| Behind the Scenes is filmed before a live studio audience. At least, they're alive when they come in.
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| Why do I always get the difficult jobs? "Odin, sweep Penance's cage. Odin, go see if Quina needs any help with the green room snacks. Odin, warm up the audience before the show starts." It's enough to make anyone go crazy.
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| Oh my, are you all right?
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| Aah! Chisato! I didn't see you there. Please don't kill me!
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| Why would I do that?
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| Wait a minute, something's not right...
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| Odin, why aren't I hearing laughs at your expense? You better not be slacking, or else...
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| You!
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| Uh oh...
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| Two Chisatos?
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| Of all the women in all the worlds... Why couldn't it have been two Aylas or two Jeanes?
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| I'm confused.
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| There's a simple explanation for all this.
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| That's right, you stole my life!
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| Well, I wouldn't go that far. You see, there was a little magical accident a few years ago when Chisato volunteered to test a new healing method. She was split into two people - one good, one evil.
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| But, how can we tell which one's which?
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| Let's review. Our Chisato hired a villainous minion to work the cameras, has a demonic skull for a cohost...
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| I think you're mistaking me for my cousin.
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| ...and she personally built the catapult we use for entertainment purposes. Now, does that sound like a good person, or a bad person?
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| Well, it's obvious now that you said that...
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| That just leaves the question of what we're going to do about it.
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| You better not be suggesting that...
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| The contract only says "Chisato Madison".
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| Hah! Take that, you life-stealing monster!
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| Look, why don't we do this in the fairest way possible. The real Chisato Madison is well known for her interviews. So, you two interview our guests for tonight. The best interviewer sticks around and keeps her job, all right?
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| Fine.
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| All right.
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| Great. Our first guests are Light champion Rico Banderas and runner-up Luna.
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| Dibs on the champ.
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| Darn it. Luna, it must have sucked to finally come up against a worthy opponent. I mean, an inaccurate gunner, a wussy knight, and a Golden Sun character. Not exactly the best Light has to offer.
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| I won all those matches fair and square.
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| Sure you did, sweetheart. And I'm sure all those charitable singing performances for the DL Orphan's Fund were out of the goodness of your heart.
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| As a matter of fact, they were.
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| See, that's what I hate about you goodie types. You're all so boring.
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| Funny. Now, Mr. Banderas, what do you think your chances of upgrading are?
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| Good.
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| You must be happy, being the first Xenogears character to have a chance to upgrade since Elly.
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| *sob*
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| Did you hear something?
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| I don't think so. Now, as I was saying, since you're the first Xenogears character to get a chance at upgrading since your Light compatriot Elly...
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| Waaah!
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| Poor Ramsus. You should apologize to him, you know.
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| What did I do? All I said was this information I have on my cue card that says that Elly was the last one with a chance at upgrading.
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| Nobody loves me! I'm going to lie in my bed and write goth poetry!
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| Gee, Chisato, how could you be so insensitive. And accidentally, too! You're almost as bad as I am!
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| I'm nothing like you! Can we just move on, please?
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| All right, but only because you asked so nicely. Middle brings up champ Kyra and runner-up Fiora.
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| Miss Tierney...
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| Hey, Fiora. I heard Kyra mocking you Fire Emblem guys, saying that Phantasy Star IV would always rule Middle as long as there were weak opponents like you to beat.
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| I never...
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| Weak, are we? Let's get her, girls!
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| |
| Right!
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| Would you stop ruining my interviews?
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| Only if you stop trying to ruin my job!
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| Ladies, ladies, you're both failures. Now for Heavy, with Rosa and champ Seed.
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| Hello, Rosa.
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| ...
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| I still have her under Silent Lake. I'd rather not wind up on the opposite end of a Holy.
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| But Rosa's a White Wizard! She'd never be so petty and cruel.
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| Wow. You really haven't been around here, have you.
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| Well, unfortunately, it doesn't look like I'm going to be able to interview you, Rosa.
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| Don't worry. I'll do enough talking for the both of us.
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| Cecil Harvey! Don't tell me he's a monstrous talk show host in this stupid world!
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| No, just a concerned husband who's been drugged by someone he thought was his loving wife.
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| ...
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| Rosa, you know it's not right to do something like that. We'll have a long talk about this on the way home.
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| ...
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| That poor man.
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| "Man"? Since when is Rosa a male?
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| Excluding those dirty magazines?
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| Odin, women are like elephants - they never forget. Cecil may get in some digs, but you have to know that he's going to pay for it later on, and on and on and on.
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| If we are through gossiping, perhaps we could continue?
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| I'd like that.
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| I have the results from that paternity test you took last week.
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| Really? Great! I can't wait to get back at that overgrown deadbeat!
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| Well, you'll have to wait until you find him, because Exdeath isn't the father.
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| Excuse me?
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| She said the boss man isn't your man.
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| Do you know who he could be, then?
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| No! I mean, there are so many possibilities now. Spar, Peco, all those Yggdrasils who walk around in human form...
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| I'm sorry.
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| No, it's not your fault. I- I have to go now.
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| And another interview ends in tears. You know, maybe it's not a bad thing to have two chiefs around. We seem to be going over quota much easier.
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| And our last guests, Sephiroth and Virgil. Hello, Virgil.
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| Hell-erk!
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| What's wrong?
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| He's going into cardiac arrest! That idiot must have kept on with the Realians!
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| He's dying! Someone do something!
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| Stand back! Clear!
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| Aagh!
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| Clear!
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| Huh... huh...
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| His pulse is levelling. I think he's going to make it.
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| And that, boys and girls, is why you should always carry a taser with you.
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| That was a very good thing you did.
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| Of course! I couldn't just let a guest die without me personally being the cause.
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| Gee, and I thought she was the bad one.
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| But, she is! She's the epitome of all the evil in my soul!
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| But if she's capable of good, then what's the reason for you to exist?
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| No. No! NO! I can't accept this! I'll kill yo... *pop*
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| She exploded!
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| Ah, a textbook case of Calvin Transmogrification Syndrome. A real pity.
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| Who cares? I keep my job, and that's all that matters. On behalf of the Behind the Scenes crew, that's the kind of season it's been. Good night. |