 | Welcome back all you Axel fans to the latest and possibly greatest season of the...
|
 | Axel, what are you doing here?
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| Uh, hey boss. Getting the show started?
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| Except that I fired you.
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 | Thank god.
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| You did? When? I don't remember being fired.
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| I sent you a pink slip in the mail.
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| Woah, woah, okay, bossman, I don't know who you've been talking to but I can promise you that the Dark Hero does not wear women's clothing. Especially not in pink. Slips are sexy and all, but not on me.
|
| That's not what a pink slip is you...
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| Man why would you even send me something like...ooooooooh. Oh. Boss, Nate, dude, um, you send me a pink slip and then fire me? Is this about that whole 'no dating inside the company' rule? I'm flattered man, but Axel, you know, likes the ladies.
|
 | Oooh, is there an office romance brewing~?
|
| ...
|
| Of course on the other hand you're rich as all hell and there's alot of things money can make better. I mean it couldn't really be all that horrible...
|
 | Well this conversation just took a turn for the disturbing.
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| I...no. Just. No. Forget what I said. Keep your job, just stop talking to me and start talking to the audience. I'm leaving. Now.
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| Dammit.
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| Bye Nate~
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| ...alright, crisis averted. Let's get this show on the road, peeps!
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| Wait, you mean you did that...?
|
| Welcome back all you Axel fans to the latest and possibly greatest season of the RPGDL! Last season, we had some impressive victories by Lady, Jowy, Adachi and Meg, all of whom are competing again this season of course, but you're all probably sick of them already so we're inviting some different people here today.
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| So give a cool welcome to Euram and Rinoa from light!
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| Why are you doing introductions?
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| Mr. Axel said I could!
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| Hey, at least Cirno's got the spirit. Unlike you two Gloomy Gusses.
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| ...whatever.
|
 | OMG, say that again!
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| Wha?
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| Did she seriously just say 'Oh emm gee' out loud?
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| No, really, you sounded JUST like him, it was freaky! Come on, say it again!
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| ...no.
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| Come on, don't be a spoilsport. For me? Pleaaaaase?
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| Well in that case...
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| Wait, seriously?
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| ...HELL no.
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| Hah!
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| Meanie! Fine, be that way. I don't want to hear your stupid impression anyway.
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| ...whate...
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| !!!
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| ...
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| ...JERK.
|
| Alright, let's try to focus here. So Eur...uh, where's Euram?
|
 | Right here! Sorry I'm late, there was a particularly mean looking opossum in the road, I took a detour to avoid it.
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| You're afraid of a possum?
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| Absolutely. Vicious little beasts, and who know how many diseases the thing could have.
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| Um, Euram? If it was in the middle of the street it was probably roadkill.
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| Oh. Well that would explain the blood. I thought it had just finished killing some poor victim.
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| Possums are funny looking.
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| And I suppose with your HP total, you can never be too careful.
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| Ah, you understand. Exactly so.
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| ...that was supposed to be an insult.
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| Was it? Ah, well then, how dare you! I'll get you back for that, etcetera, insert villainous threats here.
|
| Riiiiight. So Axel, shouldn't you be interviewing us?
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| Nah, we don't really talk about matches here these days. We're just trying to be funny.
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| Oh. Should I start telling some jokes then?
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| No need. You are a joke.
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| Hey!
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| Hehe, don't worry, I'm a joke too! It's an easier job then it sounds~
|
| ...are you some kind of idiot?
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| Yeah!
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| That's probably a good note to leave on. Same time as usual, Axel?
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| Yeah, I'm getting out of here too, before the stupid catches.
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| Sure thing, see you around man. Rinoa, nice having you as well.
|
| Wait, are you like friends with him or something?
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| He's an investor in my band. Comes to all our practices and everything. His family's a big patron of the arts, you know? Can't be surprised he's got taste.
|
| That's one word for it, I suppose.
|
| Can I introduce the middles?
