 | So, welcome one and all to Behind the Scenes for the first week of Season 51. Who've we got on the agenda today, minions?
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 | Jumping right into it, eh Chief?
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| Yep. There's alot of talk about Harry Potter stumbling into town going around, want to wrap up quick so I can go find him and get in some prime heckling.
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 | Huh? Oh that's probably just
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| Less talking more working. That mess in the break room isn't cleaning itself, Moppy.
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 | Wouldn't a self cleaning mess be some sort of world destroying paradox?
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 | I...don't know. Get someone in R&D on that idea, I smell profit potential.
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| Only you could try and profit from something that's either world ending or completely useless.
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| I employ you, don't I?
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| ...
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| Um, anyway, to answer the question, we've got Luca and some newcomer robot in for Godlike. I'll go call 'em in.
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| I'll leave you minions to your work.
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| Alrighty, introducing former Godlike Champion Luca Blight and his brand new opponent, a walking, talking weapon of mass destruction, the reploid X!
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 | X? Just the letter X? What kind of a name is that?
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 | A better one then Blight. Having that for a last name is only slightly more subtle then being called Badguy McBabyeater.
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| ...hmm.
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| Well, seems like the new guy already knows how things work around here.
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| Well, my friends and I did spend quite a while sitting around the old Not Ranked arena.
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| Okay, onto the interview. Luca, care to share any particular plans you have for welcoming X here to the DL and to Godlike in specific?
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| ...does have a nice ring to it...not regal enough for myself of course...hmm...
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| You aren't even remotely listening to me, are you?
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| ...maybe a minion? Yes, I need a minion named that..
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| Nope, not listening at all.
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| You! Octopus!
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| Er, yes?
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| Where does one go about acquiring nameless minions that I may dub whatever I wish?
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| Uh, try the Final Fantasy Tactics soldier office?
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| Excellent! You'll have to make due with interviewing the metallic pig over there, I have things to do.
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| Is he going to...?
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| Sounds like it.
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| Ooooookay, moving on. X!
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| Yes?
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| What's your secret plan for dealing with the crazy man?
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| I'm thinking punching him in the throat with a full power Charge Collider should do the trick.
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| What are you doing here anyway? Aren't you supposed to be some kind of pacifist?
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| Why are you talking? Aren't you supposed to be dead?
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| ...fair.
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| Well, if that's all, welcome to the DL proper and good luck in your match, X.
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| Thank you.
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| Aright, who's next?
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| Uh, sounds like we've got a bigger lunatic then Luca and a catgirl for Heavy. The catgirl's new, too.
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 | Hey there!
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 | Good afternoon, all.
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| Wait, Harry Potter is in Heavy!?
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| ...
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| I was TRYING to tell you that it was probably just Lezard.
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| Oh.
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| *sigh*
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| See, now you look stupid. That's what you get for not listening to the All Father.
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| You do understand that I now have to cover for myself by beating you senseless, right?
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| Of course. Which is why I'm already standing next to the open window. Geronimo!
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| I...I have no words.
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| As entertaining as it is to see Odin actually have the upper hand for once in his life, would you terribly mind getting on with this? I do have other places to be.
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| Why the rush, don't you like being on TV?
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| My dear, prolonged exposure to this studio brings naught but madness and abuse of the highest order. You and yours would do well to learn to fear it.
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| Eep...
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| Brings madness, says the man who tried to destroy the world just to get in a goddess's pants.
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| I maintain that my motivations are far more sensible and sympathetic then those of nine out of ten of my fellow antagonists.
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| You did what for what? What are you, some kind of attention starved loser?
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| I consider myself to be a man of exceptional tastes, the fulfilling of which require equally exceptional methods.
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| Like I said, blow up the world to nail a goddess.
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| Enough about Lezard's bizarre plots, let's talk about the upcoming fights. Ryu the First, always a dominating presence in the ring. Think your magic can take down a dragon?
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| I have nothing to fear from a mere dragon.
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| Calling a dragon "mere"? Are you brain damaged?
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| You will find that before the sheer scope of my mystical knowledge, many otherwise terrifying creatures can be considered a mere nuisance.
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| Brave words. Here's hoping Ryu makes you eat them.
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| Aren't news shows supposed to be unbiased?
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| Not this one! So long as I keep ratings up, I can pretty much do whatever I want.
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| Really? That actually sounds pretty fun.
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| No we don't have any openings.
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| I...I didn't ask if you did!
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| Anyway, Nikki, I've been meaning to ask you a question since I first heard about you.
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| Really? Sure, go ahead.
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| So you use big giant hammers, right?
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| Sure do!
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| That increase your speed?
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| Well I'm pretty fast to begin with, but yeah, those help.
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| ...HOW?
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| Zuh?
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| How in the world can carrying a hammer that's bigger then you are make you FASTER?
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| I...um...well...that's actually a pretty good question. Maybe Anna would know, she's pretty good with weapons.
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| You mean to tell us that you wield these hammers, partaking of their speed enhancing qualities, without knowing how they function?
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| Uh...yep!
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| ...I see. Well, I suppose that's it for Heavy. Nice meeting you or something like that anyway, Nikki.
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| Madness and abuse huh? Bunch of crud, this place isn't so bad.
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| Lezard, go die in a hole somewhere.
