 | Man, we're still here?
|
 | Looks like.
|
 | What about that janitor who was supposed to wake Yukari up?
|
 | You expected a mere janitor to be able to wake HER up?
|
| Well he's also some kind of god. I'm still a little sketchy on the details there.
|
| A god of what? Mopping?
|
| Who even knows. I haven't seen him for awhile though. You don't suppose...?
|
 | Oh, oh, I know what happened!
|
| ...I'm gonna regret asking this. What happened, Cirno?
|
| Well, we were coming up with ways to wake her up and then we decided to...
|
| Wait wait wait. You were helping him?
|
| Yeah!
|
| Oh, this oughta be good then. Keep talking.
|
| So we decided that I should freeze the parking lot and he would run over her with a zamboni! Nobody could sleep through that.
|
| What?
|
| A zamboni. It's a machine that resurfaces ice sheets.
|
| I know what it is. I mean...just, what? Why on earth would you do something like that?
|
| Well he's a janitor and I'm an ice fairy, so it seemed like the best mix of our talents. Besides, it has a funny name!
|
| I can actually follow that logic. I've been stuck here with this idiot far too long.
|
| So what happened to Odin then?
|
| Well as soon as the zamboni touched her the whole parking lot kinda got warpy looking and then Odin wasn't there anymore. Neither were half the cars, now that I think about it.
|
| So how'd you avoid getting border changed?
|
| Oh, I wasn't in the parking lot. I was watching from across the street. I'm not dumb, you know. It is Yukari, I figured something like that could happen.
|
| ...you know, there's times I wonder if you're smarter then you act.
|
| So why did you wait until now to tell us about this?
|
| Oh, um, I heard an ice cream truck go by and I kinda forgot. Sorry!
|
| ...forget what I just said.
|
| As entertaining as this tale of two idiots is, we should probably get to work. Places, ladies.
|
| Cameras are ready.
|
| I don't even know why I'm here. You just do all the talking anyway.
|
| If you want to talk then talk. Just slap Aya a few times and she'll shut up.
|
| Anti-messes are getting boring. Can I make normal messes instead?
|
| Not and get paid for it, no.
|
| But I'm not getting paid!
|
| Uh, sure you are! I'm paying you in ice cream when we get home.
|
| Really? Okay!
|
| So let's get the ball rolling on the interviews. We have an all new batch of fighters joining us today, since this is the first week of the new season. From Godlike, please welcome the Archangel Altima and the most powerful feline in existence, Mewtwo.
|
 | Hihihi!
|
 | Odd, I thought the profile card was supposed to say 'psychic death kitty'?
|
| You actually want to be called that?
|
| Of course not, it's just fun to take offense at bad introductions.
|
| Contrary critter. You really are a cat.
|
| And what might have been your first clue? The ears? The tail? Perhaps the hunger for succulent rabbit flesh?
|
| ...um...
|
| Joking, joking. I kid.
|
| Hehehe. Mewtwo is always such fun~
|
| You're a little more...giggly, then I would expect a demonic archangel final boss thing to be.
|
| Well, you know, I was happy to get in and then I saw who my opponent is going to be and so I just decided to go get a reaaaaaally nice sugar rush going and not think about it anymore!
|
| That bad? Who did you end up drawing?
|
| Oh, just this little nobody named ZOPHAR.
|
| ...my condolences. I, on the other hand, am a bit more optimistic about my own match.
|
| You'll be fighting Janus Zeal, aka Magus, is that correct?
|
| Yes. And we're both quite looking forward to it.
|
| And why is that?
|
| Well, neither of us have met with overly much success in the division, so it means that one of our records is about to get a bit better at least.
|
| You two are friends then?
|
| Hmm, contemporaries at least, certainly. We...'lower' Godlikes do tend to keep to eachother's company as a rule.
|
| We get together and play cards while coming up with ways to try and spoil some of the big names like Myria and, oh, ZOPHAR.
|
| You're in the same boat, huh?
|
| Almost the exact same as Magus. Upgraded from Heavy, and have only managed a single win in Godlike since then. The psychic death kitty here has managed a bit better record then us.
|
| I'm well aware that while my own draw luck tends towards the horrid, it's hardly the worst in the division.
|
| So I guess there isn't much point in asking you about your thoughts on the match, Alitima?
|
| Oh, no problem. I'll roll him over and boot him out in ten seconds flat. Just watch.
|
| What? You didn't sound this confident a minute ago...
|
| Your sarcasm detector needs a tune up again, Alice.
|
| Right. So Mewtwo, if you know Magus this well, how do you think the fight will go?
|
| Fairly certain the match is mine on paper. I'm faster, I have healing, and I can tank magic like no-one else. But I'm not nearly dumb enough to rely on mere statistical advantages. Magus plays to win, and I will respond in kind.
|
| Well put. Underestimate your enemy and you're asking for it.
|
| Thank you both for coming, and good luck in your matches.
|
| Phht, luck is for the weak.
