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Sephiroth vs Empyrea
Barubary Ahhh my glorious Lord Sephiroth you are far to magnificent to be embeleshed in this Tournament. Now this being this... Bird thing dares challenge my lord Sephiroth. Regardless whether it be by the sword or the flame the bird will be defeated and my lord Sephiroth advances one more step towards the first to 5 god likes... truely he is magnificient and beautiful to behold, None can withstand him. Only one stands in his way and that is Piastol*who by the way will beat Belial* but even she will fall to the most glroius of gods. Sephiroth: 50 Dhyerwolf
Mathias
jaymthegenius@yahoo.com
Lambda Zellweger vs Royce
Orson Carola Ahhh so simple, all Royce needs to do to win is hit Lambda...too bad this is what happened during the match: Lambda: Attack Lambda: Attack Lambda: Attack Royce: Shot Lancer (Blue Destiny dodges) Lambda: Attack Lambda: Attack Lambda: Attack Royce: Flame Bird (Blue Destiny dodges) Lambda: Attack Lambda: Attack Lambda: Attack Royce: Gone You can now find Royce cursing about how she A) can't incorporate her fortune-telling into her matches, and B) is slow like a slug in molasses in January. Lambda Zellweger: 34 
Jade vs Jenna Angel
Gatewalker Jenna Angel is not a combatant to take lightly, and is perhaps as complex as her opponent is simple. While Jade relies on nothing but BOLTXBOLTXBOLTX over and over again, Jenna has multiple forms, each with it's own set of clever tricks and powerful techniques. One such technique is the ability to grant herself immunity to any element she desires, even if it is only temporary. Still, with her speed advantage over the sluggish bug, she could simply create her Lightning Core over and over again until she could find and exploit whatever weakness he may have. That...wasn't a bad plan, though it obviously had a few flaws. Jade, after watching her recreate the Lightning Core for the 8th time actually got a plan on how to deal with it. She was giving enough time for even someone as simple as Jade to think up something devious, after all. Taking a page from Teepo's book, Jade decided to not strike at the core and destroy it yet again, but to lean over, take it into his giant bug jaws, and swallow it. As it turns out, Jenna's cores don't actually protect HER speficially, but just the giant demon monster they happen to be closest too. Jenna, as you can imagine, was none to happy about this turn of events. But that's okay, becuase after a couple of applications of BoltX to the now rather unprotected face, she didn't care about much of anything anymore. Jade: 36 SageAcrin
Belial vs Piastol
superaielman .."Scouting? That's unlike you, boy. You're much more likely to attack with some half baked plan and hope it doesn't get your ass kicked." "Yeah, how much fun did you have recovering from an Anima ass kicking, geezer? Just follow my lead and let's watch the fight." "I'm watching, you foul mouthed brat. Or perhaps I should be taking the time to teach you to respect your elders." "Will you two shut it? You're like a bad sitcom. Here comes Piastol and Belial now." Orlandu, Edge, and Fuse had set up camp in a skybox reserved for Godlike champions, Orlandu had managed to get them in. They were watching the action. Belial and Piastol met in the center of the ring. All three of the fighters in the box were noted for being extremely quick, and they could barely keep up with the action. Almost as soon as the bloody combat started, it stopped. Belial crumpled to the floor, mortally wounded from Piastol's attacks. The Angel of Death barely looked winded. To the surprise of Orlandu and Fuse, a cloaked figure floated over to where Belial was standing, and threw what looked to be a bright orange feather at her. The results were instanteous. Belial popped right back up, and Piastol began tearing into her again. Edge just grinned. "That worked well, eh? Mewtwo was more than happy to assist me in throwing a few dozen Phoenix downs on Piastol and Belial. He'll also be helping us take down Galcian next week. Why? Well.. he's had his own run ins with Skies of Arcadia bosses, and he just lost to Belial. Besides which, he wants no part of Galcian in a downgrade pool." "Boy, if you could pull this much off now, why are you waiting to pound Piastol and co into the dirt?" "To make the pain last longer. Those three will regret costing Rydia her match. Kicking my ass? Fine, sure. Nothing personal there. Those three went too far, and I'm going to make them pay. Slowly. Now let's go take care of the first idiot. Let's go pound Ramirez into the dirt." Belial: 12
Galcian vs Ursula
