| *****************Somewhere in Gensokyo***************** |
 | Ugh. This is so pointless. |
 | zzzZZZ |
 | She has to be faking. No way could anyone sleep through all that. |
| ZZZzzz |
 | Ooh, ooh, I know! I'll freeze her nose shut so she can't breathe! Then she'll have to wake up! |
 | That didn't work the last two times you suggested it, it's not going to work now. |
| ...oh, yeah. I'm out of ideas then. |
| zzzZZZ |
 | Such an epic struggle! Some of Gensokyo's finest against the amazing sleeping abilities of one of the most powerful and lazy yokai of them all! This will make a great article. |
| You could come over here and, I dunno, HELP maybe? |
| And taint my objective sources? I would never compromise my journalistic integrity like that! |
| How about I compromise your structural int... |
| Something's coming! |
 | *BLINK* Achoo! Oh no, where did I...oh. Hello! |
| Who are you? |
| Woah, she landed right on Yukari. |
| Thank you for telling us, oh mistress of the obvious. |
| You're welcome! |
| I landed where? Oh, I'm terribly sorry! I can't really control where exactly I land when I sneeze you see. |
| Mmm? |
| Hey, she's waking up! Where some of the mightiest of Gensokyo have failed, a strange young woman suddenly appears from nowhere and wakes the sleeper! I have to get all this down... |
| ...back where you came from little girl. |
| Huh? Ah..hehe...that tickles...Ah..AHCHOO! *BLINK* |
| *****************Back in the DLverse, outside Nanjo Studios***************** |
| What happened? Where are we? |
| I don't think we're in Gensokyo anymore. |
| And the mistress of the obvious strikes again. |
| Yeah, I'm on a roll! |
| Was this your doing? |
| Oh, um, probably. Normally when I sneeze it's just me that gets teleported off, though. And...I don't think I can take you back, either. I'm terribly sorry! |
| ...mysterious young girl actually inter-dimensional kidnapper... |
| What!? No, I'm not a kidnapper! |
 | Just ignore her, everyone else does. We won't be here long anyway. Hey, Yukari! |
 | ...where? Mrf, whatever... |
| Hey, hurry up and take us back home you worthless excuse for a border yokai! |
| zzzZZZ |
 | ...you've got to be kidding me. |
 | Hey, she went back to sleep! |
| ... |
 | So what now? |
 | Hey you, kidnapper! Since we're stuck here now, you should show us around the area. |
 | But...but I'm not a kidnapper... |
| You brought us here, we didn't want to come, and now you say you can't get us back. What else can you be but a kidnapper? |
| But...but... |
| Ignore the crow. But she does have one good idea. Since we're stuck here until Yukari wakes up, why don't you give us a tour? |
| Um, okay. Well, right now we're in the parking lot for Nanjo Television Studios, which is that building right there. And over there is... |
| Did...did you say TELEVISION STUDIO!? |
| Aya, what are you planning? |
| Um, yes? |
| Yes! This is a golden opportunity! |
| And there she goes. |
| Wow, Aya's fast. |
| Excuse me, I need to go pluck a tengu before she causes any trouble. |
| We should probably all stick together. Come on. |
| *****************Inside the Studio***************** |
 | Hmm, well this sample paper certainly does look professional enough. |
 | Don't tell me you're seriously considering this, Nate. |
| What's your going rate? |
| You can pay me entirely in recordings of the show. |
| Oh really? |
| Absolutely! This isn't about money, it's about the reputation boost. |
 | Well, he's sold. |
 | Wish I could say the boss man wasn't that predictable, but. |
| Well, I suppose you can start today. I'll draw up the paperwork in my office. |
| Not so fast, honey! |
| You got a problem? |
| You bet I do. First off, who do you think you are walking in here and undercutting me for my job? |
 | She's a tengu. Part crow. I guess she'd be a scavenger by nature or something, so it makes sense. |
| ... |
 | |
| |
| Oh, let's all be surprised that the Norse God knows at least a LITTLE about mythology. |
| Hate to admit it, but the man has a point. |
| Anyway, you also can't do this on your own. And none of us are going to work for *you*. Show starts in five minutes, so good luck finding a crew in time. |
| Hey, I found her! She's in here, come on. |
| Well speak of the devil, here's my crew right now! |
| Huh? |
