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For the last time, Zelos, I said no! Do you not understand what that word means?
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I do, beautiful hunny, but I think you’re just hiding your true feelings for me behind this façade of uncaring hatred.
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Oh no, don’t look at me for help in this regard. You promised to bring him here if Tales of Symphonia missed getting in again this season.
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Isn’t it funny how such things always work out for the best? Now, lovely Chisato, what do we have planned today?
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Plenty, but none of it involves you. This is, and I hope your one-track brain can understand what I’m about to say, the twentieth anniversary of the DL. So we have lots of special things planned…just none for you, Mr. GET YOUR HAND AWAY FROM MY BUTT!
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Awwww, come on Chisato, have a heart! Let the man into your life!
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I’ll have your heart if you don’t shut up. Why did I agree to be nice to someone? It’s so out of character.
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Might have been the alcohol. Or the pretty face. Or the money. Or heck, a combination of all the above. Suffice to say, you’re stuck with the Symphonia cast this week.
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And since I gladly gave up my spot in Heavy for that lovely Aisha Bernadette girl, I’ve got nothing else to do but spend some good quality time with you, my lovely hunny Chisato!
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I’m going to be sick.
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At least you didn’t have to put up with him for an entire game.
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Ah, another beautiful face. Sheena, I knew you couldn’t stay away from me for too long! I feel…argh! My face! My gorgeous face!
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Wow…nice shot. That’s impressive…I think you might have some competition in Light, Boss.
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Perhaps, but we’ll have to wait and see. Right now, we have a show to do.
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Yes we do. Welcome, loyal fans, to Behind the Scenes, where the censors get a full body work-out every episode! I’m sure you’re all familiar with the usual cast, but this week we have a few special guests: the entire Tales of Symphonia cast! As you might already know, the red-haired womanizer is Zelos Wilder, and the lovely buxom babe in the purple is Sheena Fuji..b..aish…she’s a ninja from the same game.
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Master of the spoken word, genius. Anyway, first up tonight is Odin cleaning the new women’s restroom! So, off I go!
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…returning to his roots, I guess. It is the twentieth anniversary of the DL, after all.
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Ah! How could I forget?
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Were you perhaps too enthralled by my wondrous charm to think of anything but me?
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Zelos…you’re despicable.
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Awww…I’m not really that bad.
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Yes you are.
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I agree.
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You do tend to speak out of turn.
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Ok, that’s enough. No need to totally destroy his self-esteem just yet: we have a whole show for that, after all! Let’s begin!
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That’s my turn now, isn’t it? Ok! First up we have the rock star Nikki, hailing from Chrono Cross, and Etna, from Disgaea, both in Light. Welcome!
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Rock on, Miss Colette!
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Oh, great, another Flonne type. Can’t people come up with anything original anymore? Anyone mind if I strangle her later?
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Nope, feel free: if you don’t, I will.
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And eventually, RPGs won’t even bother with naming their characters, and just assign them numbers. It’s the wave of the future, once we all bow down to our robot masters.
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Robot masters? That’ll never happen!
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Cyborgs are the true wave of the future anyway.
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Can we please stop side-tracking? Anyway, Nikki, I do have a question for you, if you don’t mind.
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Anything you need, my darling fan.
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What…why a guitar? Why not a more common weapon? I know you have a lot of money, but you break a guitar every battle. It’s somewhat pointless.
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The fans love it. They think I’m awesome when I take my guitar up in the air and bring it smashing down on my enemy! Which I so am, awesome, of course. But anyway, it just reinforces the fact that I am a talented musician.
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But you’re stuck in Light. Not exactly talented in the combat sense.
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I’m a Godlike musician, though.
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Hm? Someone dares challenge me, the greatest DL Godlike musician?
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Well indeed I do! If it’s a fight you’re looking for, then you’ve got it!
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Then I hereby challenge you to a fiddle contest. Do you accept?
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You’re on!
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Just take it somewhere else, gentlemen. Honestly, this is taking way too long with all these extra people here today.
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Ssssoooooo just skip to the important ones: like me <3
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Chisato, you can’t ignore this lovely woman! Come on, ask her some deep, piercing, revealing questions!
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Oh give it a rest.
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Now I just think someone is getting jealous. Perhaps they want my affections all for them…
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That’s it!
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So that’s what a Tales of Symphonia gnome looks like. Nothing like a Dungeons and Dragons gnome, I might add
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Ouch, that also look like it hurt, having that thing fall on him. Poor Zelos.
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But happy us. So, Etna, do tell us about yourself. Got any devious plans schemed up in your mind?
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Oh, you’ll see. Let’s just say that Solt won’t be very happy to see me.
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Sounds very interesting. Can’t give us any more clues?
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Nope <3
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Well, that’s that, then. Onto Middle, I do say. Raine, if you’d do the honours?
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Certainly. Next up on the show, we have Ryudo the Geohound from Grandia Two, and Blanca from Shadow Hearts: Covenant. Welcome, both of you.
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Aroo?
