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Zophar vs Shania
Taishyr Shania forfeited the match. Of course, she only did so after herself, Yuri, Kurando and Johnny completely and utterly gang-destroyed Zophar in an ambush, figuring this was revenge for Harmonixers and generally transforming people everywhere. The greatest insult was holding Zophar bound and gagged... and then having Ditto transform into Zophar and Fate Storming him right in the face. Surrendering a match is a small price to pay for sweet revenge. Zophar: 32 
Jade vs Rubicant
Taishyr One is a giant bug. One is an honorable warrior. ------------- "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE GET THAT BUG AWAY FROM ME GETITOFFGETITAWAAAAY AAAAA I HATE BUGS" ------------- Honorable warrior, sure, but Rubicant has a bit of a, ah, wussy side. Turns out bugs are the biggest issue. Better luck next time, Rubicant. Jade: 46 
Ice Queen Avril vs Terra Branford
Magic Fanatic Hush little baby, don't say a word. Momma's gonna buy you a mockingbird. If that mockingbird don't sing, Momma's gonna buy you a Diamond Ring... ------- Terra had never been so relaxed. Sure, she may have just been teleported to a pocket dimension with nothing in it but a voice, but for some reason, it was relaxing, and it was the first real time she felt coddled like a child, something she never got to experience with how she grew up. ----- Outside the pocket, the Ice Queen collected the win granted to her by Belial. While the feeling of emotion was new to her, she wanted to learn about it so much so that she did not succumb to a loss because of that again. Ice Queen Avril: 22 Pyro
Souji Seta vs Yuna
Barubary So we have the main attraction tonight In cornor one we have Yuna in cornor two the new comer Souji Seta. Now I personally have always found Yuna to be overrated, so I have to give the battle to the new comer. Souji Seta: 40 Stormwarden
Ness vs Nina Wyndia
Taishyr Ness resigned immediately upon hearing who his opponent was. Turns out he still felt a loyalty to the Flying Man of his subconscious, and couldn't reasonably fight Nina as a result. Nina, slightly disappointed but also touched, promised to read a bedtime story to Ness as thanks. They found the agreement palatable. Ness: 20 
Tana vs Yuki
Gatewalker Have you ever seen a pegasus and an airplane play chicken? Neither had Tana, so she hadn't really thought things through when she accepted Yuki's challenge to that very game. Needless to say, Yuki was more then willing to collide and wreck yet another plane to win this game. Tana's pegasus, not so much Tana: 16 
Chie Satonaka vs Agrias Oaks
Starphoenix das Helpoemer As a motivational prize for making it past the first round, all winners were offered a steak dinner as compensation. While this didn't matter nearly as much to most of the competitors (especially the vegetarians in the crowd), for one Chie Satonaka, it made all the difference. As the good book says: And then there was steak, and all was good. Unfortunately for Agrias, this meant death on hightops. Poor poor Agrias, runover for a steak dinner. Chie Satonaka: 34 Namagomi
Demi vs Carlie
DragonKnight Zero Demi wins the quickdraw. With the speed and precision achievable by an android, her rendition of a Motavian landscape came out quicker and better looking than Carlie's crayon creation of the Lampflower Forest. To seal the deal even more; Ashley, Virginia, and Jude were judging and personal bias was greenlighted beforehand. As for the last minute change in contest, Piastol arranged it. Pedophiles and others with the specific types of fetishes that would matter in such a match showed up to an empty arena. Demi: 24
Rudy Roughknight vs Rena Lanford
rafenud Rena doesn't have a good record dealing with robotic opponents. Sure, she eventually beat God's Ten Wise Men, but it took several tries. She gives it a good shot against Rudy, but all of her attacks do zero damage. Bummer. Rudy Roughknight: 42 
Junpei Iori vs Scythe Riebauer
Taishyr "So... you're my opponent." Junpei said skeptically. Scythe simply nodded, one long, elegant fingernail tapping against his left arm. "...seriously?" "Mmm, yes, young child." "..." Junpei turned to the judges. "Look, can I get an opponent who won't go Brokeback Mountain on my a-" Scythe, at this point, just killed him and punted him from the arena. Junpei, once he was resurrected, attempted to apologize, and got 4D Pocketed by Belial. Some days you just can't win. Junpei Iori: 15 
Axl vs Rauny
SageAcrin It's not so much that Rauny lost, this battle. Losing is, for a warrior, something that must be accepted every so often. In combat, no one can be perfect. --- "It's the full body sunburn." Rauny grumbled, as she peeled some skin off her arm. "I swear, those animations are misleading. He shoots you a lot more than it looks. And then finishes with shards of burning energy. And he doesn't aim worth a damn. I swear, I'm not going to be able to sit comfortably for weeks." She finished with a sigh. Axl: 22 
