 | Another season of being abused and cleaning up after everyone else with no appreciation.
|
 | Starting to regret your choice of careers?
|
| Not the what. The path of the janitor is my life's true calling, after all. The where, though...
|
 | Come on, Odin. Everyone is a jerk to everyone around here. It just means you're one of the gang.
|
 | ...
|
| Do you really mean that?
|
| Absolutely. You're just as valuable a member of the team as anyone else. Well, except me.
|
 | Touching, Nate. Really.
|
| Come on, shake off the emo and get to work. Don't want people mistaking you for Xorn, do you?
|
| Hah! As if anyone could mistake me for that loser! Alright, time to get cleaning. Thanks boss!
|
| Don't mention it.
|
| So what's with the suddenly being nice to Odin?
|
| Men's room is backed up. I really want that fixed today.
|
| Yeah right, I just bet you don't want to be the only one on the show without a championship.
|
| You can be replaced, you know.
|
 | Hey, I don't have a championship!
|
| You also don't count ever.
|
| And here's where he snaps at us to just...
|
| Get to work, people.
|
| Right on cue. Welcome one and all to Season 56 here at the RPGDL. I'm Chisato Madison and my loyal(for varying definitions of the word) cast of losers and I are here to take you Behind the Scenes.
|
| Let's get right to it and welcome in our Godlike guests for the day, a giant whale of ultimate doom, as well as the ever popular Kyogre!
|
 | KYO!
|
 | Just to make this clear, I'm gonna have to beat the snot outta whichever one of you clowns thought this was funny.
|
| Ultros.
|
| Morte.
|
| Odin.
|
| Huh?
|
| Yeah right, I know better then to believe that you let him write the schedules.
|
| Oh but we do. He's just as valuable a member of this team as anyone else.
|
| Yeah, that's right! Nate just said so himself, even!
|
| ...so it really was you? Alright then punk. You, me, parking lot after the show.
|
| Um, wait...
|
| Why wait until after the show?
|
| I'm a superstar, babe. These sublime moves don't get busted out on camera without somebody paying for the privilege.
|
| I thought you were going to make Odin pay.
|
| KYOGRE!
|
| Wrong kind of pay. And yeah, I got your number too pal. I'll see you in the finals, if you can make it that far.
|
| Big talk for someone who has Fou-Lu in his half.
|
| He'll get his. So will this Gilbert clown and anyone else who gets in my way. I'm the best there is, and I'll prove it.
|
| So would you say that this season is your story?
|
| ...hey, moppy.
|
| Um, yes?
|
| Bring the skull with you.
|
| Uh oh.
|
| Some buttons are probably best left unpushed, Morte.
|
| Well I'd say it's been nice having you, but the testosterone levels in the room are reaching dangerous highs, so I'll just tell you to get out. Kyogre, it's always nice to see you...just like any other guests who don't actually talk.
|
| KYO!
|
| How often do we use that joke?
|
| Almost as often as we joke about the fact that we abuse running gags.
|
| So a lot then.
|
| Now how about we move onto Heavy and bring the testosterone levels down with a cute undead loli and a master cross-dresser?
|
 | Oh my, I didn't know you were into things like that.
|
 | *sigh* A guy does something once. ONCE. And nobody ever lets it go.
|
| You gotta admit man, you took that way further then you needed to.
|
| Yeah, and any guy who can make himself more attractive then Tifa...well, I'm not saying anything but I'm just saying.
|
| Look, I'm a professional. If I've got a job to do, I'm gonna do it right. I don't half ass things.
|
| Professional? You do that for a living?
|
| What? No, no! I mean I've got a professional attitude! Not that I...ugh, just no.
|
| You have to admit, you set yourself up for that one.
|
| Yeah, I know. Just drop it, okay? Can we talk about the matches?
|
| Sure thing. Let's start with Pamela over here. So you've drawn the recent middle upgrader, Elly. Which...is actually a really odd matchup.
|
| Is it? She can't even touch me with her rod at all.
|
| Yeah, but somehow she doesn't need to connect to put you to sleep with it. Just swing it in your general direction.
|
| Hmm. Well, I'm sure I can manage to synth together something to stop that. I'm a pretty good alchemist you know.
|
| Good luck with that, I guess.
|
| As for you, make sure to smack Gau a few times for me.
|
| Heh. He's pretty tricky for a kid, but I'll see if I can sneak in an extra slash or two for you.
|
| That's all you've got to say about your fight?
|
| What else is there to say? I won't know how to handle him until I know which rage he's using.
|
| Hmm.
|
| What, do you have a better idea?
|
| Oh, no, I was just thinking that you really would look cute as a girl.
|
| ...
|
| Do you have any pictures of that?
|
| HELL no.
|
| Tifa does.
|
| Oh goody!
|
| What!? She told me she burned those years ago!
|
| Never believe a woman when she says she's getting rid of pictures. Ever.
|
| Especially ones that embarrass their boyfriends!
|
| ...I'm outta here.
|
| Hehehe, and I'm gonna go find Tifa~
|
| Aww, isn't that heartwarming?
