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Profound Darkness vs False Althena
SageAcrin A young woman, desiring to become one of the most powerful beings in the universe, through giving her life, her soul, to a great, demonic force. A great, demonic force. The conclusion? --- "...okay... Why, exactly, are they making out?" Terra said, slightly disgusted, as the least monstrous forms of the Profound Darkness and False Althena went at it on the arena floor. "This is why you need to not get up for a drink, when you're a judge." Yuna observed. "Anyways, from what I caught earlier, False Althena pledged her alligience to the Profound Darkness, which absolutely everyone saw coming. So I guess she's already lost. Probably. She won't call the match yet, though." "And then?" Terra asked. "And then they said something about there being no perverts at all in the arena, and no male judges... and started going at it." Chris Lightfellow said. "As statistically unlikely as it is." Jessica Albert added. "...well, the Profound Darkness is one of the greatest sources of evil, so somehow I'm not surprised." Terra said in disgust. "Why isn't this bothering you five, anyways?" "Well, you sort of get used to this sort of thing, hanging around Rikku and Paine...er, not...quite this sort, but..." Yuna stammered. "...same thing, replace Rikku and Paine with Alma Kinnan." Chris replied, blushing. "...um...I guess hitting on monsters gives me...er..." Jessica stammered. "...same thing, replace monsters with snake." Royce said. "Now shut up." Terra turned to Fujin, who still hadn't answered. "...BETTER THAN RAIJIN." Fujin simply noted. "...well, at least one of you has a good reason." Terra sighed. Profound Darkness: 40 T.G. Nevareh
Roufas vs Rosa Harvey
superaielman Roufas's mix of defensive skills, so-so offense, and deep healing reserves are perfect for handling most low godlikes. He didn't count on running into an extremely pissed off Rosa, who had just gotten challenged to a barfight by a dirty old man and his tranny lover. Rosa charging in and kneeing him in the groin was unexpected. Did she really have to Holy him so hard that she ruined the shades? At least Liza and Annie can nurse him back to health. Roufas: 32 
Albedo vs Jecht
Hunter Sopko Before the match, Jecht was out with his favorite bowling buddies, Auron and his son Tidus. Whilst Auron and Jecht were talking about the match to come, Tidus was taking his turn. Strike! "Woo! I'm throwing rocks tonight!" He walked back to his father and mentor and listened in as Auron spoke, "So I see you're facing Albedo this week. He should be a pushover." "I don't know, Auron. He is a former champion." replied Jecht. "Yeah, but he's a pervert dude." A pause as Jecht looked at him in disbelief. "No, he's a sex offender, with a record. He did 8 months at Illsveil for exposing himself to an eight year old. When he moved to the DL Nexus he had to go door to door to tell everyone he was a pederast." A curious Tidus chimed in. "Whats a pederast, Auron?" "Shut the fuck up, Tidus." Jecht nodded in approval, but set on thinking how he could beat the former champ. "8 year-olds, Dude." Auron insisted. --- Jecht won the match, but his use of little girls in the stands to distract Albedo was called into question. Hilariously, his interrogator was named also named Jecht. “Mr. Jecht, let me assure you this isn’t about the girls in the stands. Because it’s not.” “Then why did you call me in here?” “Well, Mr. Jecht, some people expressed a bit of distastefulness on your part for the match today.” Jecht sighed, holding up his hands. “Wait, let me explain something here. I’m not Mr. Jecht. YOU’RE Mr. Jecht. I’M the Best! Or his Bestness, Or Bestest, or El Besterino if you’re not into the whole brevity thing, you know?” “Uh, nevertheless I have to question you about the little girls, if you don’t mind.” Jecht stood up at this point. “Yeah, I do mind. The Best minds! This will not stand, ya know, this aggression will not stand, man!” He then began to walk out. This was the other Jecht’s turn to be angry. “You’ll lose your next match, you know! You hear me Jecht! You’re a bum! The bum will always lose!” “Yeah? Well, the Best abides, man.” I don't know about you, but I take comfort in that. It's good knowing he's out there, the Dude, taking it easy for all us sinners. Shoosh. I sure hope he makes the finals. Albedo: 46 