| Your what? |
| No worries, you girls can totally do this job. So, Nate, what positions does the show have? |
| Well, there's the host. |
| That's me, obviously. |
| And you'll need a co-host as well. |
| Hmm, Alice! You can look pretty in front of a camera, right? You come sit over here. |
| ...me? |
| Sure thing! You'll make a great co-host, I just know it. So what's next? |
| You'll need a cameraman. |
| Hey, don't HELP her! |
| Phht, I've got plenty of money in the bank, so this'll be a vacation for me. |
| Reisen, you're good with technology. You handle the cameras. |
| Uh... |
| Come on, if you can handle a gun you can handle a camera, no problem. |
| I'm not sure that follows, but alright. Why not? |
| And you'll need someone to clean up around here. This show can get pretty messy from time to time. |
| Hah, janitor duty is basically living hell. Got anyone dumb enough to take on that job? |
| Hey Cirno, you like to make messes, right? |
| Yeah! |
| How would you like to be in charge of making Anti-Messes? |
| Anti-messes? I dunno, I've never made one of those before... |
| It's an important job that can only be entrusted to the most dedicated of mess makers. |
| An important job? Me? I'll do it, you can count on me! |
| I suggest you start in the bathroom. |
| ...I see you came equipped with your own idiot. |
| Haha, yup! |
| ... |
| She thinks that means 'really awesome ice fairy'. |
| Well, good luck replacing me, toots. You happen to have any undead wisecrackers up your sleeve? |
| Well... |
| Remilia. |
| This can't be simple coincidence... |
| Hmph. What, I'm supposed to be the comic relief now? I don't think so. |
| The show also has a pretty high violence quota. Normally the host does that herself, but... |
| But I'm hardly the violent type. Come on Remillia, help me out here. All I'm asking you to do is stand around and be snarky and violent. That's practically what you'd be doing anyway. |
| Do I get to hurt the rest of the cast or just the guests? |
| Oh, the cast too. It's practically encouraged. |
| Well in that case, alright. I'm sure it'll be fun...right Aya? |
| Um... |
| Well, looks like you have a full cast afterall. I feel like such a cad for ever doubting you. Have fun everyone. |
| She was joking, right Nate? |
| No time to worry about that, you need to get the show started. Just interview folks, do what comes naturally, I'm sure it'll all work out. |
| Uh...right. Okay. |
| What are you waiting for, Aya? Start the show already. |
| Why are we doing this again? |
| You have any better ideas? |
| What, it's starting? I haven't even made one anti-mess yet! I better get moving! |
| Er, right. Welcome everyone to this very special Bunbunmaru Newspaper edition of Behind the Scenes. I'm Aya Shameimaru, and my team is here to bring you only the most up to date news on this week's fighters! |
| We're interviewing fighters? Well at least this might be somewhat interesting. |
| It says here that it's traditional to start from the top, so that's what we'll do. Introducing the two finalists from the Godlike division, we have the goddess of destruction Myria, and an entity of pure malice, Lady. |
 | Good morning. Is this a new cast? |
 | ... |
| You're...awfully small and cute for a goddess of destruction. |
| Funny, alot of people think the same of Flandre. |
| There's another cute goddess of destruction out there? |
| She's not a goddess, just a vampire. Though she does have the destruction part down. |
| There's nothing 'just' about being a vampire. |
| I should like to meet this Flandre. Is she with you? |
| No, she's still in the basement at the mansion. |
| Thankfully. |
| Let's stay on topic ladies, we're supposed to be interviewing here. |
| No, you're supposed to be interviewing. I'm supposed to be a violent smartass. |
| Uh, right. So, Myria, it says here that you hold multiple championships, is that correct? |
| Absolutely. Six times, to be exact. Not that a goddess concerns herself with such trivial things. |
| So how would you compare this season to the many you've competed in before? And how would you rate your opponent for the final match? |