superaielman dge's smirk said it all. "Boys, we have a simple plan here. Piastol's currently occupied. Galcian's about to start his fight with Ursula. Based on the intel I've gathered, it's going to be a short bloody fight that Galcian wins. That's fine, I don't want Rydia to go to a pool. Next week, those two will pay." "But this week? This week, we handle Ramriez. He's standing guard outside the arena. The idiot expects me to sneak on by and start trouble with Galcian, so he hired a bunch of scrubs to stand guard inside and chose to personally guard the enteryway. Let's make him suffer for his choice." Edge drew his Katanas and walked over to where Ramirez was standing, with a big grin on his face. "Heya, asshat. Remember attacking me a few weeks ago? That was fun, ganging up on someone and beating them down! So much fun I decided to try it myself! Oh Geezer, show Ramirez what I mean." *SNAP* Ramirez's sword didn't even get out of the sheath before Orlandu's Hellcry Punch shattered it, sending pieces of his weapon flying in every direction. "Oh. Weapons? You won't need those. Fuse?" ' A LastShot out of nowhere knocked Ramirez to the ground, interrupting his attempt to fire off some kind of spell. Ramirez was bleeding heavily from his swordarm, now completely useless from Orlandu's attack. Edge walked slowly over to Edge. "Oh, the pain's just beginning for you, I'm afraid. And afterwards, Fuse is going to lock you up and throw away the key for a while. Heh heh heh." Ramirez went even paler than usual as the three fighters closed in on him. --- Galcian had beaten Urusla quickly enough. He opened the massive doors of the arena, and prepared to go relax. Time to go get Ramirez and have a drink in closest watering hole. There's nothing like the taste of suce- Galcian stopped dead in his tracks at the sight in front of him. The door, floor, and walls were all covered in blood. Someone had gotten hurt bad out here. Shards of what looked like a broken set of equipment were strewn all over the place. The Valuan Admiral blanched when he saw a message scribbled on the wall. It was written in blood, and carved into the wall itself with a piece of a sword. THe emblem of the Silvites shined clearly on the fragmented blade. It didn't take long to read or get the general message. "You're next." Galcian: 42 
Kary vs Raquel Applegate
SageAcrin It was a hot battle. Flames erupted across the arena, as Kary, her eyes smouldering, her words heated, exploded across the arena at her foe. Raquel met her blazing char-ge, though, her heart ablaze with justice, her mind sparking new tactics at every whirl, her blade flaring in the brilliant light. Soon, with tempered movements, Raquel was smoking her opponent. Kary, her hopes damped, her battling spirit quenched, was soon extinguished. Yuri fans were, sadly, burned by this match. (Writer's note: Pun haters, please don't l-ash out at me for this hot-blooded commentary. Besides, it'd be too ironic to burn me for it.) Kary: 29 
Hiro vs Legretta
Dunefar Let's face it. Hiro's great at one thing, saving nubile young girls. Legretta's a girl and perhaps nubile, but I don't think she needs saving. So what happens when Hiro does his charming smile and 'I'll help you' routine to Legretta? Bang, you're dead! Hiro: 18 
Lyn vs Shadow
Twilkitri Lyn was apprehensive about the upcoming battle. Some of Nino's contacts in the Black Fang had given her information that opponent, Shadow, had spent been spending a lot of time sequestered in the conference room with the de facto leader Sonia recently. As far as Lyn could determine from reading various biographies of him in the DL Library, Shadow was likely to go to any lengths to win. She could only assume that he was intending for her to end up in some sort of 'accident' and be unable to attend the match. Hector wasn't convinced that her line of reasoning was entirely sensible, but he wasn't the obvious target, was he? However, this Shadow didn't know that after the numerous amounts of assassination attempts made on her throughout her life, she knew just what to do in the week until the battle. Keep a ring of expendable generics around her at all times. Have all food and drink tasted by generic food-tasters and then not eat it anyway. Randomly choose a different room to sleep in every night and then stay in a different room anyway, remaining awake with caffeine pills. The day of the match, Lyn was a nervous wreck. The attack had yet to come and there was so little time remaining. Just what were they planning? Did they mean to attack her while she in the arena? Such tactics failed to work more often than not, but the Black Fang were on the whole generally more professional than those that normally tried it. There was nothing for it but to just enter the arena and hope she spotted their tricks in time to get them disqualified, lest she herself be disqualified for excessive lateness. She edged her was into the arena, scanning the area, while Shadow stared impassively towards her. As soon as the fight began, Shadow threw... something... at her and vanished. This was it; this must be the point where Shadow's treachery would make itself apparent. And to her chagrin, she still hadn't spotted anything. Her only hope lay in fooling them into thinking she had. Her yell of "So afraid you'll lose that you've retained the Black Fang to cheat on your behalf, Shadow?" set the audience in an uproar. The Lyn Fangirl Squadron started laying into the Black Fang Appreciation Group members who by some unlucky chance