Lugia vs Lady
Taishyr The judges looked out through the periscope in the bomb shelter underneath the stadium. "What's the current damage count?" Ness asked worriedly. "It's being stalled by Yuna, Yuri, Tidus and Citan. Not sure how long that'll last, though. Hopefully reinforcements will come soon." Lucca replied, eyeing the outside worriedly. "Rosa and Rika just came. It should end soon, I hope." "Good. How about next time we forbid Lady from giving her opponents a kiss before the match?" Hiro said irritably. The other two nodded in mute agreement. "Good. Malice Lugia just got pinned down by a Sanered/Hasted Yuri/Citan. It's over, thankfully." Lucca murmured. "Sadly, since Lugia never stepped foot in the arena, we have to give the match to Lady..." "At least Lady didn't trigger Malice Lugia in the arena. That would've been a disaster and a half." Hiro grumbled. Lugia: 24 supersmith10@hotmail.com
Albert Simon vs Marivel Armitage
Taishyr "Why is it..." Hiro grumbled as he rested on the judge's table, "...that none of the matches this week are -normal-?" Ness shrugged, doing the walk-the-dog trick with his yoyo. "Like I know. At least this one doesn't have possessed angry chickens." "The young one speaks truth." Lucca says with a chuckle as she watched Albert and Marivel sip tea and chat. "Gah, it's hot enough out here that I'm tempted to put them both to sleep an- wait, what just happened to Marivel?" The Crimson Noble had toppled out of her chair and slapped into the arena floor with a dull thud. Albert had stood up and bowed to the audience, which had pretty much all fallen asleep at this point. Ness was the first to Marivel. "She collapsed, but she's OK otherwise." he says. Albert Simon chuckled. "Of course she collapsed. That was the test!" "Test?" Lucca frowned. "Yes. The test was to see who could act the most proper for the longest amount of time. By fainting, she lost; even if you refuse to acknowledge our contest (and we sent in the papers for this ahead of time) since she is the first to faint in the arena, by common rules I am the victor." "You people are silly. Match to Albert Simon." Hiro said wearily as he carted Marivel away. Lucca was looking through the papers. "...but the form says wet shirt contest." Albert Simon glanced down at his black and white suit with a grin. "Well, it is wet, is it not?" "...touche, Albie. Touche." The two other judges stalked off, leaving Albert Simon to bask. Albert Simon: 46 
Gau vs Margulis
SageAcrin Margulis. Skilled veteran swordfighter, proud, capable, intelligent, able to withstand any force. But Gau. For, you see, Gau has the power of Charm on his side. Yes, with the ability to launch hearts at your enemy, how can you ever possibly lose!? --- "...Save Gau!!!" Gau shrieked, as a love-stricken Margulis chased him around the arena. "...Isn't it just supposed to confuse them?" A puzzled Chaz asked. "Well, maybe he was, ah, already 'confused' to start with." Deis noted. "...So has he won yet?" Chaz asked. "I was going out to lunch with Rika..." "Oh, you can go ahead and go. I want to see this." Deis said, grinning. "...I am...just going to leave now." Chaz said, putting his words into action, as he fled rapidly towards an exit. "...I didn't mean it like that!" Deis yelled after him. "....though..." She added thoughtfully. Gau: 55 
Demi vs Liete
SageAcrin A green haired cyborg. A woman who is capable of being whatever a man would wish for, a enchanting desire for any male ever. Experienced, yet still beautiful... And a purple haired girl. Exotic, innocent, with interesting magical powers... Yes, this would be the match of the century. Every pervert in the League would come. Nay, even those from without, to see this. *Four days before the match.