| This season has been sadly easy so far. Not even enough to really make me try at all. But Lady, well she's only ever lost one match before. This should be quite entertaining. But I have defeated the one who defeated her, so while this should be a pleasant struggle, it will doubtlessly end in my victory. |
| Such impressive confidence. Lady, do you have any comments to make? |
| ... |
| Lady? |
| ... |
| No rebuffing comments? No proclamations of your own victory? |
| ... |
| Nothing at all? |
| Lady doesn't talk. |
| Never? |
| Only thing she's ever said is her boyfriend's name. And even then only once. |
| That's...sort of romantic. |
| That also makes her really hard to interview. |
| Well we do have three other divisions to get to. |
| Good point. And I guess that's all I can do here anyway. Myria, thank you at least for the interview. I'll be sure to get full coverage of your doubtlessly spectacular match. |
| I call winner. |
| Then I'll be seeing you next week, miss vampire. |
| ... |
| Even you can't be that strong, Remilia. |
| Watch me. |
| Schedule says Heavy is next. So from there we have the regent Deamoned and ancient machine-warrior, Worker 8. |
 | What's a bunch of little girls doing here? |
| Little girl yourself, eyepatch. |
 | STATEMENT OF GREETING. |
| !!! |
| So Deamoned, what exactly does it mean to be a Regent? |
| About what you'd expect from the name. Where I'm from, we Regents basically run things. We're the people in charge, and for the most part we try to run a tight ship. |
| So do you get your strength from being a Regent? |
| ... |
| Other way around, actually. The Regents are in charge specifically because we're the biggest, baddest people around. |
| Interesting. So how has the season been for you so far? |
| As far as I'm concerned, the real finals was last week. After taking Fogel down, beating Worker this week is just a formality. |
| I... |
| Now Worker 8, this will be your first time in the Heavy finals, correct? |
| AFFIRMATIVE. |
| He's gotten lucky so far, but I'm no mage to be taken down so easily. |
| Well we've heard your side of it. Let's hear what your opponent thinks of this matchup. Worker? |
| REGENT, SIMILAR TO REAGENT. REAGENT, SYNONYM FOR INGREDIENT. INGREDIENT, NAME FOR COMPONENTS OF A RECIPE. REGENT'S STATUS AS INGREDIENT CONFIRMED. REGENT BONE SOUP WILL BE SERVED AT THE AWARD CEREMONY. |
| So it's a homicidal robot, AND it cooks? I like it already. |
| I... |
| Alice, are you okay? |
| I MUST HAVE IT!!!! |
| What's with her? |
| Guess she thinks he's a doll. |
| It's perfect! Huge, powerful, self aware, independently moving! I must have it! |
| REQUEST: PLEASE REMOVE SQUISHY MAGE GIRL FROM MY BACK. |
| Right. Well you've heard everything I have to say, so I'm going to get while the getting's good. |
| Wait! I still have more...grr. Alice! Look what you've done! |
| I'll have to find a place for it in my house though. I'm not sure I have room right now...maybe I can build a new room just for this one. |
| VIOLATION OF PERSONAL SPACE WILL BE RECOGNIZED AS AN ATTACK IN 10... |
| That sounds bad. Remi, this might be a good time to break out some of that violence. |
| 9... |
| On Alice or the robot? |
| 8... |
| Either, both, I don't care! Just stop that thing before it goes berserk! |
| 7... |
| Careful, it's profile says that it's immune to magic of any kind. |
| 6... |
| Really? Good thing I like getting my claws dirty. |
| *rip* *crunch* *smash* *BOOM* |
| |
| ERROR! ERROR! LIMBS NOT FOUND! ERROR! |
| Well, I feel better now. |
| You...YOU BROKE IT! How could you!? It was PERFECT!!!! |
| Oh boy. Can we cut to commercial for a minute to sort things out? |
| Uh, don't think so. I can't find any commercial buttons. |
| How...how could she... |
| First thing's first. Cirno! |
| Huh? |
| Where have you been, anyway? |
| The bathroom. There was a whoooole lot of anti-mess to make there. But whoever made that mess is gonna be SO mad when they come back and see that I made an anti-mess right over it! |
| Right, well, there's another one for you to make right there. |
| Okay, I'm on it! |
| Clock's still running, Aya. We only have a limited time to do the show. |
| Wait, this is TIMED!? Oh man, get the next pair out here NOW. Who do we have, uh, Kresnik and Kyra from Middle, right? |
 | Good morning ladies. |
 | Who made the mess out of Worker? |
| Me. |
| You don't have to sound so proud of it! |