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| The only reason you were nice to that girl is because I warned her about you.
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| And?
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| So long as we're being honest about it.
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| Alright, anyone interesting from Middle? And where's Gil anyway?
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| No such thing. And Gil took the week off. Come on, it's written right there on the work schedule.
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| Pfft, like I read that.
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| Anyway, looks like we've got Borus and...ugh.
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| That bad? Come on, who?
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| ...Gordon.
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 | That's Captain Gordon(Defender of Earth!) to you, cretin!
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 | Thank god, we're finally up. I don't know if I could take another second of his senseless prattle in the waiting room.
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| Man, who even booked this guy?
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| Not me.
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| Don't look at me either, I wanted Palom instead.
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| Now now, no need to worry. I'm sure you must have been afraid that coming to the show would be a strain on my schedule and possibly leave some helpless innocent in danger without a hero, but I assure you that I have everything taken care of. A true hero always find a way to make some time for his adoring public.
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| Can we just launch him? Please?
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| I'll help.
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| A volunteer? Aha, I knew it! I had you pegged for the heroic type the moment I laid eyes on you. Never fear, the Defender of Earth is always in need of sturdy sidekicks, I'm sure I can fit you into my adventures somewhere!
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| ...
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| So, Gordon, about your match.
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| Oh, that. Well, I'll admit I wasn't too thrilled when I heard I had to fight a child. Not a very heroic thing to do, afterall. But after hearing about how much of a delinquent this boy seems to be, well, I suppose it couldn't hurt to give him a small taste of what awaits him if he continues down the road to villainy. And who knows, he might even be inspired to take up the cause of justice himself. Why just last month I was voted the most inspirational hero on Earth!
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| He's been going on like this since he got here.
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| I assure you my good man, I have been carrying on this fine tradition of heroing since long before my arrival here!
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| Palom is going turn you into a frog. And I am going to laugh.
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| I certainly hope not.
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| What, don't tell me you actually want this guy to win?
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| Oh, but I do. I want him to win and make it into the second round so that I can stab him myself.
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| Haha, always such a kidder this one. Good luck to you too, chum!
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| I see. Well, I did have a couple of really good insults just for you but...frankly, I think you wouldn't even care after what you've already been through today. You can just go home, Borus.
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| You have my thanks.
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| Almost makes me feel sorry for Odessa. He's gonna take out all that rage on her.
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| Eh, Wind Runes are pretty slick. That's still anyone's game.
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| Hmm, point.
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| Alright, someone get the Lights in. Let's wrap this up.
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| Sure thing. Representing this week's Light, we have a couple old buddies of mine from the reoccurring boss club, Milon and Liz.
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 | Hey Ultros.
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 | I still say that the Fiends' second appearance shouldn't count for membership.
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| It's perfectly legitimate. Besides, I have three fights.
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| Okay now your first little gimmick there does not even begin to count.
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| Gentlemen, gentlemen, no need to fight amongst ourselves. Not when you both have PCs to slap around this week.
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| Well, since you have things in hand, or in tentacle or whatever, here, I'm heading out. Close us down when you're done.
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| No sweat chief. Alright, Milon...man, there isn't much to talk about with your match, is there?
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| It's Gobi.
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| I'm sure a shrewd businessman such as Gobi can find some way of being making himself a credible threat.
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| Only by bribing someone to flood the arena.
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| Well even if he pulls that off, I'm not handing him a win. Your boss is offering to double my winnings if I not only beat the stuffing out of the fish, but humiliate him in the process.
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| There's some bad blood there, I presume?
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| It comes and goes. In general though, the boss likes Gobi about as much as he likes Ramus.
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| Not much for competition, is he?
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| Well, his favorite game and his favorite word are the same thing: Monopoly. Anyway, Liz, got any tricks up your sleeve for the former Light champ you'll be staring down?
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| My sleeves contain so many tricks I'm not sure how I fit my arms in them.
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| Anything good enough to beat Gijimu?
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| For your information, I have already concocted a thirteen step plan to ensure the complete and total defeat of my unworthy opponent. Although explaining it to anyone of less then my own superior intellect, such as yourselves, would be a waste of my time and yours.
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| Be careful with plans like that. If you don't keep things simple, it can come back to haunt you.
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| And of course, you'd know all about coming back to haunt.
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| ...that was actually a good one. Nice.
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| It's true though. The simplest plans are often the best ones.
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| Unless your plan is so impossibly complex that it comes full circle to trump simplicity.
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| So you're going for a Xanatos Gambit?
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| If you must use such a crude label.
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| This is promising to be a glorious trainwreck.
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| ...trainwreck. Of COURSE! Make that a fourteen step plan! And excuse me, I have work to do!
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| I don't even want to know what idea I just gave him. But if it works, I'm taking credit for it.
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| Odds of that happening?
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| Didn't say I was putting any money on it.
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| Well, have fun with Gobi. And I suppose that closes us out. From me, Morte and everyone else who isn't here right now, this has been Behind the Scenes. Have fun with the fights, kids! |
I, Kazan, bid you welcome to the RPG Dueling League, dedicated to the art of pitting the greatest warriors of the RPG Multiverse against each other in honourable combat! Within lies the greatest showcase of fighting talent you will ever lay your eyes upon!