* "...and they made us the judges!?" Edge asked, stunned. "...you know, it does sort of make sense when you read Piastol's note." Yuri said, pointing. Her note read thus: "So. I've tried maiming you, I've tried barring you, I've tried magical trickery, deciet, lies, everything imaginable. And then I tried to get Lexis hopped up on sugar for some unimaginable things. Nothing, so far, had worked. It never occured to me the real answer was to place you into the position of authority. The damage will be done, I'm sure. I can't imagine a situation where it wouldn't be. But I can't imagine it being any worse than what would have happened anyways. It saves time, trouble, effort, and best of all, I can count on you two to kill any and every pervert that tries to take advantage of any setup you make. It places you under the watchful eyes of your girlfriends. Oh, and it places you in positions of authority. I know how much you hate that. Sincerely, Piastol. P.S. Have fun! "...that...that...that..." Edge sputtered, unable to swear as loudly as he wished due to the presence of several cute girls in the same hallway. "How dare she put me under Rydia's watch, and in a position of authority!" "...Aren't you a king?" Yuri asked. "Yeah, but that's a side job, my training to become the greatest Ninja ever is my life!" "Yeah, but I'd...have figured you for used to the authority thing." "Huh?" "...When was the last time you were in Eblan, anyways?" "Well, last I checked, it was...um...I make it six years." "...ah." Yuri answered simply, at a loss for a valid wisecrack to make. "Well, anyways, it does make things simpler. I mean, we do end up usually killing Zidane and that lot anyways." "But...what's the point, if we can't...can't..." "End up seeing them half-naked?" Yuri supplied. "Yes!" "Why can't we?" "Rydia. Alice. Karin." "Alice and Karin are too busy glaring at each other lately to really keep a close watch on me." Yuri noted. "Yeah, but what about me!? You can't let me be deprived in this!" Edge said, horrified at the very thought. "It...it...it would be...worse than making me sleep with Brahne!" "No, it wouldn't." "...you're right. But c'mon!" Edge said, desperately. "There has to be something!" "...hmmm." Yuri said, a sudden thought coming to him. "You know, there is a simple enough way...." --- "You mean you'll let us use the Creamonade!?" Zidane said, stunned at Edge's generousity. "Yep." "Oh, thank you thank you thank you thankyouthankyouthankyou!" Zidane said, hugging Edge in extatic gratitude. "You don't know what this means to me! How can I ever repay you!?" "GET OFF ME!" Edge shrieked, attempting to pull the thief off of him bodily. "Oh. Okay!" Zidane said, releasing Edge. "That's all you want? Wow, great!" Zidane added, as he rushed out of his room. "I've got to tell everyone! They all have to be there!" "Yes. Yes, they do." Edge replied, grinning. *Four days later.* "You know. I have a really bad feeling about this." Demi noted, as she stared up at the cheerfully waving judges; Yuri Hyuga, Edge Eblan, Brey and Lexis Shaia. "Is that all? I'm wearing a one-piece bathing suit under this dress." Liete noted. "But...external appearance changes for me take a fair amount of time, I shouldn't...have any worries...right?" Demi asked uncertainly. "Good luck." Liete answered simply. "And today, ladies and gentlemen, you will witness a match of unparalleled might, as machinery and magic fight it out in the arena!" Edge announced, to a cheering, but slightly confused, crowd of perverts. "Start!" Yuri yelled, as the battle began. To a chorus of boos. What were these judges doing!? Weren't these the most reknowned perverts alive? Wasn't there going to be cream, or mud, or chocolate, or pineapple juice, or pomegranites, or anything!? --- "All I have to do is press this!" Zidane shouted excitedly. The Creamonade, a normally fairly complicated machine, had taken two days to be retrofitted for Zidane's....lack of mechanical knowledge. Essentially, now the launching procedure just took pressing a big red button marked "Press here. Not anywhere else. Here.". (Zidane had attempted to press on the machinery behind the button, before it was clarified from the one word "PRESS", in test runs.) A crowd of cheering men had accompanied him into the small bunker surrounding the Creamonade's controls, as he proceeded to punch the giant red button. "On this day, we will no longer be second-class! We will be known around the world!" Zidane cried, as he punched. Then he was knocked out by a blast of water. --- "Edge, I can't believe it!" Rydia said, as she happily sat behind the judges box. "You're actually being responsible for once! You haven't taken advantage of this at all!" "Well, you know me, I am a King and all, I'm