Raijin vs Cador
SageAcrin Cador doesn't suffer fools gladly. Which made this all too frustrating of a battle for him. After all, the judges, in their wisdom, had decided to arbitrarily hold this battle on his home world. It turns out that the distance he slowly had to plod is no real bar to sound. Certainly, Cador would win the battle. He'd won so many before. But listening to Raijin's comments on religion was too high of a price. He's not a Scientologist, but he thinks they have some okay ideas, ya know? Those aliens are really out there, Seifer told him so. Raijin: 9
Tempest vs Aeris Gainsborough
Taishyr The plains warrior stood there calmly. Aeris felt her heart race. "T-Tempest. Are you ready to be beaten?" she called, challengingly. As the plains warrior looked at her (ohgodthoseeyesthatfacesowarm), Aeris found herself clutching the umbrella tightly. "I... must apologize, Aeris." Tempest(?) cooed. "But I have been deceiving the DL for a long while." "Deceiving us?" Aeris stuttered. "Indeed. For my life as Tempest has been but one part. Many women..." Tempest(?) advanced to Aeris' side, whispering like a feather in her ear. "...know me as El Chupacabr-" The resulting glomp from Aeris sent the two sliding across the arena. Judges ruled that since it was Tempest's charm effect, he was the winner. They also ruled that he'd have to wear a bag over his face to prevent this sort of thing from happening ever again. Tempest: 33 
Nina Wyndia vs Aguro
Gatewalker Large man with a sword. Small annoying princess with magic. Normally, the laws of RPGs would say that Nina should kick Aguro's ass around the block with room to spare. In this case, Aguro politely inquired about the history of Wyndia and while Nina was distracted with happiness that someone actually WANTED her to talk more, he hit her upside the head with a sword really hard. Of course he got stepped on by a very large dragon as soon as he left the arena, but frankly he'd been expecting that to happen, win or lose, ever since he saw who his opponent was. Hopefully the healers wouldn't have any trouble putting him back together for the next match. Nina Wyndia: 21 
Connie vs Chu-Chu
SageAcrin *Two days before the match.* "Ehhhh. What the hell can we do to make this match interesting, anyways?" Kefka muttered, as he paced. "There's nothing...original, anymore." "Definitely true." The Profound Darkness, her shifting form hiding her true expression, laughed softly. "We've certainly caused as much suffering as you can imagine, and in so many ways." "And such beautiful horror can only be done so often before it becomes...plebian." Kuja muttered sourly. "You guys need a hobby. Aren't we just supposed to judge the match, get paid, and get on with life? Save the massacring innocents for your damn free time." Killer sighed in disgust. "There's nothing wrong with enjoying your work! I certainly do." Kefka huffed. "At any event, we've had transformations, transgenderation, giant machines, perverted hordes, women and men in scanty or worse clothing, carnage, cameos, property destruction, theft, rioting, crimes against both man, demihuman, non-human and all the gods in existance, memes, subtle and non-subtle revenge, insanity, incredible misuse of magic, technology and combinations of both, we've played on every weakness in the book of our combatants, we've allowed things that were clearly illegal because it was pretty damn fun to, we've disallowed them for the same reasons, we've put Ghaleon in a short skirt-which, really, is it's own kind of crime...hell, I know I'm forgetting some stuff." Kefka shrugged. "What can we do that's new?" "....ugh. Just throw a bunch of stuff together. It's new then." Killer muttered sarcastically. "If this is all this pre-match discussion is going to be about, I'm getting out of here." He added, walking out. "..." Kefka, Kuja and Profound Darkness stared at each other for a long moment, in silence. Before breaking into smiles. *45 hours before the match.* "Let me get this straight. You're hiring me to...fire...you are?" Lexis Shaia sputtered, confusedly. "Certainly." Kuja noted. "...But...that...that...I mean, maybe we were all wrong, but I would have put good money on you being g-" "That doesn't matter. Do as you're paid to." Kuja ruthlessly cut off Lexis. "I may not be the strongest here, but I still can shove your pitiful tongue down your throat if you attempt to infer things from this discussion." "...so...then you are?" "....just shut up and ready the Creamonade." Kuja sighed, marking something off on a list. "You still, I assume, have the water?" *42 hours before the match.