|
| What, Pamela enjoying herself or Cloud's upcoming death by embarrassment?
|
| Do I have to pick just one?
|
| Women. Alright, time to move on to middle. Joining us today are an accomplished tank from Fire Emblem and the reigning light champion, Oswin and Opera.
|
 | Afternoon.
|
 | Chisato, how lovely to see you.
|
| Opera, welcome to middle.
|
| Welcome back to middle, I think you mean.
|
| Oh, of course. It's just that your stay last time was so brief.
|
| Someone had to keep you company down in Light. Where, I might add, I have a bit better record.
|
| So, I may as well not even be here, huh?
|
| Yeah, you're gonna have to wait until these two finish for an interview.
|
| Well I suppose that's to be expected, considering they figured out I was too good for the division so much sooner.
|
| Well you did have a seventeen season head start on me, dear.
|
| I suppose I should wish you good luck in your match. I know how hard it is for you, but do try not to downgrade again.
|
| Oh I wouldn't worry about that. You should just concentrate on trying to get another match for yourself. For such a big name celebrity you strangely don't seem all that popular. Maybe you need new PR agents?
|
| She does all her own PR work.
|
| Oh. Well then.
|
| Dammit Morte, no interference!
|
| Sorry Chisato. Try again next time?
|
| Of course. Anyway, you and Ivan, huh? Think you can handle a mind reader?
|
| One, he has to touch me to read my mind. Two, he's a teenage boy. He tries to read my mind and his head's going to spin. I'm more worried about the rest of his magic.
|
| You spend way too much time with Deis.
|
| Wait, I'm confused. Now they're friends all of a sudden?
|
| Yeah, these two do that. It's best to just smile and nod.
|
| Deis says you're always welcome to come over as well, so long as you promise not to bring a camera.
|
| You think I go anywhere without one? Hah. Anyway, I think we've left the tin can hanging long enough. I'd wish you good luck, but I'd be lying. Can't have you getting a better record then me now.
|
| I'll be so very not sorry to disappoint.
|
| So, Oswin. You and Vincent, discuss.
|
| What? Well, his physical attacks are pretty weak and my armor is strong. I can just throw javelins at him until I can finish things with a stronger lance.
|
| Any idea how you're going to deal with his Limits?
|
| Same way I deal with anything else. Heavy armor, a strong spear and the pride of a knight.
|
| Fascinating. Or not really. Well nice having you, have fun getting mauled by fangirls even if you win. Let's just move on to Light, shall we?
|
| Righto. Introducing from light, my main man, the mighty maritime merchant, Gobi!
|
 | Thank you, thank you.
|
| Oh yeah, and some cat.
|
 | Hey!
|
| Don't take it personally kid. Anyway, Ultros, how'd you even get me on the show?
|
| Actually Nate put you on the schedule himself. Both you and Cheap-poo over there.
|
| It's Chiepoo.
|
| Huh, that's funny. He looking to bury the hatchet?
|
| He probably just booked you and the catboy at the same time hoping he'd eat you or something.
|
| Don't even think about it, squirt.
|
| What? Ew, no. I like fish, but I wouldn't eat one that can talk. That's just not right.
|
| Good to hear, good to hear. Let's hope my opponent feels the same way, huh?
|
| Oh? Who are you fighting?
|
| Orcha. A cook. From a fishing town.
|
| Oh. Well, considering there are talking vegetable people in his cast, I'm sure he won't cook Gobi.
|
| Hey, good point. If he's avoided stewing up Turnip this long I'm sure he's a decent guy.
|
| Well sure. Except sometimes he kinda goes into demon cook mode. And then things get ugly.
|
| Demon...cook?
|
| This line of conversation is not making me very comfortable here.
|
| How about we talk about Chiepoo's match for a bit. Any plans for taking on Gwynn?
|
| Uh, not really. I guess I'll just fight him and hope I win? I'm really more of a merchant then a fighter, so I don't worry about the arena too much.
|
| A fellow merchant, eh? Maybe I can take my mind off this by talking some business. How many stores you got, kid?
|
| Well, I guess I'm more of an aspiring merchant to tell the truth.
|
| Hey, no worries. I might have some opportunities for you. Let's get outta here and talk shop, alright?
|
| Really? Sure thing, Mr. Gobi!
|
| And so our lights are seeing themselves out.
|
| Works for me. Though Nate might not be so happy about his little trap for Gobi backfiring.
|
| Alright, I'll close us out. Ultros, grab Odin and Morte and drag them out to the parking lot.
|
| Huh? Oh, right. Heh, no problem!
|
| I'll grab some chips and sodas.
|
| Perfect. Alright folks, this has been another pointlessly insulting and violent, but hopefully entertaining, episode of Behind the Scenes. Hope you enjoy the matches for weeks one and two, and don't forget to vote. See you all on week 3! |
I, Kazan, bid you welcome to the RPG Dueling League, dedicated to the art of pitting the greatest warriors of the RPG Multiverse against each other in honourable combat! Within lies the greatest showcase of fighting talent you will ever lay your eyes upon!