supposed to be reliable and take care of my subjects and things like that!" "You don't do that..." "...well, no, but this is good practice!" Edge said, annoyed. "...Well, anyways, I'm just proud of you, is all." Rydia said, grinning. As such, she managed to get a beautiful view of a massive cone of water splashing into the arena. "...what? Isn't that..." Rydia said, suddenly glaring at Edge. "What!? Don't look at me! I'm right here! Yuri is right here, Brey is right here, Lexis is right here!" Edge stammered. "...I....I guess. Of course it's not your fault." Rydia said, sitting down. "I'll...even look the other way this once, if you want to enjoy it." She added, smiling. Edge's jaw dropped. Then he quickly stared at the arena. The magical water had done it's work well. Not only was Liete now in a half-magically-melted one-piece bikini, but Demi... "...This...how....?" Demi said, stunned, as she appeared, evidently completely human to a glance, in a two-piece bikini. "This would take months of mechanical work and-" "And I told you so." Liete noted, blushing magnificently, as she attempted to make sure she didn't expose any more skin than she had to. "...this...I...you..." Demi stammered. "...you win." Demi finished, as she walked out of the arena. "Well. This is about what I expected." Piastol noted, glaring at the judges. "Still, I suppose in a relative sense, this isn't so bad." "What do you mean?" Edge asked as innocently as possible for him. "Oh, fine." Piastol grabbed Yuri's arm and proceeded to drag him several seats away. "There. Now I can talk to someone without a nag down his throat. Did you at least kill the other perverts? I know you got them to do this." "Um. They'll wish they're dead. Does that count?" "That's better." "Okay. So...um....you're not going to try to kill me, this once?" Yuri asked, slightly nervously. "Why? This probably worked out better than I expected." Piastol said, with a sigh. "But remember. If I ever find a way to stop you reliably..." "Then I'm dead." "Got it." "Well, at least we have an understanding..." Yuri said, with a sigh. --- Zidane slowly came to. "Oooh, soft. Mmmm. So much soft around me. I wonder where I am? I hope there's pie." Zidane said, slowly coming to. On top of Sten. Transgendered Sten. Zidane proceeded to shriek at the top of her lungs. "Oh, now, now, girls, you don't have to be so loud." Vincent de Boule said, as he walked into the control room. "I'd heard there was a horrible accident of fashion, from that dashing Yuri, but this?" He added, delicately horrified, as he stared about the room of "Have all of you women walked out of a hobo slut's closet? Well, it's okay, we'll have you all fixed up in no time." Josephine added, as her fellow narcissists crowded into the room. "We even brought all your clothes and everything, and we even talked Zophar into helping us just in case any of you were going to try fleeing..." Zidane stared down at her chest. "...I'm not...sure if this is good or bad." She noted, poking curiously. "...so overall, this has to be a better day than usual!" She added happily. "Yay!" She grinned, as the horrific shrieks of most of the perverts surrounded her. Well, even Yuri can't always be right. Demi: 27 
Mazus vs Hrist Valkyrie
Dunefar The great Mazus deigned to descend to the floor of the arena. His broad robes held in his vast greatness, clean and unstained, only rippling their XX-sized glory in the wind Mazus' magic generated. He smiles to the crowd in a consending manner, smug as he looked about. He could feel his runes glowing warm, the great power about to come forth once the match began. The slip of a girl wearing armor was nothing to his magic. Smirking as he wiped away the greasy sweat from his face, Mazus watched the girl approach. She came at a skipping run, seeming to cover large tracts of the ground in each approach. Foolish little girl, trying to approach the body of the great Mazus. Oh no, it was time for her to die. Raising his hands up as his twin runes crackled with lighting and burned with fire; "BLAAAAAZING CAAAAAAMPPUUUUUUU!"' Mazus grinned. The smoke was now fading from the large crater his magic wrought. Time to go see the burned corpse and declare victory. Just in time to go catch an early lunch and-?! The well stuffed mouth of Mazus