had been seated next to them, and the Final Fantasy 6 stall received disapproving glances from a large majority of the audience which didn't really feel like risking the ire of Terra. The judges meanwhile yawned and pressed the 'Summon Psychics' button. Meanwhile Lyn found herself with a blade pressed against her throat. "It seems you've mistaken the employer for the employee," murmered a voice in her ear. Then the pressure increased until the resistance to it suddenly gave way. Afterwards... Lyn found herself even more paranoid towards assassins. She has introduced bills discriminating against Jaffar and Colm at almost every FE Hive meeting since, but they generally get nowhere. Shadow returned to the Black Fang, his first mission a success. The thorn who had discovered their secret base was no more (until the healers got to her anyway). Discussions began regarding the next target... Meanwhile, in a hidden room in the Black Fang Fortress... Jerme the Assassin was giggling maniacally. "Bah! I was second-to-top dog around here until that cretin Shadow showed up! He'll get his... Gwahahahaha!!!". ...then he got eaten by Interceptor or something. I'm spent. Lyn: 15 Smashy
Magdalen Harts vs Anise Tatlin
Gatewalker Let's put things into perspective here. Magdalen is a swordfighter, and a pretty good one considering that he more then holds his own in a world dominated by powerful ARMS, Guardian spirits and metallic demons. Anise fights by riding on a giant stuffed animal that was animated by the only God General who couldn't manage to get himself ranked. You can all see where this is going, can't you? After Magdalen rather quickly, and very litterally, 'beat the stuffing' out of Tokunaga, Anise was left with nothing but her own personal fighting ability and her womanly charms to defeat the mighty butler with. I'm sure you can imagine just how far those got her. Magdalen Harts: 26 Dunefar
Philia Felice vs Thursday
SageAcrin "Now that is the spirit of a true Defender of Earth!" Gordon noted, as he watched Philia's battle. Truly, her mastery of technology, of magic, of the blade, all had struck at Gordon's heroic soul. And to think, his own robot would defeat her! Truly, this travesty could not be allowed! Gordon did the only thing that he could to stop it. --- "...Gordon, why did you trigger the manual destruct switch on Thursday?" Jennifer asked, puzzled. "Well, I-" "GORDON WAS LOOKING AT PHILIA'S THIGHS. PERVERT. PERVERT." "Hey, now, stop saying that!" Gordon replied, annoyed, to Thursday. A bit too late. "...Hm. Well, maybe I'll just let you send a letter to tell me about it." A somewhat miffed Jennifer said with a shrug, leaving both Gordon together with his robot. "You understand, don't you Thursday?" Gordon pleaded. "She would be the perfect fourth for our group! She has all the abilities necce-" "THURSDAY UNDERSTANDS THAT GORDON IS A PERVERT." Gordon simply sighed. Sometimes, the truth hurts. But Gordon, his mind filled with more noble views of Philia, simply will never recognize it... Philia Felice: 32 Mathias
Scythe Riebauer vs Juan
Orson Carola Ever seen Fist of the North Star? If you haven't, then may Juan waking up via Blast then causing Scythe to explode shortly thereafter be a promo. Scythe Riebauer: 18 
Raven vs Balk Fenzol
SageAcrin A gun is a mighty weapon indeed. But how does it fit into the Fire Emblem weapon triangle? Well, here's how. First, we have the gun weapon triangle, wherein machine guns beat pistols, but in turn use their superior range to bring down shotgun-wielders. Now, shotguns themselves defeat fliers, so obviously a shotgun is equivalent to a Fire Emblem bow. Meanwhile, this leaves us with machine guns, which beat the standard weapon-pistols. So, one might say they're the equivalent to a spear, and pistols are equivalent to a sword. Perhaps it's little wonder that, all of this, Balk discovered the fourth, hidden part of the...rectangle...of machine weaponry. After all, we already have bows, swords and spears. This leaves only one weapon-equivalent! Therefore, clearly, Balk hit Raven in the face with a rocket launcher really hard. Raven: 29 Orson Carola
Cleo vs Starky
SageAcrin Space. The Final Frontier. These are the voyages of the Starship Starky. Her mission: To explore strange, new worlds. To seek out new life, and new civilizations. To boldly go where no one has gone before. --- "Why is Starky cosplaying William Shatner?" Shania asked, completely at a loss, as she watched Starky get blown sky-high. "Who?" Deis asked, puzzled. "Oh, right, never mind." Shania answered, shaking her head. "Only Johnny would swipe Epoch to see what the future of his own world would be like." She added under her breath. "Still, why not Jean Luc Picard? It would at least fit..." "Starky no like cheap later ripoff Star Treks!" He yelled, as he flew out of another explosion, to land on Shania's lap. "They not campy enough." The battered, dazed, and, due to ring-out, clearly losing...creature...replied. "..." Shania simply threw the exceedingly strange little spaceman back into the arena. Cleo: 49 
