 | Wow, 50 seasons.
|
 | That is an impressive number.
|
 | I feel like we should be having a party or something.
|
 | I am 100% behind this idea.
|
 | Oooh, a party? Can we have cake?
|
 | Party on your own time, right now you're still on mine.
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| Come on, we had a BBQ for season 40. This is a much bigger occasion then that!
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| I'm not footing the bill for one of these every ten seasons.
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| Cheapskate.
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| You offering to pay for it yourself?
|
| ...alright, places people, we've got a show to do.
|
| Figures.
|
| Aww, no cake?
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| That's what I thought. I'll be in my office, try not to need me to come back out here.
|
| ...jerk. Alright, welcome everybody to season 50 here at the RPGDL. Since our boss is being cheap, we don't have anything special planned, so don't get your hopes up. Just a routine show.
|
 | Routine? When it's my debut? Surely that alone makes this show special.
|
| Sounds like somebody's full of himself.
|
| Trust me birdboy, you're not nearly as cool as you think you are.
|
| Hush you. So, Naesala, welcome to the show. Is there anything I can get for you, a drink or something?
|
| Oh great, the chief's got the hots for him.
|
 | Well who can blame her?
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| Ah, no thank you. I'm fine.
|
| Well then, we should get started on the interviews. Morte, why don't you interview Valvalis while I handle Naesala?
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| Uh uh, don't drag me into this.
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| Good try Chisato, but you're wasting your time. Naesala already has a date for tonight.
|
| Oh boy, here we go.
|
| With who, you? Why on earth would a man like him settle for some mid-boss trash when he could spend some time with one of the biggest stars in the entire DL?
|
| Biggest star? Honey you're nothing but a light with a microphone and an attitude problem. Besides, who better for the Raven King then a veritable wind goddess? While you're stuck on the ground, I can show him how we fly in Godlike.
|
| Oh really? Well...
|
| So, uh, how about that interview? I think Chisato's handling Val afterall.
|
| So do either of those two know that you already have a girlfriend?
|
| Well, Valvalis offered to pay for dinner, so I didn't see any reason to trouble myself pointing that out. I'd think it wouldn't be too hard to learn if you ask around the FE locker rooms a bit, after all. Why shouldn't I assume she already knew?
|
| ...so this is just for a free meal? Man, you could give Nate tips on being greedy.
|
| So who are you up against anyway? Luther, right?
|
| Yeah. I hear he goes on alot of power trips. Think he has any serious enemies I could talk into giving me a hand?
|
| Did you just admit that you plan on cheating on camera?
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| And? Like everyone doesn't expect it of me anyway.
|
| ...okay, I take it back. I like this guy.
|
| ...you're all that, don't you? I bet you're body's just as artificial as that sweet facade you put on for the boys.
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| Oh that was mature. You're so full of hot air you might as well be a blow-up doll.
|
| WHAT did you just say!?
|
| Man, someone needs to stop those two before we take studio damage.
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| Hey Odin, I'll give you twenty bucks to go hit on Valvalis right now.
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| I'll give you fifty if you hit on Chisato instead.
|
| Really? Hmm...decisions...
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| You heard me just fine, airhead. I can't see why any guy would be interested in some brainless demonic skank like you.
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| Better then some two faced tramp like you. How'd you get this job anyway, the tabloids decide you weren't respectable enough for them?
|
| Ladies, ladies, no need to fight. There's plenty of divine goodness to go around.
|
| ...
|
|
|
| Come on, how about we let Gilgamesh handle the show from here and I show you two how I earned the name "all father"?
|
| ...I think I'm about to be violently ill.
|
| You handle the ill, I'll handle the violently.
|
| Yeah, I always figured you'd be the type who liked it roug-OW, OW, HEY I NEED THOSE TO MOP!!!
|
| So does he get a bonus for going after both?
|
| Why not? I've got no problem rewarding a man for that kind of gall.
|
| Really? I figured you'd be the stingy type.
|
| Eh, it's Chisato's money anyway. I picked her pocket while she was making doe eyes at me.
|
| ...nice. Well, have fun with Luther. And I think I'll go ahead and handle heavy while Chisato is busy with Odin.
|
| I'll call 'em in then. Let's welcome Maria and Mario!
|
 | Morning.
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 | It'sa me, Mario!
|
| It randomly amuses me that your names are only one letter apart, but you couldn't be more different if you tried.
|
| Oh, I wouldn't say that. We have a few similarities.
|
| Down witha Microsoft!
|
| That being the big one.
|
| Well I get his beef, but what's yours?
|
| Isn't that new Star Ocean game on the 360 anyway?
|
| Yeah, about that. I picked up a 360 so I could play it, but the thing gave me the stupid red rings in under an hour.
|
| Oof. Talk about bad luck.
|
| Yeah. So anyway, I figure hey, I'm from a super advanced civilization, right? I can just fix it myself, no problem.
|
| No dice, huh?
|
| None at all. It's basically a big plastic brick right now. So then I get another idea. Between Cliff, Fayt and myself, we're pretty slick at item creation. We just crack the box open and check the parts out, do the same to the Wii and Playstation 3, and we'll figure out how to make our own system that can run any game from any standard sized disc.
|
| Hey, that sounds neat. How'd it go?
|
| Went great, we nailed it on the third try.
|
| Sounds like it all worked out in the end. How's this lead into the Microsoft hate?
