Greetings once more, dear readers. It's Week Three of Season Twelve, what we like to call the "Big Week" here. Eliminations are over, and all that remain are the best fighters of each division, ready to duke it out for their chance at attaining a coveted division championship. I'm sure you're dying to find out what's going on this week, so enough idle banter - on with the show! First off, jump on over to the Results Page and check out the results of Season Twelve, Week Two. Did magic triumph over science in Middle? Was Gilgamesh able to prove that four...eight...many arms are better than two? And did Light's ultimate evil finally avenge his defeat many seasons ago? These answers and more await you inside, dear readers, so head on in and check them out! With last week all said and done, it's time to move on over to the Arena, and get ready for Week Three! In Light, two well-rounded and renowned healers trade stick beatings, in what could be the longest match in DL history! In Middle, supreme god of pharmacy Bowman Jean must utilize all of his compounding skillz to devise some concoction to keep him awake during his bout with the hideous Dream Demon Beatrice. Meanwhile, in Heavy, two red-shrouded badasses pit strength against speed, and only one can come out ahead. And finally, in this week's Godlike division, it's Melfice vs. Roger Bacon, in an age-old contest of swords vs. sorcery. Of course, that's only scratching the surface, dear readers; many more exciting matches await you inside! Of course, the arena isn't all the excitement we offer here, dear readers. Head on over to The RPG Strategy League, and get a look at what's going on in the World of Balance. War has erupted between many of the once friendly nations of the world, and without a united front to stand against them, it looks like the Empire may be unstoppable! Oh, and as always, I'd suggest you take a stop by the RPGDL Forums and register an account. It's a quick process, and it'll get you on the inside of the web's most popular RPG fighting tournament. Don't be shy: get involved! After a weeklong hiatus, it's time for Chisato Madison to take over, and bring you another Behind the Scenes of the RPGDL: Gyah! That had to have been the longest, most boring tirade I’ve ever listened to in my whole afterlife. Of course, I blame Odin for the whole mess. Me?! He was scolding all of us! Heck, he even threatened to summon He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to keep us in order. How am I at the core of this? Why the Rule of Odin, my mentally challenged omnipotent one. When in doubt, blame Odin for your mess. Plus, you are the one who accidentally let Evil Gaia out of his cage a little early…poor Isaac, he couldn’t even scream. Oh please. Being devoured by the epitome of evil isn’t that bad of a fate. It was actually pretty comfortable inside of Profound Darkness, what with the whole city of Atlantis in there. Right. Just keep telling yourself that. Nutjob… Are you two quite done? Sure. I mean, I haven’t gotten a chance to discuss the finer points of Odin’s stupidity yet, but most of it’s intuitive anyway. Right. Now, no unnecessary deaths or interruptions this week: I don’t want…him…on my butt. Why’s that? You’ve got so much room there, it can’t hurt to share a little. Hahahaha! … Er…cameras? Yes. Check…and rolling! Welcome back, followers of the RPGDL! We missed last week, but we’re back on the air once again to bring you the best in RPG entertainment! Once again, I, Chisato Madison, and my misfit crew of gods and seafood, will do our best to keep you entertained. With that out of the way, I’d like to introduce our first two guests on tonight’s show: everyone, please welcome Light fighters Ronfar and Irvine Kinneas! Hey Moppy, let’s make a bet: I give ‘em twenty minutes before all hell breaks loose. You’re on. Stop trying to jinx us before we even start. Now, let’s start with you, Ronfar. Now, tell me… There he is! How dare he show his face here! What’s going on here? This man stole my match! I won’t stand for it! He’s going to pay for making me look bad! Trust me, you do that perfectly fine all by yourself. Morte! Don’t insult the man who signs my paychecks! Boys! Get him! Right away, boss. Oh boy…I’m suddenly getting one of those bad feelings in my no-no spot again. Ramus, Can you really do that? Isn’t it