Josh Kain vs Palom
Twilkitri The crowd attending Josh 'Kain' Kain versus Palom was low, and the judges had fallen asleep before the match had even started. Such was the case with many matches that were pregone conclusions, except in the cases where vast amounts of people had reason to see the inferior dueller dead. And the only people who really wanted Kain to die was the handful of Duelling League robots that weren't Wren or Demi. Consequently, really the only attendees were the Phantasy Star 2 and Final Fantasy 4 casts, the majority of whom only turned up because they got seats to own game matches for free, and the aforementioned robot 'crowd'. Kain was worried. As far as he could determine, he had little to no chance of winning this match. But he did have once chance. He had overheard Palom bragging to his castmates that this matchup was so favourable, that he was going to take the oppurtunity to use Meteor to give them a good show. That gave him one, possibly two turns of actions. He wouldn't be able to do anything major with his standard attacks in that time, but... ...on Dezolis and Noah, he had fought several different types of mages. Wizards, Illusionists, Caped Ones, Imagiomages... and all of them vulnerable to his wrecking techniques. Palom was might be biological and therefore by rights unaffected, but he too was a mage... it was a slim chance, but it was the only one he had. The match started, and as he'd said he'd do Palom started casting Meteor. The Final Fantasy 4 crew got themselves hyped up for the upcoming light show as Kain took a stance and prepared his last ditch attempt. "NAGAJ!" The bolt of electricity, true to its nature, completely missed Palom and flew into the stands, where it blew up Nei's Walkman. The Phantasy Star 2 cast glared at Kain while the some of the Final Fantasy 4 cast fell out of their seats laughing. No-one noticed the shocked expression on the person sitting way up the back. As Kain recovered from using the technique, he found that Palom still hadn't finished charging for Meteor. One more try, then. "NAGAJ!!" This time the bolt found its mark, and to the shock of the Final Fantasy 4ers Palom's face exploded and he keeled over. A despairing screech of "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" came from the back row of the cast's seating area as the Mysidian Elder stood up and ran down the seating area towards the arena. Suddenly, Palom stood back up, and beneath the tattered remnants of his face everyone could see... The cries of "Palom is a ROBOT!?" echoed throughout the stadium. Palom's eyes glowed red. "I CANNOT ALLOW ANY WITH THE knowledge TO LIVE," he broadcast in a monotone, "MY BROTHERS ACTIVATE cleansing MODE". The robots in the audience stood up as one and trained their weapons on the audience members, while Palom sprouted machine guns and other various projectile weaponry out of parts of his body. Kain was still stunned at the fact that he actually hit something with Nagaj and the current turn of events that he didn't even get the chance to move before the massacre started. The Mysidian Elder held his head in his hands and sobbed with relief that his plans, so close to being undone, would manage to survive after all so long as he could get Palom back to the workshop as soon as possible, and bribe the healers hefty sums of money to 'accidentally' erase the audience's memories. If Palom's backup systems hadn't come online... When the judges woke up, Kain was pasted across the arena floor... as they expected. What they didn't expect was for the audience to be as well. A nice old man from Mysidia explained to them that Palom had accidentally cast Meteor on the wrong group, since it had been so long since he'd used it, and that he would foot the bill for the healing as Palom was his student and therefore it was his own fault by association. And so the match was awarded to Palom, and the evil machinations of the Mysidian Elder and his mechanical army remained hidden. Josh Kain: 16 
Frank Goldfinger vs Zahhak
SnowFire "Ol' Frank doesn't like this! Why didn't the Jonin teach me his Brazilian ring focus technique?" Zahhak had a plan, of course. See, the "evasion" nonsense had the minor problem that Frank and his cohorts attacks didn't generally miss... that is, unless Frank's ring was reversed, minied, and erratic speeded with a little treacherous adjustment prior to the match. Plus, Alenia did a solid disguise job as a ninja helper showing off new items and techniques, and Frank had a nice new Mind's eye causing his ring to be invisible (but his power was UNSTOPPABLE!). No matter how hard Frank tried, his dings at doing a Snowball attack just never seemed to line up. Frank was helpless before Zahhak's mighty assault! ...well, helpless for the first 15 turns or so. Zahhak dutifully chipped for a few points of damage until Frank decided to give up using a special ability, and trust in his lamp guiding the way forward. Simple attack strokes would be enough. Of course, it took another 15 turns for Frank's attack to finally strike. It didn't really matter. Zahhak is back to the drawing board on his future Light championship. Frank Goldfinger: 33 