dropped jaw first, open enough to give an excellent view of his cavaties. For Hrist Valkyrie still lived, charging ahead once more! The great mage barely had time to consider another spell before Hrist reached him! In a fury she attacked, a bevy of spear strokes and thrusts! It all cumulated in impalement; the large front of Mazus penetrated! Staggering back in shock, spear sticking out of his body, Mazus screamed. But not a scream of pain, such would be unbecoming. No, it was a scream of FURY. Of MIGHT. Of REVENGE. He raises his still good left arm, his rune beginning to draw power! "EXPLODOOOO-URK!" For that was the last word the mage spoke was that, his ample body enough to make a fine statue. For the spear Basilisk had finally taken effect, turning him to stone. Mazus: 11
Lin vs Garr
Taishyr "'Bang bang, I'll shoot you down / Bang bang, you'll hit the ground / Bang bang, that awful sound / Bang bang, I'm gonna shoot you down.'" Ness read, shaking his head. "Okay, and the other mutated song lyric?" Hiro opened his up, and eyed the contents. "... 'Stabby stabby stabby sta-' Garr, you just repeated the same word over and over!" The Guardian shrugged. "It was supposed to be sung to the Badger Song." "You both fail, Lin wins on technicality, next?" Lucca said, bored. Lin: 37 
Landis vs Yang
Dunefar Dude. Yang is a kung fu fighter. Landis is an emogoth with a big scythe. Do I have to draw you a diagram on how this go-oh, okay, I do. See, Yang takes the scythe once he put Landis to sleep, KARATE CHOPS it into chunks, and uses them to perforate all sorts of soft, warm, bleeding parts of the Winger's body. Yep. Landis: 31 
Arnaud G. Vasquez vs Mother
Tide It was simple. It was brilliant. The real question of course, was why he didn't think about this sooner. --- " You call that a 'razor sharp plan' ?" the master fencer questioned. The sarcasm in her voice was evident, but also something the brilliant drifter had gotten used to. Of course, he probably should've thought about this a bit more since now he had monster guts all over his clothes... " It was a good idea at the time! I figured since she ate a demon whole, I could provide enough food to keep her occupied or until she explodes!" " What I don't understand is how Arnaud's crazy plan worked..." Yulie spoke timidly. " He probably just wondered what he could do to defeat himself. The difference between him and a demon that eats everything doesn't seem to be that large anyway", Raquel concluded. "...What?!" Arnaud G. Vasquez: 38 SageAcrin
Raine Sage vs Mathias
SnowFire When challenging someone to a duel, it is customary to give each participant a choice - weapons, location, and so on. Mathias, however, informed Raine in no uncertain terms that Lake Umacy would be the site, cooking would be the match, and the judge would be Isabel. On the day of the match, Mathias promptly set to fishing the adjoining freshwater streams feeding the lake utilizing his honed maritime experience. With his "Fires of Justice" custom grill, the salmon and tuna came out exquisitely, ready for placing on a bed of yellow rice. As a noble and pure knight, he was able to top the dish off with some rare and exotic local unicorn hair, a most unusual and sensational seasoning. Add in a dessert of strawberries perched on miniature cakes, and bon appetit! Raine also thought a seafood theme would be appropriate, but decided to go for a more oceanic taste. To capture that "working man's plate" budget feel, Raine picked up some extremely discounted mixed fish from Palmacosta as a base. The smell was a bit off, but the price was right. Add in some nicely aged moistened barley, and heaping doses of Mizuho-style wasabi to cover the flavor... voila! All cooked beneath a flavor-plus Exsphere powered barbecue, of course, amplifying whatever taste was present. Isabel took one look at Raine's pungent fair, and decided that Raine had perhaps been craftier than expected in turning this duel against Mathias. Perhaps Mathias should just throw her into the lake now and then declare him the winner afterward without tast- wait, that's not the way of a Maximillian Knight. So Isabel bravely managed to take three bites or so before collapsing due to the massive food poisoning. "Oh no! I can't imagine how that happened. I guess this recipe didn't quite work out either... I'd heal her, but I wouldn't want it looking as if I influenced the contest. Since, you know, she might be unduly nice to me for saving her like this." "I wouldn't be so worried," Mathias sternly replied. "Isabel will adjudicate fairly regardless, and if you won't heal her, I will." Mathias then used his Healing Wind on Isabel. With the help of a good heave from Mathias, Raine went swimming in Lake Umacy shortly afterward. Raine Sage: 28
