It's Friday, dear readers, and time once again to check out the top site for RPG entertainment, the RPG Dueling League! Journey with me through a sea of results both spectacular and horrifying, as well as matches both awe-inspiring and cringe-worthy, all set up for you, the devoted fan. Let's start this tour de foce by looking at Last Week's Results. Two Hyugas went into Godlike last week...but which one made it out in one piece? Which of Heavy's premier sorceresses emerged victorious? How many guys still are fit to be called Guy in Middle? And which style of mage - old school white-cloacked magic or new age short-skirted magic - proved to be the better in Light? All these answers and more await you inside, dear readers! Take a quick trip on by The Arena where all the excitement is going on this week, and see who's up to bat. In Godlike this week, two supreme overlords of the arcane go head to head in a match that is sure to rock the very foundations of the arena itself! Will the RPGDL be able to withstand such a titanic struggle? In Heavy, it's time for a weathered young priest to perform his first ever exorcism in front of a crowd. Will his foe go willingly to the afterlife, when none have been able to send her there permanently before? In Middle, it's up to one of the greatest spies around to silence a particularly loud foe. Will he be able to do it, or will his ears bleed in agony? And finally in Light, few can argue with the might of a dragon...unless that dragon is the oft-maligned Light Dragon of Light. Will she be able to overcome her stigma, and secure a more worthy rank? The RPG Strategy League has called a cease-fire for the week. While the combat is at a halt, you can still peruse the battlefields and check on positionings of forces - rest assured, next week will be a spectacular fight, once all sides have rested up. And you just can't so no to signing up for an account at the RPGDL Forums! Well, you can, but what good would that do you? With an account, you can access all the active forums on the site, take part in weekly debates, suggest bonus matches, and be a significant part of the internet phenomenon called the RPGDL! Don't hesitate; sign up now! And now, she's never one to disappoint her fans or her foes, please welcome Chisato Madison, master reporter, and her beloved staff of annoying henchmen, as she prepares to tackle the frail and maddening psyches of some of the DL's most colourful characters: Coming to you live from the Seventh Heaven, it's Behind the Scenes, the only show that makes more sense while you're drunk! I'm the amazing Gilgamesh, along with Ultros, Odin, and Morte. And of course, we can't forget the star of our show, the red-haired lass with the bottomless glass, Chisato Madison! Hey. On tonight's show, we'll be taking the true spirit of St. Patrick's day to heart. Mostly though getting everyone except our guests full of spirits. Which, rather conveniently, always amounted to how much I could carry at any one time. And so, let the fun begin! Our first guest is Sara, the Light Dragon. Hello, everybody... why are there two of each of you? Sara, how do you feel about the last Ryu in this season losing last week? It's a bit of a disappointment, but I hardly knew the guy anyway. I mean, it's not like it was really my brother that lost, right? Actually, we did a DNA test, and it seems that he is your biological brother. I... what? How did you get my DNA? Do you really want to know? This is a flagrant violation of my client's rights! Your client? Have you been getting into the big boys' mead again, Moppy? Nonsense! I am Odin, Asgardian Attorney at Law! It's my duty to protect people like Sara from would-be besmirchers like you! And the money has nothing to do with it? It is a small price to pay for peace of mind. Go away, Odin. You're ruining our show. I demand that you cease this slandering of my client. Heh. To think that such a fine, upstanding citizen could possibly be related to such a thug like Ryu... Hey! Don't you talk about my brother like that! My, what a big... dragon form... you have... MOMMY! I hope Odin's retainer fees are non-refundable. It looks like he's going to be paying some serious medical bills soon. Could we get on with this? There are some unsavoury gentlemen that are giving me some stares I'd rather not be the focus of. Of course. It must be hard being a male who looks vaguely female. Well, you would know, wouldn't you? Not another word, Morte. Lucius, do you have any plans on how you're going to defeat Rudolf? All I can do is my best. I shall use my training, and if that is sufficient, so be it. That seems a little pessimistic. It's merely realistic. Besides, if I act overconfident and lose, I'll never hear the end of it from the others. Thank you for your time. For Middle we have Strago Magus, but he passed out about an hour ago from a glass of apple cider, so let's just bring Nash out. Good to see you. Hey, who's the cute chick that just walked out? Lucius. ... Nash, you're up against Shigeo, a real fan favourite after his defeats of Zidane and Aika. It's not often that you're not getting the cheers in a match. What are your plans to get people back on your side? I could remind everyone that it's Shigeo. That might help. Well, I wish you good luck in your upcoming match. Thanks. That means a lot coming from such an attractive... um, you are a woman, right? While Chisato's indisposed with a very thorough beating of Nash, let's skip ahead to Godlike, shall we? Yuri, you defeated the reigning champion. What are you going to do? Mope around with angst, then go get drunk! Amen, brother! After a few seasons of failure, you've bounced back in a big way to reach the semifinals for the first time. Do you attribute this change in fortune to Covenant? Sure, why not? It makes as much sense as any other explanation. How confident are you with Piastol on the horizon? I've fought tougher opponents. I've fought worse ones, too. All I have to do is give my best effort, and hope that it's enough. And if you'll excuse me, my mouth is feeling a little queasy from saying such nonsense. I need a drink. I guess that leaves TimeLord... Bad luck with that - he said something about Cybermen or something like that. I did manage to get Ghaleon, though. Ghaleon? But we interview him all the time. We don't have anything interesting to say to him, and vice versa. And there's enough fighting going on that we don't need him to go killing anyone. We could at least show him the courtesy of asking if he has anything to say. Could you go wash up, boss? You're getting bishie blood all over the equipment. Fine, I'll go get... Oh dear. I am invinshibible! Fear me and my rocket launsher! Whoo! Who the hell gave a Black a bottle of vodka? And how did he get Momo's rocket launcher? I'd like to state for the record that any of my teethmarks on that bottle are purely coincidental. I think it's our cue to leave, anyway. Watch me pull the trigger! Whee! Bang bang! On behalf of everyone, bye. Let's get out of here! Once, just once, I'd like to get through an episode without having to pay for repairs.