Colette Brunel vs Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus
miasmacloud Aboard the Newly Reconstructed Heimdall Gazzo... Vinsfeld slept comfortably next to Antenora anticipating his duel tomorrow against Colette. All he had to do was whack her with his sword, make her incur his wrath. "I'll be cheering you on..." said Antenora. "Oh, why thank yo-" "...in the Heavy section, where all of the Heavy ranks sit." "...don't rub it in." He turned away from her and pulled the covers up over his head. His girlfriend, a Heavy, and he, the boss and leader of the terrorist organization Odessa, a Light?! Blasphemy. When Odessa takes over the world, the RPGDL judges are first on his hit list. "Well, at least you aren't Puny!" she told him with a slight condescending tone in her voice. "...I'm sleeping on the couch." ------------ MEANWHILE, in the town of Iselia... Colette meanwhile spent the evening trying to figure out how to defeat Vinsfeld. All of her friends thought she was worrying too much. "The guy's a push over! You'll do fine, Colette!" is what they told her. Well, except Zelos. "Colette, Vinsfeld is the final boss of Disk 1. I don't think your Angel Halo is going to quite cut him in two. But don't worry. I looked into him." "You did? Just for me?" "Yup! Well, actually, I wasn't planning it, but he got pretty plastered the other night..." "What's 'plastered' mean? You were putting wall plaster on him?" "...errr ignore that! Minor detail, minor, MINOR detail... Let's focus on how you beat him!" "Oh, right! Please tell me, Zelos! ^_^" "Sure thing!" "What do I do first?" "First, we need to get an ally. Oh Edgeworth!" Zelos signaled to a man in a purple suit. "Who is he?" asked Colette. "Miles Edgeworth, a prosecutor." "...a prosecutor?" She was beginning to doubt Zelos. "Yes. A prosecutor." ------------ The next day... At the arena, Vinsfeld arrived and waited for Colette to show up. The faster he beat her up, the faster he could go home and wrap himself in Antenora's arms. "Speaking of Antenora, where is she?" he thought to himself. He saw the other members of Cocytus sitting among the crowd, but his beloved was nowhere to be found. He began to search the stands for her. Mixed in with Lights? Nope. Middles? Nope, but the rest of the Cocytus losers were there. Heavies? Nope. Did she dare tread into the Godlike box seats? Nope. "V-V-V-Vinsfeld!" squeaked a child's voice from behind him. He turned around and saw a small young red haired girl. "U-U-Uhm, I-I-I was hit b-by an... a-aging ray, s-so..." she stuttered. "...my god, Antenora?! You've... been turned into... a loli?" "Y-Y-Y-Yes..." ------------ In the audience... "Zelos, is that Colette with red hair?" asked Lloyd. "Yup!" "...You had her dress up as a loli version of his girlfriend?" "Yup!" "Zelos..." Lloyd gave him a stare of death. "Hey, don't worry! If he tries to touch her, we've got someone waiting who'll take care of him." Lloyd was not put at ease one bit by what Zelos said. In fact, he was even more worried now by the thought of Colette being touched by this creepy silver haired terrorist guy. ------------ Down in the arena... Vinsfeld's expression became grave and serious. He kneeled over and patted Loli-Antenora on the head. "Don't worry, Antenora. Whoever did this to you, I'll kill them. Oh, and get you reverted back. Before I kill them, of course. Err I phrased that weird. Uhhm either way, you'll be a woman again and their ass will be kicked." If Vinsfeld had just left after this, then he would have just left first and been disqualified. But instead... Vinsfeld leaned closer to Loli-Antenora and embraced her. Colette felt incredibly uncomfortable, but recalled what Zelos said the night before... ------------ Yellow Toned Flashback Sequence... "Colette, Vinsfeld is a pedophile!" said Zelos. "A pedo-what?" she asked innocently. "It means he likes little girls, you know... illegal." Zelos was hoping Colette at least knew the age of consent was. "But... But... Uhm, isn't his girlfriend legal?" "...yeah, but he's like 60, so she's pretty young compared to him." "Ohhh! I see. It's an age gap thing too?" "Yeah, it's not just about being legal or illegal." "Ohhh. Well that makes a lot of sense now." "Anyway, for guys like him, younger is always better." "So...?" "So, you can use your age and the power of the law to defeat him!" "...huh? I don't get it." "Ehh you don't have to get it! Just get him close to you, like REALLY close to you, and then say this word." Zelos handed her a piece of paper with a four letter word on it. "See that? It's a magic spell that defeats older men who are hanging around young girls. After you use that magic spell, our friend Edgeworth will take care of him. Oh, and you'll win, of course." Colette stared at the piece of paper. "This is a magic spell? It seems pretty simple." "Yup, one of the easiest ones to cast! Only young girls can use it though." "Ohh, I see! So it's like anti-pedophile magic?!" "Exaccctly!" ------------ Back in the present... "R-RAPE!" yelled Loli-Antenora/Colette. "A-Antenora?" asked the startled Vinsfeld. "Someone raped you?!" "Y-You did!" she cried. "...huh?" The sound of Colette's young voice summoned the FBI, the military, the navy, the air force, the Fire Department, the X-Men, the Avengers, the Justice League, the Scooby Gang, and the Powerpuff Girls all without using the telephone. Even all of the Espers, Aeons and Guardians got summoned without any Magicite, summoner or runes. In all of this fiasco, Vinsfeld's durability turned out to be better than expected. He endured blast after blast and gun after gun, outran a machine gun, hooked Yojimbo up with Luceid, dodged a heavy truck and a whale at the same time, clipped Bahamut's wings, surfed on the Galbadia Garden, removed Cyclops's visor and tricked him into blasting his team mates, happened to have a box of Scooby Snacks and Kryptonite on hand, dressed up as a Knight and tricked the Knights of the Round Table into attacking one another, dodged fire hoses and Dalmatians, melted Ice Man, made jokes about Tom Cruise and Val Kilmer's sexuality in Top Gun which confused the air force, threw a Master Ball at the Beast, blew the East Wind so Zephyr would get lost, endured multiple slashes from Wolverine's claws, stepped on Carbuncle, informed Captain America that he had been canonically killed off, summoned the Rowdy Rough Boys, called Cindy of the Magus Sisters a fatty which made her to cry while her sisters comforted her, and proved to the FBI he had done his taxes for the past 20 years. At the end of it all, he was left panting for breath while trying to figure out why Antenora was making this accusation of him. With no energy or strength left in him, he wasn't able to fight off the local police (who had to be phone called to the arena and thus arrived later), who handcuffed him and dragged him off to prison. There, he met a man named Bubba. After he had been taken away, Colette removed her red wig, and the Judges realized she had been here the whole time. Seeing no other choice, they declared her the winner since Vinsfeld had been taken from the arena and disqualified. ------------ Up in the audience... A certain Zelos Wilder was nearly being strangled to death by a certain Lloyd Irving. "BUT... SHE... WON... AND... SHE'S... OKAY...!" gasped Zelos. "But that guy touched her!" yelled Lloyd. "DON'T... WORRY... ABOUT... THAT... WE... HAVE... A... PRO... SE... CU... TOR..." "I know that! You told me earlier!" "THEN... WHY... ARE... YOU... STRANG-" "Because I'm still pissed at you!" "OHH...H....H.............H..." ------------ The DL County Jail... Vinsfeld sat in his jail cell crying like a baby, crying on the inside about beloved Antenora, and crying on the outside because his cell mate Bubba kept stealing his tooth brush. What did Bubba need two toothbrushes for anyway? Vinsfeld's crying stopped when he saw the warden passing by. The warden stopped at their cell and pointed at Vinsfeld. "Hey you, the silver haired Sephiroth wannabe," said the warden. "I'm not a Sephiroth wannabe!" said Vinsfeld. "Yeah whatever. Come on, you gotta visitor." The warden led Vinsfeld to a room. Waiting there was a grown up Antenora and a man in the blue suit. "Antenora?!" "Vinsfeld, you're an idiot." Antenora looked slightly bitter. "The girl who said she was me wasn't really me, it was your opponent." "You were set up," said the man in the blue suit. "It was all orchestrated by a Mr. Zelos Wilder." "Antenora, who is he?" asked Vinsfeld. "He's a defense attorney" she replied. "That cute Godlike... you know, Yuri Hyuga, gave me the number at the spa today." "Wait, the sp-" "Mr. Rhadamanthus," interrupted the D.A., "the name is Wright, Phoenix Wright, and I have an OBJECTION! to the outcome of your duel." ------------ The next week in the court room... At the prosecution's side, Miles Edgeworth was sitting with Colette. Phoenix may have won many times before, but not this time! Phoenix meanwhile entered the court room and sat next to Vinsfeld at the defense's side. He had a brown paper sack with him. The jury gathered in the court room. It consisted of Gawn Badia, Kefka, Shiego, Sync, and Rinoa. "All stand for the honorable Archadian Judges!" Everyone stood as the five Archadian judges entered the court room and took their places. Judge Gabranth opened a file and spoke. "We're here today to celebrate the wedding of-" Judge Drace kicked him with her new high heeled gaiters and handed him a different file. "...oh, crap, errr... Right... Okay! We're here today to hear the case of Colette Brunel versus Vinsfeld Rhadamanthus. According to Miss Brunel, she was sexually assaulted by Mr. Rhadamanthus. Prosecution, you're up first." Edgeworth rose. "The Prosecution wishes to call fourth Colette Brunel to the stand!" As Colette went up to the stand, Hrist approached her. "Do you swear, in the name of Gods and Lady Valkyrie, to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, foolish mortal?" "I do. Aren't I supposed to put my hand on a book?" "DO NOT QUESTION THE GODS! Now