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| Sure, go for it.
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| Yay! Middle this season is dragin' in the dragons, with one girl who rides on one and another who turns into one, it's Jill and Aelia!
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| That was horrible.
|
 | Actually I ride a wyvern, not a dragon.
|
 | Details.
|
| Hey there ladies, welcome to the show. So I gotta ask, is there something about redheads and dragons that just go together, or is this a coincidence?
|
| Um, like I said, it's a wyvern, not a dragon. They really are two different things.
|
| You'd have to ask someone else. As far as I know, I'm the only one who can do this.
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| Oh, you're the only sub-hu, er, laguz where you're from?
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| The only what? I'm not a laggard, or whatever that thing you just called me is.
|
| But...you transform into a dragon?
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| Only when I've built up enough energy.
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| Right, that's exactly like a laguz! Are you a queen or something? I didn't think any laguz but the royals made it into the DL at all.
|
| As amusing as this exchange is, I'm going to head it off here by pointing out that you seem to have missed the fact that she's wearing armor and carrying a spear.
|
| Wait, this lagwhatsits don't use weapons or armor? How do they build up the energy to transform then?
|
| Mostly by waiting around. So...you're a lancer and a dragon?
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| I'm a lancer who turns into a dragon, yes.
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| That's terrifying.
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| Indeed. Dreaded, even.
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| Cirno, I take it back. THAT was horrible.
|
| Well now that all that confusion is mostly cleared up, anything you ladies would like to say?
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| Good luck?
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| Yeah, you too. Though I shouldn't need any myself to teach this Bruiser character a thing or two about bruises.
|
| Can't fault her confidence at least.
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| You have to be confident to walk around in an outfit like that.
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| It's not like you haven't worn worse.
|
| Alright, good luck to both of you ladies and have fun out there.
|
| You don't have to worry about that with me. I'm already dead so no reason not to cut loose, right?
|
| Wait, what!? You're...some kind of zombie lancer dragon? Hey, wait, now I'm even more confused!
|
| So do either of you two want to do something besides sit there and snark? Maybe intro Heavy for us?
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| Nah, I'm good where I'm at.
|
| Cirno's having so much fun with it anyway, it'd be a shame to take that from her.
|
| Yeah, I thought as much. Cirno, take it away.
|
| Alright, from heavy we have both sides of one of the oldest rivalries in the league! It's mister adventure and the cranky esper, Justin and Rune!
|
 | Aw, come on, we're not rivals. Rune's my pal!
|
 | As much as it pains me to even partially agree with him, I must protest labeling this buffoon as my rival. While true that we have had many conflicts and will doubtlessly have more in the future, 'rival' is a term that denotes at least some measure of equality. And that is a comparison with this infernally lucky imbecile that I simply will not accept.
|
| Long winded as always.
|
| Harsh words. You have anything to say about that, Justin?
|
| What? Sorry, I was thinking about lunch and got distracted.
|
| Oh man, me too. I woke up late and forgot to have breakfast and now I'm really hungry.
|
| I'm gonna go get some hot dogs after the show. You want to come?
|
| Ew, no way. Dogs taste awful.
|
| I, for one, think this only goes further towards proving my point.
|
| Oh yeah, I'm supposed to talk about my fight, right?
|
| Well...
|
| Man it's gonna be EPIC! It's me and Ramsus, right? We're both great swordsmen so we'll be all "ching ching" blocking eachothers attacks and stuff and then I'll get an opening and CRACKOW Thunder Cut to the face!
|
| I, on the other hand, will be using actual strategy against Garai. He's a fearsome opponent to be sure, but nothing I won't be able to handle.
|
| Then I'll beat the next guy and whoever's after him and then it'll be me and Rune in the finals, just like we've always wanted, right buddy?
|
| ...actually, yes. Good luck. I'd love to face you in the finals. The only thing sweeter then watching you downgrade would be winning an upgrade myself over you.
