple. I blame it all on you. Justin's now smart enough to see this for what it really is, so enjoy dealing with him! I have a client to go meet. Oh, don't worry. The DL will arrange to reverse effects of the tabs soon enough." Rune looked back in the direction of the ring. Justin's face was murderous. Even worse, Feena was standing near Justin. She was speaking loud enough that Rune could easily hear her."I'm sorry your Heavy championship was ruined by that mean old Esper. How dare he drug you! Let's go teach him a lesson." The arrogant Esper barely had time to let loose a string of curses before time stopped. His last thought for a long while was how to get revenge on Bowman for this stunt. How could he have been set up like this? --- Bowman tossed an empty bottle to his employer. "Your plan worked perfectly. Not even supergenius Justin or Rune suspected a thing. One question, though: Why did you want to have Rune there when I revealed it to the refs? Delita smiled. "Sometimes it's the little things in life that make it worth living. Like seeing a plan come together perfectly. Or avenging a loss from nearly thirty seasons ago in a way that can't be traced back to you." Delita reached into his pocket and tossed a sack of gold at Bowman. "Just a little bonus for that speech. As for your reward... how does the St Bowman of Ivalice hospital sound?" Delita Hyral: 39
Edge Eblan vs Sharon
superaielman Orlandu looked at the arena and grimmaced. It was worse than the last fight. Sharon had barely gotten to the ring before being torn apart by Edge's growing army of women. The cry of 'death to perversion' had become ever present in the arena. Thankfully Orlandu's underlings had gotten to the heart of the matter. "A neat trick, certainly. By all reports he's incited the women so much that they blindly follow his orders. Even to the point of tearing other women apart who he claims are perverts." "How did he get them to tear Sharon up, Jin? She's pretty obviously female." "Easy. He claimed she was a tranny working under Futch. As it's Suikoden, everyone bought it." "Sigh. The boy goes too far as usual. Though it gives me an idea.. Elena won this week, correct? Set up a meeting with her and Millenia as soon as possible. I think I have a way to derail Edge's plans for good." Edge Eblan: 57 
Kyle vs Elena
SageAcrin The shell game. A time-honored way to cheat, lie and steal(Obviously, not quite in that order.). Of course, it would seem fair and reasonable as a challenge, if both participants were honest, wouldn't it? This would seem like one of those times. A Queen's Knight, a bit on the ladies-man side, but very honorable. A Priestess. Surely, neither would want to cheat. Yes, something this simple could decide a match between a peace-loving woman and a peace-with-women loving man, couldn't it? --- "And the one I choose shall date...me!" Brother said happily, from his seat in the judge's box, as the giant shells lowered over the unconcious Kyle and Elena. "...I could swear he didn't used to be this stupid." Auron noted from his nearby judges box. "Who let him call the rules for this match, anyways?" "I gather he had something on Sten." Celes noted with disgust. "...And?" "Sten had something on Seymour." '...And?" "And Seymour realized you can't kill a man with 99 Goat Dolls fast enough." "...Remember who we're talking about here." "He had 99 Soul Gems too." "Still not enough." "And he brought along some of Yuna's underwear." "...You should have said that to start with. How do you know all this?" Auron added suspiciously. "Because the monkey stole my underwear and claimed they were Yuna's. I blackmailed my way onto the judges after that." Celes shrugged. "Yes, yes! Spin, shells, spin!" Brother cried out, watching the giant shells revolve. "Why? Just stab him and be done with it." Auron said, disgustedly. "Oh, no, this has to be done correctly." Celes replied. "And the winner of the match is the one on the left, who will be brought to my bedroom soon!" Brother said, as he raced out of the arena. "Elena wins." Auron said, his voice absolutely flat, as he watched Brother leave. "Good, now he gets the one who represented Elena." Celes nodded. "...a cosplayer?" Auron said, a slight hint of a smile on his face. --- "Ahhh, yes, the pretty girl! We will go out on a date for hours of fun! Then hopefully that will not be the end of it! Yes, my-..." Brother chopped off mid-sentence as he realized who was actually on his bed. "You mean it!?" Valentina said, chuckling happily. "Oh, my, this is the first time anyone has ever said anything like that to me! Hohohoho!" --- Ultimately, Brother never was able to get away from Valentina. To boot, Elena and Kyle, after finding out about the match, joined Auron and Celes in a rousing shell game, which involved putting Brother, tied and gagged, into one of the shells and turning the speed on maximum, then walking off. Buddy was quoted as saying this could potentially be the marriage of the century and that no one deserved it better than Brother. He's probably right. Kyle: 29
White Wizard vs Mint Adenade