Rudolf Steiner vs Palmer
Nitori Epic gun duel here. Palmer easily won the 'coolness' round. A high-tech, Shinra developed, materia powered gun is far more cool than some generic futuristic gun named after some dead Numan. Mind, in the second 'duel' round which accounts for 99% of the actual score, Rudolf just shot Palmer in the head a few times, proving that generic effectiveness > flashy technology. Rudolf Steiner: 55 
Marcus vs Miki
Taishyr Miki and Marcus faced each other in the arena, sweat trickling down their faces. The crowd was silent, all perverts removed by Zidane at a request from Marcus. (Or maybe a bribe, we don't know.) Marcus made the first move, slashing down and up in a quick series of strokes. The paper fell to the ground, and in Miki's hands rested a string of little hearts. The crowd applauded. Miki bowed and placed the string of hearts next to her. "What would you have me do for your feat of talent, miss Miki?" Marcus asked gravely. "You need nothing but to stand perfectly still." Miki sweetly replied as she slowly began to circle him. Marcus watched her as she slowly began to spin in to Marcus' location like a hawk. Then, in a split second where Marcus had to shift to look at Miki, she struck. Marcus attempted to raise his arms, but it was of no use. Miki's hip slam sent Marcus flying straight into the stadium benches, bowling over Jude and Yulie before coming to a rest in Yunalesca's lap. After Marcus re-landed in the arena, Miki walked over to him and flipped him hip-slammed side up. "Behold, on his leg." Miki said crisply to silence the crowd. "The sigil of the Royal Heart Breaker." Then she pulled Marcus up to her lips and kissed him. ---- The happy couple's been seen running around various places, on the run from two rabid jet plane pilots who seem intent on "displaying the true power of the Royal Heart Breaker." Still, the two seem happy enough, so who's to interfere with love except Miki's next match? Marcus: 23 
Funguy vs Algus Sadalfas
Taishyr It was kinda easy to tell who would win the match from the start. Both duelists entered high. Both duelists left higher, after they tried to hit on Raquel. The duo did a nice Team Rocket impression, too. Then again, what should be expected from a living mushroom and an angsty temp? ...wait. Who won? Eh, Arnaud decided it on coinflip. The result was heads, which meant... Funguy: 40 
Llewelyn vs Toppo
SnowFire Yes, Llwelyn isn't exactly one of Lenneth's greatest warriors. Still, Toppo's magic takes forever to cast, and can nicely be interrupted by a hail... well, trickle... of arrows. That leaves the match at a slugfest between a warrior and a mage, which Llwelyn is sure to win, right? Right? Llewelyn: 47 Lezard Valeth
miasmacloud
Mithos's night out superaielman It was a bloody battle. Dehuai and Mithos got off to a fast start by pounding on Cecil, who was by himself thanks to Rosa being away dealing with her match this week. When she charged in, busting out Holies and full party healing, the momentum changed. Cecil and Rosa pressed the perverted duo, with their healing winning out over Mithos and Dehuai's higher starting HP. Mithos then found a hole in the defense, and blasted the amazingly not holy resistant Paladin and White Wizard with Judgment. What could possibly tiebreak this epic fight?! *SPLAT* --- Edge glanced down at battered pieces of metal smooshed below Zophar's dead body. Didn't that sword look familiar? Bah, not important. Walking over to the former Destoyer of the Lunar universe, Edge kicked Zophar as hard as he could in the face. "Call me Edward Geraldine, will you?! Huh?! My name is EDGE. EDGE EBLAN. You're not so tough with five prayer rings equipped are you? Huh, I guess we fell through the floor. No matter. That sword did look familiar though.." Mithos and Dehuai: 35 Cecil and Rosa: 35 |