| So you two basically do the same thing, right? Defensive healer sorts? |
| That's me. |
| Same here, yeah. |
| So what would you say that you have as an advantage over the other? |
| Magic resistance, speed, and the ability to make both better in the same move. |
| The ability to actually damage something. |
| I can't describe how boring this fight sounds. |
| Sounds like it's going to be a long match. |
| Bring a book. |
| Two if you read fast. |
| Come on, you've got a big giant gun and you can't put the hurt on someone? |
| You're new to RPGs, aren't you? |
| Well, yeah. |
| Around here, guns have a bad habit of being worse then swords. Or martial arts. Or any kind of magic. |
| Sometimes even bows. When that happens, it's really embarrassing. |
| What are you surprised for anyway? It's not like your guns are all that strong. |
| Not compared to you, maybe. |
| Sorry I don't have time to give you two a more proper interview. |
| We'll be back next week anyway. |
| And if you come watch our match, we'll forgive you. |
| Uh, I'll try to find the time, of course. Cirno, on your way out can you send in the last two? |
| Urg...urf...this robot is HEAVY! Okay, it might take me a minute though... |
 | Do you need a hand with that, missy? |
| Back off, pal! This is MY job! |
 | Well, it's nice to see someone so enthusiastic about cleaning, at least. |
| Cleaning? No way, cleaning is for losers. I'm making an anti-mess! |
| The opposite of messy is clean. An "anti-mess" is the same as cleaning. |
| What? Nu-uh! An anti-mess can't be cleaning because cleaning is for losers. But I'm making an anti-mess, and I'm not a loser, so cleaning and anti-messes are totally different things. You can't fool me like that. |
| I think you have to be the biggest idiot I've ever met. |
| You bet I am! |
| Uh... |
| ...and I'm completely lost for words. |
| Ignore her. The action is over here, anyway. |
| Oh boy. Action in this studio is usually a bad thing for us guests. |
| It was just an expression. So anyway, it seems that unlike the last division where the two fighters were practically the same, you two couldn't be more different. |
| I'm sure there's some way we could be more different. One of us could be a villain or something. |
| Well, you're a bandit. That's kinda close. |
| Funny, weren't you a spy at one point? |
| Um...no comment? |
| So if I may ask, what strategies do the two of you have in mind for this fight? |
| Well all I do is hit things, so I'm gonna have to go with that. |
| Might be old fashioned, but it gets the job done. Just get in there with your bare hands and start ruining some people's days. |
| Well, I use an axe, actually. |
| Oh. Not as personal as I like, but that works too. |
| I'm going to shrink him to the size of a gerbil and then blast him to kingdom come with holy magic. |
| Shrinking magic? Sounds handy. |
| It is. Completely shuts down physical attackers. |
| Would make someone alot harder to hit, too. |
| You'd think so, but it doesn't. |
| ...how? |
| Boy, you're just full of wrong assumptions today, aren't you rabbit? |
| Hmph. |
| Well, thank you both for your time. |
| Certainly. |
| Not like I had anything better to do. |
| So that's it, right? We're all done? |
| ... |
| I think so. |
| Actually, we did forget one thing. |
| What's that? |
| Well, that woman did say that a bit of violence towards the cast was encouraged... |
| Ah...well...I'm sure it's not strictly necessary... |
| Oh, but I wouldn't want your big chance to be anything less then perfect. This is for your reputation, remember? |
| So Reisen why don't you handle the closing I need to go do that thing at the place like RIGHT NOW. |
| Woah, she got even faster! |
| Where are you going, dear Aya? Don't you want to be famous? |
| ... |
| So the host is running for her life from...I'm not sure what to call Remilia's job here anyway. And the co-host is depressed and moping. Which leaves... |
| Just you and me. Does this mean we win? |
| ...sure, why not? Wanna go get some smoothies? |
| You bet! |
I, Kazan, bid you welcome to the RPG Dueling League, dedicated to the art of pitting the greatest warriors of the RPG Multiverse against each other in honourable combat! Within lies the greatest showcase of fighting talent you will ever lay your eyes upon!