 | Welcome, dear readers, to the first annual RPGDL Telethon! We’re here, live, working on getting your support to help save and feed the poor, starving Jogurts of the world.
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 | So…hungry…need…pellets…
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 | This is pretty disgusting…
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 | Yeah, I mean, it’s a new low for you, Chisato.
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 | Indeed. It’s just a new Prada Bag. Wait for it to go down in price a bit.
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 | It is not just a Prada Bag! It is the new Anrietta Mk.III, the most beautiful and fashionable handbag ever created! I will have it! Now, man the phones! Get me money!
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 | This is cruel and unusual, even by your standards. And we’re even down a person too. Gilgamesh gets all the luck. And all the women…
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 | Odin, since you’re the most worthless person here, bring out our first performers!
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 | I…guess that’s a compliment? I’ve never been called the “most” anything before. Ahem…now, for your entertainment, the RPGDL’s most notorious clown, Kefka Pallazzio and his famous balloon animals!
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 | Uwhehehehehehehehehe!
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 | So Kefka, what are you going to create for us today?
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 | Uwehehehehehehehehehehe! Watch now as I create my most wonderful masterpiece! A rare treat – I shall turn an unwilling volunteer into a Poochyena! You, birdy!
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 | What? Let go!
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 | Now, first you twist his arms a bit, then grab the leg and pull it over the head…
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 | *squawk*
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 | …turn his head down, lift the wings over the abdomen…and we’re done! Uwhehehehehehehe!
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 | Very beautiful.
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 | Looks very painful, actually.
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 | Makes my insides curdle. I think I might be sick.
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 | Just keep manning those phones! How much have we made so far?
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 | Fifteen dollars. Australian. Before Kefka came on…now we’re down to ten.
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 | Kefka you failure! Your balloon animals cost us money! Out! To the moon!
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 | Uwheheheheheheheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
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 | Worthless! Who’s up next?
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 | Next up is the Yumei, Nergal and Meru dance troupe.
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 | …Nergal? Nergal dances?
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 | Apparently…I’m frightened.
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 | Let’s bring them out! Come on dance troupe!
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 | Been working so hard! I’m punching my card!
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 | Eight hours for what!? Oh tell me what I’ve got!
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 | It’s hideous…oh dear god…I wish I had hands to cover my ear sockets!
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 | I used to like Footloose before this…
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 | Now, improvisational dance with Meru the Wingly!
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 | …what…
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 | …are those clothes?
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 | We just lost our G-rating. Can’t say I’m disappoin…did she just pull her leg over her head!?
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 | Wow…fan-service. Who would have guessed?
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 | How’s the money? Rolling in?
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 | Uh…we’re actually down to five dollars now.
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 | …we’re still losing money?! What’s wrong with you three?
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 | Hey, if you people can’t appreciate good acting…
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 | …or amazing dancing…
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 | …then we’ll just be leaving.
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 | Good riddance! Next!
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 | My turn? Oh right!
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 | …Zidane? What do you do?
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 | I draw portraits. Here, let me draw one of you, my red-headed beauty.
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 | Oh, why thank you. I never understood why people called you a horrid pervert. You seem so nice in person.
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 | Thanks. I’ll be done with this in a moment…and…there we go!
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 | This is…what?! My hips are not that big!
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 | Yes they are. Ever looked in a mirror? None the matter, I made them look a bit better by taking off the excess weight on the left siddeeeeeeeee!!!!!
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 | Next!
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 | We currently stand at one dollar in the funds. Next up is Menardi, and I don’t know what she’s doing.
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 | Oh broken fate, oh flawed life. Why am I doomed to nothingness? I was once the best, and am now the worst!
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 | I think she’s publicly moping. And we’re now in the negatives. We apparently owe some kid in Japan fifty yen.
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 | You guests have cost me my Prada Bag! I’m going to kill you all!
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 | Oh the torment. A former Godlike champ to be beaten by a puny Li…my spleen! Oh god!
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 | Hey, the excessive violence is paying off – we’re making money! Keep the violence up, boss!
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 | Good…send out Dario! I’m in the mood to beat up former champions now!
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 | Hey boss. Figured I’d stop in and…why are you grinning at me like that? Boss? BOSS!?
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 | This can’t be good.
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 | Five thousand…nine thousand…almost there!
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 | My hips! You broke my hips!
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 | My arms! How am I going to compete next week? You broke two of my arms.
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 | Like I care. I’m off to Macy’s!
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 | …
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 | Such a one-track mind.
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 | Wow…I somehow think we’ve stooped lower than ever this week.
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 | Perhaps…but nonetheless, maybe this will convince Nate to add additional health benefits to our contract. It would help a good deal.
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 | Don’t count on it. Phoenix Downs are cheaper.
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 | Worth a shot.
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 | But I suppose it just wouldn’t be the same then. Speaking of which, that’s it for tonight! Maybe next week Chisato will let us see her new purse thing! Even if she doesn’t, we hope you tune in next week for more exciting RPG entertainment! Good fight, and good night!
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