* "Hey! I had a full house." Sten yelled, as the Profound Darkness materialized on his cards. "And what...oh. Oh, it's...uh...heh...hi?" "You need to do something. You will not regret it." The Profound Darkness said simply, to the table. "Bring the horse and all of you, and come to the pathetic Light match. You know the one." She intoned, simply. "....uh...." "....dog versus creampuff." "Oh! Yeah, yeah, uh, sure, we'll be there. Do we get anything?" "...Yes. You will get something." "Sounds good!" Sten nodded happily, as the Profound Darkness, sighing, disappeared once more. "...this sounds like a really bad idea." Zelos muttered. "Then again, I think we're damned if we do, damned if we don't." "Hm? What do you mean? We're getting something!" Sten grinned. "...never mind." Zelos sighed. "And Zidane missed this, so we don't even have to tell him! Haha, that'll show him for showing me up so much!" Sten finished triumphantly. *39 hours before the match.* "...huh? What's going on?" Mogu muttered, sleepily. "Heeeehehehehe! Wouldn't you like to know!" Kefka cackled, from atop one of Mogu's bedposts. "...Yes?" "Oh, right, I'm here to tell you. Damn stupid 'plans'. Well, anyways! Wouldn't you like to get some back of your own?" "...What?" Mogu blinked blearily. "You're the only one that ever lost to Chu-Chu." Kefka spelled out patiently. "...look, I really try not to think about that too much." "And drink yourself into a stupor when you do?" "It doesn't happen a lot." "Only because you can't afford it much, since you lose so much and your day job is digging for random crap!" "..." Mogu sighed, finally irritated. "Look, I learned to control my temper long ago-with my...stature, you have to. But if you're offering me some no-strings attached way to get back at the squeaky, annoying puffball that I couldn't manage to beat in a fair fight a long time ago, then sure." Mogu finished, nodding. Kefka simply laughed. *36 hours before the match.* "...you want what?" Bartholomew Fatima mumbled. "Damnit, man, you want me to dig up the keys to a mech before I've had coffee? That's unreasonable." "...can't believe they got me doing this stupid errand." Killer stated, disgusted. "Look. Keys. Now. Or I slit your damn throat and pour coffee into the hole." "...well, okay, I can wait a bit for coffee I guess." Bart hurriedly mumbled. *30 hours before the match.* "Let me get this straight. You want every thief-or even remotely stealthy person-in League..." Locke slowly said. "...to...try to steal...Connie's strawberries while she's at the match? Either from her room or from her? And you'll pay us 100000 Gil for each?" Yuffie finished, practically drooling. "That would be entirely correct." Profound Darkness said, a glimmering of amusement in her voice. *16 hours before the match.* "....what? Where have you fools brought me?" Ghaleon yelled, straining at his magical bonds. "Ehehehehe! Just to an all-night screening of your favorite show, boy-o!" Kefka laughed. "Oh, god, breaking you is going to be easier than breaking Celes with furry porn, and twice as fun!" "...why...do you know that...?" Ghaleon asked, whimpering slightly. "I was really bored that day, okay? Now, let the screening of Magical Girl Ghaleon, the Anime, begin!" *12 hours before the match.* "Man, it's been sooooooo boring around here the last year or so. I swear, I even miss the poker nights half the time. Though, at least Dagger doesn't want to kill me lately." Zidane pondered, wandering the halls of the League. "That stealing gig was pretty good, but man, even I have more morals than stealing strawberries from a do-HURGHLHK." Zidane cut off, doubling over in pain. As the Profound Darkness appeared in front of him. "So sorry. I need this for a moment. It'll kill you to lose for long, but I'll put it right back." She noted, as she wrested something from his stomach with a grin. The Philosopher's Stone. "...that...stupid...glowy...thing...keeps coming back to haunt me..." Zidane mumbled through a haze of pain, as the Profound Darkness brandished it to the sky, chanting ominously. "I don't particularly care which universe this breaks into, which, of course, makes using it to break into one far easier." She noted, as an ominous gate appeared. "I suppose there were other, less painful and universe destablizing ways to do this, but what's the fun in that?" "EHEHEH-wait, who are you." A strange, horned woman muttered, as she walked through the gate. "You're not one of those meddling teenagers." "...hm. Strange even by my standards, but you'll do for this." The Profound Darkness nodded, satisfied, as she checked something off a list. "Let me fill you in on what's going on here, and see if you approve enough to co-operate. Because failing to do so means you never go home." "Sounds good, for a start." *The hour of the match.