Lance It was a fierce struggle -- two opposing forces giving their utmost to vanquish their foe, employing every possible tactic to ensure a victory. Complex strategies were devised, sacrifices were made, and bold tactical maneuvers were made until finally, it seemed as though one competitor had finally met her match.... "Knight to C4. Check." "Drat...King to E6." "Bishop to H3. Checkmate," Cidolfas Orlandu announced from the judges' box. Valvalis, his opponent and fellow judge, simply stared at the board, her mouth agape. "What?! But...but...oh, but I was so close this time!" "Sorry," Orlandu said with a slight shrug. "You should not have challenged a master tactician to a game of chess unless you were prepared for the consequences." "Grrr...okay, how about best 47 out of 93? Your luck is bound to run out sooner or later," the Wind Fiend demanded. "Hmph. Don't mistake luck for skill, my dear," Orlandu retorted haughtily. "In truth, I am beginning to grow bored of this game. Are those two still fighting?" He motioned to the arena below, where Mint and White Wizard continued their epic slap-fest. "Seems that way. How long have they been at it, anyway?" Orlandu produced a small pocket watch from his breastplate. "They have been fighting for 72 hours now. I surely thought one of them would have fainted from hunger or lack of sleep by now, but...." "Well, this is boring!" Valvalis shouted. "I'm thinking it's about time we put an end to this pathetic fight. Are you with me?" Orlandu nodded. "Agreed. I have wasted enough time officiating this insipid encounter. Besides, there are much more important things I should be doing at the moment. Well then, shall we?" Meanwhile, in the arena below, Mint had suffered a minor scratch on her arm. Not one to take any chances, she ran like a little sissy girl to the far end of the platform to heal her wound while White Wizard charged up her magic. Just as the ivory-clad healer was about to unleash an Xfer spell upon her foe, a cry of "Dark Sword!" rang out from the judges' box and struck her. White Wizard instantly felt all of her remaining MP drained in a single blow. A moment later, Mint was struck by Orlandu's MP-draining technique, leaving both cleric and wizard drained of their resources. "Hey! What's the big idea?" Mint demanded at once, but she and White Wizard were only answered by a Weak spell from Valvalis. Both combatants fell to their knees, barely clinging to life. "Now then, time to end this egregious waste of time," Orlandu announced from the judges' box. "This next blow shall determine the outcome of the match!" His words were punctuated by a mischievous giggle from Valvalis. The combatants knew better than to protest. Mint brandished her rod while White Wizard gripped her hammer. After many hours of "intense" competition, a resolution to their battle was finally within sight. A lonely tumbleweed blew across the arena floor.... After the obligatory stare down, Mint and White Wizard both charged and swung their weapons at the same time -- SNAP! -- and Mint found her rod broken clean in half by her opponent's heavy mallet. Mint barely had time to lament her bad fortune before White Wizard pivoted on her heel and smacked the unfortunate cleric in the back of the head, depleting her last remaining HP and knocking her out cold. A jaunty 8-bit victory theme played from some unknown source as White Wizard celebrated her victory. "Well, that was completely pointless," Orlandu grumbled as he picked up his cloak and stalked away from the judges' box. "Valvalis, be a dear and announce the results of this match, will you? I'm off to go check on Edge. I have a feeling that that scoundrel is up to something again...." White Wizard: 40 
Keele Ziebel vs Rennac
SageAcrin Fights have been won through strange thefts before. Stealing weapons, crystals, apples, hearts, pants, all are valid ways to end a battle faster. Of course, Rennac can't steal any of those things. In fact, all he can steal are unequipped things. Of course, what if no one's sure something's equipped...? --- The terrible rain of blood. The awful shrieks. The babbling judges. "W-w-was it even l-legal for him to bring the Craymel Cage into the f-fight?" Asked Scias curiously, as he watched Ifrit and Rem take turns pummeling the hapless Rogue into a pulp. "Actually...it depends on the judge." Cloud said with a shrug. "No one can ever make up their minds. They just try to not think about it too much." "...d-don't...we have to?" Scias pondered, as he quickly ducked a fountain of blood from the arena. Riou shrugged. "S-so...it won't set a p-precedent, r-r-right? N-nothing ever seems t-to... Just...do the fastest thing." Scias shrugged. "Well...Keele put us in this spot. Let's just call him the loser." Cloud said, nodding. "There's sure as hell enough precedent for lazy decisions." He added. "S-sure." Scias shrugged, as he walked out of the stands. Sadly for Rennac, no one really seemed to pay much attention to his plight. While he may have won this round, there is debate if the requisite 51% of him will be present at the next match. As for Keele, not only did he lose, all of the Craymels he happened to have with him got so ticked off that they took off, telling him to quest for them again if he wants their powers. The fact that they said this, and promptly started hanging out at the Koopa King's Bar and Grill(Slogan: "Kyahahaha! No beast too big, no monster too massive, no creature too collossal, for our steaks! Heroes only allowed bound and gagged.". Bowser makes a killing.) all the time instead of their normal haunts is fairly reasonable. After all, they never said they'd be in the same place as before... Keele Ziebel: 20