|
| You can have my share, then.
|
| ...ouch.
|
| Moving on to Heavy, we have the expert maverick hunting reploid Zero, as well as a member of the reoccurring joke boss team from one of the most popular games of all time, Reno.
|
 | Joke boss? Get your facts right, lady. Palmer is a joke boss. The Turks are serious threats.
|
 | Threats? Don't make me laugh. Everything in your game is a joke. Go go gadget KotR.
|
| Sure, let's just take everything against the strongest attack in the entire game. Break out the Sephiroth for Light flags while you're at it, why don't you?
|
| Alright boys, break it up.
|
| Let's get the actual interviews started here, shall we? Zero, your friend X was in last season and was defeated by Luca Blight up in Godlike. Do you think you'll manage to do better?
|
| Yeah, I'm sure I will.
|
| If you can ever manage to get up the gall to actually get in the ring, sure.
|
| Pardon?
|
| This idiot's been out in the waiting room muttering to himself about not even knowing what he's doing here like some indecisive baby.
|
| Care to elaborate on that, Zero?
|
| Well, I'm just trying to figure out what my motivation is. This Izlude guy isn't a maverick, he hasn't done anything to me, sure he's technically a villain but he's not all that bad of a guy. So...what am I fighting for?
|
| Well, I guess if you look at it that way it's a decent question.
|
| Wait, what?
|
| Who are you and what have you done with Remilia?
|
| ...hey, I'm not THAT bad!
|
| Well, maybe asking around for why other people fight will give you an answer. How about you, Reno? Why do you fight?
|
| Easy. It's my job.
|
| Do you get paid in ice cream too?
|
| ...no.
|
| Haha, I totally have a better job then you do!
|
| It must be nice to be that simple.
|
| Hey, what's that supposed to mean?
|
| It means you're a very, uh...elemental person, Cirno.
|
| Really? Well, of course. I am an ice fairy, you can't get much more elemental then that!
|
| That doesn't really help me much, though. My job is maverick hunting, and there aren't any mavericks around here.
|
| So get a new job. Shinra's always hiring, for one. You're not cool enough to be a Turk, but I'm sure there's some position you'd be good for. It's a pretty big company.
|
| Gee, thanks.
|
| Even if it's not with us, think about getting a good career here. It'll do wonders for your self esteem.
|
| Well, we've heard Zero's thoughts on his match. What about you, Reno? You're up against a newcomer, Vayne from Mana Khemia. He's supposedly a strong fighter with turn manipulation powers. What do you think of that?
|
| He's a PC. Pyramid, next.
|
| That simple, huh?
|
| What, you expect me to worry about a man who fight with his *CENSORED*?
|
| ...the HELL?
|
| Oh, Nate said he was having some kind of censoring service today just in case of that joke.
|
| ...
|
| Yeah, there's really not much you can say to that.
|
| Anyway, thank you both for coming. Zero, hope you find what you're looking for.
|
| Yeah, thanks.
|
| *CENSORED* censor. Well played, Nanjo. Well played.
|
| Alrighty, joining us from Middle we have the dream demon Beatrice and the over the top hero, Flay Gunnar.
|
 | Hello.
|
 | Greetings!
|
| So Beatrice, it's been some time since...
|
| Wait, did she say you're a *dream* demon?
|
| Yes?
|
| Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
|
| You better believe it. Does this mean you control dreams in any way?
|
| Pretty much, yeah. Why do you ask?
|
| Do you think there's a possibility you could wake up an extremely lazy sleeper who seriously cannot be gotten up by anything we've tried in the past few weeks?
|
| Hmm, waking people up isn't normally my thing, but...
|
| Now you hold on just a minute!
|
| What's your problem?
|
| What do you think you're doing, asking a self admitted demon for help when there's a true blue hero right in front of you? If anyone is going to be doing any helping around here, it's me!
|
| You don't look very blue to me.
|
| It's just an expression, Cirno. Anyway, Flay, you have to admit that this kind of problem really isn't your area of expertise.
|
| Nonsense! With proper equipment and preperation, there is no problem a hero cannot so..l..zzzZZZ...
|
| Hehehe.
|
| Funny as that was, we should probably wake him up.
|
| ...hm, what!? Hey, what are you trying to do, make a fool out of me?
|
| You were doing a pretty good job of that on your own. But if you really want to try waking Yukari up, go right ahead. Though I still can't figure out what makes you think you can manage it.
|
| It's simple, really. Everyone knows that it's always a true hero who has to wake up damsels who have been sleeping too long!
|
| In all the fairy tales, sure. But they usually do that by...wait, you aren't planning on...?
|
| ...you want to try KISSING Yukari? I'd love to see where you get warped to for that one. On second thought, please do. I'd love to see where you get warped to for that one.
|
| Hmm, I haven't worked out the details yet but I suppose I could try your plan.
|
| Wait, MY plan? No way, you are not pinning that idea on me. Aya said it.
|
| Nuh uh, you said it Remi. I just mentioned the fairy tales.