sit!" "Y-Yes ma'am!" Edgeworth rose and began his questioning. "Ah-hem, Miss Brunel... Can you describe, to the jury, just what happened to you?" "A-Ah, well, I approached Mr. Rhada... Rhada... Mr... Mr. Scary Face to tell him I had arrived, but suddenly he leaned towards me and assaulted me..." "Sexually." "Y-Yes..." she stuttered. "Hmm Miss Brunel, what is the cause of this... uncertainty in your voice?" "I'm so... mentally scarred..." Colette began crying. "Go cut yourself!" yelled Sync from the Jury box. His comment went ignored. "No further questioning, your honors." "CROSS EXAMINATION!" yelled Phoenix. "Miss Brunel, why were you wearing a red wig on the day of the day of the supposed crime?" "I... uhm..." "Because it's the hair color of Vinsfeld's girlfriend?" "N-No! I was wearing it because... I... heard... red is the in-color of the season." Phoenix opened up his brown bag and produced a magazine. "This copy of Vogue says that GREEN is the in-color of the season!" "OBJECTION!" yelled Edgeworth. "Miss Brunel obviously meant that red was the in-color to her." "W-What he said!" said Colette. Phoenix's questioning carried on like that for another couple hours. Every time he'd bring up some epic point, Edgeworth would immediately reject with some nonsense and Colette would nod her head in agreement. Phoenix had no choice but to hope that the jury was catching on. After the cross examination, Edgeworth called up various Odessa Members such as Grunt A and Grunt TK241 to the stand. He questioned them on Vinsfeld's treatment of Odessa members, especially the female members. Then he called up the Slayheim Sheriff Deputy who spoke of a DUI Vinsfeld got back in the day when he and Brad Evans were joy riding out in the Slayheim country side. When it was the defenses turn, Phoenix called to the stand the real Antenora, who had not made it to the Light Division match because she had received notification from Zelos Wilder that the match would be taking place at the different arena. Edgeworth was going to OBJECTION! this, but Antenora's cell phone had a "Last Call Received: Zelos Wilder" on it, so he couldn't do much about that. Next, Phoenix called to the stand Judecca, who began to talk about Vinsfeld liking little boys and having a strong distaste for little girls, which is why Judecca was asked to abduct Tim Rhymeless. Phoenix realized his error in calling him to stand and quickly finished up questioning him. Next up was Millenia, who had been sitting near Lloyd and Zelos during the Light match and said she overheard Zelos say something about a Prosecutor being prepared ahead of time. Last was Mallow the Cloud, who claimed the last two votes Colette had received were from Colette behind a proxy. Mallow didn't have proof for this, but demonstrated on the spot he could kick her ass when her ass wasn't sitting on him. The Judges began feeling that this was going nowhere. In one corner, was a constantly crying Colette, and in the other corner was either a terrorist or a sexual predator terrorist. Gabranth checked his watch and noticed that it was getting near time for Vaan's birthday party, which he had been invited to. Bathier had gotten some Vodka Potions and Vieran strippers. Thinking the case wouldn't end in time unless he interfered, he decided to call an Archadian Judge Huddle. "Uhh... You people," he said to the DA, the Prosecution, the Jury and the audience, "Talk amongst yourselves, Judges... JUDGE HUDDLE!" The five judges made a circular huddle in the back of the courtroom. "What's up, Gabranth?" "Well, I'm thinking we need to wrap this up." "Huh? Why?" asked Bergan. "I have an appointment. Doctor's appointment. Really serious." "...this late at night?" asked Bergan, with a hint of disbelief. "I... yeah. Really, REALLY serious. Like, I might have cancer. In my chest." "Oh, wow, you never told me..." said Drace. "Yeah I never heard anything either..." said Zargabaath. "Sorry. I didn't tell any of you. I just didn't want you worry about your almighty leader..." said Gabranth. They came out of their huddle and Judge Ghis made their announcement. "The five of us have come to the decision that there has been enough evidence shown. There will be closing arguments and then the jury will decide." He turned towards Edgeworth and Colette. "Prosecution, your closing arguments." Edgeworth stood, cleared his throat, and spoke. "People of the jury, this is not about RPG dueling, it's a fight against pedophilia and for the greater good. Convinct Vinsfeld, a terrorist, pedophile, and silver haired Sephiroth wannabe. We have enough of all three of those in the world, but to have all three in one? A monstrosity!" Ghis then nodded to Phoenix and Vinsfeld. "Defense, your closing arguments." "Members of the jury... my closing argument is not an argument, but a question of logic." Phoenix opened his brown paper bag and took out the last item, a Chewbacca doll. "OBJECTION!" yelled Edgeworth. "No Chewbacca Defense!" "Overturned~" whistled Judge Drace. "Carry on, Mr. Wright." "Okay, lady and... gentlemen of the jury, Chewbacca is a