* "Okay, so. What the hell have we all been running around for?" Kefka asked, curiously. "Oh, you'll see." Profound Darkness smiled. "Personally, I just did it to kill some time." Kuja sighed. "I don't really have that much to do here." "Yeah, same here. I'm not expecting much." Killer agreed. "I mean, all it does is cut into my busy scheduel of serial killing Chu-Chu's race. Damn things keep getting revived, I keep putting 'em down." He shrugged. "A noble pursuit." Kuja agreed. "Ah, here's the first combatant now." The Profound Darkness noted, with a smile. As the Yggdrasil IV smashed through a wall of the arena. "...Well, this is off to a good start." Kefka noted. "...chu?" Chu-Chu said in a small voice, as she stared up at the city-sized Gear. "...um...did...did I...annoy a judge, chu?" "Yes." "Yeah." "Oh, definitely." "Man, I killed you four times." Was heard to chorus from the judge's box. "But, there is a certain interest in fair play here." The Profound Darkness added. "...that's not chu." "Oh, come now. You can grow to a larger size." "...well, that is chu, but...chu...can't expect me chu grow that big..." "That won't be a problem. Just grow larger, and the match will begin." The Profound Darkness noted. The slight giggle she let out was the only indication of the horrors that were to come. As Chu-Chu's huge form stablized, a voice from within a deep robe cackled with maniacal laughter, intoning a few simple words. "Magic Wand, make this stupid pink thing grow! MORE!" Rita Repulsa laughed into the night sky, as her wand made Chu-Chu even larger, smashing stands and causing people to flee in all directions. "...what. The. Hell?" Killer said. "Who the hell is she?" "Just a kindred soul who was perfectly willing to go along with a demented plan to make life more interesting. I think she had some of the same staleness of life problems we do." The Profound Darkness noted. "And now, let the match, and all subsidiary events, begin!" She called out. "...subsidiary events?" Kuja wondered aloud. He didn't have much time to wonder. "C'mon, guys, let's...uh...you know, what the hell are we here for?" Sten noted, as he stared up at the titanic giant pink thing and the huge mecha, locked in a vicious, potentially-city-destroying struggle that, somehow, had still not gotten far from the ring. "Profound Darkness not killing us." Zelos reminded him. "Right! Uh...why else?" Sten added. "Just that. We're here to be here, as near as I can tell." Seigfried the unicorn snorted. "Man, are you guys stuck doing stuff like this often?" Junpei sighed. "All the time, my friend. All the time." Guillaume said, with a flourish. The small crowd of perverts, confused, milled aimlessly in the arena. Naturally, they served mostly to be in the way of the small army of thieves, treasure hunters, pirates and assorted miscreants, all with one target. The happily barking, happily piloting the Yggdrasil IV, Connie. "WUFFIE WUFF WUFF~!" she barked, enjoying herself incredibly. "...wait, she's actually piloting that?" "It's pretty easy to rig up direct motion control and interpret it if you can threaten a few scientists from the right Not Ranked casts." The Profound Darkness grinned contentedly. Armed with longlines, aircraft, grappling hooks, climbing gear, and even bare hands, a small army of thieves swarmed Connie's mecha, hoping for a single, succulent berry. Naturally, Connie reacted the only way possible. Leaning forward, putting the front two arms of the mecha on the ground, and shaking off all the people that were attempting to climb up her mecha. "Okay, it's about...now, that I start getting why the hell you bothered." Killer noted, as Alonso, shaken free from the mecha, sailed gracefully over his head to land in the stands, out cold. "Oh, yes. And we're almost done." The Profound Darkness noted. "...A-Almost?" Killer sputtered. "You evildoers! Wrecking our homeland which we hold so dear! There is no hope or prayer for your horrific destruction of innocence, no excuse for your depravity!" A mysterious figure shouted, from high in the air. "...oh god." Killer sighed, burying his head in his hands. "I, Magical Girl Ghaleon, am here to halt this horrible war and bring peace to you all!" Ghaleon shrieked, falsetto, as she rode a floating platform above both the massive, confused Chu-Chu and the still-shaking-off-thieves Yggdrasil IV. "This is hitting my weirdness tolerance. I never thought I'd say that again." Kuja noted, as Ghaleon rained deadly magic and, unfortunately, pantyshots, on giant pink thing, mecha, thieves and perverts alike. "And now, the last stage." The Profound Darkness noted, conjuring a barrier. As a fine mist of water rained down on the arena. "...Okay, now that's just screwed up." Kefka noted, as the rain fell around them. "...I don't get it, what's so special about water?" Killer, newer to the League, asked. "Oh, it's pretty simple. That water was