|
| Yeah right, that was clearly referencing the kissing! This was your idea.
|
| Didn't you just say you wanted to see him try that?
|
| Well sure, but when she does wake up and wants to know why some idiot tried to kiss her, I don't want her blaming me for it.
|
| Are you all crazy? Is that your problem?
|
| How about I just go use my dream powers to give her such a nasty nightmare she'll snap right up?
|
| Hah! Like I'm going to let some demon save the day before I do! To the Flay Cave, awa...zzzZZZ...
|
| Hehehe.
|
| ...yeah, I'm not waking him up this time. Hey Cirno, mind just dragging him outside?
|
| Can I freeze his nose to a telephone pole?
|
| Sure, whatever makes you happy. Thanks for the hand Beatrice. Much as I like being on TV I do need to get back to my paper.
|
| No trouble. I'll go get started on that then.
|
| Uh, is this where I point out we didn't actually interview them?
|
| We didn't...ugh. Um...
|
| How about we just move on to Light and pretend we did everything by the book?
|
| Sounds like a plan. Representing Light, please welcome the fire adept Garret and the inexhaustible healer Mint.
|
 | Good morning.
|
 | Is it still morning?
|
| I'm sure it's morning somewhere.
|
| I guess so, sure.
|
| First Reno, then Flay, now you. Is spiky red hair some kind of fad around here.
|
| Kinda, yeah. Spiky blond hair is just as popular though.
|
| So Mint, this will be your second time in, yes? And last time you made it as far as the semifinals before losing. Will we see a repeat performance or do you think your healing can take you all the way this time?
|
| Well, I wouldn't presume to guess how well I'll do. I'm sure my opponents will all be very skilled as well, so I'll simply do my best and see how it goes.
|
| Not very confident, huh?
|
| I have plenty of confidence, I just don't think that means it's okay belittle my opponents by saying I'm sure to win.
|
| But if you know you're superior, what's the point in pretending not to be?
|
| I can't just call myself superior to people like that.
|
| So you don't have much confidence then.
|
| That's not...I...
|
| Oh leave the girl alone. She's just trying to be polite.
|
| Hmm, quiet healer is generically PC...
|
| ...
|
| ...
|
| ...
|
| That was wretched.
|
| I don't get it.
|
| Heh, so, moving on. Garret!
|
| Yeah?
|
| What's it like being able to set things on fire with your mind?
|
| Pretty neat, I guess. I don't really think about it much though.
|
| Fire? Fire sucks. Ice is way better.
|
| You don't like fire?
|
| No way!
|
| But...I think fire is pretty cool. Don't you agree? [Yes/No]
|
| Nope!
|
| But...I think fire is pretty cool. Don't you agree? [Yes/No]
|
| ...I said no.
|
| But...I think fire is pretty cool. Don't you agree? [Yes/No]
|
| NO!
|
| But...I think fire is pretty cool. Don't you agree? [Yes/No]
|
| Whaa, he's scaring me!
|
| But...I think fire is pretty cool. Don't you agree? [Yes/No]
|
| Remilia! Make him stop!
|
| Hey Garret is it okay if I rip your esophagus out? [Yes/No]
|
| Uh...hey I think I hear Issac calling me. I should probably get going. Been nice meeting all of you, bye.
|
| Sorry about him, he gets stuck in loops like that sometimes.
|
| No trouble, we got it all sorted out. Thanks for coming in.
|
| Oh, it's my pleasure. Thank you for having me. Goodbye!
|
| Well, I guess that's it for the show.
|
| And hopefully for good, if that demon girl is as good as she said.
|
| I wonder how Beatrice is doing out there anyway?
|
| ...
|
| ...
|
| ...
|
| I SAID, "I wonder how Beatrice is doing out there anyway?"
|
 | AAAAHHHHHH!!!
|
| Hehehe.
|
| There we go. You'd think for a universe made out of so many video games it would be better at picking up dramatic cues.
|
| What just...?
|
| I'm not gonna question this one. Let's just get out there before she falls back asleep.
|
| Aw, but I'm having fun here.
|
| Maybe you can come back sometime then. But for now, you don't get that ice cream Aya owes you until you get home.
|
| Oh, yeah. Let's go!
|
| You all go ahead, I'll catch up in a minute. Have to close the show out properly and all.
|
| Don't take too long.
|
| Well everyone, it's certainly been fun. I hope you all were as entertained by watching this show as I was making it...at least when Remilia wasn't trying to kill me. Still, overall this was quite the ball! And who knows, maybe we'll come back and do it again sometime. So for now, from all of us at Behind the Scenes and Bunbunmaru News, have a great season and always keep your eyes open for the next big scoop. This is Aya Shameimaru, signing off!
|
I, Kazan, bid you welcome to the RPG Dueling League, dedicated to the art of pitting the greatest warriors of the RPG Multiverse against each other in honourable combat! Within lies the greatest showcase of fighting talent you will ever lay your eyes upon!