Wookie. He lives on Endor with a bunch of Ewoks. THAT DOES NOT MAKE SENSE! And you know what else doesn't make sense? THIS CASE!" Shortly after, Kefka's head exploded. Ignoring Kefka's flesh and blood splattered across the court room, Phoenix continued. "Colette Brunel clearly impersonated Antenora then lied UNDER OATH in this court under these five honorable judges! She should have her false victory revoked and be banned for a minimum of three seasons!" "Jurors, you've heard the closing arguments. Choose wisely, and quickly, so we can all go home." After that, the jurors were excused into their Secret Magical Mystical Hidden Jury room to do jury-like things. ------------ A THOUSAND MILES AWAY... While the jury was doing their jury-like things, the prosecution and defense were eating dinner. The prosecution side enjoyed high class cuisine, sitting in comfy, golden lined chairs. The dinner table was overflowing with sirloins and pastas. Even a musical troupe was there to serenade them during dinner. Lloyd took Colette out afterwards to the local Dairy Queen and treated Colette to a gigantic enormous delicious banana split sundae. However, the ice cream in the sundae turned out to be Mallow in disguise. Lloyd, in response, unleased his Ex-Sphere and Mallow turned from a wispy little marshmellow cloud into a wispy bunch of nothing. In a tiny room off to the side that no one cared about somewhere in the court house that people rarely ever visited, Vinsfeld was chained up and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwich in the presence of the guard man, Frank Goldfinger, and Mao the cat. Questioning why the police were using cats instead of dogs resulted in a scratched face for Vinsfeld. Antenora took some pity on him and came to visit. "Hello, Antenora. Wait, you're really Antenora, right?" he asked. He just couldn't be sure anymore after what happened earlier. "Yes, I am, and I have some good news" she said. "Really? What's the news? Judecca's killed himself again? Ptolomea blew himself up with his dynamite? Caina got stuck in another dimension? Odessa got over nine-thousand members?" "...no, none of that. See, because of what you did earlier in the arena, they're considering re-ranking you to High Godlike. There's currently an argument going on in the RPGDL Grand Hall about whether that was plot power or not." "Well... of course it wasn't plot power! I... I really did that!" he exclaimed. "I know sweetie, I know. Even if you get sent to jail for a while, when you come out you might be a 5.00 Godlike." Hearing Antenora say this made his crappy peanut butter and jelly taste a lot better. ------------ The Final Countdown The Jury came out of the Secret Magical Mystical Hidden Jury room and took their seats back in the Jury Box. "Jury, have you reached a decision?" asked Judge Gabranth. "YES, YOUR HONORS. WE HAVE INDEED REACHED A VERDICT. ON THIS DAY, WE, THE JURY-" "...okay, can someone besides Shiego do this?" requested Judge Drace. She popped a couple of aspirins. "Argh who cares if we've reached a decision or not-" "...someone besides Sync..." said Judge Bergan. He threw his blade at Sync's head. "Our decision is that I shoot this guy in the pe-" "...someone besides Gawn..." said Judge Ghis. He threw the Dawn Shard at Brionac's Trump Card. "But that leaves Rinoa..." Judge Zargabaath whispered to the other judges. The other four felt their spines tingle as Zargabaath spoke her mere name. Rinoa picked up the piece of paper on which the jury had written their decision, and found she couldn't read it. Shiego then kindly pointed out she had it upside down. Rinoa corrected this quickly. "We, the jury, find Vinsfeld Rhad... Raspberrysauce-" "RHADAMANTHUS!" "...Raspberrysauce to be innocent of all charges. Colette is banned for thre-" "OBJECTION!" yelled Edgeworth, but his objection was drowned out by the cheering from the various people of the courtroom. Colette was revoked of her fake victory and given a three season boot. ------------ Outside... Zelos Wilder was tip toeing away, hoping to be unseen. "Zelos, where are you going?" asked an overly cute and young voice from behind him. He turned around in fear, and saw Colette standing there. "Oh, uh, Colette, hey! Look..." "Zelos, have you ever heard of an anime called Dokuro-chan?" asked Colette. "No, why?" "In Dokuro-chan, angel halos are razor sharp. ^_^" "...really." "Yeah. ^_^ Really. ^_^" "C-Colette, what're you doing with your weapon..." Zelos Wilder's body was never found. If you know anything about this missing person, please contact your local police. ------------ In the Fortress of Solitude The following week, Vinsfeld was summoned to the RPGDL Grand Hall where the judges summoned him to speak about his possible re-ranking. "So... what's the verdict?" asked Vinsfeld hopefully. "We think it's plot power," said Yuri. "B-But... No! I really did all of that! Re-rank me!" begged Vinsfeld. A victory in light, but no re-rank into Godlike. Better luck next time, Vinny! Colette Brunel: 28 Orson Carola
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