Not too distant future
Next Sunday A.D.
There is a gal, Chisato,
A reporter from Energy Nede
She works on a show for the DL
The equivalent of a career's death knell
Now she's trapped in the BtS Studio
The unwilling captive of her old boss, Nate Nanjo.
 | Get... me... out!
|
 | I'll send her stupid fighters
The worst I can find (la la la)
She'll have to sit and talk to them all
While I monitor her mind (lalala)
Now keep in mind she can't control
When the interviews begin or end (lalala)
She'll try to keep her sanity
Despite her co-host friends
Co-host roll call!
Ultros!
|
 | We're on!
Odin!
|
 | My mop!
Gilgamesh!
|
 | Oh, huzzah.
Mooooorte!
|
 | Bite me!
If you're wondering how she eats and breathes
And other science facts (lalala)
Just repeat to yourself it's just a show
I should really just relax
And watch Behind the Scenes... 3000. *twang*
|
| I can't believe that Nate locked us in here.
|
| At least he left us enough food to last the week. I'm sure he'll let us out after that.
|
| Ah, denial. It's a wonderful thing.
|
| It's all I have to work with right now.
|
| Hey, Nate's calling.
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| Hello, Chisato, hired goons.
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| Nate! What the hell do you think you're doing locking me in here?!
|
| It's sweeps, and we need a gimmick to improve our ratings.
|
| But don't we already have somewhere around 90% of the total audience watching us?
|
| Well, maybe I just don't like you.
|
| Fine, whatever. I don't care about your reasons right now, let's just do the show right now. Welcome to Behind the Scenes, yadda yadda yadda, first guests are Watari and Peppita.
|
 | ...
|
 | Did you know the doors won't open? I guess we're stuck together, huh?
|
| There's nothing in the world that I could have done in the past to justify such torment.
|
| I believe we have a reckoning of sorts to come to, Chisato.
|
| Oh please. Everyone who comes on the show knows that they're most likely to get hurt in some way.
|
| Especially if you're on staff.
|
| Well, she's on staff, isn't she?
|
| Indeed.
|
| Well, bring it on then!
|
| And once more we degenerate into senseless violence. Ah, well. You seem to have made a fine recovery from last week, Peppita.
|
| I guess. I'm kind of sad that I didn't win. But Watari's a good fighter, so I'm not too upset.
|
| Damn it, stand still!
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| No.
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| See? That's why he's a champion. Go Watari!
|
| Wow, Chisato's losing. Maybe this imprisonment thing isn't so bad after all.
|
| Come on, show some loyalty. He's a ninja, Chisato! If you can't launch him, you'll have to use the power of attacking with exposition.
|
| Of course! Watari, prepare for my special attack!
|
| Rising Dragon, I know. I can dodge it.
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| Not quite. Feel a pain that shall extend to your descendants! Special Attack, Taser to the Groin!
|
| Aaaagh!
|
| Bad form, boss. Very unsportsmanlike.
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| I won, so I don't care. Now let's head on to Middle.
|
 | I believe you all owe me an apology.
|
| More like you owe me a sandwich, but whatever floats your boat.
|
| You male pig!
|
| Let's not go through this again...
|
 | Agreed.
|
| Well, Marivel, you fell a little short for the second time. Still, you stand a great chance at becoming the third former Light Champion to ascend to Heavy. How do you feel about that?
|
| It was inevitable. My only regret is that it will be under less than perfect conditions.
|
| True. Still, beggars can't be choosers.
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| Bah! Begging is beneath one such as myself. However, it stands to reason that only one whose royalty approaches my own would surpass me.
|
| And what exactly do you rule over?
|
| Why, we Crimson Nobles are the true rulers of Filgaea, of course.
|
| I thought it was the Guardians.
|
| It may appear so, but only to the unsophisticated eye.
|
| Right. Well, thank you, Miss Delusional Vampire.
|
| CRIMSON NOBLE!
|
| Whatever. Heavy, chief?
|
| Of course.
|
| Pay up, Odin. I told you I could get her to admit that she's fat on camera.
|
| Aargh! That wasn't what I meant and you know it!
|
 | Hey, Zog can't seem to fit through the door right now.
|
| That's all right. We'll just talk to you. So, why is is that you guys keep failing right at the Heavy finals?
|
| Pardon me?
|
| Cecil, Rosa, and now you - each of you've made it to the Heavy finals and lost, while two of the Fiends have won. Any ideas why?
|
| It's just luck, like how my boyfriend hasn't been able to do much in the ring proper.
|
| And speaking of rings, are the rumors true that -
|
| No comment.
|
| But...
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| No. Comment.
|
| Fine, be that way. We'll just skip ahead to our final guests, the epitome of destruction and also Chaos.
|
 | ...
|
 | I hate you, dragon.
|
| Believe me, Chaos, you're in good company on that front.
|
| Well, since we seem to be on a "three" kick, let's do one more. Congratulations Ryu the Third, for becoming the third back to back Godlike Champion in the DL's history. Any thoughts from the peanut gallery?
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| Choke on your vomit and die?
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| Surrender AND die in obscurity?
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| Always floss after brushing your teeth?
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| All good things. Good riddance, Ryu, and goodbye.
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| Isn't that a little too objective, Chisato?
|
| What? It's not like my words necessarily reflect those of the DL itself.
|
| Speak for yourself.
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| Can we get back to me now?
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| Fine. We'll finish up with the standard "we don't care about you" question: what are you going to do during your hiatus from the DL?
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| I've been invited to attend a symposium on temporal mechanics and how they affect final bosses. I believe Giygas is hosting, though I'm the guest speaker.
|
| Great. Godd luck with whatever it is you just said. Gilgamesh, take us out of here while the rest of us try to find an escape route.
|
| Right. Well, for those of us trapped in the Behind the Scenes studio, this is Gilgamesh, signing off. Good day |
Yet again, my friends, we have reached the end of a season. Many have won and lost, but yet, you all have returned here to see me. For that, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. The Results are up for last week, so I would ask that you all discover them.