kind of…illegal to take someone away on false charges? I’m the richest man in RPGdom! I can do whatever I want. Such words of wisdom. Speaking of which, you lost the best. It only took three minutes for something to go wrong. Well, you’re right: except for the fact we didn’t shake on it, so the bet’s null and void. But…but you can’t shake! You don’t have any hands! And I’ve never lost a bet. Shut up, both of you. Right…so, Irvine… If you don’t mind, I’d like to field the little cowboy a couple questions. …oh fine, whatever. Ah, perfect. So, Irvine, is it? That’s the name, pilgrim. Right. Bad John Wayne accents aside, what the hell is up with your name? I mean, who the hell would name someone Irvine? It was my grandfather’s name. He was a famous cowboy back in the day. What day would this be? The day when pigs sprouted wings and flew through the skies? It’s perfectly true. Right, so let’s assume that it is. Care to explain why you’re such a pansy, if your family has such a great history behind it? I…uh… Oh look, the little baby’s crying. Couldn’t perform an easy assassination, sucked as a character, and can’t take the truth. What a waste of perfectly good flesh. Alright Morte, you’ve had your fun. Irvine, good luck…and the psychiatric office is down the hall to the right, third door on the left. *sniff* Thank you. Ah…the day’s not complete unless I ruin some scrub’s life. It’s like the Boy Scout slogan, only backwards. You were a Boy Scout? …me!? Me, a Boy Scout?! Good point. Anyway, next up are our Middle guests. Everyone, please welcome Dream Demon Beatrice, and fellow reporter Maya Amano! Death. Pain. Suffering. You shall all feel the power of my Filgaia. Let’s positive thinking! …well, I’m not sure what to make of this. On one hand, we’ve got some little girl who apparently is in need of a healthy dose of Prozac. On the other hand, we’ve got the poster child for happy-go-lucky nutjobs everywhere. I’m in a dilemma: I’m not sure who to insult first. How about shutting up for once? I think that’s a little out of my league, but thanks for the suggestion. Anyway…Beatrice, anything you can tell me about your goals for this season? Destruction, create a new world by destroying the old one, destruction, invade people’s dreams, destruction, the usual evil villain stuff. You know, if it weren’t for the pale complexion and desire to destroy everything in her path, she’d be fairly cute. Fool. Sleep. But I’m not…zzzzzzz Wow…say, you want a job here on the show? That sleep thing would be invaluable. As much as I appreciate the offer, I must decline. Creating Nega Filgaia uses up most of my free time anymore. Well, good luck with that then. Drop me a line if you change your mind. So now, Maya, how’s everything been going? It’s… Er…she can talk? I thought she was silent? Of course she can. Everyone can talk, some just don’t choose to break their silence. Of course, then there’s the guests that just don’t shut up… Argh! I can’t stand this any longer. I will not wait backstage with that…freak. Care to be more specific, red white and ghoul? That stupid vampire is driving me crazy! He’s dancing around, preaching about how wonderful his sword is, and how he’ll use it to continue on some weird vampire tradition of sucking stuff. If it doesn’t stop, I’ll… Ah, my friend! You’re about to miss my celebration dance! I’ve seen that stupid thing fifteen times already! Wow…again, I’m at a loss for insults. They’re doing a fine job of making themselves look like fools without my help. I’m…going….to….kill…. Kill? Did I hear kill!? Such an uncouth man. Show some control. Oh come on, Beggin’ Strips. This show always gets out of control with the violence and mayhem: it can’t be helped. Bacon!? There are pigs that need killing!? And now we do the happy dance! Ah, yes! Such a glorious occasion! Can’t…stand it…going….to…. Hey! No summoning gears into the studio! Looks like he didn’t listen to you. I’d suggest fleeing. Come here, piggy! I do say, no manners. I’m wearing a top hat: you don’t attack a man in a top hat! Ugh…another week, another mess. Hm…who to blame it on this time… Don’t you remember the Rule of Odin? Look at him, he’s still sound asleep…he’s perfect. I agree. Ultros, we’re out of here! Right on, boss. Can I get more lines next week? Depends if Odin is still with us or not. Er…ok. Off we go, then!