|
| Well, sounds like you guys have gotten everything worked out then.
|
| Yeah, this'll be the best adventure ever!
|
| If you'll excuse me, I have a meteoric rise to Godlike to plot.
|
| Are we sure that he's a hero?
|
| Look who's talking.
|
| See ya later, Rune! Hey, if this means we're done, I'm gonna go get those hot dogs.
|
| Hey, grab me a couple with relish while you're there. Alrighty, almost to the end. Only one division left, the greatest of them all. Cirno, take it away.
|
| Whee! Joining his returning champion love this season, it's the Shadow Hearts sociopath, Killer!
|
 | I'm surprised she knows words that long.
|
| And moving from Heavy to Godlike, we kick out the cranky esper and bring in a cute one, it's Terra!
|
| Did you write her lines?
|
| What gave it away?
|
 | Hello.
|
| Alright, Killer, you have to know the question is coming.
|
| Yeah, yeah, get it over with.
|
| One win for each of you, and you could be facing Lady. What are you going to do if that happens?
|
| Lose.
|
| Take the fall for your girl? How sweet of you.
|
| That's got nothing to do with it. I'll fight, sure. I'll just lose. Horribly. And probably messily.
|
| That much of a mismatch, is it?
|
| I'll look like a pile of red cottage cheese about ten second in, man.
|
| How could she do that to someone she loves?
|
| I'm guessing it has something to do with that whole 'being of pure malice' thing.
|
| It's not like any damage done around here sticks anyway.
|
| Yeah, it's pretty much just foreplay.
|
| ...
|
| ...
|
| ...I think I'm going to be sick.
|
| Huh? I don't get it?
|
| I'll explain it when you're older.
|
| That all you wanted to ask?
|
| Pretty much. You can take off whenever you want, I'd rather you didn't get bored while I'm in the same room.
|
| Smart.
|
| So Terra, how's Godlike been treating you lately?
|
| Ah, ups and downs. I win some, I lose some. The competition is always strong here.
|
| Think this'll be your season?
|
| No idea, to be honest. I'm the welcoming match for a newcomer next week, so we'll see how that goes. I'd really like to at least make it to the finals this time, though.
|
| Do you get prizes for being in the finals?
|
| Well in every other division you get a chance to upgrade. In Godlike, no not really.
|
| That's dumb. You should get prizes instead if you can't upgrade!
|
| Ah, to be so easily satisfied with such simple things as vague 'prizes'.
|
| You shouldn't mock her. There's nothing wrong with a bit of innocence.
|
| Trust me, there's nothing innocent about this little twerp. You should see the mischief she gets into when the camera is off.
|
| Nuh-uh, I never get in trouble~
|
| Okay, that look I recognize. You don't take care of orphans without learning how to pick up on the 'innocent devil' face.
|
| Hey, I'm not a devil! I'm an ice fairy!
|
| Uh-huh. So what exactly have you been getting into lately, Cirno?
|
| Ummm...n-nothing?
|
| Come with me over here. I promise you won't be in trouble if you just tell me now.
|
| But I haven't done anything! Honest!
|
| She's good. Two sentences and Cirno reverts to a six year old with a guilty conscience.
|
| And how is that different from normal?
|
| Well for starters she normally doesn't feel guilty about much.
|
| ...okay, good point.
|
| Anyway, I think that means we're done?
|
| Yup. Thanks for joining us here for season sixty, folks. On behalf of myself, the bossman, my minions here and all our guests, I hope you enjoy the matches and as always, keep on rockin' out! Goodnight!
|
| Now I want you to go apologize to Frog for freezing him like that. Don't worry, I'll come with you.
|
| B-but I don't wanna! |
I, Kazan, bid you welcome to the RPG Dueling League, dedicated to the art of pitting the greatest warriors of the RPG Multiverse against each other in honourable combat! Within lies the greatest showcase of fighting talent you will ever lay your eyes upon!