DQYDB3: - Child Psychology Is NOT Healthy Gatewalker Sometimes, it’s better just to keep things simple and easy. While the old saying goes ‘shoot for the stars, you might still land on the moon’ there are times when shooting for the stars only means that you get lost in space. Rhapthorne and Colette both learned this little lesson the hard way, though. You see, having heard of such wildly popular diets like the recent Atkins craze, Rhapthorne thought that he could make a killing by coming up with some catchy fad diet that was about 10% actual dietary information and 90% marketing and advertising it well. After all, it was all about the money in the end, right? If the people who follow his diet end up malnourished and dying, but still forking over money because it makes them look good, then…well, all the better! He is an evil overlord, after all! So, taking his hastily sketched out idea for making money, the Dark King went to go consult someone who was already rather wealthy, and also a man who he considered to be in the prime of physical condition and masculine beauty(second to himself, of course), his good friend Palmer. That’s right. Palmer. It seems that Rhapthorne does in fact ascribe to the ‘bigger is better’ and ‘big is beautiful’ schools of thought. So, believing that everyone would want to be as round as they are tall, the massive purple monstrosity and his portly partner(who also offered to be his financier) put together a rigid diet of lard, sugar, fatty meats, and eating about two to three times what you really should at any meal. They also stressed such things as brushing your teeth and showering regularly, of course, as looking good was the end goal of the diet and while they thought fat was fabulous, they weren’t complete slobs. It goes without saying that this project ended in complete and total failure, of course. Palmer and Rhapthorne were both out thousands just from the failure of the books. The ensuing lawsuits from the few who did actually try their ‘diet’ have yet to be settled but the estimate is an additional few hundred thousand in debt each. Experts expect the Dark King to just devour the plaintiffs whole though, so it’s doubtful that he’ll actually end up owing anyone anything. Now Colette, while failing at her assigned job, thankfully didn’t hurt anyone in the process. Well, nobody important anyway. You see, while looking around for places in need of an interior designer, Colette was also doodling ideas for designs in a notebook and somehow wound up in the city of Argonia when she wasn’t paying attention. Nobody really knows how she randomly wandered from the upscale residential area of the Dueling League world itself to Argonia(apparently by way of Besaid, according to Colette…), but wander there she did. Once there, now quite lost, the young chosen did the only thing that seemed reasonable to do for an RPG heroine in distress, which was to go up to the local castle and ask the resident ruler for directions. Sure, sometimes those rulers are actually blackhearted scum instead of helpful, but since she wasn’t here on official heroine business then it would follow that even the mean ones wouldn’t have to be villainous towards her, right? Well, discovering that the king wasn’t in, she instead met with the prince, who was more than happy to show a cute young lady around his castle, showing off all his riches and trophies, especially his gigantic Argon’s Heart ruby, and invited her to stay as long as she’d like. That’s when Colette got an idea: maybe she should stay awhile and be the interior designer for an entire castle! A castle has so much more space to decorate, and the sturdy stone walls should prevent any odd Colette-shaped holes in the walls from appearing. It seemed like a perfect job, and much to her delight, the friendly Prince Charmles agreed to it quite readily(where else was he going to find a cute girl who was clueless enough to not realize what he was after and possibly naive enough to let him get it?). So, starting the very next day, Colette began her re-decorating project of Argonia castle in the Prince’s own bedroom(at Charmles’ suggestion, of course). Working at a frantic pace, the young Chosen had the entire room done in only a few hours, with the walls being painted a bright and cheerful pastel yellow and the furniture and general decorations being redone in a very cute puppy dog theme. But working so hard put a toll on even the tireless Colette and she needed to rest for a bit after finishing up. Seeing his chance, Charmles moved in for an ‘accidental' grope under the guise of offering her a gentlemanly arm. Big mistake. Feeling the pinch on her bottom, Colette jumped back and flailed her arms around in surprise….knocking Charmles clear through the wall and out into a nearby well. The King, who had returned that morning, came to see what all the fuss was about, of course. While he approved of her deft handling of his son, he simply couldn’t abide that horrid shade of yellow(or the hole in his castle wall…) and fired Colette from her position. Ryu, in the meanwhile, had also taken a stroll about for inspiration, and ended up in Budehuc castle, where a rather famous stage director just so happened to reside. Taking in a few of Nadir’s plays, and familiarizing himself with the tastes of the common folk who came to watch them, Ryu quickly realized a theme. People liked the classics. Taking this idea and running with it, he quickly began penning a dramatic retelling of one of the greatest classics of all time, a simple tale about a warrior, a princess, and a dragon. With Nadir agreeing to direct, Ryu’s Dragon Warrior: Where it All Began became a smash hit with the hero, villain and NPC demographics alike, it’s simplistic elegance appealing to each group for much the same reasons. Confident with his first success, the ranger couldn’t wait to get started on his next ideas, especially since Nadir said that he had come across a new and interesting way to cast the parts. Sometimes, the simplest ideas really are the best, and given a chance, a classic might just prove why it’s a classic. Hmm? What about Albedo? Oh, well it seems that karma decided to throw Seifer a bone for actually doing his job for a change as Albedo didn’t survive his first day as a child psychologist. His very first appointment seemed to be more than he could handle and he quit with great haste right after, trying to put as much distance as possible between himself and the odd little girl who only wanted him to be her friend… Rhapthorne: 6 Colette: 7 Ryu5: 18 Albedo: 16 Failure: 14 Lezard Valeth
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