a special retrofit to a giant cream-shooting cannon called the Creamonade that Yuri made, that transgenders people." Kefka noted. "...No, really, what's so special about th-...whoa." Killer cut off, dazed. "Ah, yes. I had Kuja have the water altered as to my specifications. Specifically, to turn everything hit directly by it into women, not just transgender them." The Profound Darkness, her full plan finally revealed, threw her head back and laughed to the air. "Yeah, okay, half a mile tall giant naked transmogrified into a female human Chu-Chu is way the hell too weird for me, thank you." Kefka half-shrieked, adverting his eyes and shivering. "...huh, you broke Kefka. Damn." Killer noted. "...excuse me, but this is getting way the hell too weird for me too." Rita noted. "Can I go home yet?" "Certainly." The Profound Darkness replied amiably, as she summoned Zidane out of thin air, and, before giving him a chance to speak, simply ripped the Philosopher's Stone from his stomach and calmly chanted the magic necessary to send a certain witch home. "...someone...remind me what the hell is going on besides weirder than hell crap?" Killer sighed, head buried again in hands. "It's not going to be Kuja. He passed out when the water hit." Kefka noted, with a sigh. "I swear to god, Ghaleon doesn't even look different why doesn't he look different!?!?" "Oh, it's very simple." The Profound Darkness noted simply, pulling out a list. "Transformations..." She gestured vaguely at Chu-Chu, who evidently still had not noticed the transformation. Somehow. "I brought in Seigfried for insurance, as well as to combine elements of perversion, transgenderation, and transformation. That's the first one. Then there's transgendering, which is obvious. Giant machines...well, the aircraft provided a plural there handily. I do believe that's scanty enough clothing, though I suppose Piastol's current attempts at covering her with spray-on latex counts as scanty, now..." "...wait, wait, wait. Don't tell me. You did that entire list? What the hell is wrong with you?" Kefka sputtered. "Oh, yes. The only non-obvious part is that Mogu pulled the trigger on making Chu-Chu the biggest furry magnet in ages. I was surprised to get both memes and cameos in a single stroke of luck, but I was surely happy with it. And now I get to arbitrarily call Chu-Chu the winner due to mechanical interference, thus filling all sides of the legality issues." The Profound Darkness smiled. "...let's...never encourage her again." Kefka sighed. Ultimately, the several thousand transgendered perverts and thieves were restored rather easily. Restoring Chu-Chu down from several hundred feet tall took more effort, but eventually people just beat her up until she shrunk, which worked. Of course, the cure was coincidental. They just wanted to beat her up. Mogu was blamed for most of the problems-unjustly, naturally, but that's the way the mole crumbles. At least, after being petrified. Ultimately, this single day will be struck from the annals of all memory, as fast as possible, and all records erased. Only one person will remember this day fondly. Connie ultimately was taken out of Yggdrasil IV when, tuckered out, she fell asleep, nearly a day later. No berries were lost-she wasn't foolish enough to leave any anywhere except in her scarf. She experienced, for one day, true, limitless power, that which would make the gods tremble. She used it, naturally, to gather berries from all over the world. To feel the joys of flight, to bark at birds in their natural enviroment. To soar through space. To dig so far in the ground that she found lava. To see all that the world holds. Certainly, the Profound Darkness caused incredible evil on this day. But maybe the good she caused, by accident, for one, balanced it out. Connie: 12 Sei
Garet vs Kahn
Gatewalker Kahn is a man's man. He's a fighter, he's a contender, the man does not know when to quit. Throughout the course of his game he comes back over and over and over, never willing to admit defeat. Such determination is a thing of legend, and truly a quality for him to be proud of. So how, how how how, could the great Kahn ever be outmatched at his own game? "So, we both know I'm going to win, right?" "Of course not! You have no chance!" "So we both know I'm going to win, right?" "Never! I will never admit defeat!" "So, we both know I'm going to win, right?" "You've sure got a lot of nerve saying that." "So, we both know I'm going to win, right?" "..." "So, we both know I'm going to win, right?" "Stop saying that!" "So, we both know I'm going to win, right?" "AAAAAAAAGH!!!!" Obviously the above was just a small sampling of that conversation. It took well over sixteen hours for Garet to actually out-stubborn Kahn, but at the end of the day the more pigheaded man went home with the win. Garet: 24 |