|
| Well as soon as Welch reported our invention, we got slammed with a lawsuit like you wouldn't believe.
|
| From Microsoft.
|
| Yup.
|
| Yeah, that'll do it. So about the fights. Maria, you're against my old pal Sabin, aren't you? Shoot him full of holes for me.
|
| With pleasure.
|
| So Mario, think your fireballs can hold up against the True Fire Rune?
|
| I jump on his head like a goomba!
|
| Or you could do that, sure. Who knows, it might even work.
|
| Hugo is pretty skinny.
|
| So, we have anything else to say to the heavies here?
|
| Not that I can think of. Good luck with the suit, Maria.
|
| Thanks.
|
| It'sa me, Mario!
|
| You said that already.
|
| Whew. Alright, that took some time but I feel alot better. So where are we?
|
| Just getting to middle. And do I want to know why Odin is nowhere in sight but there's also no blood on the floor?
|
| Probably not.
|
| You didn't...uh..
|
| Yeesh, a girl dabbles in mad science once and you never let it go. Let's just move on to middle.
|
| ...sure. So for middle, let's welcome a couple of burning beasts, Koromaru and Charizard.
|
 | Grrr, ruff!
|
 | Char!
|
| Wait, we manage to invite a pair of middles who are less intelligible then Mario? Who's idea was that?
|
| Hey, at least it means the interviews will be short.
|
| I know, it's a great idea!
|
| Zard, charizard!
|
| Alright so I'm just gonna ask some questions and pretend that everyone can understand your answers. So Koromaru, you've got a pretty straightforward fighter in Guy. Think you can buy a win?
|
| Ruff, ruff! Awoooo...
|
| Hmm, deep strategy there man. Good luck with that.
|
| Alright, and Charizard. Colm. He's fast, he counters, he hits pretty hard. Can you deal with that?
|
| Char charizard. Zard zard, char.
|
| Hmm, sounds pretty basic, but it's Pokemon against Fire Emblem, what do you expect?
|
| So can you jokers actually understand them?
|
| Nope.
|
| Not a word.
|
| ...
|
| Hey, you're the one who said 'pretend everyone can understand them'.
|
| ...of course. Silly me. Let's move on, shall we?
|
| Sure, hey Morte send in the Lights!
|
| ...hey, where did Morte get off to anyway?
|
| He's running an errand for me. Call them in yourself.
|
| Alrighty. Introducing the fabulous dancer Miki and...heh...Dorcas.
|
 | Hehe.
|
 | *sigh*
|
| Your parents must have hated you.
|
| It's a perfectly respectable name!
|
| You keep telling yourself that.
|
| Anyway, in a strange twist of fate, the both of you are up against your own castmates this week. Is this going to cause any problems?
|
| I assure you, I have absolutely zero issues with beating Razzly to a pulp.
|
| Ooh, some bad blood there?
|
| Not really, she's just annoying. And getting her means we miss out on the dashing sir Glenn, which should be a crime.
|
| Sounds like someone has a crush.
|
| Nah, he's just cute is all. Nothing wrong with liking a little bit of eyecandy.
|
| ...he looks like he's twelve.
|
| Maybe that's what she li...
|
| ...
|
| Woah, evil eye. Shutting up now.
|
| Wow, you're better at that then my wife.
|
| I imagine she has less reason to practice.
|
| Well I try not to be an idiot, so yeah.
|
| Operative word being 'try', I'm sure. So how about you then, Dorcas? Any issues with having to fight the lovely lady Louise?
|
| Hmm, nope.
|
| No heroic masculine angst over hitting a woman?
|
| No fears that Pent will smite you into next week for hurting her?
|
| No worries that she'll just pick you off before you can even get close?
|
| Not really, Pent's not that kind of guy, and I can use a bow too.
|
| So no problems at all then?
|
| Basically.
|
| That's boring.
|
| Um, sorry?
|
| Bleh, we should have invited Louise instead.
|
| No way, all she does is gush about her wonderful husband.
|
| So our options here were boring and boring?
|
| Fire. Emblem. Characters.
|
| ...right.
|
| Hey!
|
| Well if you want interesting I could start talking about Chrono Cross plot?
|
| Sorry, we're not rated for that.
|
| Haven't we driven that joke into the ground by now?
|
| Every single time a CC character comes on the show.
|
| I think that fills your Dead Horse Beating quota for the day, then.
|
| Wait, you actually know about th...er, I mean, ahahaha how funny.
|
| ...
|
|
|
| Whew, I'm back chief. And you owe me. Shipping a package that size off world is not cheap.
|
| We'll settle that later.
|
| Oh? What'd you send?
|
| Odin. In a box.
|
| Do I want to know where you sent him?
|
| Right to Surt's doorstep.
|
| If I don't have my janitor back by next week you get to do the mopping yourself.
|
| I'm sure Surt will just slap Return To Sender on it anyway.
|
| One can only hope. Or hope not, depending on your preference there I guess.
|
| I dunno, no Odin and Chisato having to clean her own messes sounds good to me.
|
| What makes you think I wouldn't just make you clean it up for me, fishbait?
|
| And while everyone else bickers, looks like it's up to me to close out. Enjoy Season 50 folks, and here's to 50 more just as wacky! |
I, Kazan, bid you welcome to the RPG Dueling League, dedicated to the art of pitting the greatest warriors of the RPG Multiverse against each other in honourable combat! Within lies the greatest showcase of fighting talent you will ever lay your eyes upon!