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Woof?
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Bark, woof!
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Aroo!
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…oh, the comments I could make.
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Make them and die. I learned a couple new languages last season so I can actually interview guests who don’t speak English. What have the rest of you done in the meantime?
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The usual.
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Absolutely nothing.
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Like I thought.
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So, did he have anything useful to say?
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Not really…just something about a fire hydr…
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Oh, puppy just peed on your shoes!
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Bwhahahahahahaha! Language barrier a bigger problem than you expected, isn’t it?
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Were you actually paying attention in class?
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…I’m going to clean my shoes off. Someone take over.
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I’ll do it! Your name’s Ryudo, right?
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 |
Are you kidding me? Am I really being interviewed by a little brat who still probably wears diapers? This was a waste of time to come here.
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That’s how most of us feel on this show.
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That’s so sad. What about the wonderful people around you? Aren’t they great companions?
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You mean the squid who somehow operates a camera; the Babylonian hero with eight arms and an inability to spell legendary weapon names; the maniacal hostess who could take down all of Godlike combined while on camera; and the pervert who spends all day in the women’s bathroom? Well, let me think…no. Bunch of freaks. Now, would someone do me a favour and get this dog to stop trying to bury me!?
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Gggrrrr….
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Hey, Ultros, did you hear anything?
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Nope, can’t say I did.
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You people are awful.
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Lollipop Lane, kid. Lollipop Lane.
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Huh? What’s that supposed to mean?
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It means you’ve got one too many flights of fancy to be here.
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So have another!
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Whhaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!
|
|
Lloyd!
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|
It’s kind of fun to have more people to launch, isn’t it? God, I love this button.
|
|
It is. Now…Kratos?
|
 |
As you wish. Up next, former Middle champion Kanon and her opponent, Fayt Leingod.
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|
Ah, Kanon. How goes the upgraded champion’s days?
|
|
Very well. I’ve made so much money doing Pepsi commercials that I’ve been considering giving up bounty hunting.
|
|
Really?
|
|
Well, no, I’m still the best in the business. And that girl over there is still the worst. Some things just don’t change, I guess.
|
|
Excuse me?.
|
|
You heard me, fan service. No self-respecting assassin would go around looking like a cheap bachelor party st…
|
|
Did I hear bachelor party?
|
|
Get back to the bathroom, Odin.
|
 |
Uh…shouldn’t someone stop those two from attacking each other?
|
|
You mean Kanon and Sheena? Nah, this brings in more ratings.
|
|
But what if…
|
|
You worry too much, kid. People don’t really die in RPGs. They’ll be put back together later. Just relax.
|
|
Actually, don’t relax: tell us a little about yourself first. What’s your biggest fear in the upcoming match?
|
|
Well, I just hope I don’t go overboard and nuke the entire arena. I have blown up a battleship before without even knowing it…
|
|
You know, the prince did that too…except he took down nearly a billion. Weakling <3
|
|
It’s not like I wanted to!
|
|
Fascinating…a human with enough power to destroy a flying fortress built with the highest in technological know-how…
|
|
There she goes again.
|
|
…it’s highly unlikely, of course, that such a power could present itself in the main conduit of…
|
|
Let’s bring the last set of guests in, shall we?
|
|
If you insist. We now welcome back Kefka, Season Nineteen’s Godlike champion, and Jecht, a.k.a., “The Best”
|
 |
You’ve got that right! I am the best, and now I can prove it!
|
 |
Uwheheheheehehehehehee! You’ll have to beat me to do it!
|
|
Kefka!
|
|
…
|
|
Come here! We have so much to catch up on!
|
|
…
|
|
Doth mine eyes deceive me? Is not Kefka afraid of little miss Colette?
|
|
Who wouldn’t be, though?
|
|
I am not afraid! I…merely need to regroup with my teddy.
|
|
Teddy? You mean a stuffed bear?
|
|
This is the type of crap we let into Godlike? I shouldn’t have any trouble winning, then!
|
|
What do you say to a little practice spar?
|
|
I’m all for it, little man! Let’s go!
|
|
Hm…you know what’s weird?
|
|
What’s that?
|
|
There are still four of you unharmed, no damage whatsoever.
|
|
…but of course, if we were to…
|
|
Ok, five.
|
|
So?
|
|
Haven’t you seen this show before? Someone needs to be hurt.
|
|
So here’s Kefka’s address. Go pay him a visit.
|
|
Thanks!
|
|
So there we go. Good show, I do say.
|
|
Indeed.
|
|
Uh…wow, Sheena sure packs a punch. It makes me love her all the more, though! But…wait, where is everyone?
|
|
Well, this mostly concludes Behind the Scenes. Thanks for watching. And now, one last thing needs taken care of before we leave.
|
|
One, Two, Three! Blast-off!
|
|
Wwwwwwhhhhhaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!
|
Be joyous, fellow Defenders, for Season Twenty is at hand! Come see for yourself the action and drama of your favourite RPG characters facing off once again, as we mark the opening of this historic season!