r> | It's weird how we're always here before Chisato.
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 | We do have to get all set up and everything, you know. Oh, wait, you wouldn't, since you just float around and complain.
|
 | Better than reading comics outloud, which is what Odin's doing
|
 | Oh, that loveable Marmaduke, what zany antics are you up to now? What's this, a dog chasing the animal control people? Instead of the other way around? MY MIND IS TOTALLY BLOWN!
|
 | And yet, he says that Calvin & Hobbes 'just isn't funny'.
|
 | Ugh. You are not paying me nearly enough to do all this work.
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 | I'm not paying you anything, lacky, now hurry up and set up the stage before I bust out my Alfred Persona.
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 | I dream of a day when mid bosses and the abused working class monsters will RISE UP and Seize power from the corrupt!
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 | Yeah, I...ooh, Shiny!
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 | I am utterly alone in this.
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 | Oh, go stick a sword in it.
|
 | Which one?
|
 | That..wasn't..errgh.
|
 | Sometimes, I think that Garfield is speaking to me on some level, and I really <>do<> hate Mondays.
|
 | Zip it, Moppy. Can we get this going?
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 | Sorry, boss, SOMEBODY made it so that the only thing this damned camera will show is advertisements for FF5 and Super Sword Showcases on Fox.
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 | I regret nothing!
|
 | ....Whatever. Let's just start.
|
 | I'll try my best, but that generally means just flailing at buttons.
|
 | That's why you're the most productive worker we have. Anyway..Welcome, one and all, for the start to Season XXXI! The perverts have been safely locked away, and we get back to the meat of the RPGDL: Epic duels between contestants who usually politely take turns! There's plenty go with today, so let's first welcome two Godlikes: The newcomer Dhoulmagus and Ryu 3!
|
 | Boo!
|
 | ....
|
 | You seem to have some bad luck, Dhoulmagus, as you've drawn one of the most powerful Godlikes we have. Can you withstand the might of Infinity?
|
 | Well, sure. Not only am I an evil clown, but I can also summon wickedly sharp vines. Plus I have this cool staff.
|
 | Ah, so you've vaguely creepy and have bondage powers. Excuse me while I purge that mental image by beating the crap out of Odin.
|
 | Such a pi-OWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
|
 | So, Ryu...oh, he's getting evil cotton candy from Dhoulmagus. Let's leave them to their carnival food of the damned, and take a look at Heavy this week.
|
 | Well, I learned the legendary Sky Fang Arts, and smited a silver-haired prettyboy.
|
 | Oh yeah? I leanred the ultra legendary Aurora Artes and smited this ugly old lady!
|
 | AND I was completely clueless to the fact that I had a love interest and hung out with an attractive pirate!
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 | Well MY love interest and I were completely disinterested in each other and WE hung out with an androgynous pirate that did absoulutely nothing but be annoying!
|
 | ...What are they dong?
|
 | I...I think they're trying to prove who's the most generic.
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 | But I HAVE A FUNKY TATTOO AND BELONG TO A POWERFUL RACE OF BEINGS!
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 | I..uh...like to eat a lot?
|
 | Okay, you win.
|
 | Uh...any other heavies?
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 | Man, I can't wait to prove my worth in the DL by beating the crap out of that little kid.
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 | GET AWAY FROM ME YOU DAMN CLOWN!
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 | <>YOU WILL TAKE YOUR EVIL BALLOON ANIMAL AND LIKE IT, YOU INGRATEFUL WHELP!<>
|
 | Er..yeah. Definitely a Heavy season to remember.
|
 | I have a feeling alot of people will be trying to forget.
|
 | So true. So...how about Middle?
|
 | KUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
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 | That's the most intelligent thing I've heard all day!
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 | The perfect opponent to match my wits against!
|
 | KUUUEEEE?
|
 | That's an interested idea, but..
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 | KUUUUUE!
|
 | ...Well, if you do the math and use metaphysics....Of course! You're a genius! And they laughed when I took that course in Gryphonese!
|
 | Now, this is what the DL is all about. Obscure ideas in a language that nobody understands. All right, gang, let's go for ice cream!
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 | KUUUUE?
|
 | No, shakes cost ext-ARGH ALL RIGHT ALL RIGHT I'LL GET YOU ONE! MY FAAAACE!
|
 | Man, that is one ice cream lovin' monster.
|
 | Mm, Ice cream. Okay, let's get the Lights out here.
|
 | At last, I can defend the good name of Phantasy Star!
|
 | She said...good name...must...not...lose it...
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 | And once I have defeated you with my mighty scalpel, all of Light will recognize the true potential of Phantasy Star duellers.
|
 | Keep..focused..think about unfunny things....'true potential'....hah....
|
 | What do you have to say for yourself, Sniper?
|
 | Oh, how I fear your godlike strength and damage potential! Certainly my sniping skills will prove inferior! Also, Odin is truly Godlike and Zidane is a ladies man. This is opposite day, isn't it?
|
 | You'll see, just you wait.
|
 | Why wait? Eat arrow, scrub!
|
 | EEK!
|
 | I do so enjoy watching target practices with live bait. Well, I think we're about done here, so..
|
 | WAIT! I have a very special story to share that will completey change the way you look at things!
|
 | Okay, spill it.
|
 | Lemme adjust the camera first. Well, you see...
BZZZZZZZZZZZT!
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 | FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY! CHONGARA'S CRAZY COOL SWORD SALE EXTRAVAGANZA! BIG SWORDS, LITTLE SWORDS, REPLICAS OF ULTIMA WEAPON AND THE MASAMUNE ARE HALF OFF! ALL THE SWORDS YOU CAN CARRY IN ONE HAND FOR A 25% DISCOUNT! GET YOUR AUTHENTIC REPLICA OF THE DURANDEL AND GET A FREE TUBE OF CLOUD STRIFE'S X-CELLENT SWORD POLISH! COME DOWN NOW BECAUSE WE'RE PRACTICALLY GIVING THESE SWORDS AWAY! SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS SWORDS SWORRRRDS!
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 | And now, we are pleased to bring you the latest in stabbing technology, on the Super Sword Showcase!
ZZZT! POP!
|
 | ....And when the penguin finally returned to the land of Venezula with his mule, he learned the true meaning of Thanksgiving!
|
 | ...Wow. It's..it's amazing. That story truly changed my life.
|
 | You're the best, Ultros! Let's all go out and have some pie!
|
 | YAY!
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